Chapter 374 - Mending the broken heart

Felix entered the hotel suite in a rush. He looked around the living area and noticed laptop, jacket, shoes. 'She is still here. Still in Montreal. Didn't check out of the hotel.' His heart thumped few times, allowing blood to flow through his body. His heart stopped beating when his eyes fell on the tan purse resting on the sofa. 'She is here!' He rushed toward the bedroom.

Felix found Sophia on the bed, unmoving. Her hair was spread over the pillow. He knew that she is awake, and aware of his presence. He was unable to see her expression; her back was facing him.

"Why are you here?" Sophia's faint voice reached him.

"Because my everything is here." The answer came from his heart. He saw her hand clutch the blanket for a second.

The silence in the room was suffocating.

"I have nothing left to say." Sophia tried to keep her voice steady, but Felix still noticed light tremors mixed in with her words.

"You didn't give me a chance to speak." His voice was full of desperation and urgency.

"There is nothing you can say that will change what happened."

"I know... but I still need to say what's in my heart. Will you listen to me?" Felix looked at her lying on the bed, tan dress with flower details spread behind her. It was the same dress she showed him many times yesterday while nervously asking him if it will be good enough for today's occasion. At that time, he was slightly irritated that she is asking him the same thing repeatedly; she looked perfect in anything, why was she so concerned about one dress? Now he wished that she looks at him in the same way again. He will be more than happy to look at the dress and then at her, and to say that it's perfect. She was so beautiful, right there on the bed, only two steps away, yet so far out of his reach. "Please?"

She gave him a small nod.

Felix walked around the bed and reached out for her hand. She didn't pull the hand, but she turned her head away. For a second, he saw something sparkling on her cheek. 'Is she crying?' His heart stopped beating again. He squeezed her hand in his and rested his forehead on the back of her palm.

Felix inhaled loudly and his deep voice came out shaky, "I can't find the words to say how sorry I am. I'm sure I failed you more than once. But this time I failed you the most." He paused for few deep breaths. "I wanted so badly for everything to be perfect that I neglected to see what is going on. Maybe I saw it, but I failed to acknowledge it...

I realized that my mother is speaking in French on purpose. She was always the one who forced us to speak English, saying that it's the language that will open the door of the world for us.

And I noticed that she is clingy. She was always like that, clinging onto her son. But this time it was different: you are with me; I belong by your side. I'm not her little boy anymore, and it was not appropriate.

She spoke about Charlotte, yes. But before her, she spoke about Marriam, and Susanne, and Monique, and many before that I forgot their names. I ignored my mother, because opposing her only brings conflict and she never changed her mind anyway. You are the only one in my heart, and that will not change, no matter what my mother says. I realize that my silence hurt you, but I didn't think you would find out about it. I thought that as long as you don't know about it, and I pretend that everything is fine... everything will be fine. I was wrong.

I don't want to place any blame on my mother. It's my fault for convincing myself that you are not bothered by it. It's my fault for not seeing how much it hurt you. For taking your silence as acceptance, as approval."

Felix lifted his head and looked at her face which was partially hidden behind her shoulder, while the rest was obstructed by blanket and her hair. "Sophia, at the thought of not having you in my life, I can't find air to breathe. You are the reason my heart beats. You are the reason sun comes up in the morning. You are my sun. I'm not strong enough to live without you. Please, don't shut me out."

Sophia listened to him speaking and felt her heart breaking. She wanted to get up and run into his arms. She wanted that more than anything. But she was aware that it will not change what happened. Those last few hours will always cast a shadow over her heart. Her love will never be as pure as it was earlier that morning. He spilled ink over her feelings, and it will leave a stain that will never come out, not with words. She inhaled with difficulty, "Your words... don't change what happened today. You broke my heart." Sophia struggled not to break down into sobs.

She tried pulling her hand out of his grasp. His fingers wrapped around her hand tightly, not letting her go. "I know, I know... I wish I can take all the pain away. I wish that I know some magic that can mend your broken heart, I would fix mine as well while at it. Sadly, I don't know any magic. I'm not confident that I can ever fix it... but... will you let me try?"