Chapter 32: Prop Comedy

Chapter 32: Prop Comedy

***Claudette***

“Hi, mom,” Claudette said, wincing as her mother stormed into her home, taking off her praxa wool scarf and hanging it up on the coatrack before heading for the dinner table.

“Family meeting,” Mom said. “Get your clown of a husband out here.”

“You called?” Darryl asked, poking his head out of the broom closet that led to his lair.

Mom motioned for them to sit.

Claudette gingerly sat across from her mother, beside Darryl.

“You two are going to explain to me exactly what you did to my grandson,” she said, clasping her gnarled fingers together as she peered at them.

“So... you know how Annette had more Attunement than anyone you’d ever seen?” Claudette said gingerly.

“Annette. Died.” Mom said.

“Perry had about three times as much...before the ritual of Kaz.”

“Yes, I saw that. What I’m wondering is why you thought it was a good idea to put a second spiritual entity inside him. One in direct contention with Abun’Zaul. Perry’s behavior was showing signs of minor soul-damage.”

Soul damage.

Recognized in the mundane world as various mental illnesses, and treated in a similar manner to PTSD, and depression: Companionship, exercise, and routine.

“luckily it’s minor, and the two spirits seem to be mitigating most of it through some kind of artificial shoring up of his soul. Almost like an oyster builds up mother-of-pearl.

Gramma sighed and rubbed her temple.

“I’ve never seen anything like it. Abun’Zaul is the epitome of formless potential. Able to imitate anything, grow without limit. And yet this other spirit is so closely bonded to it, in some places it’s difficult to tell which is which. They work together in some places, oppose each other in others, both of them growing exponentially, matching each other in equal measure.”

“Where did you even find a second Legendary spirit, and what made you think it was a good idea to fight fire with fire?” Mom asked. “I mean, it seems to be working, but it makes NO sense.”

Claudette frowned and glanced at Darryl.

“We never...put a second spirit in Paradox.”

Darryl raised his finger and opened his mouth, pausing for a moment as he considered.

“I may have... created an artificial spiritual grey-goo. It seems like the causal pruning establishes a form on a dimension the things you call spirits are able to interact with...interesting.”

“What’s a grey goo?” Mom asked. “Is It some sort of slime?”

“It’s a theoretical concept of self-replicating nanobots so effective that they would be capable of using any material to create more of themselves. The danger would be that they would never stop and eventually consume the planet. Professor Replica came close.”

“What?” Mom was lost, but Claudette knew what he was talking about.

“You put an all-consuming spiritual entity in Perry?” Claudette demanded.

“You did too,” Darryl said with a shrug. “At least mine is programmed to protect him at any cost.”

“Including at the cost of destroying the world?” Claudette asked.

“No exceptions,” Darryl said.

“Darryl, I love you, but sometimes you’re the stupidest smart man I’ve ever seen.” Claudette sighed, picturing all the ways that could go horribly.

“Only for you, babe,” the hawknosed professor gave her finger-guns.

“It...” Mom ground out the words grudgingly “may...have been for the best,” she said. “Paradox survives in the perfect stalemate between those two forces. Abun’Zaul’s very ability to adapt and overcome the host’s defenses is why no one could use it, regardless of their Attunement.

“I didn’t...know that.” Claudette said, her skin turning cold.

I didn’t tell you,” Mom said. “Which was my mistake, I suppose.”

“Well, I look forward to seeing the career of a mage who can use every Essence at will. The first true Archmage since Amek Zauberer.” Mom’s gaze sparkled as she stared into the future, marvelling at the reinvigorated Zauberer line of mages.

Darryl winced. “Uh, no, he can’t ever use any form of magic. That’s priority number two for my System.”

Mom snarled and a lance of fire leapt from her fingertips and drilled through Darryl’s chest.

Darryl glanced down at the glowing hole in his chest revealing melted steel and wiring.

“And you wonder why I don’t meet you in person?” Mechanaut said as the android in the chair gradually powered down, face going slack.

Mom’s face was red with fury as she stared at the remote-controlled body-double, her temper gradually cooling to her usual simmering ire.

“So...” Claudette frowned, meeting her mother’s gaze as two questions rattled around in her head.

“If Perry can’t use magic...”

“How did he do that to his arm?” Mom finished for her.

“And if there are no exceptions to Darryl’s direction to protect Perry...”

“Would it unlock his magic if it was the only way to save his life?” Mom asked, frowning contemplatively.

“Mom.” Claudette said, interrupting her mother’s train of thought. She knew that expression on her mom’s face.

“Mmm?” Mom said, glancing up at her.

“Promise you’re not going to put Perry in mortal danger to try and unlock his magic.”

“I promise I won’t.”

“Promise you won’t have anyone else do it either.”

Mom clicked her tongue with a sour expression on her face.

“Fine, I won’t order anyone else to do it either.”

“Don’t even bring it up in casual conversation with one of your flunkies.”

“Kind of paranoid, aren’t you?” Mom asked.

“Mooom,” Claudette groaned.

***Perry***

“Perry! You’re alive!” Heather’s voice echoed through the underground lair.

“Eh?” Perry turned around to face her.

“And you don’t...what is that?” She asked, her voice flat, looking at his shirt.

“This?” Perry asked, looking down at his shirt:

My Dr.

prescribed

a girlfriend

“You better get the heck outta here,” Jason said. “This scumbag here is the only one who has to die tonight.”

“That was my suit!” The black-haired kid charged Jason, tackling him to the ground.

In a panic, Jason tried his power on the ground under him.

The ground exploded into confetti and dropped the two of them an entire floor. Jason twisted midfall and got the cape under him, dropping the two of them onto the sharp edge of a hardwood desk.

“OOF!” Jason rolled away immediately and started backing off while the super rubbed his back. “Need to get myself hyperweave undersuit, no idea how that’s less than a boxer’s punch...”

“Paradox!” The girl shouted , from the hole in the floor above. “I’m-“

Jason extended his hand and the floor reappeared out of glitter, separating them from the heroine.

He leveled the gun on the cape.

“Get outta here, NOW, or I’m going to shoot you.” Jason said, his nerves on fire with pure adrenaline.

“Eh,” Paradox shrugged and charged him again.

BLAM BLAM BLAM!

Jason got three wild shots off before a fist caught him in the jaw, rocking his head back violently.

Jason’s vision swam as he staggered backward, the gun being wrenched out of his hand. A moment later a pair of hands wrenched his arm behind his back.

“Let go of me!” Jason shouted, disappearing the floor beneath them.

This time the other guy was ready, and he was stronger than Jason, despite being roughly the same build.

Paradox made sure Jason hit the ground back first, knocking the wind out of him.

“OW,” Jason groaned with what little air he could muster.

For a good minute, Jason could only stare up at the ceiling while the redheaded girl hoisted him to his feet. Her hands deformed around his wrists, turning into effective handcuffs made of living tissue.

“Lemme go,” Jason muttered. “Or I’ll...I’ll make your stupid spandex suit disappear.”

She leaned in to whisper in his ear. “You gotta ask yourself: Is it worth getting beat to death?”

His anger beginning to fade, Jason had to admit that it probably wasn’t worth it.

“Hey dude,” Paradox said, stepping into Jason’s field of view. “If you could give me my suit back that would be awesome.”

“Screw you!” Jason said, trying to go for a kick before the heroine twisted his arms a bit harder. “You bastards ruined everything!”

“Get that punk outta here!” Tom said, his hands on his hips in a pathetic approximation of a power-pose, ruined by his protruding beer gut.

“He got my mom killed!” Jason shouted, writhing violently in the shapeshifter’s immutable grip. “If it wasn’t for that scumbag, She’d be alive right now! My brother and sister wouldn’t be starving!”

The girl’s grip dragged him towards the front door, where the blue and red lights flashed and sirens echoed.

“Say whatever you want, kid, everyone here knows you’re full of it,” Tom Smith said, totally confident now that he believed himself safe.

“I’ll be back! I don’t care where they put me, I’m gonna kill you!” Jason shouted.

“Hold on, Wraith,” Paradox said, tapping the heroine on the shoulder.

“What’s your name?” Paradox asked, but Jason was too focused on the smug bastard’s smug expression.

Click. Paradox clicked his fingers in front of Jason’s face.

“What’s your name?”

“Jason.”

“Your super name,” Paradox said, rolling his eyes behind his domino mask.

“Don’t have one.”

Paradox sighed.

“Look, Jason, there are ways to get revenge that are totally legal.”

Jason snorted.

“You know what the average salary is for a super?”

“No?”

“Three million dollars a year. some make more, some make less, but it’s fair to say that you’re set for life.”

“What does that have to do with him?” Jason asked, nodding his head.

“Well, three million dollars a year pays for a lot of lawyer’s fees. If you really wanted to kill him, you could hire some attack-dog lawyers to sue him for every conceivable reason, drag his name through the mud until no one will ever work with him again, and he’s too busy defending himself to make any money.

“Once your attack-dog lawyers have him disbarred and living in a slum, hire some soulless lobbyists to harass him day and night until he decides to end his life rather than continue suffering.

“Best part is,” Paradox said, pointing at Jason. “It’s mostly legal.”

Jason cocked his head. Huh. I never thought of that.

“Damn, Perry.” Wraith said, frowning.

Jason met Tom Smith’s gaze. It was a little less smug. A little more pale.

“I’ll see you later.” Jason said, no longer struggling as they escorted him out of the building.

“Citizen,” Paradox said, nodding to the flabbergasted lawyer.

***Perry***

“So, why did you give that guy advice on how to ruin someone’s life?” Heather asked as they waited for the Nexus pickup crew to arrive.

“Well, it’s not exactly a big secret, he’d have figured it out if he sat down and thought about it for a while. Plenty of time for that in jail. It also got him to calm down and stop resisting.” Perry patted his suit, standing in the parking lot. “And I really wanted him to give me back my armor.”

“More the last part than anything else, I bet.” Heather said.

“I only have two of these to last until the end of the week!” Perry exclaimed.

They felt a distinctive rumbling in the ground and noticed Titan and Co. approaching. Warcry was practicing skating along the ground on a board of pure purple energy. By the wobble in her stance, it was tricky.

Hardcase was walking behind them in her improved suit, and Manic was segwaying along beside them to conserve calories. Jetset was doing overwatch as usual.

I need to get that guy a rifle. The rubber band gun was good, but something with more range would take better advantage of the capes natural advantage of range and height.

“Hey Paradox, Wraith!” Titan said as he approached. “I saw police lights and went to see what was up. I see you guys landed a fish!”

He motioned to Jason, who was being restrained by a police officer manually, rather than being handcuffed.

“Eh?” Perry said, turning around to fully face him.

Titan glanced down at Perry’s shirt and began chortling uncontrollably, his hand slapping against his thigh.

At least, until the sirens started blaring.