CH 13

At recess I immediately plopped down at my desk.

I don’t have a headache, but the queasy feeling in my chest won’t go away. The day is not even half over yet, and I can’t imagine what the future holds.

The images in my mind, Ayana’s voice, and the frustrating feeling that seems to be clear but isn’t, are all making my frustration worse. I had a 10-minute break between classes, and I knew I had to get ready for the next class, so I got up and took out my textbook.

[Maybe it was …… me who took her away.]

[……!”]

I put my hand on my forehead.

The surroundings were noisy because it was recess time, but some people noticed that I was acting differently than usual.

Aisaka and …… and close to the seat.

“Towa-kun?　What’s wrong,……?”

It was Ayana.

I was so full of myself that I didn’t notice it until she spoke to me. The change in Ayana’s expression was even more pronounced, as was Aisaka’s, when I looked up to where the two of them were standing side by side.

“You look so pale!”

“Let’s go to the infirmary!”

Both of them tried to pull my hand, but I almost told them it was okay, and then I swallowed my words. It’s true that if someone looks this bad, they might not be able to concentrate in class. The whole class was looking at me, but I didn’t have time to think about it, so I took advantage of their words and got up to go to the infirmary.

“Aisaka-kun, I will take Towa-kun with me, don’t worry.”

“No, but it would be better to have a man’s–“

“I’ll be enough for him. …… right?”

“Yes, ma’am!”

Aisaka saluted as if he was frightened of something.

Aisaka saluted as if something frightened him. I couldn’t see Ayana’s face from here, so I didn’t know if she looked that scary or not.

“Aisaka-kun. I might be a little late, so could you tell the teacher for me?”

“Roger that!”

……What kind of face did Ayana really make?

I took my eyes off of Aisaka, who had become immobile, and headed to the infirmary, supported by Ayana. To be honest, I’m not so immobile that I need this much help. But Ayana would never listen to my words in this situation.

In fact, if I say that, the reply will probably be …….

“Ayana, I can handle it on my own.”

“No, you can’t. I’ll go with you. “

The response was just as I had expected, and it was immediate.

Ayana, who never let go of me, took me to the infirmary. I told the nurse about my symptoms and she took my temperature, thinking I had a cold, but it was normal, so she told me to get some rest and lay down on the bed. Naturally, it was easier than lying on a desk. I felt less queasy, and gradually became sleepy.

“Thank you, Ayana. I’m sorry for bothering you.”

“Don’t worry. Please don’t think of it as a nuisance. I would do anything for Towa-kun.”

If I reach out, Ayana will gently hold my hand… It’s true that when you’re not feeling well, you become emotionally vulnerable. I hold Ayana’s hand back and find myself speaking almost unconsciously.

“…… Hey Ayana, are you happy?”

“…… eh?”

Ayana rolled her eyes at the sudden question, but quickly nodded and answered.

“Of course. I am happy just to be by your side, Towa-kun.”

She had a smile that seemed to say she truly felt that way from the bottom of her heart.

If Ayana is happy, then I am happy too. But… is that happiness she feels because I exist? I wonder if Ayana has her own happiness that’s separate from me.

“What about your own happiness? Take me out of the equation and think about it. Can you say you’re happy?”

“T-that’s…”

It’s no good. My eyelids are getting heavy.

Until the moment I drifted off to sleep, Ayana didn’t answer my question. I couldn’t hear her response or see her expression at that time.

“… My own happiness doesn’t matter to me. I belong to Towa-kun… only to Towa-kun. Towa-kun’s happiness is what makes me happy. And that’s fine, isn’t it? That’s the meaning of my life.”

As I watched Ayana, who smiled as if to say she truly believed it from the bottom of her heart, I couldn’t help but feel sorry for her. Some people might envy being loved so much, or find the sight of someone taking revenge on those who made their loved one suffer cool. There are probably many different ways of looking at it.

When I realized that the feelings Ayana had been hiding as the heroine who was originally depicted as being cuckolded were actually her hatred towards those who had made Towa suffer, I have to admit I was a little excited. Not in a sexual way, but simply because it was a form of expression that had never been seen before.

The path Ayana had walked, the course of her revenge, was all based on her belief that it was for Towa’s sake. Regardless of whether or not Towa wanted it, she believed it was the right thing to do. It may have been wrong, but the fact that they had made Towa suffer gave Ayana the push she needed. Once she started, she couldn’t stop… and in the end, Ayana never gave up on her revenge.

[This is the end… Fufu, serves you right]

There is a scene in which Ayana speaks in the middle of a rainy park. The park is the place where Ayana met Towa for the first time, and it is a memorable place for her. I don’t know if it looked that way because it was wet from the rain, or if it really was, but the drops running down her cheeks looked like tears to me. I thought those tears might have been caused by her unconsciousness after finishing her revenge and being filled with a sense of emptiness.

The destination of people’s happiness is very different, but I wonder if …… there is really any happiness if she continues on this path. Ayana would surely not show it on her face or in her attitude. She will probably stay by Towa’s side and think about him until the end.

“…..What would I be able to do?”

I’ve been thinking about it ever since I played the game.

Towa would not know until the end, and Ayana would never let him realize it. That means that Ayana alone will continue to carry the pain in her heart from the past for the rest of her life. If revenge is the only way to get rid of that pain, that may be fine too. ……, but even if it is, I can’t forget the look on Ayana’s face in the park.

“It took a while, didn’t it? Or maybe it was surprisingly short?”

It’s all right now. I won’t forget it …… now I remember everything!

“……Well, now what shall I do?”

In this dark world, the original me is probably sleeping in a bed in the infirmary. I wished I could wake up of my own volition, but then a voice other than mine echoed in this space.

“It’s strange. I never thought I would see my own face like this.”

“……?”

I looked in the direction of the voice, and there was a face that I had become familiar with over the past few days.

“…… Towa?”

The face of the man standing in front of me, and the voice I heard earlier, were undoubtedly…belonging to Towa Yukishiro.