Chapter 432 - Open up old wounds

Sometime later, Sophia exhaled while stretching her arms. The stock market closed, and she was happy with the outcome. The paperwork for transferring shares from her side was ready, and she got it electronically signed and sent to Jeff. Sophia stretched in her chair some more and became aware of time. 'How come Felix didn't come to call me for lunch?'

Sophia thought how whole morning he was coming in every ten minutes, if not more often, and then she remembered last time he got in the study. 'Oh, no… I was too harsh. I need to apologize. These hormones are making my temper explode, and I'm not able to control myself.' Sophia reminded herself that Felix is on her side, and she should not lash out on him just because she is nervous, or because she does not approve of something, or because she is hungry, or because she ate too much, or… Yeah, she lashes out for all kinds of reasons.

Sophia found Felix in the kitchen, sitting on a barstool and hunched over the kitchen island. "Hey…" She called softly, but he didn't react. 'Oh, no… he is really upset.'

Sophia hesitated for few seconds before wrapping her arms around his chest and resting her head on his back. "I'm sorry. You know it's just the hormones, right? I need to do more to control my temper. Maybe I should try meditation? I heard that works for some people. What do you think?"

Felix's hand moved and he covered hers which rested on his chest. "You didn't do anything wrong."

Sophia could hear sadness in his voice. She moved to see his face. His head was lowered, and he was holding onto his phone.

She guessed that it's something related to his phone. "Did something happen?"

Felix looked at her with troubled expression. For some time, he didn't speak, and Sophia waited for him patiently, trying to hold back her curiosity. She never saw him this distressed.

He took a deep breath. "Bridgette called. My father… wants to meet with me."

Sophia never heard him mention his father. She assumed that he either passed away or they are estranged but didn't probe into the topic thinking that in either way, it's not something he would want to talk about. But now he brought up the topic, or Bridgette did. So, the gloves are off, and she can ask. "Your father? He wants to see you… isn't that a good thing?" She cautiously observed changes in his expression.

Felix sighed. "I never told you about him… Do you want to hear?"

Sophia nodded and caressed his cheek. "You know that I'm glad to listen to whatever you have to say. Especially if it's related to you. Let's sit on the sofa, it's more comfortable."

They settled on the sofa. Felix insisted to hold Sophia's feet in his lap, and she didn't object.

He held onto her feet while he spoke. "My earliest memories are of my father. He taught me how to kick a ball, how to ice skate, how to hit a puck... Before we moved to Montreal, we lived on a remote farm. I don't remember any animals, or barns. But I remember a small lake which would be frozen most of the year. My dad would take me there and we would practice hitting pebbles, as if we are playing ice hockey... You met my mother, she was always difficult to live with, and in time it was getting worse. My father was my refuge from the insanity… And then we moved to Montreal. I remember looking forward to weekend afternoons, because then my father would take me to the Beaver Lake in Mount Royal Park* for ice skating. But that was only for one year. When the Beaver Lake froze next year, my father was gone. With no word, no explanation… he just left."

Sophia saw how difficult is for Felix to bring back these memories. She felt sorry that he suffered like this. "How old were you?"

"About twelve."

Sophia thought how that age is very tender. Old enough to remember, have feelings and make decisions, yet too young to understand society of grownups. "I'm sorry. It must have been hard."

Felix's nod was barely noticeable, but Sophia noticed, and her heart ached as he continued. "I remember anger, confusion… feeling betrayed, abandoned. I wanted to know why, why did he leave? Why then? For years, every time I got a chance, I would go to Beaver Lake. I don't know why. Maybe I was hoping that he would show up… especially on weekends... in the afternoon. But he didn't. I didn't hear from him for twenty years. Why does he want to come back to my life? Why now?"

Felix paused, and Sophia saw that as a chance to clarify few things. "You said that Bridgette called?"

"Yes. She met with him."

"And?" Sophia was careful not to ask too much. But this seemed like safe question.

"He has another family. He moved on long time ago."

"What do you think? Do you want to see him?" Sophia thought that this is the only thing that matters. What does Felix think? How does he feel about this?

Felix shrugged and shook his head. "I'm not sure. Countless times I thought that he will show up and return to my life… but that was long time ago. Every time I thought of him, all the bad feelings would resurface, and I choose to push all that away. To move on like he didn't exist. And now he is back, and I am conflicted. I want to be a grownup and to show him what I achieved. Financial stability, and a lovely fiancée with whom I'm starting a family. Part of me hopes that he will be proud of me. And other part of me does not want to have anything to do with him. Because he is the reason for many sufferings I went through in last twenty years."

Sophia observed that he is done talking. She scooted close to him and embraced him. "Whatever you decide, I will support you. But I remember hearing that you have questions for him, and he is offering to meet with you. This is a chance to get your answers."

"You think I should meet with him?"

Sophia straightened her back and faced him. She spoke while caressing his hair behind his right ear. "No. That is not what I said. I just want you to consider the important things when making a decision. On one side, you have your feelings, and a question if you are willing to open up old wounds. On the other side, there is a possibility for a closure. Of course, you might meet him and get no answers, but if you don't meet him you will definitely get none."

Felix looked at her and absentmindedly nodded.

Sophia patted his cheek. "Let's eat. I'm hungry… and I need to feed our child."

He smiled gently. "Yes. Let's eat."

…

After lunch Felix said that he will clean up, and Sophia went back to the study to finish work for the day. She handled few urgent matters at work and confirmed that Jeff received her authorization for stocks.

When she finished with her tasks, Sophia found Felix in their bedroom. He was sitting on the edge of the bed with his phone in his hand and listening to the fetus's heartbeat recording from their latest checkup. Sophia smiled when she saw him immersed in the sound of rapid beat that filled up the room. She approached him slowly, not willing to disturb whatever thoughts he has.

When Sophia was one step away from Felix he looked up, and she saw that his eyes are red.

Her brow furrowed. "Are you OK?" Her voice and expression conveyed great concern.

Felix extended his arms and pulled Sophia closer. His arms wrapped around her waist and he kissed her stomach, just below the navel. He turned his head slightly and his ear rested in the area he kissed.

"I will not abandon you." He whispered.

Sophia was not sure if he said that to their unborn child, or to her… or to both.