C101

As he said this, a rare look of worry and pain flashed through his peach blossom eyes.

He stopped and sat on the sofa in frustration, scratching at the edge with his long fingers.

"Sorry, I don't know what I'm talking about either." Qin Sheng lowered his head, his voice sounding weak and clear.

"No, you did well." Vivian stopped writing and looked into his eyes.

Her voice was very pleasant to hear, halfway between Huan Wan and her sweetness, like a wind slowly blowing towards him.

"I know you're just trying to comfort me." Qin Sheng chuckled.

He didn't want to show his vulnerability in front of others, so when he made a bunch of wild remarks, he began to regret coming to a therapist.

"No, I'm not trying to comfort you. You've already told me one thing in full, and there are some things that make you sleepless at night, like a dream, that make you sweat when you think of it. You've already explained the most important symptoms. You came to me because you know in your heart that these symptoms are caused by your mental problems. Ordinary patients don't say that, and they even refuse to believe that they have mental problems, so you have to be confident in yourself. "

Vivian was no longer as grumpy as she had been that night. She gave off the feeling of a bosom friend.

Qin Sheng did not speak, he focused on the sofa.

"The sofa is made of leather, so it's quite expensive. Are you sure you want to keep scraping it?" Vivian kindly reminded him as she saw his actions.

"Sorry." Qin Sheng laughed.

"Like I said, you have to have confidence in yourself. You know your flaws and you're facing it bravely, that's already very impressive. At the same time, I hope that you can have confidence in me as well. This kind of confidence is more trusting, you have to believe that I'm your friend and that I'll always stand by your side.

Vivian's eyes sparkled, clear as spring water, without any impurities.

"No, you can't face it with me. You have no idea how terrifying it is!" Qin Sheng couldn't help but raise his voice, his eyes burning as he stared at her, "You have never experienced this before, how can you feel it?"

"Mr. Qin, we have to do it step by step. One day, you will believe that I can face it together with you. Also, you don't know what I have experienced, so don't deny me so quickly." Vivian's tone was calm.

"Or maybe I need some medication to suppress it, just to make me feel a little better than before, not too much trouble."

Qin Sheng scratched his head impatiently.

Vivian looked at her seriously, her red lips parted slightly. "Hey! This is just a psychological problem. You don't have to be so impatient, you know that medicine does not cure the heart, so I want you to try to tell me what exactly you meant by "some things" just now. Of course, I'm not forcing you to solve all the problems at once, you can tell me as much as you want. We have to take it slow, you know, the average mental patient is just a matter of mood, but your body is also abnormal, so it may be a bit more difficult to deal with. "

"I'm sorry, I can't do it." Qin Sheng held his forehead, his eyes lowered, making it difficult for people to see his expression.

"The only thing you can do is to give it a try and tell me what is bothering you. You know very well in your heart." Vivian frowned, encouraging him, "We need a way out."

Vivian's face blurred as her words took effect.

Qin Sheng's vision turned black, the memories were like a ferocious beast swallowing him, and that scene once again appeared in his mind.

Bright red blood, a face filled with pain and fear, rapid breathing, and finally, a body as stiff as ice. He silently stood to one side, watching, his body seemingly frozen.

Nothing can be done, nothing can be done...

"Sorry, I really can't!" His back was cold and his eyes were warm. He jumped up from the sofa in excitement.

The blood-red eyeball glanced at Vivian for a moment and then started to walk in the direction of the door.

"Come back!" Vivian reached out and grabbed him.

"Let me go. I can't stay here any longer. I don't want to think about it. I don't know anything!"

Qin Sheng shouted incoherently, his eyes filled with pain and endless grief. His eyes were filled with mist, and his chest rose and fell greatly from his excitement, as if he had experienced a century of running.

This was a memory that he wanted to delete all his life. To him, directly facing the past was like sprinkling salt on a wound.

"I know, I know. Alright, alright, let's not think about it. You should sit down and calm down first." Vivian's voice was still calm and gentle, "Would you like green tea or water? I'll go get it for you. "

As she spoke, she pushed him back into his seat.

In reality, Qin Sheng was already in a trance as he stared at the air. He felt tired and weak, as though he had lost his soul.

"Green tea or water?" Vivian repeated.

"Water, thank you." His tone was light, heartbreaking.

"Chopin or Mozart?"

"Chopin."

Moments later, soft notes wafted through the large room, and Vivian jotted them down in a notebook.

In this entire period, Qin Sheng did not speak the entire time, his gaze seemed to be fixated on the floor.

"Do you feel better?" Vivian's bright eyes flashed with a trace of something. The corner of her mouth slightly raised.

"Yes."

His gaze seemed to have been extinguished, the smile on his face seemed to have become indistinct, giving off a type of dispirited feeling, as though the usual Qin Sheng who had a big and playful smile had never existed.

"Since you don't want to talk about you, would you mind letting me tell you about my experiences?" Vivian looked at him. Her voice was soft, making it hard for people to refuse.

Qin Sheng nodded.

"Do you know why I suddenly became a psychiatrist?" She took off her glasses. "Don't worry. We're just chatting."

"I don't know, I... I'm curious too. " Qin Sheng took a deep breath, trying his best to adjust his emotions so that he could once again bury those memories deep within his heart.

"I think my driver must have told you that the day I met you, I just had a failed operation." His straightforward tone made Qin Sheng feel that she was not talking about his own experiences, but was instead talking about the stories of others.

"Is the patient dead?" Qin Sheng finally raised his head and glanced at her.

"Yes, he died. Even though we prepared for the worst, as the main surgeon, I still could not accept all of this. He was a person with a congenital heart disease. To be exact, he was a little girl. A very cute little girl, only 12 years old."

Vivian smiled, but there was a hint of bitterness in her smile.

Qin Sheng did not say anything, but quietly listened. When he heard that the patient was only twelve years old, he felt as if his heart had been pierced.

"She was a very strong little girl, very smiling, very warm, like a little sun. Even though she knew about her illness, she still smiled and comforted her parents and those sister nurses who felt sorry for her. We made a thorough plan to operate on the girl, and we decided to do everything we could to save her life. "

Vivian's bright eyes flashed with a dark light. This was the first time Qin Sheng had seen her expression change since he came in.

"Did the operation fail?" He frowned and could not help but ask.

"No, in fact, the operation was very successful. The reason why it was called a failure is because — when we thought that everything was fine, we advised that it had been several days since we had a good night's rest. However, no one knew that it was the last time, the little girl suddenly died in the middle of the night."

"The father of the girl was unable to accept this news because it was a night of white hair. You have to understand that the father of the girl was only a young man in his thirties. In fact, no one could accept this fact. "The ups and downs are like a joke from heaven …"

A hint of tears flickered unwittingly in her eyes.

"So you gave up your career as a surgeon." Qin Sheng added, a soft light appearing in his originally gloomy eyes.

Twelve years old, the same age as twelve years old!

Qin Sheng sneered in his heart, this was probably what the saying of fate messing with others.

"Yes, you know, the most painful thing is not experiencing death, but watching others near the brink of death without being able to do anything, that's what makes people feel the most heartache and despair!" Vivian paused, then continued, "As a doctor, rewriting the Book of Life and Death is our responsibility and goal. I've seen enough deaths, but this time, I really can't accept it. So, I gave up this sacred profession."

She took a sip of the tea in her cup and lightly bit the corner of her lips. She had an absent-minded look on her face.

"In my opinion, your current profession is also very sacred." Qin Sheng looked at her seriously, "Because you're saving me."