CH 84

Chapter 84: (Extra) Sara’s POV Part 12

Uwwaa! Eh, oh no!

Aaaaaah, even that!??!

The movie I went to see with Shiori-san had a lot of unexpected twists. It was much more thrilling than a bad roller coaster, and more heartbreaking than a horror movie.

The first half of the movie was a gritty action movie surrounding a female spy as the main character. There was a healthy level of suspense with it, but the problem started when she met a dark-haired woman in a bar. No. . .Already? How can you do that kind of thing right after meeting her!? Kissing, and sleeping with her!? Amazing!!

With pop music blaring, you can’t help but be drawn to the two women on bed, hungrily skeeking each other out.

Even though I fell in love with Shiroi-san, I’ve tried hard not to think about what is “After” that part. I felt like I shouldn’t think about it- – like it would tarnish Shiroi-san’s image, so I drove those thoughts out of my mind. However when I’m presented with it on the big screen,  I accidentally start to fantasize. Or rather I had to admit it, I couldn’t fool myself anymore.

Perhaps, no, definitely I want to do this type of lovemaking with Shiori-san. . . I’m embarrassed to be aware of it again, but wait a second. Will we do this!? We have mutual love, will we do these things!? What do I do!? I might suck at it! !

I’d hadn’t even confessed yet, but still I was panicking prematurely about things like this, however the bed scene was soon over.

Then I finally realized I had just been devouring the scene before me, I felt embarrassed again.

I peeked over secretly to see if Shiori-san noticed, but unlike me, she seemed pretty cool. It would’ve been nice if she was at least a little embarrassed.

I’m not a kid anymore. I know that some people sleep with other people as if it’s a sport or a greeting, and I’m not going to say it’s wrong. If it’s consensual then by all means.

But I’m sure I am not that kind of person. I don’t want to touch or be touched by anybody unless it’s Shiori-san. If for some reason I had to go out with somebody I didn’t like. And I had to do the deed as their girlfriend. . . I wonder how much it’d wear down my heart?

That’d be impossible. Even if the other person was Tomoda-senpai, who I like as a person, I couldn’t do it. I could easily imagine myself running away saying “I’m sorry” at the last moment, while worrying to death. It’d be so mean, I couldn’t look them in the eye anymore. If it was me, and Shiori-san did that to me, I’d want to disappear.

What followed was intense action and hand to hand combat, however my attention kept turning to Shiori-san, and if it was possible to make out with the girl before. I can’t deny it anymore, I am uncommunicated. Aah, but if you watch a sex scene with someone you love next to you, everyone would feel this way! Yeah, it can’t be helped!

The movie eventually got to the end credits. I feel so bad for the director and the actors. I watched the entire thing with indecent feelings. The unique movie theater lights then turned on. The brightening brought me back to reality, but it still doesn’t feel real. I sat there with a vague and mysterious feeling, somewhere between dreaming and reality. Shiori-san then urged me to get up saying “Shall we go?”.

She was silent from when we left the theater up until the lobby. I saw her gently breathe a sigh of relief once we got further away from the cinema. I wondered if it was just because of the dream? I can’t help but wonder, but I didn’t ask. Does she perhaps have something else still on her mind? Somehow, I have a feeling she does.

By the time we arrived at the promised pancake shop, she had completely returned to her normal self. After ordering, we took out and looked at the movie pamphlet while talking about it.

From the beginning, the story and action was amazing, but I wondered what Shiori-san thought about the love scene between girls, so I casually said “Speaking of surprise. Oh my god I was shocked that her partner was another girl.”

“I was a little more nervous after being confessed to by Tomoda-senpai.”

“Ah, that’s right. I mean, that scene would normally make your heart race.”

Shiori-san also watched that scene with a sense of excitement. At the moment she didn’t seem like it.

. . .Okay, I think I’ll give it another push.

“Shiori-san also forcibly pushed me down before-.”

After I said that in a teasing tone, her cool smile instantly turned into a shy face, and then apologized saying ”Nn, ahh, that. . .Sorry.”. For me, I was more curious about what that “that” was about.

“Ahahaha, sorry sorry. That was a little mean to say.”

I feel bad for her as she hung her head so low I could see the top of it, but I think she is cute at times like this. Lately, she’s been too cute when she is nervous. 

What should I do to get this cute person to turn my way? I wonder if it’s better to make her aware little by little rather than suddenly telling them I like her.

But how? Do I say that I’m into girls? No no, too direct. Perhaps in a more roundabout way. . . Geeze, it’s already hard enough!

“Out of all the people who confessed to me, I liked Tomoda-senpai the most”

As a result of my constant roundabout ways, I immediately regretted what I just said. It is different. I didn’t mean to say that. Shiori replied with a “Is that so?” and I nodded with a “yeah”, but what do I do now?

Now that I’ve brought it up, I can’t just stop all of the sudden.

“Yeah. I knew it wasn’t love, but I’d be lonely if she wasn’t by my side, so I thought about going out with just a little to stop that.”

That is what I really thought at the time, but well, I hadn’t realized that I liked Shiori-san back then, so that’s why that option came up. 

When I said that, she looked up at me with surprise, and I said “I didn’t go through with it in the end.”, her expression softened a little as if she was relieved. Just as you’d expect, I hope this is mutual love.

“So when I was watching the movie, during that scene I thought about if I had that relationship with Tomoda-senpai, however I wouldn’t have been able to kiss her let alone go further. So I wonder if that was the right decision.””

“It was right. Even if you went out that way, you’d only hurt each other later on.”

“Yeah, that’s right.”

I’m not sure if she’s saying this because she likes me, I can’t help but think that is the reason. I’m reading too much into it, there is probably no special meaning to it.

Or I wonder if it’d be good to be a little smug. Despite seeing those compassionate eyes, I’m tempted to say she doesn’t think anything and it’s a scam. I really have no idea.

“Shio-”

“And I’d want you to have a happy romance with someone Sara really fell in love with.”

. . .Ah, I see, huh.

As soon as my heart began to swell with anticipation and fluff, it popped suddenly before me. 

Like suddenly she drew a line saying “I don’t intend on falling in love with you.”

With such a normal gentle expression. She said looking down a little while staring at her cup wrapped in both hands.

It’s pointless, there is no hope- – – or something like that.

I can’t give up that easily! Because I like you!

Don’t underestimate the persistence of a late-blooming first love. Even if you draw the line, I’ll reach my hand out over and over again. Reach out and grab to turn you around.

At that time, I’ll–

“If I find someone I like, Shiori-san will be the first to know.”

With a huge smile I gave a half declaration of war.

I’m not lying. If I had someone I like I would tell you “first”, I didn’t say right away.

The person I liked had a beautiful smile. It’s so attractive in many ways that it makes me angry that she’s honored. 

Someday. . .I don’t know when, but I’ll definitely confess to you.

That’s why please, please fall in love with me.