Volume 1 - CH 2

Volume 1, Chapter 2: Resolution

Why did she only smile like that when talking to Nana. Why did she have such a terrible face on her when the other person was me.

I was thinking about a lot of things. Even so, I shouldn't say those out loud.

Because they didn't even love me yet.

"I-I'm home."

I raised my voice to be as cheerful as possible and opened the door to the living room.

Nana and my mother looked at me with a slight jolt of their shoulders.

"Welcome back, Manato."

"..."

Mom greeted me back, but Nana was still silent.

"...W-what were you talking about earlier?"

What sort of pleasant conversations did they have a while ago? I asked my mother and Nana that question.

"Um...right, I was listening to a story from Nana's school."

Mom replied that. But I heard. My name was mentioned in their talks earlier.

If she was going to ask about how Nana was doing at school, my name should have never came up. But to say such a thing meant that she was lying to me.

...Rather than being loved, was I hated instead?

"Oh, really..."

"That's right."

Ah, there was that look of displeasure from Mom. She had what you could call a smiling face, but you can see the disagreement behind it. I hated that expression because it felt like she was being too careful around me.

We were family, but she was tiptoeing? Even though she never did that kind of thing to Nana?

When I thought about it, I became even more distrustful because I already didn't have any good feelings to her from a while ago.

I wanted to believe my mother, my own family, but I couldn't.

"...I'm going back to my room."

I told my mother that and walked up the stairs.

"...Could he have found out?"

"He probably didn't. Onii-chan is dense."

Such a conversation took place in the living room after Manato was gone.

"I'm glad. If Manato finds out, everything will be ruined."

"Right. I have to prepare so that Onii-chan doesn't find out."

"It's only a week from now. Manato's birthday."

Yes, the pair was talking about throwing a birthday party for Manato.

"We'll have to surprise him with amazing decorations."

Nana was determined. She apologized to her brother for ignoring him this past six months, and she was going to try and get along with him again on the day of his birthday.

But they boy didn't notice this. He never would.

Because the boy believed he wasn't loved.

"...What the hell."

As soon as I got to my room, I let out a curse and jumped into my bed.

I didn’t know whether that was directed to my mother, my sister, or myself for not making enough efforts to be loved.

No, not yet. I just wasn’t working hard enough.

I had to talk to them more actively. That had to be it.

Mom, you were really sweet to me back when I was a kid...

While I was still a kid, my mother was really affectionate to me. So much so that you could even call her overprotective.

For example, once I was cutting some paper with scissors, I accidentally sliced my finger. At that time, my mother kept on apologizing to me with tears in her eyes as she put a bandage over and hugged me.

In fact, I was in so much and was about to cry, but when I saw my mother so distraught, somehow, I didn't.

It was good back then. I felt that my mother loved me. Now...

No, I had to try to get back those days.

It was when I was in my first year of junior high that my mother and I became like this.

A few months after entering junior high school, my father collapsed from working too much. The doctors at the hospital did their best to help him, but he passed away. The cause was death from overworking.

From then on, my mother was always busy. She never had time for me.

At the time, I thought my mother was a coldhearted person. Because she never cried when my father died. If anything, she immediately got back to work.

Seeing my mother's somewhat ghastly appearance, I found it hard to call out to her.

But Nana, who was in elementary school at the time, couldn't do anything without Mom. Nana alone was enough of a burden to her, so I thought she might get exhausted if I were to join in, too. I thought my mother was going to hate me.

But the reality was that Nana was the only one receiving our mother's love now.

As for me...

I wanted to be spoiled by my mother, too. I wanted her to mind me.

But I put up with because I was thinking of her. I didn't think I did anything wrong, and it was fine for me as well.

But now that things had settled down, I wanted her to fawn on me again. Because she couldn't before.

I didn't want to be hated. But it was even more unpleasant to not be loved.

At this point in time, I hadn't considered Sayaka into the equation. I thought that as long as Sayaka loved me, I was going to be okay, but then Sayaka found someone else she loved.

Of course, my feelings for Sayaka were genuine, and even now, I wished that the person Sayaka liked was me.

But reality wasn’t that. I found out that it was different to know that you would never be loved than being hung up forever.

A partner didn't have to be a certain person. It was possible to meet someone better in the future. But there was no substitute for family.

That was how it had always been, and would never change.

I wanted to be valued. I wanted them to be fond of me. I wanted to be loved.

That was why I had to make the effort. To be loved. So as to not be hated.

"Onii-chan..."