Part 8

Part 8I hold my scream and bit my bottom lip. But I couldn’t help my eyes opening wide.

How is His Majesty in Flower Fence Palace…?! And in my room? And why was I using His Majesty’s lap as a pillow?

I was shocked to see His Majesty was uncomfortably leaning on the wall and sleeping. No way… Yesterday I dreamt about my sister. I didn’t sleep talk to His Majesty… right…?

While I was in confusion, His Majesty woke up.

“Yeho?”

I calmed down after hearing His Majesty’s sleepy voice. My legs were wobbly, but I stood up straight and kneeled down right away.

“I…rudely…”

“Ahh, it’s okay. Stop that.”

When I was about to announce my fault, he blocked my word and waved his hand. He came down from the bed and pulled my arm.

“You just got well. Go back to your bed.”

“Your…”

“I told you its fine. Go lie down.”

I was trying to say more, but His Majesty sternly blocked my word and made me lie down.

“I’ll call for Soa.”

And he left the room. I blankly stared at him leaving the door.

I lay down on the bed and remembered His Majesty getting mad at me and His Majesty now being gentle to me. I feel relieved somehow. He looks fine now. Now I feel like all the tension was getting relieved. I put my hand on my forehead. I covered my eyes and took a deep breath.

“Your Highness, it’s me, Soa.”

It was Soa’s voice. I told her to come in and door opened, and she came in.

“I brought your medicine, Your Highness. You have to drink it before it gets cold. And after that, you need to eat porridge.”

I smiled at her.

“Thanks, Soa.”

She replied by nodding her head. I finished the medicine that Soa gave me and put it down on the tray that Soa was holding. Soa handed that tray to another young maid and got a wet towel and gave it to me. I washed my face and neck, and a porridge came in. The tray was placed on my knee, and Soa gave me a spoon.

“No, it’s okay. I’ll do it.”

I got the spoon from Soa’s hand, and she went to open the window. The sunlight brighten the room.

“It’s bright.”

“It’s because it rained yesterday.”

“…Ah, it rained while I was unconscious?”

“Yes, Your Highness.”

“How about His Majesty?”

I thought His Majesty went to his room to get his breakfast. But what Soa said made me put down the spoon.

“He is with the doctor who took care of you. I think he has some request to do. I heard he was distinguishing what you can eat and what you can’t eat. The doctor was giving him information about what to put in your porridge for lunch and medicine you are going to take.”

I looked at Soa. Soa looked curious because of my stare.

“Your Highness?”

“……Then…”

I closed my mouth. I felt Soa’s stare, but I just looked at the porridge bowl.

He can’t do that. Even right now there is bad rumors about it. If he skipped his breakfast and not doing well on his government affairs… I touched my forehead because of headache. Soa approached me because of worry, but I sent her away. Soa hesitated, but she quietly left the room. I lifted the tray and put in on a small table next to the bed and came down from the bed. I staggered little bit because of dizziness, but I could stand up straight.

I’m a mere man who has body that can’t be a concubine. Even if it was the real Princess Sooyoung, His Majesty’s affection is too much for a small weak kingdom princess to handle. But His Majesty favors me who is a useless man. Why…? I asked myself and moved. I stand at the window and looked at the sunny sky. It was much warmer than before it rained, but it was still cool and refresh. The flowers and trees look greener due to the rain and sunlight. The sky was clear blue and beautiful. But nothing came in because I was confused. I leaned against the window putting up my loose hair. I saw His Majesty leaving the palace. He will definitely come back again tonight.

Why does His Majesty care about me…? Calling the royal doctor to here. Does he worry about me getting sick…? Does he pity my sick appearance? Or he got interested in me because I came into the concubine’s palace bravely even though I have a body of man? I was relaxed thinking he opened up to me, but I was overestimating myself, and he got angry with me last time. I have no idea up to where I’m allowed and where I’m not…

No, I’m too shameless. I can’t even think about that. I’m a small kingdom’s distant relative of the royal family, and I’m not a woman. Right now I’m treated as a ghost, but the imperial palace is small. Even though it’s big, it is still small. You don’t know where and how the rumor is going to get spread. I don’t know why His Majesty is protecting me, but strangers will talk.

His Majesty is… not a person that can get involve in those dirty rumor because of me. His is the Emperor of a big country, and he is right for that place. He can’t get any flaws in his name. He has to get respected by everyone so that he can get the power for that place. I’m a shower of rain that cannot smear into his name. I the rain that pour at once and disappear when the sun come up.

No… I sneer at myself. Actually I’m afraid. What if I can’t turn back because my feeling got so deep. What if I really become his flaw, and how am I going to pay for that sin… I’m grateful that he saved my life. If this continues what if I get greedy. Right now His Majesty take care of me like his friend but just like last time, what if he kicks me out…

“…Sister…”

I unconsciously called her out. I missed her. She is probably living with her lover somewhere in that small kingdom.

“Sister…please…take me.”

I cried covering my face with my hands. It was painful. Strangely painful. I missed how I lived with my sister in that poor crappy house. Tears came down through my hands.

“Yeho?”

I turned my head because of a voice. His Majesty was looking at me with surprised.

“…How…”

Didn’t he go back to his room?

I just leaned against the window and looked at His Majesty. A tear drop dripped down on my chin and landed on my palm. I just stood there.

“Why are you standing like that?”

His Majesty frowned and walked to me.

“Why are you crying? Are you still unwell? Why are you standing… Yeho?!”

Before His Majesty could finish he’s word, I wobbled because I lost my leg strength. He got surprised and grabbed my arm and wrapped around my waist. I just cried leaning on his arm. I never cried like this except when I was really young. I don’t know why these tears were coming out.

“Yeho? What happened? The doctor…”

“…Sister…”

I talked very quietly, and His Majesty stopped and looked at me.

“Yeho?”

“I want to see…”

“…..Yeho?”

“I’m grateful that you took care of my pitiful life, but… my… sister…”

I hardly say one word by word. I begged him not knowing His Majesty’s face was getting colder.

“I want to go… to my hometown, Your Majesty. I came here preparing to die, but didn’t you let me live? So spare me once more. Send me…”

“Do you miss…”

His Majesty’s voice was gloomy and aggressive like I never heard it before.

“your sister…?”

I blankly stared at His Majesty’s black pearl eyes. His eyes really looked like a marble. Nothing was showing inside. I got a chill looking at those eyes because I felt something bad is going to happen.

“So you want to go back?”

“…Your…Majesty…”

“Did you just say you want to leave this palace and this country?”

I couldn’t say any word and just stared at him. He slightly touched my skinny cheek.

“I will plant magnolia tree in this Flower Fence Palace. It will bloom every year. You said magnolia looks like your sister? So I will do that.”

“Your Majesty…”

“I can’t do anything more than that. Yeho, I don’t think you know it well, but I don’t have that big heart.”

“…Your Majesty…please…”

I hold his sleeve and kneeled down.

“Please… I don’t expect more. I’m okay without anything. Just let me go out.”

He grind his teeth because of what I said. I trembled, but I didn’t let go of him.

“If you are scared because I got angry, I’ll never do it again.”

He grabbed my hand that was holding the sleeve tightly.

“If you miss your sister, I can look everywhere and bring your sister to you. But, you can’t go out. Not even one step out of this Flower Fence Palace. No, not even this room. So don’t do any useless thing anymore. You will get fever again.”

“No…no, Your Majesty… I don’t want that.”

I cried bowing down.

“I don’t like this place. I don't like this palace. I don’t want to stay… by your side.”

He stopped breathing. I closed my eyes shivering my shoulders. You can kill me. I defied your order and rejected you. You can kill me. Just don’t let me stay by your side. This palace is too big and scary for this useless man to handle… And you are too high and precious.

“You…”

His insensible voice dropped on me.

“Sometimes… you push me to my limit. There was no one who could do that. You… have some talent.”

I was trying to beg him again. But his hand tightly grabbed my arm and roughly brought me up.

“…ugh…”

I got dragged like a dry straw dolls, and His Majesty threw me to my bed. His skinny but thick hand approached me and ripped my jeogori.

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I shocked and grabbed the ripped parts. But his hand pulled my hand right away. The bed curtain came down, and my sight got dark because of his shadow. I predicted what he was going to do and got pale.

“Your Majesty!”

“…I, don’t want to, talk to, you, right now.”

I looked at him with fear. A big hand grabbed my face. I couldn’t see anymore.