Volume 1 - CH 14

Volume 1, Chapter 14: Wish

When I arrived home from my part-time job, Maki-san came up to me.

"W-welcome back."

"I'm home."

She was early today. Even though she used to work until midnight.

...Why was I even thinking about that. I didn't care about these people anymore. It was useless to say anything now.

I thought for a bit, and then raised my head. Ah, so it was like that.

When I looked up, I saw Nana-san and Maki-san whispering to each other. They were talking in a voice I couldn't hear.

Do it in a place where I'm no present. I feel sick.

...Again. Why was I having these kinds of thoughts all of a sudden?

Something was wrong.

I shouldn't feel anything when they exclude me out of the conversation, nor even when they were getting along.

And yet, what was this? This uncertain feeling inside my heart.

"...You two seem to be having fun with each other."

"! T-that's not it! I didn't mean to leave you out!"

"T-that's right, you know?! We're not doing that, okay?!"

Why were they acting so desperate. On the opposite, it seemed suspicious. And what was up with me as well. Why did I even say that.

I didn't know my own feelings anymore.

"...Is that so. I'm going back to my room. I think I'll just be in the way."

Like I said, why was I being so deliberately sarcastic?

"That's not that case!"

"Wait, Onii-chan!"

Manato went upstairs without sparing a look at us. What went wrong? I knew. This was because I talked to Nana in whispers as if showing off in front of Manato.

I knew that child was under the impression that he wasn't loved.

I should have understood that this was the last thing I could have done.

I just wanted to know if Manato really had a part-time job.

Around noon today, Nana contacted me. The message was about Manato's part-time job. It seemed that he really was working.

That's what I thought. So, after they returned, I confirmed with Nana.

"Was he really working part-time?"

And now this happened. This wasn't good. I dug out Manato's wound. The thought of him not being loved was even more rooted in. Maybe I shouldn't be called that child's mother. I couldn't even take care of him.

Recently, I had been thinking on cutting back on my work as quickly as possible to secure even a bit of time to interact with Manato. There was no point in him staying at home at this rate. I needed to fill the gap between me and Manato even a little bit. I didn't think I was going to be forgiven. I had done something I wasn't allowed to do. But if I could, I would like to spoil Manato again, just like that time when was a kid. I wanted to be relied on by him. ...I wanted to be his mother.

I couldn't help but wish, knowing full well that I wouldn’t be able to do that.

I could only stare at my brother's back. It was the same thing again. I kept on repeating. There was a way to fix this. All I had to do was talk to him. It was easy to see how simple it is to put into words. But when it came to actually doing it, that was a different story. My voice wouldn't come out. He didn't like me saying unnecessary things again. My brother was drifting away. I thought that, but my voice still wouldn't come out.

I felt that at his part-time job, my brother's shoulders were more relaxed than at home. Were we really that much of a burden to my brother? Was it that painful to be with us? I honestly wanted to know. But I couldn't ask. Because I knew that I was the one causing my brother pain until now.

The girl at his part-time job called me a good family of his. Looking back on it now, I couldn't help but laugh dryly. Where was that good family now, huh. Just where...

Could we go back to those days? Those days where my brother and I were having fun laughing at each other. I knew the answer to that. Because I was the one who broke that relationship. But hopefully, just like back then —