CH 102

Gareth tightened his embrace and continued to hold Elena in his arms until she pushed him away by the chest. Only then, did he barely manage to let her go. Elena continued to push him until he sat down on a char in the hall. She then placed the soup she had made along with the freshly baked bread on the longtable and took a seat in front of him.

‘What’s the meaning of this? Does she want to start over? Is she going to accept the horrible man that I am?’ Preoccupied with trying to read Elena’s thoughts, food was the last thing on Gareth’s mind.

Elena remained silent and gazed vacantly at him as Gareth tried to read her.

‘… It’s useless to think about this,’ Gareth decided after a while, then said, “I will make a promise if you wait for me.” He then reached out one hand to hold Elena’s. “I’ll leave my life and death to you. I’ll leave my heart to you.”

Elena continued to watch Gareth calmly. Gareth held her hand even tighter and spoke with all his heart, “Once this war is over, I will quit being a mercenary and build a future with you. I’ll settle down here… if you marry me, Elena.”

Gareth looked into Elena’s eyes impatiently. He had never thought that he would ever experience a moment like this in his life. His emotions had been neglected since a long time ago and he didn’t consider himself the same as other humans. He was stained with dirty blood, which meant he couldn’t dream of a happy future. In fact, he always thought it didn’t matter if he died today or tomorrow. However, now he wanted to live. He wanted to look forward to the future with Elena by his side.

‘If it’s her… I don’t mind giving her everything. So, please forgive me just once for not giving you what you wanted…’

“Forgive me just this once, Elena. Give me a chance.”

He had to leave soon, but he couldn’t do so without hearing her answer. He couldn’t go without having a place to return to. There was no next time or a reason to live if she were to disappear again. Gareth berated himself for not having the talent to speak eloquently to express his feelings. His lack of communication skills was pitiful and pathetic. He wanted to curse himself for only being able to explain his thoughts with simple words and gestures.

“I need you,” he said, then immediately regretted his words. ‘Why can I only say things like this… Everything I’ve said for the past few days while talking about myself has been blunt and awkward as well…’

“I don’t care if you don’t return, bring another woman back with you, forget about me, or even die. Nothing matters to me,” Elena said at that moment.

Gareth’s whole body stiffened and his face became pale white.

Elena looked at the man with darkened emerald eyes and continued, “You abandoned me.”

An intense pain shot through Gareth’s body, shaking him to his core. Watching his lips tremble, Elena opened her mouth once again. “But you are also the one who brought me back and saved me. If you hurt me again, there is no next time. You won’t be able to see me, nor your child.”

Gareth began to feel dizzy from the confusion. What was she saying?

“My child?” he exclaimed. “Elena, what do you mean by that?!”

Elena inhaled deeply as she realized that loving this man was going to be a struggle. He was a man who traveled the world while always on the brink of life and death. He was someone who could kill himself if left alone. Could this man ever be a father? Will he ever really want to settle down?