CH 51

The ink on the letter paper had faded somewhat, but the handwriting was still clear. Su Mingmei's writing was graceful, tidy, and appeared calm when writing this letter:

I have finally come to this point, and surprisingly, my heart is calm. For a long time, I often felt pain, thinking that ending everything would bring relief, and indeed, I feel much lighter now. I admit that I am a weak person, and in the end, I chose to escape, but I am truly exhausted. The only thing I feel guilty about is my family. Mom, I'm sorry I didn't call you and talk to you. Like I said before, I am weak, and I didn't have the courage to make that call. I was afraid of hearing your voices, thinking about how sad you might be, and it would hurt me even more.

But I am really in pain, and I just want to end it all.

I know I might be sick, but I don't know how to cure myself. Acting used to bring me happiness, but now there is nothing that can make me happy. When I was studying, my teachers used to tell me that I was too immersed in my roles. This is both an advantage and a disadvantage. Professional actors should be able to immerse themselves in the role and also detach from it. However, I find it difficult to separate from a character. To differentiate between the role and myself, I like to meet real people after finishing a film. That way, I can be in touch with reality and feel the existence of Su Mingmei.

Mom, I haven't told you yet, but I've had a few boyfriends before. However, each time, it ended in a breakup due to work and other reasons. Nevertheless, I am grateful to them because being with them helped me find Su Mingmei again.

After filming ]Spring No More', I didn't take on any new projects for a long time because I felt that my state of mind was not good. Some of my friends knew about my situation and often invited me to go out, hoping that I could gradually detach from my roles. During one of those outings with a friend, I met a man. He was different from any of my previous boyfriends; he wasn't from the entertainment industry and could be considered average-looking. However, I was deeply drawn to him.

He exuded a strong vitality and life essence, just like how I used to be. He started doing business at a young age and traveled to many places, always sharing stories and experiences I had never heard before. While I knew that these stories might not be entirely true, they were still incredibly interesting. This surprised me because it had been a long time since I felt "interested".

After that, we started meeting frequently, and every date was enjoyable. When I wanted to take our relationship further, he honestly told me that he was already married. I don't remember what I felt at that moment, but I had a profound feeling of destiny. It seemed like I could no longer detach the character of Jin Ya from myself.

During that period, although I didn't take on any acting roles, I accepted many other jobs. I thought that keeping myself busy would prevent me from overthinking, and I even hoped that maybe after the movie was released, I would feel better. However, I have persisted until now, and my condition hasn't improved. I really don't have the strength to go on anymore. Mom, please forgive your weak child. Mingmei bids farewell.

When Zheng Baozhu read the letter, she noticed tear stains on the paper, and she guessed they were the tears shed by her grandmother while reading the letter. She couldn't imagine how heartbroken her grandmother and the rest of the family must have been when they read this letter. The letter was more like a confession written by Su Mingmei to her family.

Her grandmother must have read the letter many times before, as there were obvious creases in several places. Zheng Baozhu carefully folded the letter back along its original creases and put it back into the envelope. Grandma Su sat there silently, tears still flowing from her eyes.

Zheng Baozhu handed her a tissue and gently wiped away the tears from her eyes, saying, "Grandma, Aunt was ill."

"I know," Grandma Su's voice trembled slightly, "I took her to see a doctor, but mental illnesses were hard to cure even now, let alone back then. If only we had spent more time with her, even just a little more, maybe the outcome would have been different."

Not only their distant relatives, even the people who worked with Su Mingmei, were unaware of the situation. On the surface, everything seemed normal, and many were genuinely surprised when the police questioned them.

"If we had cared a bit more, even just a little, maybe the result would have been different."

"Grandma, it's not your fault," Zheng Baozhu reassured her softly, hugging her, "Aunt also said in the letter that she didn't want to see you all sad."

"What's going on here?" Su Mingxi walked in and was taken aback by the scene in the room. Seeing all these things related to Mingmei being taken out again, she felt something stir inside her, "Mom, what is this..."

These things were all packed away by her mother and no one knew where.

"I let Baozhu read Mingmei's letter," Grandma Su said tearfully, turning to look at Su Mingxi, "They talked so much today, even Mr. Ge personally came over. I think maybe we shouldn't have kept this secret from them all along, refusing to talk about her. It feels much better after sharing it."

Su Mingxi pursed her lips slightly, feeling a mix of emotions. She walked over and looked at the newspapers with her little sister's pictures on them. After a while, she smiled faintly and said, "It turns out so many years have passed already, and I'm getting old, but Mingmei still looks the same."

"Yes," Grandma Su nodded, putting back everything she had taken out into the iron box, "Why did you come back so soon? Where's Mr. Ge?"

"My husband is driving Teacher Ge back, so I didn't follow," Su Mingxi said, "I just bought some food downstairs. Let's have a good meal together tonight."

"Okay," The iron box was closed again, but this time, Grandma Su didn't lock it, "Baozhu, after reading your aunt's letter, do you still want to pursue an acting career?"

Su Mingxi also looked up. Zheng Baozhu hesitated for a moment before looking at her grandmother, "Grandma, do you think Aunt regretted becoming an actress?"

Grandma Su's hand trembled slightly. She had never thought about -- or perhaps, deliberately avoided -- this question. In Mingmei's final letter, she wrote so many words, but not a single one mentioned that she regretted becoming an actress.

"When I was six years old, the first time I saw Aunt, I wished to grow up to become someone as radiant as her. And that dream has not changed even until today; it has only become more profound. Now I understand that being a good actress is tough and not easy, but I still want to become an actress."

Zheng Baozhu's determination reminded Su Mingxi of the time when Zheng Baozhu sat on the floor, piecing the torn essay back together, piece by piece.

Her eyes were as firm and determined as they were back then.

The room fell silent for a while, only the faint breathing of a few people could be heard. Grandma Su set down the box in her hand and looked up, "I can't stop you from doing what you want to do. I know I can't, but if you ask us to immediately accept this matter, we wouldn't be able to do it either. Let's give each other some time to think about it carefully."

Zheng Baozhu knew this was already a concession from her grandmother and nodded, "Alright, but Mom can't confine me to the house again."

Su Mingxi chuckled, "I'd love to confine you to the house, but can I actually do it?"

"Alright, let's leave it at that for now. Let's all calm down," Grandma Su beckoned to Su Mingxi, "Mingxi, help me to the bed. I need to rest for a bit."

"Okay," Su Mingxi went to help her mother, Zheng Baozhu also lent a hand. After Grandma Su lay down, Su Mingxi said to Zheng Baozhu, "Let's go outside and let your grandmother rest. It's been quite a tumultuous day."

"Okay," Zheng Baozhu followed Su Mingxi outside. As soon as they came out, the people in the living room all looked at them, seemingly wanting to gossip but not knowing how to start.

Until dinner, everyone tacitly avoided discussing this matter. Tonight, Uncle Su had indeed displayed his skills and prepared a table full of delicious food. After eating so much good food, Zheng Baozhu's heart finally started to feel better.

After dinner, everyone cleaned up the kitchen and the table. Su Mingxi then started urging everyone to leave, "Alright, this house can't accommodate so many people here. You should all head back now and don't delay the elderly from resting. I'll stay here with my mom tonight and leave tomorrow."

No one had objections and left together. Zheng Baozhu planned to go back to the hotel directly, so she asked Qu Zhi, "Where are you heading?"

Qu Zhi replied, "I'll go with you."

Zheng Baozhu nodded, informed her father, and then went with Qu Zhi to get the car. Su Jiaying's car was parked nearby, and before Yao Yao got in the car, she reminded Zheng Baozhu, "Aunt, don't forget to get me the autographed photos."

"Don't worry, I won't forget," Zheng Baozhu waved and smiled before getting into the car. On the way back, Qu Zhi sat in the front passenger seat and finally found an opportunity to ask, "How was your conversation with your grandmother today?"

Zheng Baozhu nodded and replied, "After Teacher Ge talked to her, my grandmother's attitude seemed to soften a bit. It seems being a teacher is beneficial; everyone subconsciously listens to your advice."

"That's not necessarily true; there are still mischievous and rebellious students."

Zheng Baozhu laughed and said, "True, but my grandmother's psychological burden has eased a bit. Today, she showed me my aunt's final letter."

Qu Zhi was taken aback. Su Mingxi's final letter had never been made public, so many people were unaware of its existence. Qu Zhi was no exception.

"Your aunt left a final letter?" he asked, surprised.

Zheng Baozhu nodded, "Yes. She had depression because of acting, which is why my family was so opposed to my pursuit of an acting career. My grandmother has been feeling guilty, thinking that she didn't care enough for my aunt. She kept saying that if she had spent more time with my aunt, maybe this wouldn't have happened."

Qu Zhi fell silent for a moment and said, "The term 'depression' has only become more prevalent in the ordinary people's field of view in recent years. Even today, some people still don't take it seriously and believe it's just something patients can't get over. Some people with depression may appear just like ordinary people on the outside, even close relatives and friends may find it challenging to detect that these people have depression."

After listening to him, Zheng Baozhu thought for a while before saying, "So, are you saying we shouldn't blame my grandmother?"

"Um," Qu Zhi replied somewhat cautiously, "But I understand that it's easy for family members to have such thoughts. It's normal for them to worry about you, but treatment for this has advanced a lot compared to several decades ago. As long as you take medication on time and cooperate with treatment, there is a chance for recovery."

He paused for a moment and added, "Of course, I'm not saying you'll definitely develop depression."

Zheng Baozhu nodded, and if they weren't in a car, she would have given him a thumbs-up, "Impressive, Dr. Qu, indeed very rigorous."

Qu Zhi turned his head away and didn't say anything further. Zheng Baozhu remained quiet for a while before asking, "Have you watched my aunt's film 'Spring No More'?"

"I haven't," Qu Zhi shook his head, "I heard it's profoundly melancholic, so I didn't watch it."

Zheng Baozhu understood what he meant by "profoundly melancholic" and chuckled lightly, "Indeed, I watched it, and then cried like a fool in my room. The following week was terrible for me, which made my mom think I had lost my mind."

Qu Zhi: "..."

"Even the audience finds it difficult after watching it, so my aunt must have found it even more challenging," Zheng Baozhu said in a light tone, "I still remember in the movie, before the protagonist decided to commit suicide, someone asked what she would want to do if she had another life. The protagonist said she would do anything but be a painter. But if my aunt had a chance to start over, I think she would still choose to be an actress."

Because under the camera's lens, Su Mingmei was the most dazzling.

Zheng Baozhu always believed that life not only had length but also depth. Although Su Mingmei's life was short, she left a significant impact on the history of filmmaking.

After returning to the hotel, Zheng Baozhu and Qu Zhi went straight to their rooms. Everyone was tired today and wanted to rest early.

Two days later, Zheng Baozhu's friend contacted her, saying that the wheelchair had been delivered to the designated address. Zheng Baozhu thanked her and planned to personally go to her grandmother's place to check on the wheelchair. This wheelchair had many functions and she was worried that her grandmother wouldn't be able to figure it out on her own.

As she was leaving, she happened to meet Qu Zhi. She hesitated for a moment, and then asked him as she closed the door, "Are you going out?"

Qu Zhi nodded and looked at the bag on his shoulder, "Are you going out too?"

"Yes, the wheelchair has been delivered, so I'm going to my grandmother's to check it out," Zheng Baozhu said as she walked outside, "Do you want something from me?"

Qu Zhi replied, "I was originally planning to go and see the penthouse's renovation progress and wanted you to come along. But since you have something to do, let's do it another day."

Zheng Baozhu suddenly recalled their original plans, "No need to change the plan. I'll go with you after coming back from my grandmother's place. I won't be long."

Qu Zhi thought for a moment and nodded slightly, then looked at Zheng Baozhu, "In that case, I'll go with you."

Zheng Baozhu blinked and agreed, "Sure."

Both of them went to Grandma Su's place together. The wheelchair, as expected, had been delivered. When they arrived, Su Mingxi was studying the instruction manual, "Hey, why are you two here?"

Zheng Baozhu explained, "My friend said the wheelchair had arrived, so I came to check it out."

"Oh, that's perfect. Little Qu, come and help me with this manual," Su Mingxi called Qu Zhi over and pointed to parts she didn't understand. Zheng Baozhu watched them fiddle with it while her phone suddenly rang. She quickly covered the screen when she saw it was Gao Boyun calling, stealing a glance at Su Mingxi.

Being engrossed in Qu Zhi's explanation, Su Mingxi hadn't noticed Zheng Baozhu's phone call.

With her phone in hand, Zheng Baozhu quietly went outside to answer the call. Qu Zhi glanced at her and said to Su Mingxi, "Let's have Grandma try sitting on it herself."

"Sure," Su Mingxi followed Qu Zhi as they pushed the chair into the room and helped Grandma Su sit on it.

As soon as Grandma Su sat down, she immediately noticed the difference from the previous chair she had used, "Ah, this chair is really comfortable."

"Of course, otherwise, why would Baozhu go to so much effort to buy this for you?" Su Mingxi adjusted her sitting posture and introduced, "This chair has many functions, Qu Zhi suggests you try it out."

"Oh, okay then," Grandma Su said, glancing outside, "Where's Baozhu?"

Su Mingxi also found it strange, "Yeah, where did she go this time?"

Qu Zhi replied, "It seems someone called her, so she went to answer the phone."

As soon as Su Mingxi heard this, she suspected that Zheng Baozhu had sneaked off to deal with something secretly again, "With her sneaky behavior, could it be another director looking for her?!" Then she looked at her mother, "Mom, you don't really plan to agree to Baozhu continuing to be an actor, do you?"

"What's the use of me disagreeing? Even if I try to stop her, she won't listen. What can I do?" Grandma Su said helplessly.

Su Mingxi furrowed her brows, "But we can't just let her do as she pleases. What if something happens one day..."

She didn't continue, but the implication was evident. Qu Zhi listened to their conversation, his gaze slightly changed before he said to them, "Grandma, Aunt Su, Baozhu actually told me about everything. I know you worry that Baozhu might also suffer from depression due to acting, but nowadays people take this condition more seriously than before. Many people start receiving treatment when they have mild depression, and it's a treatable condition."

Hearing him speak, Su Mingxi couldn't help but say, "See, I knew you'd start advocating for Baozhu again. You already spent the whole morning advising me and still haven't had enough. In my impression, you weren't much of a talker before."

Qu Zhi: "..."

Su Mingxi looked at him and sighed gently, "Ah, actually, what you said makes sense, but, on the one hand, we need some time to accept it, and on the other hand, we genuinely worry that Baozhu will be alone outside filming, and we won't be able to be by her side or know what's happening at all times."

Qu Zhi interjected, "You don't need to worry; I will be by her side."

Both Su Mingxi and Grandma Su were taken aback for a moment, then they looked at each other and finally, Su Mingxi spoke, "Qu Zhi, you and Baozhu grew up together, and you are so outstanding. We certainly trust you, but... you can't be by Baozhu's side forever, right? Eventually, you will get married to someone else, won't you?"

"I won't."

"...Huh?"

"I won't marry someone else," Qu Zhi gazed at them, as devout as when he discussed technological developments with Zheng Baozhu that day, "I like Baozhu."