CH 18

Yao Zhan felt more comfortable at home than in a hotel. No matter what, he felt like he was having an affair in a hotel.

Although many people find the taboo of having an affair exciting and enjoy this kind of thrill, he didn’t. He preferred to hold a person who made him feel secure and sleep well.

Staying at Qu Yiheng’s house that night, they didn’t do much. The main reason was that even if he could handle it, Qu Yiheng couldn’t.

They had been having sex for three consecutive days, and later, when he looked at Qu Yiheng’s place, he felt like a beast. He had been repressing himself for so long that he didn’t know his limits and had no self-control.

After fooling around in the bathroom, they dried off and lay down on the bed. They didn’t flirt with each other anymore, and just lay peacefully talking.

Yao Zhan looked at the room, which was not very big, but had a lot of things.

There were dark bed sheets, dark curtains and a dark cloth covering the drawing board in the room.

“Do you usually paint in this room?” When Yao Zhan spoke, Qu Yiheng was already dazed and fast asleep, but he was startled by the sound of Yao Zhan’s voice and instantly woke up.

“Yes.” He said, “It was in another room before, but I moved my things here when Xiao Yucong came.”

Yao Zhan rolled over and took him into his arms.

Qu Yiheng didn’t squirm and let him hold him in his arms.

In fact, Qu Yiheng liked Yao Zhan’s embrace very much, even if it was hot, he didn’t want to push him away. He liked the feeling of skin-to-skin contact, but he was picky.

The smell of Yao Zhan’s body always makes him dizzy, and he likes this feeling.

“You’re really devoted to your brother.” Yao Zhan’s chin rested against the tip of Qu Yiheng’s nose, “No different from a real brother.”

“Well, he treats me like a brother too.” Qu Yiheng felt an itch on his nose, so he raised his hand and rubbed it, before Yao Zhan kissed his fingertips.

It was another electric sensation that ran through his whole body, making him feel tingly. He felt like he might never develop immunity to Yao Zhan, and always reacted to his teasing.

“So are you two planning to continue like this?” Yao Zhan had something to say. He certainly knew that Dou Yucong was also gay, and the two of them living together, not as real brothers, who knows what might happen one day?”

Literally speaking, it shouldn’t be any of his concern. In name, or rather in the unspoken agreement between them, he and Qu Yiheng are friends with benefits.

They have already talked enough and done enough things with each other, and the most important principle between friends with benefits is not to interfere with each other’s lives. Yet, he is now knowingly breaking that principle.

“At least for now,” Qu Yiheng probably understands what Yao Zhan means, but he doesn’t understand Yao Zhan’s heart.

Qu Yiheng thinks that Yao Zhan is simply worried about whether something will happen between him and his younger brother. But in reality, Yao Zhan is thinking much deeper than that.

Friends with benefits are not like lovers. There is no exclusivity or relationship between them, and the so-called “possessiveness” should not exist between them. Unfortunately, Yao Zhan had developed this kind of desire for Qu Yiheng at an inopportune time.

He cannot imagine what it would be like for Qu Yiheng to lie in someone else’s arms. He feels that it is not acceptable.

Yao Zhan is already an adult, which means he knows what he is doing. However, precisely because he is not young anymore, there are more things for him to consider.

He holds Qu Yiheng’s hand that is resting on his body and suddenly asks him, “How long have you been single?”

He clearly felt Qu Yiheng’s body tense. If it had been earlier, he wouldn’t have asked such a question, and even if he did and got this kind of response, he would have apologized first and immediately changed the topic.

But this time he didn’t.

He just really wanted to know.

“Probably,” Qu Yiheng thought for a moment, “two or three years.”

“That’s not a short time.”

“It’s okay.”

Yao Zhan couldn’t sleep, he didn’t feel the least bit sleepy.

He gently fiddled with Qu Yiheng’s fingers and asked, “What kind of person was he?”

Qu Yiheng did not want to remember.

“What about you?” He asks Yao Zhan in return, “How long have you been single?”

“That’s been a long time.” Yao Zhan laughed, “Since I first started working.”

Yao Zhan realized in his junior year of college that he only liked men. At that time, he had a period of time when he missed Qu Yiheng a lot. He had looked at all the male classmates at his university but couldn’t find anyone more good-looking than Qu Yiheng.

Yao Zhan understood that it wasn’t that Qu Yiheng was really infinitely more attractive than everyone else, but rather that he had a “filter” on him.

Some people, in the eyes of others, are just perfect and incomparable to anyone else.

But at that time, Qu Yiheng had disappeared like he had evaporated from the face of the earth. None of their classmates, not even Shao Wei, could get in touch with him. So Yao Zhan had to force him out of his mind.

Later, in the first semester of his senior year, Yao Zhan dated someone for a while. But it only lasted for just over two months because the other person was too prone to causing trouble. To put it bluntly, he was too demanding. Yao Zhan couldn’t stand it.

At that time, he started to think about Qu Yiheng again, and subconsciously compared the two of them, thinking that Qu Yiheng’s character was better.

He then broke up with him, but he didn’t feel anything.

He had also dated someone after starting work, but they broke up before three months had passed. The other person was not bad, and even had some resemblance to Qu Yiheng, but they complained that Yao Zhan was too busy with work and often had to work overtime.

After the breakup, he has been single for so long that Yao Zhan doesn’t even bother to count the number of years he has been single.

“Why didn’t you look for someone later on?” Qu Yiheng looked up at him, their faces close together. He was just a little closer and he could touch Yao Zhan’s lips.

Yao Zhan said, “I didn’t like anyone.”

Qu Yiheng looked at him and said, “Me too.”

As they grew older, it became harder and harder to like someone. Everyone was selfish, and at this age, they had learned to seek gain and avoid harm. Their demands were getting higher and higher, and anything that might harm them was not even considered.

If it’s not acceptable, they reject it. Their social circle was small to begin with, so the scope of their choices was narrow. They might as well close their eyes and not choose at all.

Qu Yiheng says, “It’s actually quite nice to be alone.”

Yao Zhan told his mother that he was fine being alone, but he said that to cope with his mother’s arranged blind dates. He still wished to have someone by his side, but he was very cautious about his choice of partner.

“Do you not feel lonely by yourself?” Yao Zhan asked.

“Which aspect are you referring to?” Qu Yiheng smiled and replied.

He withdrew his hand from Yao Zhan’s grip and placed it on his waist. “As for my feelings, I’m used to being alone. But as for my physical needs…”

He smiled and continued: “Now I have you.”

Qu Yiheng’s words sounded genuine, and his smile was sincere. But Yao Zhan felt a hint of sourness in his heart.

Yao Zhan looked at him for a few seconds, then suddenly took him tightly into his arms, pressed his ear, kissed him, and said, “Go to sleep.”

Qu Yiheng heard Yao Zhan’s strong heartbeat but couldn’t discern whether he had feelings for him.

The next morning, Yao Zhan woke up early. He thought he would be the first one to wake up, but Qu Yiheng had already made breakfast.

“The traffic to your class is still okay, not too congested,” Qu Yiheng poured him a glass of milk and said, “But it’s hard to get a taxi at the entrance of the community, so you need to go out earlier.”

Yao Zhan didn’t sleep well last night, as he spent half of the night thinking about their relationship.

To be honest, he was attracted to Qu Yiheng and didn’t want to let him go.

Even though, over the years, Qu Yiheng has appeared in his memory like a shadow from time to time. Everyone knows that memories are the most unreliable. Memories can beautify the person in your mind.

He is even more aware that the current Qu Yiheng is not the same as the Qu Yiheng of 15 years ago. Even if they have undressed and had sex several times, he has never broken through the psychological defense line.

In front of him, Qu Yiheng still wears thick disguises.

But he just fell hopelessly in love.

The emergence of this emotion really makes people incomprehensible, and Yao Zhan cannot even trace at what moment he became serious about Qu Yiheng.

It might have been last night, it might have been the night before, it might have been when Qu Yiheng was waiting for him outside the classroom, or it might have been that rainy day when they first met eyes after fifteen years.

Anyway, it just happened.

“What’s wrong?”

Qu Yiheng realised that Yao Zhan had been staring at him and was a bit confused: “Has the omelette gotten cold? I’ll make a new one.”

Yao Zhan said, “Okay.”

He drank the milk and watched Qu Yiheng fry the egg for him, giving him the illusion that they were enjoying a warm and loving relationship like lovers.

“What kind of man do you like?” Yao Zhan suddenly asked. Yao Zhan suddenly asked.

Qu Yiheng froze for a moment and almost got splashed with oil.

“I can’t say.” He said, “I can’t describe it.”

Yao Zhan smiled and didn’t ask any more questions.

As soon as he left Qu Yiheng’s house, Yao Zhan called Shao Wei.

Shao Wei was on his way to send his son to nursery school. The child did not want to go and was crying in the car.

“You’re causing trouble for me early in the morning,” Shao Wei fiddled with his child and asked, “What’s the matter?”

“It’s about Qu Yiheng, his ex-boyfriend. What else do you know about him?”

Shao Wei was taken back, then smiled: “Aiyo, Are you interested?”

“A bit,” Yao Zhan said, “I think he’s reluctant to talk about it himself, and even avoids the topic. Inquire carefully, don’t chat about something that will anger him, or he might explode.”

Shao Wei’s son was crying non stop and he had to manage the child and drive, so he really didn’t have time to deal with Yao Zhan, “I’m taking my son to the kindergarten, I’ll call you back later.”

“Forget it then.” Yao Zhan said, “I’ll invite you to dinner when I get back and talk to you face to face.”

“Sure.” Shao Wei asked him, “When will you be back?”

“Saturday.”

“All right, I’ll wait for your message.”

After hanging up the phone, Yao Zhan sat in the taxi and pondered about Qu Yiheng. He had three days before he had to go back, and there was no telling when the next time they would meet would be.

This is the most difficult problem between them.

He looked through WeChat and realized that Qu Yiheng hadn’t contacted him since he left. He wondered whether he should keep pestering him or wait for him to contact him first. He decided to wait for him to reach out to him before sending any messages.

Yao Zhan opened the WeChat group of his class and saw that they were discussing where to go for the upcoming National Day holiday. He thought for a moment and sent a message to the group, saying “Let me know when you decide where to go.”

His message caused a commotion in the group and everyone teased him, saying that he was too busy to join them and would probably be recalled after just one day. They joked that they wouldn’t take him with them.