CH 75

How do people know they’re in love?

Why do you even want to fall in love?

In addition to the real world. Movies, drama, manga, are overflowing with love as the focus.

Is it good that everyone wants to be in love?

It was just before the start of summer vacation. In class I was supposed to be planning a summer vacation trip with my friends, but before I knew it, it became a presentation about what the girls with boyfriends will be doing. Go to the beach, go to the theme park, or really want to go on an overnight sleepover. They talk about their plans swinging between joy and anxiety, and the other girls were excited and sporadically interjecting, all of them were obsessed with love.

I’ve been swayed by other people’s excitement, so even if I don’t have a good impression, it’s nice to be around them.

“Hey hey, What about Sara-chi?”

“Eh?”

My daze was suddenly interrupted and I came back to my senses. It seems that the subject has changed.

“What about Sara-chi? Do you have any summer dates with the person you like?”

“. . .No.”

“You don’t!?!?!”

The girl who asked me stood up and hit the deck and shouted, it caused my shoulders to jump. That’s bad for my heart.

I don’t have one, but Shiori, who plays the role of my favorite person, regularly visits my house to tutor me, but I can’t tell them that. If I say that, the fact I’m living alone would be revealed.

Although, I am aware that I am not good at telling lies.

“Why don’t you invite him? If you let your guard down, somebody else will take them!”

“That’s right. Your favorite person already seems to be popular!”

“Uuu, they are pretty popular. . .”

She got confessed to just the other day on the train. Even if she doesn’t say it, I’m sure she is popular in places that I don’t even know about. Or rather, there is no universe where Shiori-san isn’t popular.

No, Shiori-san is somebody I wholeheartedly like, but she isn’t my “Favorite” person. However, if she ends up dating someone. . . No, that isn’t a good thought.

As I was hesitating to reply, my friend shot up saying “Hey, invite them out!”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll invite them.”

Should I invite her to the firework display we talked about earlier?

Regardless of whether or not I like Shiori-san, I would still be happy if she thought of me as her best friend.

I would have never imagined wanting to be a number one friend, recently I was crying because I couldn’t make any friends, but that all changed since I met Shiori-san.

I love her, so of course I want her to like me too. Even if it’s not in a romantic sense, I can still feel fulfilled being a close friend. So, I don’t need to fall in love yet.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Homosexuality is a thing. I knew about its existence but I felt like it had nothing to do with me, however that all changed when Tomoda-senpai confessed to me.

The sadness and fear of losing a close senpai, I cried to Shiori-san because I felt bad for not being able to respond to her feelings. That night I remembered those words, the words Tomoda-senpai said to me.

“You really like Shiori-san, don’t you?”

“I’m jealous. I’m no match.”

When she said that I ignored it, but later on it hit me. Tomoda-senapi said that as if I liked Shiori-san in a romantic sense. And the kids in my class also say that. After I talk about Shiori while acting like she is a boy, they always say I have a face like a maiden in love, and that I must really like them. Recently, when I’m on a video call with my father, he would even say things like “Is Shiori-san really a girl?”.

The people around me seem to believe that I am really in love with Shiori-san.

To fall in love with another girl is very unfamiliar to me. Same goes for the opposite sex, or rather just in general. In the first place, what is love? The more you like them, the more you will fall in love?

I don’t know when that line is drawn. Until this spring, I didn’t even have any friends, so the hurdles of romance are too advanced for me.

I have a bit of a desire for those kinds of relationships that you see in romance manga, where two people care about each other and cherish one another so much, but I still have a strong sense of avoiding it.

As I am, the arrival of that spring is still far away.

Even though I thought that, my expectations were soon shooken.

I was pushed down at Shiori-san’s house. It was the first day of summer vacation when I was staying over. When I asked her to sleep with me on  her bed, she said “You really are. . .”.

The act of pushing someone down is pretty hard. I had imagined it’d be something like that, but it actually wasn’t that violent, it was soft enough to put me to sleep. As I was smoothly laid on my back. While I was thinking about what just happened, I realized that Shiori-san was on top of me.

As I looked at Shiori-san’s eyes looking down on me, highlighted by the light of her room, I wondered what she was thinking. I caught my breath. Those eyes, I’ve seen them before. Those passionate, wistful eyes. A color very similar to the eyes of those who had confessed to me in the past.

The same color of love as Tomoda-senpai.

No way. Does Shiori-san?

Ah, but she said just yesterday that she doesn’t see me as a romantic interest. But now I am currently being pushed down. What is really going on?

Shiori-san is sexy. Her body is hot and it is very apparent after she took a bath, especially her upper. Those big soft breasts that change their shape even if they move a little, asserting their presence.

What is this, it’s completely different from mine! It’s crazy! I want to touch them!

–   –  That’s not right. Now is not the time.

As I stared at her wondering what just happened, her beautiful face slowly lowered with a sexy smile.

“Sara. . .Close your eyes.”

Despite the fact I shouldn’t, I reflexively closed my eyes. This is like saying it’s okay to kiss!

Back when I was in junior high school, there were girls in the back of my class that said they had practice kissing with their friends, and they would kiss each other in punishment games. So is this kind of skinship normal between girl friends? Perhaps, Is it weird that I’m conscious of it?

No no no, but the thought of kissing Shiori-san’s full lips is making me a little nervous! What should I do? It’d be a bit of a waste, but should I stop this?

As I was confused about what to do, I heard an audible nervous gulp from Shiori-san.

Is it possible that she is nervous too? Come to think of it, she said she had never dated before, so this might be her first kiss. If that’s the case, is it okay for me to be that person?

After a few seconds of tension, I could sense her face slowly approaching me. I could feel her bangs touch me, and felt her breath. My heart is racing a mile more and more.

*Gong!!!*

“Ouch~~~~~!”

The impact of a headbutt instead of the softness of lips had shocked me. I involuntarily held my head and pushed back. When I opened my eyes, I saw Shiori-san looking down with a slightly angry face, and before I knew it she also got off.

“It didn’t hurt, the pain will wash away. You didn’ resist at all, you don’t know when to quit!””

“But-!”

“No buts! You were in a spot where you could have been robbed of your firsts, not just your first kiss!?”

Oh I didn’t think about it that way. It’s true that she pushed me down, so I should have imagined what would happen after, but I couldn’t help it. Because my head was clouded from the softness of her breast, and the lips that were approaching me.

Besides, I don’t think Shiori-san is the type of person who’d force something like that onto somebody. In the end the kiss didn’t happen. . .Maybe she just didn’t want to.

“I know, but Shiori-san’s sex appeal is too strong? Or rather, oh my gosh I was surprised by how soft your breasts were. . .Um, plus if it’s Shiori-san then I wouldn’t hate it, so I guess it’d be okay.”

“You were supposed to hate being pushed down. I’m really worried.”

I felt bad that Shiori-san now, she had a tired face as she sighed, but I think it’s cute that she is a little red despite her being the one starting it. I’m sure my forehead is a little red, so we probably match.

“It’s fine, I’d push them away if it was someone else!”

“Do the same with me. Well, I’m going to grab the futon, so please reflect on it.”

“O~K.”

She told me to reflect on it.

That we were supposed to sleep together? Or, that despite being pushed down and if kissed, I didn’t resist?

Rather than that, I wonder what Shiori-san thinks of me. 

I thought she liked me when I got pushed down, but she didn’t do anything in the end. And was even angry at me for not resisting, so maybe that’s not the case. I think if she liked me she wouldn’t have stopped.

Because of Tomoda-senpai I wonder if I’m just too self conscious now. It’s embarrassing.

“If we kissed, what would have happened. . .”

If Shiori-san really liked me. If she kissed me, if she confessed. 

I wonder what would happen to our relationship. How would I respond?

I couldn’t come up with the answer despite thinking about it for a long time.