Chapter 272

Chapter 272

CHAPTER 272

I sat with Aliyah around a fire near the ravaged path.

I'd eaten already earlier this morning, so we didn't need to roast anything, and it was hot enough that no fire was needed, but Aliyah insisted the fire be there anyway for ambiance. The flames were a brilliant purple instead of a warm red and smelled like... something sweet. Her ashen hair looked colorful against the flame's light— a remnant of what might have been when she was younger, maybe? Her Chimecho's eyes pierced true, even during the day, and despite the fact that it was morning, parts of me had been tricked into thinking it was nighttime. Her emotions were a confusing canvas if I'd ever seen one. The peaks and the valleys were smaller, as if she'd numbed herself to the world and kept it that way intentionally. Sometimes, they slipped through, mostly when I caught her talking to Chimecho and joking around with him. The psychic had never spoken to me, but I was certain he was capable of telepathy.

"So you've had an epiphany, then," she continued our conversation.

"Think about it," I excitedly said. "If I can make myself do good deeds to even those who've wronged me and feel better about it, then I might be able to get my priorities in order, right? Reframe the way I do things!"

I kept going, telling her about how my current self would never have made friends with the people I currently loved if I had met them now, and that went hand in hand with what we'd talked about in Twinleaf. Lost opportunities to connect with people I'd wanted to, like Gardenia. Hell, maybe I could have been friends with Maylene if I'd helped her instead of doing what I did. Pauline was similar when we'd first met, complaining about 'unfair' ways to fight, and I'd befriended her anyway. Granted, the Maylene ship had sailed at this point, as had possibly every other Gym Leader's. She would hate me even more, as she had a right to.

"You know how your mind works better than anyone else," Aliyah said. "If you believe it would work, then I think you should try. There will be no harm done by any good deeds, no matter the reason for doing them."

"I... won't lie, I would have liked a little bit more confidence," I sighed. "Now I feel like I might be in over my head."

"It might work. It might not," Aliyah gently said. "But at the end of the day, you are trying, are you not? Trying with all of your heart, with a desire to improve. That is what this is about."

My lips quirked upward. "Thanks, Aliyah. I... really do appreciate it."

My therapist dipped her head, and then snapped her fingers, dispelling the flame like it had never been there in the first place. I had no idea if it was actually her doing this or Chimecho, but since she was no Pokemon, I was inclined to think it was the latter. Though it was possible she was another psychic, I felt none of that from her. Cynthia had told me during our meeting in Veilstone that Lou had been created in an effort to recreate Kanto-Johto's psychic clans, but not how many of those the League had at its disposal. Maybe there was a better version of her I couldn't feel out there.

"That's our hour and a half finished," she said. "Unless you have something to add, I will see you tomorrow."

"I had a question," I muttered. "About you, I mean."

The old woman dipped her head, signaling me to go ahead.

"I don't know much about you. And I guess that's by design, since you're a therapist and you have to stay professional, or whatever," I quietly said. "But the flame thing is really cool, so..."

Aliyah chuckled, and a bit of relief bled through her skin as if she was glad I'd said that. "I'd be a fool to reveal my tricks."

Chimecho rang in acquiescence, and I squinted at the both of them, sad that I couldn't see enough to get an answer. While empathy was a powerful tool, it could be bypassed or tricked entirely, if you were good enough, either by muting yourself enough or somehow being able to fake emotions to an extent they became real. Of course, that wouldn't stop me from screwing with your emotions, still.

"What made you become an ACE therapist?" I asked, a little more seriously. "I mean, you came from Lavender to Sinnoh, and then what?"

"I'll spare you details on my personal life and say that I simply believed someone had to do it," she said. "I'd always been interested in psychology, and I wanted to do some good. ACEs deserve the best, truly. No one deserves to go through what they do on a regular basis."

She'd seen much, I realized as regret flitted off her. Probably failed to save people she'd wanted to. There was guilt buried deep within.

"But that's enough of that," she said. "I see you ogling my emotions, young lady. I thought we talked about boundaries."

"Well, I can't turn it off yet—"CHeCk for new stories on no/v/el/bin(.)c0m

Aliyah gently clicked her tongue. "I know you cannot. But there is a difference between that and actively looking, isn't there?"

I shrunk back slightly. "You're right. Sorry. It's just second nature to me by now, so it's hard not to look."

"Progress has been made," she said, standing up. "You are doing well. You can't expect to unlearn your past behaviors in a week. I will see you tomorrow, then."

"Yup. Thanks for the session," I said. "And, uh, sorry again."

She took a few light steps away from me, walking with purpose with no destination in mind. Chimecho chimed seven times, and then she disappeared.

—

Floaroma looked even prettier during springtime.

From the sky, it appeared as a vibrant tapestry of colors. There were more flowers than I could name littering the entire town, with only the paved streets not being covered by them. Since I'd arrived on a weekend, hundreds of people were picnicking on the rolling hills with their friends or families. To the far west, I could see the ocean, which was the same direction the Iron Islands supposedly sat in and where both Cecilia and Chase were, at the moment. I did not dare look to the East, for that area held horrifying memories and I couldn't turn my head despite how hard I tried to, not out of fear from the memories themselves but my reaction to them. From up here, it was easy to see how Floaroma as a whole was an enormous meadow surrounded by thick forests that stretched far beyond here, save for, again, the town's east, where a river that originated from the mountain on route 205 gently passed through. From this vantage point, I could see some kind of factory further up north that I remembered worked to manufacture iron that came from the Iron Islands. It was difficult to see that far, but a railroad led directly to the coast, where most iron came in and out, ready to be shipped to the rest of the region. I didn't really understand why they'd built it in such a strange location.

I asked Princess to land me in front of the Pokemon Center, where the fruits of my labor in Sandgem made themselves known. Being in a town still hurt somewhat, but Floaroma was far less populous and was at least somewhere I could function while not looking like a pale corpse. I got myself a room and was surprised to see the Pokemon Center not bustling nearly as much as it had when I had first come here, but upon reflection, it made sense. Unlike earlier in the year, not many trainers were passing through the town, which would make my stay here much more pleasant— though I needed to stop being a social recluse despite my reputation having soured. Melody had contacted me when I'd been camping far away from Jubilife, telling me that not interacting with the world made the problem worse than it already was. That I needed to own this and say that I'd just been defending innocent Pokemon from getting shipped to terrible fighting rings or kept in Backlot's zoo. In fact, that had been the majority opinion, but me staying so silent on the matter did not do any favor to stop rumors of spreading. She did not have the full picture of what I'd done. None of them did. Unfortunately for her and Poketch, though, I was a little overwhelmed by, well, everything at the moment, but I would try my best to make things work and work with their social media team. My image with most trainers was still generally positive, but that wasn't enough, and I wasn't pulling enough weight to get myself out of this little slump. This was a two-way partnership, after all. I could at least start posting online again.

I wouldn't do anything right now, though. Today, I'd need to face my past.

Getting Angel to carry me was second nature, now. The grass type picked me up as soon as I released him, and his excitement surged when he noticed the amount of flowers here. He plucked a few with his vines, placing them on my head as we went. I also let out Honey, whose eyes softened as soon as he saw we'd made it. He had come far since we'd left here, and he had traveled, as had been both of his goals when he had sought me out, but still, we'd seen no signs of the Gengar who had raised him.

"Keep some flowers for Sweetheart," I told Angel, half-jokingly. He didn't need to keep any when they were everywhere at the moment. "She'll want to make a crown and call herself an empress."

Tangrowth silently laughed, picking up as many flowers as he could. I placed a few on his head myself as he waddled toward the town's eastern exit. Honey snorted at those, saying that they were for girls.

"They'd look nice on you, but whatever you say, kiddo," I shrugged. "Hey, we should all wear some later to take a group picture—"

Honey cackled, his tails flinging wildly behind him. He couldn't help but imagine me having to convince Sunshine about wearing a flower crown.

"Hey, I bet I could do it. If Sweetheart wants it enough, he'll do it. That girl can tug at his heartstrings like no other," I said. "Plus, Mudsdale will get him to play ball."

For a little while, we walked in silence, with Honey taking in the old sights. While he had mostly hung out near the... Power Plant, he'd often wandered into town in hopes of a trainer taking him in, though none did until I came around, and for that I was forever thankful, despite how selfish that made me. I couldn't imagine a life without my little Honey at this point. I was still considering what TMs to get with my newly earned money, but Floaroma was too small of a town to have a wide selection anyway, so I'd have to wait until I stopped by a larger city to get them. When the headache started to get unbearable, I spoke up again with something that had been on my mind the past few hours.

"Say, Angel. We'll be going near Eterna Forest soon," I said. "That's where I caught you."

The grass type's vines perked up slightly, slithering like Ekans and tickling the underside of my legs.

"Since this is ending up being kind of a nostalgia tour, if you want, I can take you back to where I caught you," I said. "Actually, it might be hard to find without Justin's Arcanine— did you know that was how I found you, by the way?"

Tangrowth wagged a vine like a finger.

"Well, he battled a trainer with a Tangela before, and apparently, you smelled similar," I explained. "Anyway, what I meant to say was, if you have a spot in the forest you remember and you miss, we can try to go there."

I had grown so much this past year that none of the Pokemon who gave us trouble back then would even be able to touch me now. That Pinsir who had taken all of our group and just walked away? All of my Pokemon could easily take him one-on-one now with barely a scratch. It was the same for that group of Paras, Dustox, and that Mismagius in that abandoned mansion, though the ghost would prove trickier. Her sheer mastery over illusions had been far beyond her actual strength, and she could probably trap us in there again for a little while until Honey and Buddy sniffed her out. Maybe an hour, if she picked a good spot to hide and we got unlucky. I wouldn't even dare to stray near the center of the forest. That was where Aubri Schneider had lost her fingers to a Leavanny, and I had no intentions of getting maimed any further if I could avoid it. To my surprise, however, Angel disagreed with going into the forest. He had no real attachment to the place, and most of his life here had been a... blur of avoiding predators and finding islands of sunlight like the one I'd caught him in for nourishment.

"Well, if you're sure," I muttered. And he did look sure. There was no wavering within him.

Honey breathed a sigh of relief, having not wanted to go through what he called the 'death forest' ever again, no matter how strong he got.

"I guess living in those oppressive woods is annoying," I agreed. "And Sunshine will get angry if we keep being in areas he can't go all out in when fights happen."

When was the last time that had happened, outside of Gyms? It had been a while.

We reached route 205 relatively quickly. On this side of the river, it was just a stretch of flat land with flowers blooming all over now that it was Spring. Back when we'd first come here, they had been confined to Floaroma and its outskirts, but now they were truly everywhere. A small mountain flanked the route, which was part of the same chain Jasmine and I used to go train on. Honey asked me if he could go and run, given he didn't often have the opportunity to do so on such flat terrain. Before the 'go ahead' left my mouth, he'd already blurred forward with a flash of light. While Angel kept walking me, I opened my phone to check on my friends. I'd been putting it off, but I could at least try. It was then that I realized that despite not even having had it for that long, I'd already grown... not dependent, but used to my empathy. Talking through text felt like missing a limb after so long being able to know what everyone felt.

At the very least, people looked a little livelier, though Cecilia and Chase were still radio silent. Denzel was finally out of the hospital and had his battle with Wake in two days. Emilia and Mira had apparently linked up in Hearthome and would stick together for a little while until the latter was done dealing with her Gengar troubles with Fantina's help. Emi was trying to get back into Contests, though with her parents and everything else, she was struggling to get back into what she called 'an industry of needless catfighting' despite her love for the sport. Lauren was... odd. Though she'd been supposed to travel to Snowpoint to battle Candice as fast as she could, she was back in Sunyshore for whatever reason. And while Louis and Justin had left— with Louis flying on Corviknight with Justin to Canalave— Louis had asked me to look into buying land near Floaroma somehow. I knew nothing about land acquisition or how to even start getting into it, but he said he'd call me as soon as he made it to Jubilife, which should have been later today. Given his lack of a sixth Pokemon, though, and being realistic, fighting Byron was going to be an uphill battle, but I knew he just wasn't that into it anyway and was mostly going through with the Circuit to build up his name recognition at this point. At least Gabite would enjoy the battle.

Maeve and Pauline were still in Pastoria, having given up on the Circuit for this year, but they were apparently training, still, save for Maeve's Drapion who was still recovering. In those few days we'd spent together after the raid, the two had grown closer than they'd been, which hadn't been close at all if I was being honest.

All in all, everyone was doing well and recovering, slowly but surely.

Valley Windworks had always been in view, but I had Angel get closer before patting his head for him to stop. He gently placed me down on the ground, where I sat in the grass against his body after releasing the rest of the team. I waited for Honey to come back before I started talking, though he merely took around twenty seconds to appear with a flash. The Power Plant itself was surrounded by a true forest of turbines that silently spun in the wind. Just like back then, electric types were everywhere here, though they were mostly Magnemite and Shinx. I'd also seen a few unique ones like Tynamo, Mareep, or Electrike. No Elekid, though. Pokemon here were friendly enough, having grown used to humans since people traveled through this route to go to work.

"This is where it happened," I told my Pokemon. "Where I was taken. They took me from a bathroom stall and Teleported me in there with the other hostages."

Princess, Honey and Buddy were the only ones who knew about this in detail since they'd already been with me. Mudsdale himself had only learned about this entire event a few days ago. Since he'd grown comfortable enough to talk to us about stories of Kamaile, I had told him about this vulnerability of mine too. Honestly, I thought I'd have more words to say about it, but I only managed to let out a sigh. I could see people going about their work in the power plant, though the vast majority of employees were inside of the building. I could feel them as a clump of swirling emotions— mostly a mixture of annoyance, exhaustion and boredom. The white-tiled floor had seemed endless back then, the light, blinding and uncomfortable, the strange hum of the machines, so unsettling and confusing, the grunts and their Pokemon an unsurmountable threat. Though I supposed Mars was still one, everything seemed so small now that it was hard not to wonder when it had all changed.

Yes. Small was how it felt, but it was unsatisfying as hell. I'd been nervous to come, but now that I was actually here, I felt no difference. My body was just numb.

"Huh. I guess that's that," I whispered.

Sunshine peered over my shoulder and my other Pokemon showed signs of worry, so I continued before Sweetheart could scream at the building for revenge and scare everyone there.

"If this works, it'll probably still be expensive, but it'll be affordable," I continued. "If not, well... there's always Twinleaf?"

"Twinleaf isn't on the path trainers take though," Louis sighed. "Thank you anyway, Grace. I'm still... confused, but I'll give it a shot."

"Thank you for... uh, trusting me," I said. "And for talking. It was nice."

Had he not called me, I probably would have just texted, because talking to my friends had been a terrifying thought until today. It had been stupid, of course. After all, we'd spoken and hung out for nearly a week before I'd left, but my brain worked weird sometimes and my irrational fear had finally been wrested away. For a little while, we kept talking about what we'd been doing and he asked me for advice battling Byron, but he was extremely surprised to learn that I hadn't even looked him up yet. I was too focused on other stuff to have started studying quite yet, and honestly speaking, the motivation to imbibe information made it way harder for it to stick. I had tried a few times, but it was taking twice as long to learn half as much, and that wasn't doing my motivation any favors.

I was going to get truly started on it soon. Just not right now.

After I hung up, I decided to call it a day and go to sleep early. Princess finally got what she wanted, snuggling up beside me and stealing all of the covers for herself. Everyone else was out too, though Sweetheart was too large to sleep inside of a Pokemon Center room now, and it was already crowded as it was. Musdale too, was too big, and I knew the ground type did not mind sleeping in his Pokeball at all. Sweetheart was probably going to throw a tantrum when she woke up tomorrow, so I'd better bring her to the middle of nowhere for that... Honey slept with his arms crossed and leaning against the wall, while Angel had claimed his spot by the window. Sunshine was near my bed, spreading a comfortable warmth throughout the room and we'd all grown used to his incessant snoring by now.

I woke up at some point, flinching as something— not something, my phone rattled on my bedside table. I flailed around for a few seconds, ignoring Princess' groan as I grabbed my phone and saw that Jasmine was calling me. I felt guilt at the disappointment I felt, since I had honestly hoped it would be Cecilia, but this was good too.

"Jasmine, it's three in the morning," I sighed.

"Sorry, Grace," she said, sounding genuinely apologetic. "I just got word that you were in Floaroma and decided I had to call. You don't stay in the same spot often, these days. Quite ironic, for someone who'd spend weeks on end in cities."

"Well, I'm a busy girl," I tiredly said. "What's wrong?"

She hadn't read the report. That I was sure of. She was a foreign Gym Leader. Dating Volkner or not, there was no way she'd know about it.

"Can't a teacher see her old student?" she humorously asked. "I even flew all the way here on Skarmory."

I rolled my eyes as I excitedly sat up on my bed. "Liar. You just had Metagross Teleport you."

"Busted. I still had to make a few visual jumps, because we'd never been here before. I'm here now, though. It was incredible how easy it was to find your Center. There should really be measures about that—"

"I'm coming down right now!" I yelled.

—

Jasmine still wore one of her many sundresses. She grinned at me when she saw me walk into the lobby. Since it was the middle of the night, it was thankfully empty, save for a nurse who nervously glanced at the steel type Gym Leader once in a while. Jasmine and I had stayed in contact, since I left Sunyshore. She'd been one of the first few I told about my broken ankle, for example. I had cut off contact after the raid, though, and she'd stopped texting me after I hadn't answered her first three texts. It was something I had appreciated with her. She gave me space to deal with my problems, and now after catching an opportunity to see me, she'd taken it. If I hadn't answered, I was sure she wouldn't have kept calling. Kanto-Johto preferred to let their people individually deal with these types of matters— like what had happened during the raid. It wasn't a healthy outlook on the matter, but in that brief period when I'd sunk to my lowest depths, I had let myself appreciate that facet of their culture.

I hugged Jasmine tightly, and breathed a sigh of relief when she returned it. I hadn't expected her to be disgusted at me for killing someone or anything, but having confirmation through her actions and my empathy was nice. And I wasn't actively looking. It was hard to ignore when she was one of the three people in the room.

"You're tense," Jasmine noticed. "How's your recovery been?"

"My ankle, or...?" I muttered.

"Recovery can mean a lot of things," she dismissed. "Let's go with every facet of it."

"Steady," I said. "I'm just chugging along, really. Slowly getting better with my therapist's help."

She paused for a few seconds. "Well, if it works, it works."

"You should get one," I said. When she snorted, I pushed. "I'm serious. Aliyah's great at her job. I feel lighter after every session with her."

"There's cultural stigma, Grace," she gently said. "I appreciate the thought, however. How have your travels been? You aren't one to usually strike out alone."

For a little while, I felt the tiredness melt off of me as I told Jasmine about traveling, and she told me about her life in Sunyshore. I was happy to learn that she hadn't relapsed (and hadn't been lying when saying that) despite coming dangerously close a few times. It was a constant struggle, with her, but she was still sober and well. That conversation somehow led to my new fascination with tea, which we had found she'd gotten passionate about too, while trying to find a substitute for alcohol. After that, she wanted to know about Honey's progress. I would have showed her, but he was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him up. From what I told her though, she was pleased with how far he'd come.

"I saw him take down Wake's Gyarados," she said with a toothy smile. "That was a grand battle."

"Playing the villain was fun," I confirmed. "Now though..."

I paused, nervously interlocking my hands together.

"Erm, Volkner say anything about me?"

Jasmine hummed. "So there is something I don't know."

Shit. I'd given myself away, apparently. "So he did?"

"Not explicitly, but after the raid, every time I brought you up, he shut down the topic immediately," Jasmine said in a whisper with a slight tilt of her head. "Like he doesn't want to think about you. Beforehand, though, talking about you was just fine, even if it still annoyed him. I doubt Volkner would get so up in arms about you killing one person, so I guess something else must have happened inside. Something that disturbed him when he read about it. So I started asking for your friends who'd been in the raid, and he shared a similar reaction for Mira Compton."

Damn it, she was reading this situation like a book. I quickly scrambled for an excuse with my poker face on.

"I killed more people," I said. "And Pokemon."

"Oh, that was a given. But you don't have to worry, Grace. I won't ask if you don't want to tell. Really, I've come to regret your involvement in the raid—" My eyes widened at her. "—yes, no need to look at me like that."

"I thought that—"

"Iron sharpens iron, yes, but perhaps you were sharpened too soon," she exhaled, her tone low. "There is a spark in your eyes that is gone, Grace. I lost that spark too, at your age, during the Rocket wars, but seeing it happen to a younger generation burns more than I thought it would."

"You're getting this all wrong," I stammered. "I—"

I turned toward the Nurse Joy, who had noticed my raised tone.

"Why don't we take this outside?" Jasmine said.

And so we did, taking in the warm night air. There was not a soul in sight, and the warm light of the Center was like a refuge within Floaroma's darkness.

"You're getting this all wrong," I repeated. "It's my fault. All of it. I'm... gah, this is hard."

"Take your time," she said.

"I'll formulate this as a question instead," I sighed. "And promise me that this stays between us? Your... origins make it a lot easier to talk to you about this without fear of being judged."

"You have my word," she nodded.

I inhaled. "Okay. When you killed your first human, did you feel regret after?"

To me, humans and Pokemon were one and the same, but I emphasized the latter because I knew she would give it a bigger importance.

"Oh, yes," she instantly answered. "It was a gnarly affair, given that Steelix crushed her beneath her tail. There was nothing left, and the woman haunted my dreams for weeks."

"That's what I mean. The spark I lost, I think it's entirely because I actually got consequences for my actions, and not because of my actions themselves. I'm... different," I muttered. "Worse. I've been trying to remedy it, and it's a slow process of improving, but..."

"Whatever the reason, you are still a child, Grace," Jasmine said. "I find it regretful either way. It should not have happened. You might have skipped a few stages and gotten to where I am sooner, but you shouldn't have had to. I bear some responsibility, for having pushed you in that direction."

I traced a small circle on the ground with my crutch and stared at it. "You've gone soft," I said.

It wasn't an accusation, just an acknowledgment. I didn't think any less of her for it.

"Sinnoh's had its effects on me," she smiled. "And seeing what happened to me— to me and my friends in Johto happen again is a sobering thing, Grace. We all have our vices to learn to deal with our issues. Mine was alcohol, but it would not be my place to talk about my fellow Gym Leaders' personal affairs."

"Well, I'm not going to start drinking, so you don't have to worry about that," I grunted.

Jasmine chuckled. "I wasn't. But be careful not to fall into a vice of your own. They come in many forms."

"I'll keep it in mind," I said. "Thanks for listening to me and my stupid problems."

"Nonsense," the Gym Leader chided. "I'm glad you opened up."

She knew I was still hiding something, but she didn't push further. We spent another hour together until I literally couldn't stay awake any longer and had to get back to bed. Jasmine bid me farewell, and Metagross whisked her away. I sank into my bed and cursed the fact that I was going to be tired when meeting Lurantis tomorrow.