CH 19

Chapter - 19 || I Was Always Alone, And Solved My Problems Alone

I invited Rudolf-sama to tea after he dropped me off at the palace.

"Aren't you tired?"

"I'm a little tired. But I have some tea leaves that Empress Claudia gave me."

"I'll take your word for it."

When everything was ready, both Erma and Countess Klassen excused themselves.

"It's time for the festival and the wedding. Please take it easy and rest as much as you can."

I smiled at Rudolf-sama's concern.

"The flowers have finally bloomed. I'll work hard."

As the crown prince's fiancée and a saint, I should be very busy from now on.

I said this as an expression of my honest feelings, but Rudolf-sama looked troubled.

"You are overworking yourself, aren't you?"

"No?"

"Elvira."

"That idi... no, just because King Alexander doesn't notice, don't think I'm the same."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm trying not to miss even the slightest change in your expression. If that's where your true feelings lie."

I didn't know what to say, so I kept quiet. Then, to my surprise, Rudolf-sama suddenly apologized to me.

"I'm sorry," he said. "It was my fault."

I hurriedly denied it.

"None of this is your fault, Rudolf-sama!"

Rudolf-sama exhaled a thin breath and said,

"The fact that I told you that there were many natural disasters in the Kingdom of Turku has cast a shadow over your face. 

Even when the lilies bloomed, somewhere in your heart you were still concerned. I know you are."

I just stared at Rudolf-sama.

"Elvira, before we are crown prince and crown princess, we are fiancées. I want to be able to talk to you about anything. I want you to take off the mask of Crown Princess in front of me."

The mask of the Crown Princess.

Rudolf-sama had found out that I was wearing it.

But,

"Your concern, Rudolf-sama, is very much appreciated..."

It was all I could do to say that.

The reason is that I cannot distinguish between what is me and what is the role required of me.

I thought it was my mission to fulfill the role I was asked to play.

I'm sure Rudolf-sama understood that.

Rudolf-sama gave a small nod.

"I'm sorry. I have annoyed you again... Of course, I sometimes wear the mask of a crown prince.

But I think you've been pushing your feelings away more than necessary. All because of that idiot king."

"Rudolf-sama—"

"Excuse me. But these are my honest feelings.

I was invited by the Dukes of Lustro and had the opportunity to meet you several times, didn't I? You were as intelligent as you are now, but you didn't have eyes filled with sadness like that.

Elvira, if you are sad, please tell me what's on your mind. We'll figure it out together."

"Together..."

I had never been told that before.

I have always been able to think and solve problems alone.

As a candidate for queen and crown prince, I thought that's natural.

However, I felt painful that Rudolf-sama in front of me said so with conviction.

I opened my mouth and said,

"I'm going to say something that I have no business saying, if that's okay with you..."

My voice trailed off. He nodded his head in silence.

"I am concerned about the Kingdom of... Turku."

I couldn't look him in the face, so I turned to look out the window,

"I dismissed myself several times, saying it was ridiculous to think this way."

The greenery of the courtyard and the blue sky spread out before me.

It reminded me of the scenery in the Kingdom of Turku.

"But Rudolf-sama told me that the top of the mountain in the north collapsed, which was the first place that was said to collapse when the prayers of the people and the saints were not heard.

If you think about it, the ships in the harbor and the lake drying up may have been because the prayers were not heard..."

My voice trailed off again.

"...I think it's my fault. It can't be, it's just a coincidence. I told myself again and again that it was impossible for it to be my fault when I had left the country.

Because I was not recognized as a saint in that country,

I gave away the lilies that I made bloom in that country.

I wonder if Natalia has been taking good care of them.

Rudolf-sama said in a calm voice,

"Oh, Elvira, yes, you might think so. ...I feel responsible for it."

"No... there's no way to be sure, and it may not matter. And, more importantly, it is disrespectful to the people of the empire who accepted me to worry about the country that kicked me out. I'm well aware of that."

It is not only Rudolf-sama. Empress Claudia, the Emperor, the Countess of Klassen, Erma, Benjamin, Eric... and many others have accepted me and have been kind to me.

I looked at Rudolf-sama's face, and resigned to the fact that I would be considered ungrateful for thinking such a thing.

But...

"Thank you, Elvira."

Rudolf-sama said and took my hand.

"Ano...?!"

I let out an exclamation of surprise, but Rudolf-sama did not let go of my hand.

"I'm relieved to hear how you feel... I was afraid you'd say, 'No, it's nothing.'"

"Is that so?"

"Ah."

I thought the correct answer would be 'nothing,' so I was surprised.

Rudolf-sama seemed to think for a moment.

"You are definitely a saint. Eric and the rest of our temple have told you so."

"That's why," Rudolf said with a difficult look on his face,

"We can't let you return to the Kingdom of Turku."

"I understand."

"But."

Rudolf said firmly.

"How about we head out as guests?"

"Guests?"

"As Crown Princess of the Zomer Empire, you will be their official guest. With me, of course."