CH 101

Even though she is the same age I am, she is actually already active in business? But I’ve never heard father mentioned… ah…

Just one time, Lars had overheard his father talking to his guest.

At that time, Lars had no idea who he was talking about, but when he thought about it now, it was likely to be Sophie.

[“Even though she is young, she has the ability to be recognized by foreign merchants. She is really a terrifying girl. If possible, I’d like my son to be able to win her love. Well, I guess that’s just too heavy of a burden for my son though.”]

His father was talking with a joking tone to his guest while smoking on his pipe, but Lars felt that his father was serious. Considering it happened right after his fiancée broke her engagement with him, they were harsh words for Lars.

Lars had insulted the girl who was praised by the Golden Lion and his father. His body went beyond drenched with cold sweat. As he felt he might pass out from shock, he suddenly noticed something.

Perhaps it would be better for me to read the book she gave me properly to show my sincerity before apologizing?

Lars was thinking of apologizing to Sophie immediately, but she was invited to another room by Alan. It didn’t seem he would have an opportunity to apologize for today. In that case, it might be better to do so after he read the book. With that in mind, he immediately returned to his room and sat on his desk.

[“The Essential Condition to be a Popular Man!”]

“That’s one amazing title there…”

As Lars looked closer, it was such a blunt title. If not for the name of the author, Sophie Linier, being written on the cover, nobody would have guessed it was actually a book written by that beautiful girl.

However, as Lars flipped through the book, he found beautiful words written there as if depicting himself.

In particular, one that he felt close to what happened to him was chapter 16: “How to break away from a chain that formed without realizing it because of father.”

To summarize that chapter: the more amazing one’s father was, the son would either fear his father’s existence and turn into a subservient lapdog to his father or, conversely, rebel against his father, such were the two patterns that often took place. Regardless of which one happened, they often became disrespectful to a third party and had high self-esteem to escape from the heavy pressure, such was written there.

Lars realized that was exactly what happened to him, and he began to bite his lips as he continued to read.

The more he read, the more he felt as if he was reading things about himself and it made his chest hurt. It was as if he was forced to face his own weakness in such a transparent way.

There weren’t many etiquette books out there, and it was considered normal for etiquette to be taught through tutors in the aristocratic society, so for Lars, who had never read any book about self-enlightenment, he was convinced by the content despite how painful it was to read for him.

I see, so I was in a state similar to what is depicted in this book, and there actually is a solution for it here.

When one’s depressed feelings were described through written words, it was easier for one to accept, in comparison to being preached through spoken words.

Despite such a blatant title of “The Essential Condition to be a Popular Man!” the book actually contained coherent context and did not feel intrusive. 

When Lars read the final part of the book, he couldn’t help but feel emotional.

————As long as you are not afraid of loving yourself, you can accept the love of others. Once you learn to accept love, then you will also be able to return their love.

It felt as if a small, quiet feeling was conveyed there.

After reading it, Lars felt something changed within him.

He recalled the days when he was afraid of pressure and became stubborn, and he learned that he didn’t love himself. His high self-esteem didn’t come out of love toward himself, but it was nothing but a shield to hide his weak self.

However,

“Even if you mention love here…”

Lars had no idea what the love that he needed was.

He did feel loved by his family, but it also became pressure that burdened him.

He had his friends but their number would drop sharply after a predicament like what happened today, and even fewer would be willing to stand by his side to face it together, such was just a fact of life.

He began to think about his best friend Aaron. He might be an important friend, but he felt that was not the right feeling if one were talking about love.