CH 70

Vince nodded in agreement. Few would understand why Mayer would leave something like this behind. “But I think that His Excellency feels this portrait… is his original sin. He seems to believe it to be the symbol of an impurity that can never be washed away, to begin with,” He explained.

That made it even worse. I failed to keep my expression from twisting as Vince continued. “He had it placed in a restricted area and, very occasionally, comes to see it. This old man can only guess this to be His Excellency’s penance.”

I didn’t know what Mayer Knox had to repent for. I felt sick inside and I couldn’t keep the sarcasm from my voice. “I never knew the captain also had talent in self-injury,” I murmured.

“Perhaps this side of you is why the captain keeps you close.”

Why was it about me all of a sudden? I stared at Vince with knitted brows, but he didn’t mind my pointed gaze. A faraway look took over the old butler’s cloudy brown eyes as if looking back into the past. “Everyone either feared, hated, or revered the young master. Nobody treated him like an ordinary person. He was not able to even receive the love of a parent that others do… And that is why His Excellency built a wall around himself. But you are the only exception, Vice-captain.”

I wondered about that. The reason I looked like I was treating Mayer Knox normally was that I knew the worst possible future. Compared to that, this revelation of his wasn’t anything much. To me, Mayer Knox was akin to a nuclear bomb. He was a necessary and powerful card, the misuse of which could bring a result that was just as deadly. Now though… I had to admit, he was a somewhat pitiful nuke.

Suddenly, Vince cried out, “Please!” He sounded desperate. Had he caught on to my wavering feelings? The old man’s small shoulders hunched in on themselves as he bowed, showing hair that had faded with age. “If only out of compassion for His Excellency’s past, I ask of you, please. Continue to stand by his side.”

“Well… So long as he doesn’t abandon me, I’ll keep serving him until the moment we defeat the demon lord. Don’t worry too much,” I replied in a jesting tone.

Vince’s stiff face refused to ease up and he expressed concern for Mayer again. “When this old man leaves this world, His Excellency will truly end up alone… No. It cannot be said that I ever looked after him in the first place. It would not be an exaggeration to say he has been alone all this time. He may be moving forward now, fueled by his powerful conviction and his goal, but it would not be strange for him to fall apart at any moment, like a boat lost in the vast ocean….”

The butler wished for me to show Mayer favor and hospitality, but he was asking the wrong person. Me? Look out for Mayer Knox? I wasn’t in a position to feel pity for Mayer’s past, and even if I did, that would be like a mouse worrying for a tiger. I put on a troubled smile as I tried to persuade him. “I understand your worries, but the captain’s conviction isn’t something so easily broken. If only for the sake of slaying the demon lord, he won’t….”

“What I fear most is what will happen after he fulfills his conviction.”

I felt dazed at what the butler pointed out. Mayer would do his best to survive, close dungeons, and move forward until the demon lord was defeated. But what about after? What would he do then? It wasn’t difficult to imagine that Mayer’s lack of attachment to life would lead to him completely expending himself in the battle against the demon lord, like a moth to a flame. I could see the man falling together with the demon lord. It was clear that Vince’s recount of Mayer’s past and his weakness was to explain just what little the man had and how easily he could throw his life away… and it worked. I had come to understand that Mayer Knox was very likely to burn himself out.

“Could you please promise me this, Vice-captain? After His Excellency battles the demon lord….” Vince took a deep breath as if pained by the very thought of what could happen, his aged eyes trembling. “Would you take His Excellency out from that dungeon, no matter what end he meets?”

His words were ambiguous. I thought about the ‘endings’ Mayer Knox could meet. Perhaps he would lose all four of his limbs, or become a fellspawn from loss of mana control… Or even die, leaving nothing but a corpse. I could see in Vince’s eyes that he had considered all those possibilities. Whether Mayer became a cripple, a monster, or a corpse, the butler didn’t want to leave him forever in the prison called a dungeon… and I could empathize with that. Vince was entrusting me with the role of the labyrinth’s thread that would guide Mayer back to this world. This thread was thin, fragile, and could break at any moment. Nevertheless, it was the only one the butler found, and he was grateful for it.

I nodded, deciding to accept the role of that fragile spider’s thread. “…Okay. I swear I’ll come back with the captain, even if I have to drag him by the collar.”

Only then did Vince breathe a sigh of relief and smile widely. It was my first time seeing a curve on the old man’s lips. It reminded me of my father, the one I had before becoming Jun.

* * *

On the day I learned about Mayer’s past, I fell behind during work due to being absentminded all day.

“Uh… Vice-captain?”

“Oh, sorry. Did the support spell end? I’ll cast it again.”

“Not that… I was curious about something. I get that when facing large fellspawn, you should mainly aim for their ankles or hamstrings, but what do I do when there’s a swarm of small monsters…?” Julieta asked timidly.

I hadn’t even noticed she was asking a question as I was completely zoning out. I sighed, feeling frustrated with myself, as I shook my head. “…I’m really sorry. I must be out of it.”

After somehow managing to get through training, I returned to my room with heavy footsteps, feeling suffocated. I was feeling more uncomfortable now than when I was listening to Vince talk about Mayer’s past. The memory refused to get out of my head. I tried to think of positive things to change my mood. I had been wondering how to start a conversation about Mayer’s demonic power, anyway. Vince would report what happened today to the captain, and he would know that I had found out his secret. One way or another, we would end up discussing his demonic power. That was good. Then I’d wait until Mayer spoke about it first. Wait until he settled his anger and regained his rational mind. I had no intention of going to him first to confront his boiling ire.

And the moment I was waiting for arrived before long.

“Vice-captain, His Excellency is looking for you.”

The time wasn’t too late with the sun still high up. It was much too early to be telling secrets, but I guessed Mayer chose this time on purpose. Talking secrets at night while drinking would only make it easier to get emotional, after all. And thus, I went straight over to Mayer. For some reason today, the collar of my vice-captain uniform felt tight. As I arrived at the captain’s office, I nervously wondered how Mayer would begin the talk. My worries were in vain, though, as the captain threw a fastball. “I heard Vince chattered about my past to you.”

I stiffened, his swift jab giving me no time to manage my expression. It seemed he didn’t want to get over the situation smoothly. Of course, it was a sensitive subject, but Mayer was taking it far harder than I had anticipated. The dark shadows underneath his eyes were telling of his emotions. Still, his self-control was apparent from the way he didn’t raise his voice. Instead, he enunciated each word quietly.

I responded with a heavy nod instead of giving an excuse. “…Yes.”

“So what do you think?”

“Pardon?” I frowned at the unexpected question, while Mayer cackled. His mirth was void of composure, sounding somewhat anxious. In a self-mocking tone, he muttered, “Well, you must have felt something. Pity, fear, or anger from being deceived by me.”

Pity, I could feel. Fear too. But what did he mean by anger from being deceived? I didn’t have a clue.

“You must have joined the Dark Knights because you deemed it possible that I could slay the demon lord. But now you know that the foundation of my power is demonic… It would not be wrong to say you were deceived.”

Aha. That. This had to be why he looked somewhat anxious instead of being angry that I had learned his secret. Anxious that I might leave.