CH 100

My family is a yakuza family.

It is sometimes referred to as yakuza or gangsters or something like that, but anyway I was born as the daughter of the boss. According to my father’s story, I was a crybaby in my childhood. I can’t help but tilt my head now, but I’m sure this was due to the fact that I was surrounded by only strong-looking men. TheyI had scars on their faces and tattoos all over their body.

Fortunately, as the daughter of the boss, I was treated politely by them. I was often called “Young lady,” “Princess,” and other embarrassing names, which was extremely humiliating, but I think I was pretty naive to allow it in the end.

However, even I suffered from the difference from those around me.

Children in normal families are not surrounded by a group of people with scars on their bodies, and there are no Japanese swords or guns with blades in their homes. Naturally, I did not fit in with the children around me, and I felt lonely every day. But I didn’t break because of the existence of my ‘family’.

“Hey, Hisui, come here, come here !”

“Stop it, Onee chan !”

Around the time my crybaby subsided, I spent more time with my younger brother. His name is Hisui. He is a very cute and innocent boy one year younger than me.

And the kind two people who smiled and stared at us running around in the garden.

“Hahaha, after all, children are best when they run around like this. Isn’t that right, Tamaki?”

“Yes, it’s fun to watch. But if you let them get hurt, you’ll have to prepare yourself for a lot of things, won’t you?”

“Y-yeah. I’ll leave it to me !”

“Really? You were having a blast with them yesterday, weren’t you? You’re old enough to know better.”

“……I know.”

My father is the one who laughs loudly and teases me a little. And the one next to him who is a little stronger in tone, but just as gentle, is……

“Mommy !”

“Fufu, you two are really energetic.”

Our mother. Hisui and I run up to her and she squats down and hugs us as it were. I loved the smell of her kimono, like the sun. I felt strangely at ease when I smelled my mother’s scent. It was the only time I could forget about the crying in my heart because I did not fit in with my surroundings.

Yukihana Tamaki is, in a sense, more outspoken in this house than her husband, Yukihana Koushiro. There was an unspoken rule in the Yukihana family that she was not to be offended, although this was probably due to the fact that Koushiro was the one who caused it. As I recall, she snapped once and was about to kill my father.

“I wonder how many more times I will be able to hug you both?”

“Hey, Tamaki. Don’t say that.”

“Fufu, just kidding.”

Our mother went to the hospital and was frequently in and out around this time. When we were a little older and could understand things, Hisui and I were told that our mother had cancer.

She had had the affected part removed many times, but each time it seemed to have spread to other organs, and the reality was that it was a constant battle. Nowadays, with the development of medicine and drugs, they are able to suppress what they can, but there is still a limit to what they can do. Above all, I heard that our mother had always been weak and sickly. It was a miracle that she was able to give birth to me and Hisui.

“Don’t worry, I’ll make a full recovery this time. In the meantime, you two should make some friends and reassure your mother.”

[ [Ugh.] ]

“……Geez, you guys. I don’t know how to rest easily now.”

It seemed that my mother knew that Hisui and I didn’t have any good friends. But I had a family, so I never felt the need to have friends. And I guess it was the same for Hisui, who was pinching my clothes.

“Listen. We are not living on our own, we are living now with the support of many people. That’s why you two should make all kinds of connections.”

She patted us on the head. At times like this, we would fall silent and slump down. It was probably because somewhere in our hearts we were not convinced by our mother’s words. I don’t need anyone else as long as I have my family.

“I’m sure that Hisui would be cool like his father, and I know he will attract girls.”

“I-I don’t approve of that !”

“You too, Ruri. I’m sure you’re going to be pretty and guys are going to be all over you.”

“Mumbles……Onee chan and a man……mumbles.”

Next to me, Hisui mumbled an ominous voice in a low voice. When I think about it, that boy was a child who kept his frustration and anger inside. I think the signs of this had been appearing since then. Sometimes even I get scared of Hisui,

“Anyway, you two need to communicate more with others and get along better !　Okay?”

[ [Yes.] ]

With these words, Mother resumed her hospital stay for what seemed like the umpteenth time. Seeing her in such good spirits, it seems as if it was a lie that she had been suffering from her illness. That’s how much she acts in front of us.

“……Sigh.”

And we could hardly be friends with strangers, as our mother had said, until we were in high school. No, Hisui might have talked to all kinds of people normally. They never really got along, but apparently he even made friends with a girl.

“I’m all alone.”

And so I sit in my room in my gaming chair in a triangular position. The more I spend time with Hisui, the more I feel like a hole is growing in my heart. Maybe I really wanted to spend time and make friends like a normal girl.

But I had been looked at with prejudice and I was already completely afraid of strangers. I did not go to a hospital, so this is a self-diagnosis, but I may have had [social isolation spectrum disorder].

I’m afraid to interact with people outside of my family, I have my own selfish values, I don’t like noisy places, and most of all, I’m afraid of people pointing fingers at me. Perhaps because of this, I sometimes acted hysterical when I was cornered.

[Y-Young lady, please calm down……]

[Shut up. shut up !]

I made a mistake and my father’s cronies laughed at me. And that’s when my head instantly boiled over and I punched the person in the face. Fortunately, I had the muscle strength of a normal girl, so the person suffered only a few abrasions and no serious injuries. However, it was true that from this point on, my relatives were concerned about whether I would be able to integrate into their daily lives.

However, even I had time to relax, or at least take a break. Yes, it was the otaku-activities.

“Fufufu, I got a limited edition drama CD♪”

I had no friends, and before I knew it, I was hooked on two-dimensional swamps. Manga, novels, anime, video games, and even foreign movies. I was immersed in a world that seemed like a dream. I must have been running away from reality. I wanted to turn away from things I didn’t like.

My younger brother is the only one I talk to at my age, and my father comes home late these days. Moreover, I heard that my mother’s condition was worsening because of rumors from the gang members. Yes, I wanted to run away from such an inconvenient thing. Or I wanted to pretend it had never happened.

How did I spend my time in elementary and middle school? It was quite simple, I spent my days quietly reading books without moving from my seat in the classroom. I studied diligently at least, and if there was too much noise around me, I would move to the library.

(I was trying to make time to be alone.)

As expected, I began to realize that it was not good, and decided to get a little more involved with other people in high school. I felt uncomfortable being friends with people I had gone to middle school with, so I chose a high school with a high deviation score and as few acquaintances as possible.

In high school, I was determined to get involved with other people as much as possible and make at least one friend, just as my mother had told me to do.

Then came the first year of high school, the beginning of the peak of my adolescence. The circle of friends you make widens and you are excited about your new life. Everyone would have been excited about the high school life ahead. Some were anxious about their future studies, while others were excited to talk about video games. There were many people I had never met before, and even people whose interests might match mine, all in a small space.

In the midst of all this……

I was a loner.

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