Chapter 136: Face (3)
I gently cradled Arwins head in my arms.
She did not push me away, even then.
But my heart no longer felt as at ease as before.
I had always believed that all conflicts could be resolved through effort, but perhaps that belief was naively optimistic.
It had been several months since Id been with them.
There were moments when I felt our relationship had improved, but each time such moments arose, doubts flooded in.
Could we truly never get along?
Are we doomed to remain awkward with each other forever?
As I had thought before, I didnt think I could be satisfied with just friendship anymore.
It always frustrated me to try and control others according to my wishes.
As the vice-captain of the Red Flames group, I had no choice but to learn this.
Acknowledging their freedom and their thoughts is the only way forward.
But perhaps that was why our relationship was becoming even more strained.
It felt like a cultural mismatch.
Both had said they could not love me.
And amidst all this, problems continued to arise.
...The kings words echoed in the back of my mind.
He had said that polygamy is a harmful tradition.
I shook my head and sighed.
...Despite everything, I did not want polygamy to be abolished.
It was my selfish desire.
Before I knew it, Ner and Arwin had become incredibly dear to me.
...Im going to look for Ner.
...
I told Arwin this as I let go of her head.
Quietly nodding, she went to sit on the bed that was prepared for her.
I stepped out of our temporary lodging.
Baran was standing there.
I asked him, Wheres Ner?
...She ordered not to be followed. But it seemed she headed into the forest in that direction. I discreetly assigned Burns to guard her.
I nodded in acknowledgment and started to walk.
...Vice-captain.
But Barans words halted me.
Turning back, I saw him shrug and say.
Hang in there. Womens matters are always complicated. And you know, getting caught with traces of a former lover is always a big deal.
I smiled lightly at his words.
It was just like Baran, who had his fair share of complex issues with women, to make such a comment.
His playful remark somehow lightened my heart.
Given that Baran hadnt seen the situation with me and Sien, he must have heard about it through the grapevine.
I resumed my walk, thinking about Ner and Arwin.
I mulled over the words I had said to them.
I... now only cherish you two.
Words that had slipped out in a moment.
But it was no lie.
It made me wonder when I had started to feel this way.
Of course, I had known from the past that I had developed special feelings for them.
Yet, I was surprised at the depth of these feelings, more profound than I had anticipated.
In fact, if I were to analyze the reasons, I could find many.
There was a sense of security I felt with them, a kind one couldnt get from friends or siblings.
It was a type of emotion one could only feel with a partner.
I had known this difference for a long time.
Even when I was living in the slums, I felt a sense of security with Sien that I never got from my friends Max and Flint.
It was the same now.
It seemed I felt a sense of security with Ner and Arwin that I couldnt get from Adam Hyung.
Sleeping together, holding hands, laughing together, sharing meals.
Just having them by my side brings a sense of solidity.
I hadnt realized how important it was to feel not alone.
Perhaps, as Adam Hyung said, I was tired of being a mercenary.
In the midst of it all, Ner and Arwin filled a void that no one else could.
Being with them also greatly reduced my anxiety.
We had been inseparable for the past few months.
Even if it was presumptuous, we occasionally shared talks about children and the future.
Unknowingly, it seemed I had given them much of my heart.
But now, it seemed the gap between me and my wives was becoming apparent.
Am I trying too hard to bridge an insurmountable gap?
...
I stopped pondering and started walking to find Ner, who had left.
From a distance, I could see Burns, who had been secretly tasked with guarding Ner.
All I could do was hope that my feelings for them would eventually be understood.
****
Ner impulsively left Berg, stepping outside, but soon swallowed a subtle fear upon sensing the stares around her.
In the end, there was nothing to be said by either party.
There was nothing for Berg to apologize for.
For Ner, it had become strange to continue being angry.
So, she just sat there.
In the exchange of familiar warmth, a wordless reconciliation was taking place.
After all, this was what Ner had wanted from Berg.
That was why she had pushed him away.
-...Swoosh.
Gradually, Ner gently grasped the arm Berg had wrapped around her.
Her tail, which had been hesitantly still, now wrapped around Bergs waist.
They were fully embracing each other.
Only then did Berg speak.
...Ner.
...
...Its about the past.
Ner quietly listened to him.
...I know it might be unfamiliar to your kind, who love only one... but what matters is the present.
...
I chose you.
...
...So...
Berg seemed to struggle with his next words, as if he hadnt thought them through.
Ner, with her lips quivering, closed her eyes and whispered.
...Berg. Once our kind gives their heart, its final.
Berg kept silent at her words.
...No matter what the other does, it cant be undone. Even if they hurl abuse or violence. As hard as it is to fall in love... its impossible to fall out.
Berg sighed from behind and slowly nodded.
Ner continued.
Thats why were more cautious about whom we give our heart to.
She had already given hers, but naturally, she didnt make that explicit.
...How miserable would it be if I loved someone who didnt love me back?
...
Thats why I hate it whenever something like this happens. The culture of the human race seems particularly incompatible with ours. Like it or not, youre my husband... and Im scared of what you might be hiding. It feels like Im being deceived.
Berg then pondered Ners words for a moment.
He nodded and took a deep breath.
...
Ner wrapped her tail even more tightly around him.
Had he known the culture of the werewolf tribe, he would have realized long ago that this was an action reserved only for a loved one.
In a way that he hadnt noticed, Ner had been continuously expressing her affection.
...Though it might have been for her own satisfaction.
At the same time, Ner was preparing her next words.
With her tail, she was saying I love you, while her mouth was preparing colder words.
If something like today happens again... I might never be able to love you.
Words spoken at the moment of their marriage.
She had bluntly stated that she might never be able to love him.
She reminded Berg of those words once again.
...Really?
I dont want to live miserably.
Berg nodded.
...I understand.
Hearing Bergs bitter voice, Ner felt a surge of emotion well up inside her.
She wanted to turn around, wag her tail playfully, and show him affection.
But such an act would be laying bare her entire heart.
In this situation, it was something she couldnt do.
Additionally, there was a desire to protect her fragile pride.
She wanted to show that she too had a strong character.
The remnants of her pride pushed her on.
...Im still angry.
Berg chuckled lightly.
It seems so.
Just so you know, I wont be letting go of my anger today.
Berg nodded and held her tighter.
Its often said that most marital spats end with laughter as if nothing had happened.
Ner wanted to believe that this moment was just that.
She had heard that relationships often grow stronger after a fight.
All she hoped for was that Berg would come to love her even more in the future.
Did Berg realize?
The fact that he still hadnt said I love you to her.
Only with his confession would Ner feel like she could open up about her own feelings.
The End of The Chapter
[TL: Join Patreon to support the translation and to read up to 5 chapters ahead of the release: /readingpia
Join Our Discord for regular updates and have fun with other community members: /invite/SqWtJpPtm9 ]