Chapter 109 What The Heck Am I Doing?

"It's not too late. I could make a plan that allows you to escape without any high risk. You're a Demon too, so you'll blend in well."

As my voice echoed in the dark room, I felt the unheroic nature of the words.

Wasn't it hypocritical for a Hero like me to encourage someone to abandon the cause? I was literally telling her to run away and leave everyone else to die.

"B-but, Master..."

"No 'buts'! Your Slave Contract allows you to leave once your life is at risk. You don't have to be here of you're scared."

I could feel her gaze grow weaker. As my blue eyes reflected in her red ones, something deep sparked within them.

"B-but, Lilith... Lilith..." Her voice was coarse now, and it felt like she was about to cry.

'Why...? Why are you doing this?'

"Isn't living the most important thing to you? Isn't that why you chose to be my slave? Survival is your top priority, isn't it?" My voice suddenly rose.

Was it in anger or desperation? Was I just transferring my pent-up frustration on the girl? Even if I felt stuck, I didn't want her to feel the same.

"Unlike me... you have options." My voice was also wavering at this point.

The firm hands that held her shoulders loosened. I couldn't endure the aching in my heart for some reason.

Was it because of how utterly irresistible she looked like under the moon's glow, or the vulnerable, yet stubborn expression she had.

How could I force someone like this to fight and die just because of my little charade?

"You can choose to flee, Lilith. You can—"

"No! Lilith won't leave Master!" She lunged forward and wrapped her arms around me.

"W-wha—?" He body stubbornly glued against mine, and despite how flustered I was I could feel every contact we made.

'What is she doing?!'

"Lilith won't leave Master! Master kind. Master good. Master cons.. cos... considerate!"

"But, you could—"

"Lilith will happily die for Master!"

The more I felt and heard her, the more the pains in my heart increased. My conscience couldn't bear it.

"But you hardly know me, Lilith. How can you even say that? How can you give your life so easily to me...?"

It made no sense!

We were once enemies. The only reason we became allies was because I defeated her. There was no way she could have formed such a strong attachment to me in just two weeks.

'No way she could have done that...'

"Lilith loves Master!" Her sharp cry pierced the air and echoed in my ears.

It made my brain shut down for a moment.

"W-what did you just—?!"

"Lilith loves Master!" She repeated her words.

It made me even more confused. As I staggered backward, she kept her strong hold on me, refusing to back off.

"W-why...? I don't... you don't even know me, really."

Everything I showed people was a front. No one could really understand how cowardly and perverted I truly was.

They all saw what they wanted to see—the Hero of the world. And I also played that part with absolute diligence and unrelenting effort.

I felt no ill will towards the ones who depended on me. Rather, I just knew it had to be done.

'This world does not need Samuel Peterson. It needs the Hero.'

That was why I locked away every ounce of my excesses, focusing on the path that would yield the best results—showing the strong and charismatic persona that only a Hero could.

That was what everyone knew me to be! Lilith was no exception.

"You have no idea how I really am, so—"

"Master is kind! Lilith loves kind Master!" Her voice was stubbornly defiant, burying my weak reaction to her confession.

My body suddenly felt weak, and for some reason... I wasn't able to activate my [Freedom Of Expression].

My eyes had tears falling from them, and my body was shivering as well. Sweat formed on my face, and I had no idea what sort of expression I was making.

It was just a mess!

'Why? What's going on? Why am I not—!?!'

"Master is kind. Master helped Lilith, even though Lilith bad. Master give Lilith name. Master give Lilith food. Master give Lilith house. Master give Lilith cloth. Master help Lilith learn. Master listen to Lilith. Master protect Lilith. Master defend Lilith. Master not abuse Lilith. Master not beat Lilith. Master not yell at Lilith. Master... Master good!"

I was dumbstruck.

I was completely broken, unable to utter a single word of defense or excuse.

What was I supposed to say? What more could I do? Everything she said... was correct.

"B-but, I only did that because... it was the natural thing to do..."

It wasn't as though I was exceptionally kind-hearted. I just did what a normal person would be found doing.

In fact, I thought of using her several times. She was just one of my tickets to having a fairly decent life, since I wanted to build a strong military force that would make me a force to be reckoned with.

Lilith was just one of my many pieces.

"I'm... not a good person. You only think the Hero is—"

"Lilith no care about Hero! Lilith love Master! Master is Master! Lilith love Master!"

As those words echoed in my heart, I could no longer control it.

'N-no, don't say that... please...'

Everything I buried underneath began surfacing. The dim moonlight went to my very depths and brought forth my ugliness.

My weakness.

'... If you say this, then...'

My tears.

My fears.

My worry.

My pride.

My shame.

'... I won't be able to control myself any longer.'

Everything came gushing out at that very moment.

"I-I'm scared too, Lilith." My cracked voice leaked out, completely devoid of any confident demeanor or commanding tone.

Just the regular voice of Sam.

"I don't know what to do. Everyone is going to die at this rate. I can't save the people. What should I do?!"