CH 11

Although Qu Yiheng looks like a soft persimmon that can be squeezed by anyone, in reality, he never condescends to himself.

Whether it was the blowjob he gave Yao Zhan back then or the sex at the reunion later, it was all of his own free will. If he didn’t want to, no one could force him.

He had long felt that life was too short, and the only thing he should do was to make himself as happy as possible.

He didn’t force himself, condescend to himself, or compel himself. And that’s why, when he first loved someone, he loved them openly and broke up quickly.

If he doesn’t want to go out, he doesn’t go out, if he doesn’t want to talk to people, he doesn’t talk. On these matters that he can decide by himself, he firmly defends his rights.

Of course, the matter of taking on a manuscripts in an emergency can’t be counted in. Although that kind of thing is tiring, annoying, and makes him hold complex emotions, he is still willing to take it. After all, he has to earn money to eat.

In contrast, hanging out with people was at the top of his blacklist, but now, he agreed to be Yao Zhan’s companion without even thinking about it.

Therefore, many things, it wasn’t that he didn’t want to do them, but that he didn’t want to do them alone.

It can also be said that there are things that one is only willing to do with a specific person.

At this moment, Qu Yiheng understood that Yao Zhan was really special to him, but if he were to look deeper into what exactly was special, he could not say.

There were a few topics and a few words between them, and it was slightly awkward at first, but after drinking for a while, surprisingly, they both relaxed.

Qu Yiheng didn’t know if it was because he had been drinking, but it was a rare occasion when he didn’t feel uncomfortable in a crowd. Leaning back in his chair, he was trying to figure out the words of the song that was playing on a loop.

Yao Zhan thought he was dazed and asked him, “Are you bored?”

“I’m fine.” Qu Yiheng smiled, then saw Yao Zhan drink the glass in one go.

Seeing that Yao Zha had finished drinking and had drained it, he raised his hand and drank it down himself, and the two of them looked at each other with a smile as they got up and left the door.

From the bar to the hotel, it took less than half an hour by taxi.

Qu Yiheng felt as if he had been back to the last time they met, sitting in the back seat of the taxi like this, with their thighs pressed against each other, sweating even though the car was obviously cold.

Both of them didn’t drink much alcohol today, and the smell of alcohol on their bodies wasn’t even that strong, but when the taxi braked suddenly, Yao Zhan subconsciously shielded Qu Yiheng and held him in his arms. Qu Yiheng felt as if he was a little drunk.

He suddenly remembered the smell of Yao Zhan’s body when he was a teenager, different from reality. It was that clear and light smell of washing powder. Everytime he approached the other party with his eyes closed, he could smell that fragrance first.

He liked it so much that even for many years afterwards, he did not specifically recall Yao Zhan as a person, but whenever he went to buy washing powder, he always subconsciously looked for that familiar smell.

However, he never found it.

The current Yao Zhan has a light perfume smell on his body which makes people comfortable and at ease.

The two Yao Zhan’s were different people, and Qu Yiheng couldn’t say which one he wanted to meet more. In fact, either one was better, and either one could make him feel that his stagnant life had come to life.

When he was kissed and pushed down on the bed, he suddenly understood the reason why he accepted Yao Zhan’s physical invitation to his body. He was indeed too lonely, so lonely that he needed someone to tell him that he was actually alive.

When lying on the bed, Qu Yiheng was in a trance. Obviously, he was a good drinker, obviously he hadn’t drunk much, but he felt dizzy and for a few seconds he didn’t even know where he was.

He heard Yao Zhan’s breathing, heard the other man asking him questions, and heard a voice so ambiguous that he wasn’t sure if it was his own.

Yao Zhan squeezed his waist and his lips were pressed against the tattoo of his shoulder.

Afterwards, Yao Zhan asked him, “Is that a phrase?”

Qu Yiheng lay there and touched the tattoo on his shoulder.

That spot had been bitten red by Yao Zhan again.

“Hmm.”

Yao Zhan’s fingers brushed against the black words tattooed on that pale shoulder as he asked, “What does it mean?”

Qu Yiheng didn’t say anything, so Yao Zhan asked no more questions, but simply moved up and began the next round in between intimacies.

This man gave Yao Zhan a taste of what it meant to eat the marrow. (to get a taste for something and want it again/ to develop a greed for something). He never expected that Qu Yiheng from fifteen years ago would attract him so much.

The two of them fit together just right, and even every detail of how they did it was perfectly suited to his preference.

The voice was good, the force of the response was good, even the tears that were about to fall from the corners of his eyes and were rubbed away by the pillow were good.

The fact that he met such a person is not only a way to fill the fantasies of his youth, but also an unexpected gift for his thirties.

A gift that belongs exclusively to adult men.

Qu Yiheng still insisted on going home that night, even though it was past twelve o’clock, even though Yao Zhan had really asked him if he wanted to stay.

For Qu Yiheng, even if Yao Zhan was special, the two of them were only friends with benefits, and once they stayed overnight, it would become too ambiguous.

He was a little afraid of this ambiguity because it was clear that the people around Yao Zhan did not know he was gay, which meant that in some ways, Yao Zhan might not be as reliable as his two ex-boyfriends.

For such a person, he can only accept physical interaction with the other party, and not more.

More ambiguity is not good for anyone.

“By the way, there’s something I almost forgot again.” Yao Zhan lifted the covers and got off the bed, wearing nothing, and squatted in front of his suitcase and rummaged through it.

When he stood up again and walked towards Qu Yiheng, he had an umbrella in his hand.

“You left it in my car last time.”

The umbrella was one that Qu Yiheng had rented from the hotel, and it still had the name of the hotel printed on it.

“I forgot.” Qu Yiheng took it and thanked him. Then he straightened his trousers again, looked up and said, “I’ll go first then.”

Yao Zhan only urged him to stay once, since the other party was leaving, there was no need for him to force him to stay.

“Well, go back and be safe. Let me know when you get home.”

Qu Yiheng opened the door and left, saying good night to him as he left.

The door closed and Yao Zhan stood in the doorway for a moment, then walked over to the bed and sat down lighting a cigarette.

He faced the direction of the bathroom and looked at himself, only himself, reflected in the glass.

When Qu Yiheng arrived home, Dou Yucong was still awake, and when he heard the door open, he brushed his teeth and came running out.

“Why aren you still up?” Qu Yiheng asked casually.

Dou Yucong went back to the bathroom and spit out the toothpaste in his mouth, rinsed his mouth and asked him, “Why are you so late?”

Qu Yiheng didn’t answer and put the umbrella in the drawer of the cabinet by the door.

He still wasn’t feeling well. Just moving reminded him of the sensations Yao Zhan had brought him, not that the sensations made him uncomfortable, but the other party was just too violent and he needed time to recover afterwards.

Dou Yucong came out of the bathroom and watched him slowly walk towards his room, “You went drinking?”

“Yeah.” Qu Yiheng passed by Dou Yucong and went straight into the bedroom, “I’m going to sleep, and you should go to bed early too.”

The door to his room closed, but Dou Yucong looked in the direction of his door suspiciously.

Just now, Qu Yiheng passed by him, and what wafted into his nose was not the smell of alcohol and smoke, but the scent of fresh shower gel. He clearly said that he was going out to eat and drink, but when he came back, he seemed to have just taken a shower. What does this mean?

Dou Yucong leaned on the door again and asked in a whisper, “Did you really go out for a drink?”

“Yes.” Qu Yiheng lay on the bed looking at the ceiling. Hee felt a little tired and didn’t want to move at all.

“With that old classmate of yours?” Dou Yucong then asked, “The one called Yao Zhan?”

Qu Yiheng didn’t say anything, turned over, hugged the blanket in his arms and closed his eyes to sleep.

He dreamt that his teenage self and Yao Zhan, who was in his thirties, were doing that kind of thing in the school gymnasium, the sound of those boys playing basketball right in their ears, yet they both seemed unafraid of anything.

When he woke up, it was already dawn. Qu Yiheng picked up his mobile phone to check the time and found that Yao Zhan had sent two messages while he was sleeping.

At one o’clock, Yao Zhan asked if he had arrived home yet.

At seven o’clock, Yao Zhan said he was going to class and would contact him later.

It was only then that Qu Yiheng remembered that Yao Zhan had asked him to inform him when he got home, but he ended up falling asleep right away after he came back, without taking off his clothes.

He felt a bit sorry and sent a message back to Yao Zhan.

After changing into his pajamas and opening the door to his room, Qu Yiheng felt that his body was sticky from the night’s sleep and he needed to take a quick shower.

At 8 o’clock in the morning, Dou Yucong was not at home, and Qu Yiheng didn’t ask him where he was, and took another nap after washing.

At ten o’clock, Qu Yiheng was woken up by a phone call from his teacher, asking him how his work was going and whether he wanted to participate.

Qu Yiheng glanced at his drawing board. He hadn’t finished painting the man on it.

“I haven’t thought about it yet.”

“What shall I say about you?” The teacher sighed, “You have to come out of it, you can’t punish yourself for other people’s mistakes.”

“Actually, it was my mistake too.”

“You are Stubborn! I’ve said so much for nothing!” The teacher was furious, “Whatever, don’t think about it, don’t think about anything, now start preparing your work right now and get your ass in there!”

The teacher hung up the phone, but Qu Yiheng remained in the same position as before when he answered the phone, staring at the painting.

The painting was of a man, lying on the surface of the water, and you couldn’t know whether he was dead and floating on the surface, or if he was just about to sink to the bottom of the water.

The painting was not yet finished and he was not sure whether he could finish it.

He remembered that last night Yao Zhan asked him what the tattoo on his shoulder meant and he didn’t answer.

It meant that the answer was fluttering in the wind, but to Qu Yiheng, it was more than just a line of words.

The story about the tattoo was a secret he hadn’t told anyone, and those who knew about that incident didn’t know he had it either.

He got up from bed and put his phone aside, adding a few more strokes to the drawing a few minutes later.

It takes a long time to create a work like this, from start to finish, and in the process, each stroke that falls is infused with the soul of the creator.

A long time ago, his teacher said that they are not creating with a brush, but with their soul.

But for a long time, Qu Yiheng’s soul left home and wandered outside his human body, and he was unable to create a work to his satisfaction, so he succumbed, resigned himself to his fate and degraded himself.

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He took on some magazine commissions for cheap, fast-food-like creations, and he used them to make ends meet, even focusing his creativity on that.

He forgot his original intention to create, forgetting that when he was so spirited he told his teacher that he wanted to be the proudest student he could be.

The man he is now is not worthy of the man he used to be.

He thought of Yao Zhan again, and of his teenage self.

Suddenly, he felt that every step he had taken was pushing him towards another world. Not only had Yao Zhan become another person, but he had also become a strange Qu Yiheng.