CH 77

Chapter 77: (Extra) Sara’s POV Part 5

It’s nice having someone say “good morning.” as soon as you wake up.

I learned that first when I started living alone, then I knew for sure after I came to Shiori-san’s house.

When the alarm woke me up, besides me Shiori-san moved like a slow caterpillar. She said she didn’t want me to wake up yet. After I heard her say “Good morning.” I thought I didn’t want to go home.

But today’s the last day of the sleepover.

Suddenly we planned to meet Tomoda-senpai and Yoko-san this afternoon, so after I finished preparing to go home, I walked side by side with Shiori-san to the park to meet her.

On the way I asked about Yoko-san. Shiori-san gave a troubled look as she thought for a moment. She then said. “I wonder if it’s better if you didn’t know.”

She was one of the people that helped me, I didn’t expect this reaction. I couldn’t help but ask for more, and Shiori-san continued with carefully chosen words.

“Basically, you could say she is a good person, until she opens her mouth, then it’s all about her dirty jokes. and if given the chance she’d go straight into even asking to rub my breast, it’s those 18+ forbidden lines.”

“H-Huh. . .”

Even with her choosing her words carefully, it did not improve her image. Rather it got worse now knowing that she is aiming for Shiori-san’s breasts, she is entirely guilty.

She is friends with Shiori-san and Tomoda-senpai, so I’m sure she isn’t that bad of a person.

“The first thing she said to me at the entrance ceremony was that she liked my face, and then one thing led to another and now we are always together for some reason. It might be better to say instead of a friend, she is bad company for me.”

“Oh, Is that so? Ah, I also like Shiori-san’s face.”

“Thank you, I like Sara’s face.”

Only the face? I wanted her to elaborate but I didn’t have the courage. I wish I could ask in a joking way. What do you think of me, Shiori-san? I’ve been thinking about it since last night. If she says she likes me, I don’t have an answer prepared.

After meeting Tomoda-senpai and giving Yoko a first time meeting greeting. Shiori-san and Tomoda-senpai walked side by side to a place we could comfortably talk, but when I thought about it more, what is this combination?

Tomoda-senpai who confessed to me, and Shiori-san who might like me. And then me.

I wonder why Yoko-san was walking behind us? When I turned to her, her eyes firmly met me and she gave a broad dazzling smile.

Well, she doesn’t seem like a bad person, but I don’t know what she is thinking. I don’t hate her, but she might be a personality I can’t handle.

“We’ll be sitting at that bench, so call us when you’re done.”

We came to a less populated part in the pine tree park, we then split up into two groups. Tomoda-senpai and I, and Shiori-san and Yoko-san.

We sat side by side in a tree shaded area. I was too nervous to be the first one to speak.

It seems Tomoda-senpai feels the same. We sat there in this uncomfortable silence, as if waiting to see what the other would do.

“. . . Ahahaha. There are so many things I want to talk about, I’m not sure where to start.”

“. . .Yeah.”

I have a lot to say, but I don’t know how to. Both about the past and the future. I looked at Tomoda-senpai as she gave me a troubled look. As I thought, I do like her. Of course not in a romantic sense, but as a person.

I wish I could have fallen in love with her. If I did, I’m sure she wouldn’t have had that cloudy expression on her, and we could have maintained a good relationship. If she is even half as affectionate as she normally is, I’m sure she would’ve take good care of me.

–  –  But no.

Even if I don’t understand love, I know that this feeling isn’t it. I don’t like her like that.

“I’m sorry. I knew Sara-chan would be put in a bad spot, but I still confessed.”

“No, that’s on me. . !”

“You did nothing wrong. Thank you for giving me the chance to talk to you properly.”

“. . .Yeah.”

After that, she told me the story of that day. No, and also the story before that day. She fell in love with me as soon as we met. She wasn’t going to confess, but her feelings continued to grow until she couldn’t control it anymore. After she confessed, she regretted it so much.

“I’m sorry, but I honestly don’t really regret confessing. But I wish I chose my words better, and would have thought about what the follow up should be.”

“It must have been hard for Tomoda-senpai, so please don’t worry about it. Today’s meeting like this is enough.”

“If you say so, I’m saved.”

As if a weight was lifted off her shoulder, she exhaled and leaned back on the bench. With a wry smile she said “I feel so relieved now.” The casual air around her returned, just like before her confession.

Can I expect this? I thought it would be impossible, but I wonder if we will be able to laugh together again like we used to.

“Tomoda-senpai, could you listen to me next?”

Cause I don’t know what’s okay to say, but I wanted to say whatever came to mind.

During these difficult days, I was happy to hear from Tomoda-senpai. I was saved, thank you from the bottom of my heart. I was embarrassed by the confession, but I never hated her for it. I really like this person, but it’s not in a romantic sense.

If possible, I’d want to be good friends with seniors and juniors again.

“Saying something like that might hurt Senpai, and I might be making the wounds worse, but. . .”

I don’t want to miss this chance.

Even if we can’t be lovers. Tomoda-senpai is someone important to me. I don’t want to give up on her so easily.

On that day, When I was about to give up on my high school life, Shiori-san told me to continue to struggle. Half heartedly while doubting I struggled, half because I really wanted to do it.

That’s why I want to not give up this time, to properly reach out and secure it. If all else fails, I could always ask Shiori-san to comfort me again.

“. . .It’s hard to say it will be the same as before.”

“That’s true.”

“I still love you, Sara-chan.”

“. . .Ah.”

Is it not good? She hung her head down and lowered her eyes. I know I was being cruel, and I was prepared to be turned down, but it still hurts more than I thought. 

From the second semester onwards, even if I see Tomoda-senpai in the hallway, I wouldn’t be able to talk to her like we used to.

“But, Because I’m a simple girl, I want to listen to the girl I like.”

“. . .Eh?”

She lifted her face, my senpai gave a smile saying it couldn’t be helped, and patted my head. It’s been a long time, this feeling. I haven’t been getting hugged or a pat recently.

“I hate it being awkward too. It won’t be exactly like it used to be, but that’s okay. Let’s continue to get along well.”

“U. . . Thank you very much!!”

Yes! Yatta!

Although it’s dependent on Tomoda-senpai’s kindness, I didn’t have to awkwardly say goodbye! I’m so happy!

I did it. I wanted to convey my feelings and I did. When I looked at the bench where Shiori-san was, she noticed me, smiled and waved. Yeah. Maybe I didn’t actually convey anything, but whatever.

As I waved back I heard a “hey!” Next to me.

“Don’t show off right away, be more considerate. I just got rejected, didn’t I?”

“I’m not showing off. . .Ah, Senpai. Do you think I’m in love with Shiori-san?”

“Hhm, maybe I do.”

Sure enough,. Even from Tomoda-senpai’s point of view, does it seem like I’m in love with Shiori-san that much?

I certainly like her. I like her to the point that I’m a little jealous of Yoko, they seem to be on really good terms with each other.

For myself, as someone who “likes” my friends, I feel very conscious about her.

“Seeing Sara-chan with Shiori-san today made that feeling even stronger.”

“Eehh-, It is different though. . .”

While saying this though. A feeling of wondering if there is really a difference popped up in the corner of my mind. Up until a little while ago, I thought that was clearly not the case, but in the past few days I’ve lost a little confidence in that statement.

It’s probably because I thought Shiori-san might like me, but the problem is that I can’t give an answer. If she says she likes me- – -but I don’t love her, then I should refuse her like I did to Tomoda-senpai.

Even though I know that, since last night’s thoughts on it, I hesitate to do so.

My feelings for Shiori-san shouldn’t be love.

But, then, what is it?

“Well if Sara-chan says it’s different, then it’s different. . .It’s a pity it isn’t me, but I hope that someday you will find a good love.”

“Thank you very much.”

In my heart, I added that I hope Senpai will also meet somebody nice.

“Even so, She is just like Sara-chan and Yoko said. Shiori-san is a mature beauty.”

Tomoda-senpai completely changed the tone and topic. Shiori-san and Yoko-san are talking to each other as if they are really good friends.

For some reason, She seems to be having more fun than when she is with me. I’m getting a little gloomy. No no no, that’s no good, no good. Isn’t this why everyone asks if I’m in love with her?

“I feel like just from talking to her a little while ago, she is more frank and has an upbeat personality than you’d think, I also want to get along with her too.”

“Eh?”

“Sara-chan dumped me, so maybe it would be good if I find another love. Shiori-san isn’t dating anybody, right?”

“No, but. . .”

Wait a second. That means. . .But I don’t have the right to stop her. If Shiori-san falls in love with Tomoda-senpai, I should congratulate her. What should I do? I really hate that thought.

Earlier I said it’d be nice if Senpai had a good encounter, but I didn’t think that other person would be Shiori-san. You’re not serious are you? Even if I look at Tomoda-senpai’s face, she just had big round eyes and a smile, I could only discern a “huh?”

“. . .but as I said the other day, I didn’t want Shiori-san to get a girlfriend.”

I did learn another thing today. I’m so narrow-minded that I’m even jealous of Shiori-san’s friends.

Up until now, even though Yoko-san and the other’s names have come out before, I hadn’t seen them directly.

I want to have Shiori-san only for myself.

I realized that I have a strong desire to monopolize her, and pulled her away just for myself. It’s such a heavy feeling that I don’t want her to have a love scene. I can’t let anyone know about this.

“See. How you reacted like that, so I do think you like her.”

“Geeze, again. . .I can’t explain it well, but it feels like it is above friendship, but below love. Ah, but saying it like this, it seems that love is higher than friendship. More than love and less than friendship? It’s something different. . .”

I turned and was looking for the words to say, but I couldn’t find any. My vocabulary is too bad. . .

While I groaned, stuck in my thoughts, Tomoda-Senpai gave an unbearable funny expression. I tried to open my mouth but nothing came out, and then she couldn’t hold it and started to laugh.

“Ahaha, it’s fine isn’t it? It’s fine to be very greedy.”

“Eh?”

“More than friendship, and less than love? Well, does that include both friendship and love together?”

“. . .Ah?!”

What a rookie mistake. Even though plus and minus are basics you learn in school, even in everyday conversation, if you forget the basics you can be sure that my vocabulary will suffer just like academic abilities.

But that isn’t the problem, it’s Tomoda-senpai’s misunderstanding. Actually it’s probably just a joke though.

“Senpai, you know what I mean.”

“Of course I do. Even if you can’t name friendship or romance, Sara-chan’s number one person is Shiori-san, right?”

Despite her having a smile on her face, her eyes were staring straight at me, and those eyes are eyes that won’t forgive you for lying or deceiving. I originally had no intentions of doing so.

I said yes with a nod, and she stroked my head more gently than before.

“. . . I don’t really understand love.”

“It seems so.”

“It doesn’t give a good impression.”

“Isn’t it?”

“Also, I’m scared.”

“I know.”

A concise proper comforting.

For me who has always been influenced by other people’s love. It’s not a good thing, it was a source of an incomprehensible amount of problems. Forcefully imposing their one-sided feelings on another. Even if you don’t want it, if you don’t handle it carefully- – – there is an unreasonable mass of criticism thrown at you even if you treat it politely.

It got to the point where I’d rather receive a letter of misfortune than a love letter.

“But I was happy hearing Tomoda-senpai’s feelings. It was surprising, for the first time ever after being confessed to. Thank you very much.”

“Yeah, thank you too.”

I’m sure I will also fall in love someday. However I still can’t imagine myself falling in love with someone, but when I do, I want to fall in love with the person who gives me these kind and gentle feelings.

Think about that, Senpai stood up from the bench and slapped the dust off her denim pants. She turned around and smiled, prompting me with a calm gaze as I stood up.

We stepped towards Shiori-san and Yoko, but this time my steps felt much lighter than before.