Chapter 192: Remaining Task (1)
The evening was approaching.
I found myself reflecting on what had happened with Ner and Arwin.
Even when Arwin collapsed and bled, I hadn’t helped her up. When Ner pleaded with me, I didn’t give her a comforting embrace.
Were those choices truly the right ones? I wondered to myself.
But nothing can change.
I had no intention of abandoning Sien for their sake.
The time I spent with Sien made me happy, and I was eagerly awaiting the birth of our child.
Though nothing would change, I couldn’t help but question if leaving them behind had been the wrong decision.
Sien and I were out on a walk in the forest behind our house.
It was the same forest Ner and I used to visit every day.
Sitting quietly beside her, I reminisced about the events of the day.
Sien nudged my cheek with her finger and asked softly.
“...What are you thinking about so deeply?”
“...”
Those were the words I couldn’t speak aloud.
In response to my silence, Sien hugged my arm even tighter.
“...You’ve been going through a rough time lately, Bell.”
She whispered.
At her words, I turned my head and asked.
“Why?”
“...Because you’re struggling.”
“...”
Sien gave a soft laugh and spoke.
“...I just want you to be happy, Bell.”
“...”
“...But it feels like the world is only tormenting you.”
At her words, I gently stroked her hair.
Just hearing her say that gave me immense strength.
I wanted to believe that I could endure this difficult time.
Life wouldn’t always be this hard.
At that moment, a loud commotion erupted from the direction of the village.
I didn’t know what was happening, but the noise sent my heart plummeting once again.
What other ominous event could be unfolding on top of everything else?
“...”
“...”
Exchanging a glance with Sien, I quickly started walking towards the village.
.
.
.
Baran was entering the village.
They had set out earlier that day to deal with the bandit group.
“What happened?”
Gale and I ran over to Baran and asked.
He was covered in more blood than usual, his eyes vacant as he turned to look at me.
“...Captain.”
He blinked slowly.
I knew that look all too well.
It was the look of someone who had experienced loss.
A cold chill ran down my spine.
As much as I didn’t want to make distinctions, the death of comrades who had fought beside me in war was always more painful than the death of strangers in the village.
Gritting my teeth, I asked Baran.
“...Who?”
He whispered the name with great difficulty.
“...It’s Krian.”
Krian, a high-ranking member of the Red Flames group.
He had always been close with Theodore.
As I bit my lip, Krian’s body was dragged into view behind us.
I looked at him, his body battered and bruised, his eyes closed.
Sien gasped softly beside me.
Ner and Arwin, who had also rushed out at the commotion, stood there in stunned silence.
“...”
Slowly, I knelt beside Krian.
“...How did this happen?”
I quietly asked Baran.
“There was an ambush. A large one.”
“How many?”
“I’d estimate over fifty.”
“What about the enemy?”
“...We killed about half of them, but then we had to retreat. We thought getting Krian treatment was the priority...”
It seemed Krian had died on the way back to Stockpin.
Once again, I had lost one of my own.
The pressure kept piling up. A suffocating weight crushed my chest.
I placed a hand on Krian’s chest and closed my eyes.
Even my immediate rage was suppressed for now.
This wasn’t the time for anger. It wasn’t the emotion I needed to feel as I let him go.
I slowly stood up.
Sien came up beside me and held me.
“...”
I gently patted her hand and stepped out of the embrace.
Ner and Arwin were standing a little distance away, silently watching me.
“...”
“...”
Both of them wore expressions of grief deeper than mine.
As I looked at them, I began to walk.
Something inside me was starting to change, bit by bit.
****
In bed, I listened to Sien’s endless words of comfort.
“...Bell, I know nothing I say can truly console you, but...”
I gently patted her.
“It’s okay, Sien.”
“...”
“Come on, get some sleep. We have a lot to do tomorrow.”
I spoke softly, calming her with words, and closed my eyes, pretending to drift off.
It didn’t take long before Sien’s breathing grew soft and steady, signaling she had fallen asleep.
Once I was sure she was deep in slumber... I quietly slipped out of bed.
I even grabbed the sword from the corner of the room.
This impulsive act felt like the most natural thing to do.
I moved slowly, leaving the room, then the house.
Thud!
At that moment, two figures burst out, following me.
It was Ner and Arwin.
“...Where are you going?” Ner asked first.
As I thought, this is what suited me best.
No matter how much I was now a lord, hiding behind others wasn’t my way.
“...Fool.”
When I returned to Stockpin, someone was waiting for me, leaning against the wooden palisade.
“...”
It was Gale.
I figured that Ner and Arwin must have gone to him for help after seeing me leave.
“...”
I had nothing to say to him.
I knew I was being reckless.
But this was always how I operated.
And Gale had always hated this about me.
Back when we were mercenaries, he never stopped nagging me about it.
“What were you planning to do if you’d died? Did you not think about the child growing inside Sien?”
“...What are you doing up at this hour, Gale?”
I dismounted my horse as he stood there, arms crossed, waiting for me.
Gale slowly approached, his face filled with concern.
“...Are you hurt?”
“...Just a few cuts.”
“...”
I moved to head inside, thinking of washing up and lying back down.
“Wait.”
Gale stopped me in my tracks.
“...?”
I turned to him, and he spoke with a weight in his voice that I hadn’t heard before.
“...Before you go into the village, let’s talk for a bit.”
“...”
His tone and expression were different—he was about to bring up something much heavier than usual.
After a brief pause, Gale began.
“...Berg, do you know why I’ve stayed here all this time?”
I thought back to the many things Gale had told me and answered.
“...Wasn’t it because of the debt of loyalty you felt toward Adam Hyung?”
Gale nodded.
“Yes, that was part of it. But there was another reason.”
“...”
Gale took a deep breath and continued, looking straight at me.
“It was because of you.”
“...Because of me?”
“...After Adam’s death, I knew you’d lose your way. You’re like a discarded sword—useful, but not a leader. A tool, in a sense.”
“...”
“...You’re not suited to be a leader. A leader must be able to abandon even those he cares about... but you’re too attached, too compassionate. Your sense of responsibility is so great that you carry the weight of every death you’ve witnessed. That’s why you feel more comfortable shouldering it all alone.”
“...”
Gale’s candidness always made his words easy to trust.
And truthfully, I couldn’t disagree with what he was saying.
Even Adam Hyung had often told me the same thing, and I had come to realize it myself.
So while I felt a sense of gratitude, I was also puzzled.
“...Why are you telling me this now?”
In response to my fundamental question, Gale placed his hand on my shoulder.
I couldn’t quite understand where he was going with this.
“I’m telling you because I’ve finally come to a realization. You... you’re not suited for this life. Living like this will only keep you from finding happiness.”
“...What?”
Gale’s face hardened as he spoke.
“...What do you think about leaving this place?”
It was just the two of us, under the moonlight, with no one else around to hear.
It didn’t feel like a joke.
His eyes, reflecting the moonlight, were filled with deep, sincere thought.
“...”
As I struggled to respond to his unexpected suggestion, he continued to explain.
“You’ve taken on all the burdens that come with being a noble, but you aren’t enjoying any of the benefits. You’re staying here out of obligation—because of Adam, because of the Red Flames members. But what about your happiness?”
“...”
“...I’m saying this because I care about you. If no one says it, you’ll never stop. You’ll continue living this way, unhappily, Berg. You need to leave before that happens.”
“...Are you telling me to run away?”
“It’s not running away. I’m telling you to go and find your happiness.”
Gale whispered a tempting idea—that I could cast off all the burdens I was carrying and walk away.
His words made me imagine a life I had not dared to picture before.
A life where I left everything behind and went far away with Sien, living just the two of us.
I didn’t need the life of a noble, after all.
Living in peace, somewhere far from here, with my family—that would be enough.
‘...Ah.’
In that moment, I remembered an old dream of mine.
A dream I had long forgotten, but now, talking with Gale, it returned to me.
Back then, I had wished for a life free of tension and burden. A peaceful life.
To live quietly with the people I love.
It was a thought I’d held for so long, a dream derailed by war.
“...”
“...What do you think, Berg? I’ll take responsibility for this place. I swear on my honor, I’ll care for your people and Adam’s men. You have the chance to leave today. I’ll spread the word that you died in an unexpected confrontation if need be.”
“...”
I closed my eyes for a moment, considering his offer, before sighing and looking back at him.
“...I can’t.”
“What...?”
“There’s too much I still need to do.”
It was certainly a tempting offer.
I realized again that I was ill-suited for the life of a noble, just as Gale had said.
But there was so much left unfinished—the crops weren’t yet harvested, the plague was still spreading, and the bandits hadn’t been completely dealt with. Adam Hyung’s dream hadn’t been realized.
On top of all that, Krund had reappeared.
With the threat of war looming, running away to save myself wasn’t in my nature.
Gale spoke again.
“...Perhaps Adam’s dream was for you to live happily.”
“...”
I paused, contemplating his words, before gently placing my hand on his shoulder.
“...Thank you, truly. I appreciate your offer, but I must decline.”
Gale’s expression twisted with frustration.
“...Haa.”
He let out a sigh, exasperated.
After a long silence, he spoke again.
“...If that’s your choice, then I’ll support you to the end.”
– – – The End of The Chapter – – –
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