Chapter 51: Fear

༺ Fear ༻I re-read yesterday’s text.

[ah, oppa, i need to go to school earlier tomorrow to take care of something, so ill go on ahead firstt :<]

Monday morning.

After washing my hair, I wiped off the excess water with a towel.

My body, which was as stiff as a rock yesterday, seemed to be completely healed now.

After drying my hair with a dryer, I stood in front of the mirror.

“Haa… I missed my chance to confess yesterday…”

I got to give Doah her present because she came to my house, but I wasn’t in a state where I could confess to her.

And even if I confessed, my appearance was…

Yeah, I had no dating experience, but even I knew girls wouldn’t want to get a confession from a guy wearing a saggy shirt.

How should I confess to her…?

Her birthday was the perfect occasion, there wouldn’t be another day like it…

Could I do it well…?

Since I failed to do it on such a special day, this meant I had to set up the perfect atmosphere for the confession from scratch…

Whatever, I should think about it later and go quickly. I hurriedly put on my coat and left through the front door.

November was right around the corner, the colorful maple leaves had started to fall on the streets.

If Doah was here, I’d say something about how pretty they were.

On the bright side, me getting sentimental over this kind of matter meant that my feelings for her had indeed become stronger.

Normally, I’d just pull the hood over my head and wear my headphones beneath it to watch Luka’s clips while walking to school.

I missed her so much…

Should I invite her for lunch?

When I arrived at class, I looked around to find her.

Where the hell was she?

She told me that she’d be coming to school earlier because she had something to take care of, but I couldn’t find her anywhere.

“Hey, Han Taemin, you punk!”

As I kept on looking around, Yoonje gestured to me to come and sit near him.

“Hi.”

“Why are you standing around there?”

I put down my bag and asked Yoonje what he needed.

“Have you seen Doah?”

“Kim Doah? I don’t think she’s here yet.”

“…Really?”

The lecture would start soon, where was she??

I stared at the door like the Husband-Watching Rock, then Yoonje nudged my elbow.

“Dude.”

“What?”

“Are you and Kim Doah dating?”

Yoonje asked that playfully.

“No.”

“From your reaction, you guys are a couple already.”

I wouldn’t deny that.

Like, if I wasn’t sick yesterday, we’d really be a couple already.

As I refused to answer him, Yoonje started to tease me even more.

“Hey, Taemin, are you into girls like Doah? Looking at the girls you’ve turned down so far made me wonder how high your standards were.”

Ugh, seriously…

This womanizer was beyond saving…

Since there were other people around us, I gave him a short reply.

“None of your business.”

“Woah, look at this asshole.”

Those were my words, you fucker.

Until the professor came in, I ended up staring at the door, but I still couldn’t find Doah.

The moment I thought about texting her.

“Kim Doah.”

During the roll call, the professor called her name.

At this rate, he’d have to skip her name—

“Here.”

Then that familiar voice echoed in the room, prompting me to turn my head around to look.

And there was Doah, wearing a gray hoodie and a ball cap, sitting at the end of the back row.

I swear she wasn’t there when I first came in. Did she come in through the back door?

When I turned my head to the front again, Yoonje let out a smirk. This fucker was completely enjoying the situation.

“There’s Doah.”

“I know, I have eyes.”

Alright, let’s focus on the class for now. I’ll talk to her later after class.

The professor didn’t want to have a long class since it was just right after the midterms, so he ended the class in an hour. I quickly packed my bag.

“Wanna get some lunch with me?”

“Hell no.”

I rejected Yoonje without any hesitation, grabbed my bag, and turned around…

Huh? Where was she?

I swear I packed my things up as soon as the professor said, ‘Let’s end today’s class here’, but Doah still managed to leave the class faster than me.

Or did she? Since I wasn’t sure, I went to where she was sitting and called out to the girl who sat next to Doah.

“Excuse me…”

She seemed to be surprised when I spoke to her.

Pretty sure I’ve seen her a couple times before, but I didn’t know her name.

“Yes?”

“Do you know when the girl who sat next to you went out?”

“I saw her leave about five minutes before the class ended.”

Why though? Not even in the middle of the class, but five minutes before it ended…?

“Thank you.”

I bowed slightly and got out of the class.

Maybe it was just me, but Doah had been acting strangely today.

* * *

I’ve always been like this.

I was afraid of a lot of things…and I hated getting hurt…

This time, too. I was afraid of meeting Oppa, so I made excuses and kept avoiding him.

My fear got ahold of me even during class. That was why I dipped out five minutes early after pretending to go to the toilet.

I went straight home, turned on my computer and opened the Voicecord.

As usual, Hanbit unnie, being a neet, was online today.

It seemed like the other Unnies were either at school or at work.

[unnie.]

[Yes, yes!]

She immediately replied to me.

[can we vc rn?]

[What’s up? Mr. Crush again?]

[yeah. but everything’s messy rn.]

[Oh my. Messy? I thought things are going well for you two…]

[they are, but…]

It would be too long to send everything by text, though… Screw it, I’ll call her.

「Hello.」

「Unnie…」

「Why do you sound so sad, Luka-tan~?」

Hearing her cheerful voice made me want to cry even more…

「He knows…」

「…Huh? Knows what…?」

「He knows that I’m Luka!」

「My god. How did he know?」

I told her everything from the moment I went to Oppa’s house to the time when I checked his PC. After that, Unnie squarely summed it up.

「So, what you’re trying to say here is… You think he’s trying to get closer to you because you’re Luka. Is that it?」

「…I guess?」

I mean, he had no reason to like me. That was the only plausible reason why he did all this.

「Hmm…」

Hanbit unnie didn’t say anything for a while as if she was deep in thought.

「But Luka.」

「…Yeah.」

「Why can’t he like you because you’re Luka?」

Because it meant Oppa liked me as a Pink Army…

「…I don’t know.」

There was clearly a gap between Kim Doah and Luka, the virtual idol’s personality.

I wouldn’t deny that Luka had parts of my personality, I just didn’t want to assume that because he liked her, he also liked me.

「Honestly, based on what I’ve heard so far, I don’t think he’s toying with you.」

[…Mm…]

I glanced at the lamp that he gifted me.

Seeing the pink color left a bad taste in my mouth…

「Anyway, if he’s one of your fans, isn’t it good for you?」

「Didn’t you whine about what would you do if things went well and you found out that he didn’t like VTubers?」

That was last week, wasn’t it…?

「Since he’s your fan, he’ll just accept you willingly, no? It’s a win-win.」

「No, Unnie. Just think about it a little! Like, is there a reason for someone like him to watch a VTuber? Especially a VTuber like me who caters to hardcore otakus!」

I couldn’t even imagine him doing that…

Like, why would he see something like ‘that’ when he was that handsome?

「Well, I don’t know. This is something that you need to find out for yourself.」

「…What?」

She wanted me to go find out??

「Luka-tan, listen carefully.」

Hanbit unnie let out a somewhat subdued voice, it made me gulp nervously.

「What is the most common reason behind a couple’s fights?」

That would be…

「If one of them cheats… or if one of them didn’t keep their promise…right?」

「No, no. Those are the big ones, but there is something more common and serious than that.」

「What is it?」

It piqued my interest.

「It’s when both of them don’t communicate well.」

「Look, I’ve been in a few relationships before, and I’ve also lent my ears to quite a few people close to me.」

「And I can say that most of the problems that appeared were caused by a lack of communication from both sides.」

「You know it goes, right? I did this and that for x reason, but why did you interpret it the other way?」

「Do you know the most common response?」

「Why are you telling me this only now?」

「In the end, they fought just because they misunderstood each other over something stupidly trivial.」

「They wouldn’t have even fought if they had just communicated properly instead of hurling insults at each other angrily.」

After finishing that passionate speech, Hanbit unnie let out a sigh.

「That’s why, Luka-tan.」

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「Go and face him properly.」

「…But I’m scared.」

Even after hearing all this, my fear didn’t go away.

「Look, if you just sit still, even for eternity, nothing will be solved.」

「If you really want things to go well with him, you need to address this matter eventually.」

Stop it!

Unnie, stop hitting me with the cold reality!

「Ah, I didn’t tell you this to scare you, by the way…」

I was sure it was just another lip-service to cheer me up, but I was mistaken.

「You know, if he really had bad intentions, wouldn’t things have ended already?」

I couldn’t respond to Unnie’s words.

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