Chapter oni-13: Resistance

Oni 13 – Resistance

The book that Shiro-san handed to me, contains information that I had wanted know. The method to suppress Wrath. However, Sophia-san’s reaction on seeing that was unexpected. In order to acquire Heresy Resistance, blast Heresy Magic at her? It’s like ordering someone to hit you in order to become strong at taking a hit. It certainly might be effective, but why are you taking the initiative to use the most painful method already, when there might be other methods. I have trouble understanding her. In addition, she’s declaring that with a self-satisfied look for some reason, so it’s even more incomprehensible.

There’s many methods available to raise a resistance. Firstly, as Sophia-san is currently attempting to put into practice, is to receive an attack with that attribute. This method has the greatest potential for earning proficiency. However, being able to acquire the resistance, means that an equivalent amount of that attribute’s damage must be received as well. If you want to become stronger against fire then you have to let your body get burnt by fire. To put it bluntly, it’s torture. If you intend to proceed with that, you either need to be in a situation where you absolutely have to acquire that resistance as a last resort, or you’re an idiot, or perhaps you possess special inclinations where that option brings feelings of pleasure. Please don’t tell me it’s that, okay?

The safest method, is to acquire magic or attack skills with the same attribute, and then develop them. For resistances, if you possess the corresponding attribute attack skills, then the proficiency will naturally be increased. The reason why I have high resistances in fire and lightning, is because that has had a significant influence. The timing with which the proficiency increases, is when the corresponding attack skill’s level rises, or when your own level rises. It seems that the proficiency obtained during everyday living is miniscule, but I still think that the proficiency is mainly earned in connection with your level.

The final method, is to assign skill points and then raise the proficiency. Skill points aren’t just for acquiring new skills, and by investing points into skills that were previously gained, it is possible to increase the proficiency. I might have used up all all my previous skill points, but it’s possible to safely and securely earn the proficiency.

Apart from those methods, the rest depend on quite unusual methods. For example, to evolve into a race that has the corresponding resistance at a high level. The Ice Dragon that I have fought previously had Nullity level ice resistance for example. However, this method depends on being able to evolve in the first place, so you might as well choose a humanoid species. I might have possibly had the potential through the course of evolution, but for humans and demons it’s basically impossible for them to evolve in the first place. I wonder if vampires can evolve? Even if they can, I don’t know if an evolutionary race with the resistance exists.

However, with regards to the current situation, Shiro-san has already given us an answer.

「Have you read the book to the end?」

「Eh?」

「This bit. Look.」

「Of course not. When I realised that I might be liberated from the anguish of Wrath after so many years, I was rather deeply moved you see.」

That was a close shave. Maybe it’s her instincts as a warrior, but she’s strangely astute.

However, though I said that as an excuse on the spur of the moment, I really am deeply moved in fact. Half my life in this world has been hell. Until I fought Sophia-san, it was even enough that I thought I wanted to die. However, during my battle with Sophia-san, the instant that I perceived that I really could die, I became aware that my own feelings were wavering. Then, when I was being completely beaten up by that god called Kuro, I clearly felt terror. That I was going to be killed. Because of that, I realised my reluctance to being killed. Compared to my previous wish to die, that’s truly unexpected. At the end of the day, I didn’t really want to die.

How despicable. While killing so many others, when I myself faced being killed, I hoped that I wouldn’t die. If they saw me looking apathetic like this, I’m sure all the goblins would laugh at me. When they fought, if they took a life, they thought it was natural to be resolved to die one day themselves. I didn’t have that resolve. Instead, I only used the power of Wrath to persecute the weak, and didn’t have the least resolve to pick a fight with my life on the line.

When I safely came to my senses again, I actually felt relief. That I was alive. I was also happy. I’m the worst. After doing all that I did, to think that I alone can survive in peace. I should die. Yet, I’m afraid to die.

I think I’m pathetic. However, I don’t have the courage to take my own life. As atonement, I think that I have to properly make use of my remaining life. However, even if I was told to die, I don’t think I’m capable of that. In my previous life I thought that it’s okay for the likes of criminals to die, but I never expected that feeling to be aimed at myself. Even while thinking that it would be better for me to die, I’m wavering about whether to die. I’m falling into self-hatred.

To be honest, I’m still not sure how I should live from now on, but in order not to commit more crimes, there’s no way that I can allow myself to be engulfed by Wrath. That’s why, I need Heresy Nullity.

However, there’s one big problem.

「I’m glad that you’ll concede it to me, but I have zero skill points.」

「Ah.」

The mood is cramped. Sophia-san awkwardly glanced away from me.