Chapter 39: feelings

Lucian sat there, slumped over the table, his drunken haze enveloping him. His hand lazily patted the table, and his voice, though slurred, was filled with the weight of years of unspoken pain. "You know what... hickup... heart's broken now, so why the chaos? I liked her...It was my problem, so why question it now?" His eyes, red from both alcohol and repressed emotions, looked hollow as he tried to laugh it off.

Jimmy and Garry, seated in front of him, exchanged worried glances. They had never seen Lucian this defeated, this broken. The laughter of strangers echoed in the background, and a group of girls at another table whispered, pointing toward him.

"Wow, did you hear that? He's got a way with words. Sounds like he could write a song." One girl commented, her voice filled with curiosity.

Another girl sneered, her voice laced with cruelty, "Look at him, crying like a loser. Who cries in a restaurant? Pathetic."

Her friend quickly shushed her, placing a hand over her mouth, "Hey, shut up. You don't know what he's been through. Maybe some heartless woman hurt him. Look at him... he's hot. I'd never let a guy like that slip away."

Those careless words pierced through Avey, who stood frozen behind Lucian, just out of his line of sight. Each word they said felt like a dagger in her heart. "I did this to him," she thought, her chest tightening with unbearable guilt. She could see the lonely slump of his shoulders, the way his body swayed in drunkenness, and it was killing her inside to know that she was the reason for his pain.

Tears welled in her eyes, but she couldn't move, couldn't speak. The overwhelming sadness, regret, and panic clawed at her insides as she stood there, watching the man she once pushed away fall apart in front of her.

Lucian, oblivious to her presence, continued speaking, his voice soft and broken. "You guys... you're close to my heart, so I tell you everything. Nobody else does. Everyone thinks I'm weak, so I just keep smiling... keep smiling.

Everything is fine... but my heart... it hurts... it really hurts." He tried to laugh again, but it came out as a sad, hollow sound, accompanied by another hiccup.

Jimmy and Garry could only sit in silence, their faces tense, their hearts heavy. They had seen Lucian suffer before, but this was different. This time, it wasn't just about unrequited love; it was about years of hidden scars, emotional wounds that had never healed.

From behind, Avey heard every word. Each one hit her like a physical blow, making her want to scream, to fall to her knees and beg for forgiveness. She had never realized just how much Lucian had hidden from the world how much he had hidden from her. Tears streamed down her face, and her hand flew to her mouth, trying to stifle the sobs that threatened to escape.

Lucian, lost in his drunken rambling, leaned forward, resting his head on the table. "Do you know what hurts the most, guys?" he muttered, his voice barely a whisper. "Avey and I... we were close once, you know? Back when we were little. She was so sweet...

she held me when I was at my lowest. I was that defeated kid, alone and hated by the world. No one liked me. But she... she was my only light."

Avey's heart twisted painfully as she remembered those days how she had been the one to sit with Lucian when no one else did. She had forgotten how much those small gestures had meant to him, how much they had shaped his feelings for her.

"That's why I kept trying," Lucian continued, his voice cracking. "Because those memories... they were the only reason I kept going. I don't know if she forgot, or if she just doesn't care anymore. But it felt like the world betrayed me the day she rejected me. And not just once...

every time, it was like another knife to the heart."

Avey's knees nearly buckled at his words, and she had to clutch the back of a nearby chair to steady herself. "How could I have been so blind?" she thought, her mind racing. "He held on to those memories all these years... and I never even noticed."

"It feels weird, right?" Lucian laughed bitterly, though his laughter sounded more like a sob. "The person who used to understand you with just a look even in your silence... now ignores your cries for help. I screamed, but no one heard me. Not even her."

Garry and Jimmy watched helplessly as their friend broke down in front of them, tears streaming down his face. They wanted to comfort him, to tell him that it would get better, but they knew better. Right now, all Lucian needed was to let it out.

Avey, standing just a few feet away, felt like her heart had shattered into a million pieces. She had never realized how deeply she had hurt him, how her rejections had chipped away at his soul, little by little. "I thought I was doing the right thing," she thought, tears blurring her vision. "But I only made things worse."

Lucian took a deep breath, trying to compose himself. "I tried everything, guys... but in the end, I lost everything." His voice was quiet now, almost a whisper, as if the weight of his words was too much to bear.

Jimmy glanced at Avey from across the table, his eyes filled with barely contained anger. "This is all because of you," his eyes seemed to say. "You did this to him."

Avey's tears fell freely now, her body trembling as Lucian's words washed over her. "He loved me... all this time, he loved me because of that one small act of kindness," she thought, her mind spinning as she recalled the distant memories of their school days.

She remembered the boy sitting alone at the back of the class, always quiet, always sad. She had never thought much of it when she had reached out to him. It had been such a small, insignificant gesture to her, but to him, it had meant the world.

"How could I have been so blind?" she whispered to herself, her voice choked with emotion.

Her heart ached with regret, with guilt. She wanted to tell him that she remembered, that she hadn't meant to hurt him. But the words wouldn't come. How could she explain it? How could she ever make up for what she had done?

Lucian, still oblivious to her presence, continued to speak, though his voice was barely audible now. "You know... it's funny," he said, wiping his eyes with the back of his hand. "I always thought love was supposed to save you. But for me... it was the thing that destroyed me."

Avey's heart shattered at those words. "I did this... I destroyed him," she thought, her entire body trembling as she stood there, unable to move, unable to breathe.

Lucian's laugh broke the heavy silence, a sound that was both bitter and broken. He tilted his head back, closing his eyes as though he could shut out the world. "Haha... if she's happy after leaving me, so what's there to complain about?" he said, his voice filled with resignation. "And if I didn't even give her happiness... then what kind of love is that?"

His words hung in the air, sinking into the hearts of everyone present, but none more than Avey. Each syllable hit her like a punch to the gut, knocking the wind out of her. She almost stumbled, her legs weakening beneath her. She could feel her chest constricting painfully as she stood there, frozen in place, unable to breathe. "He's... he's sacrificing everything..."

Lucian let out a long sigh, running his hands through his messy hair, his eyes glassy from the alcohol and the overwhelming weight of his confession. "Let me sacrifice the last thing I have for her... too." His words came out quieter now, almost a whisper, but they still carried a devastating weight.

Suddenly, in Lucian's mind, a mechanical voice chimed in.

[Ding! Congratulations, host, for sacrificing for love... sacrificing your own love for love. Collect the reward.]

The sound of the system's message rang in his head, but Lucian ignored it, as if it meant nothing to him now. A meaningless reward for a love that had drained him dry.

Behind him, Avey's knees gave out completely, and she collapsed to the floor, trembling uncontrollably. She couldn't process the agony she was feeling—the crushing realization that Lucian had sacrificed so much, just to hold onto the hope of her love, and now... now he was letting go. He was giving up.

"No, no... what have I done?" Avey's mind screamed as she pressed her hands to her chest, trying to hold herself together. "I didn't know... I didn't know it would come to this!"

Her breath hitched, and her whole body shook with sobs. "So much... so much has been lost... for me." She could barely think straight. Her heart was pounding, her chest aching, and all she could hear was Lucian's voice, repeating in her mind over and over again. His words echoed painfully, "If she's happy without me...

then what's left for me?"

Lucian, meanwhile, had stood up from his seat, swaying slightly from the alcohol, and made his way over to Garry and Jimmy. His steps were unsteady, but his intent was clear. The two friends opened their arms without hesitation, pulling him into a tight hug, and in that moment, Lucian's walls came down completely.

He collapsed into their embrace, his body shaking with exhaustion, not just from the drinking, but from the emotional weight he had carried for so long.

"If not for you guys," Lucian muttered, his voice cracking, "I think I would've died by now." The words sent a chill through the air, their quiet honesty piercing through the moment like a blade.

Jimmy patted Lucian's back, his own eyes welling up with tears. He tried to smile, but it came out as a sad, broken expression. Seeing his friend like this—so vulnerable, so utterly defeated—was almost too much for him to bear. The strong, silent Lucian who had always kept everything inside was now falling apart in front of them, and there was nothing they could do but hold him.

Lucian's head slumped against Jimmy's shoulder, his breath slowing as he drifted off into a fitful sleep, the remnants of his tears still clinging to his cheeks. His face was stained with the evidence of his pain, his heartbreak etched into every tear.

Behind them, Avey was a wreck. Her body shook violently as she sobbed into her hands, her face hidden from view. She could hardly breathe, her chest heaving with every silent cry. Her mouth opened, but no sound came out, no words. "I'm sorry... I'm sorry...

I'm sorry..." She kept repeating the words in her mind, desperately trying to form them aloud, but her voice was gone, stolen by the overwhelming guilt and heartbreak that consumed her.

Her gaze stayed locked on Lucian, even as he slept on Jimmy's shoulder, his face calm but tear-streaked. "I'm sorry... I love you... I love you... just give me one more chance... please, just one more chance." The thoughts raced through her mind, but no matter how much she wanted to speak them, her throat closed up, refusing to let the words out.

She was crumbling, piece by piece, as the reality of what she had done weighed down on her. "How did it come to this?" she wondered, her tears blurring her vision as she stared at the man she loved—the man who had given up on her. She hadn't realized, hadn't known how deeply she had wounded him until it was too late.

Now, as she watched him sleep, the distance between them felt like an insurmountable wall.

Her tears wouldn't stop, flowing down her face in rivers, soaking her trembling hands. Avey wanted nothing more than to go back, to undo everything she had ever done to him. To take back every rejection, every cold word, every time she had pushed him away when he needed her most. She would have given anything for just one chance to fix it, to make things right.

But now... looking at Lucian's broken form, asleep and vulnerable, Avey wasn't sure she would ever get that chance.

"I've lost him," she thought, her heart shattering into pieces. "He's given up... he's really given up on me."

The weight of those words crushed her, leaving her breathless, her sobs growing quieter as the realization settled in.

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well 2200 words guys and yeah two chapters in one day

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