Chapter 133: Moving On

"How did you know how to massage someone?"

Lyca fought the urge to laugh at him. He wasn't really aware that she knew about all the acupuncture points of the body.

"You call this a deep tissue massage?" Shen Qui asked.

"Hmmm. Just be quiet and close your eyes." There were many types of massages out there, and this one was for people with strains and injuries. However, Lyca thought that this would be the best massage for his body. Shen Qui wasn't really bulky. He was tall and lean, but his muscles were all in the right places. A massage like this would surely benefit him the most.

Lyca felt him chuckle and watched as he closed his eyes. After a few more minutes, Shen Qui's breathing turned calm. She carefully rolled next to him and stared at his soft features. When asleep, Shen Qui's appearance would show his real age. The creases on his brows would disappear, replaced with peace and calmness. She liked it.

A smile soon slithered on her face as she laid on her back and stared at the white ceiling. In her previous world, Lyca was aware that there were two types of pain. One that hurts and one that changes a person. All her life was only focused on inflicting these kinds of pain on her enemy.

It was all about pain and suffering and killing.

So, how did she know that she loved that man? She didn't. She just felt it. The extreme infatuation, the need to be with him, the possessive tendencies. At that time, she thought it was love. It should be. Why else would she want to be with that man all the time? Why else would she feel anger towards everyone that would threaten her relationship with him? Why else would she want to own him? Possess him like a property?

However, coming into this world made her realize that what she felt was not love— she doesn't have the heart for real love. What she felt back then was an obsession. It was the extreme want to own something— and that something was that man. It was unhealthy and toxic. It was her karma.

This realization had something the drama that she watched in this world. Of course, she knew that people would laugh at her shallow excuse. But it was a fact.

In her previous world, TV and mobile phones don't exist. Moreover, she spent her time studying military strategies and tactics in killing someone. She wouldn't have the time to read romance books or any other thing about emotions. 

Coming into this world and watching all those TV series made her realize how unhealthy her previous life was. It was full of doubts and jealousy. At that time, she found it hot when that man would get jealous. She found it nice when just like her, he would ask his people to secretly follow her around. It was a weird relationship. And yet… she liked it.

Lyca soon realized that it was because of pride. The thought of owning someone that was sought after by everyone. The thought of becoming that man's woman was just exhilarating. The thrill of having another woman watched her with envy and jealousy as she walked next to him. 

And maybe that man felt the same shallow way too. Or why else would he decide to kill her for more power? Until now, Lyca finds it hard to move on from her anger, from the insult. She found it hard to forget all the things and foolishness that happened to her. She blamed herself for acting that way, making the only people that treated her as family suffer because of her messy relationship. Slowly, she turned her head towards Shen Qui.

Without moving on… she would never be able to open her heart again. She knew this marriage started with a silly negotiation, attached to the extreme attraction that they felt towards each other and bound by a promise of revenge. She wasn't really intending to fall in love or feel that same possessiveness again. However, Lyca was smart enough to know that her previous toxic tendency was slowly slithering into the cracks of this relationship.

Just her emotions earlier were enough proof that she was once again starting to fall into that endless whirlwind of toxic behavior. She was starting to see him as a possession. A thing that she own. 

She let out a deep sigh. As much as possible… she wanted to keep this relationship as toxic-free as possible. In this world, she wanted to avoid everything that happened in her previous one. 

But…. Was that really possible? Would she be able to move on without the closure that she needed from her previous world?

Lyca only wanted to be happy and live a carefree life. However, fate had different plans for her. The current complications in her life made her realize what she really wanted. And that is closure… revenge.

However, that was just impossible.

She could never go back. All she could do is move on. Lyca let out a burst of laughter full of mockery.

MOVING ON.

It was such an easy thing to say. Lyca didn't know how many times she told herself to focus on the now and forget what happened in the past. She didn't know how many times she tried to convince herself to just think about her current life and live the life that she wanted.

But why was she struggling now? Why can't she just sleep and move on the next day? Why was it so damn hard?

Again, she focused her attention on the ceiling as she wondered what was really the meaning behind the word moving on. Was it accepting that she could never change anything about the past?

Was it forgetting everything that happened and learning from it?

Does it need forgiveness?

Does it need revenge?

Just what is moving on? And why can't she just do that?

Biting her lip, Lyca sat on the bed and slowly covered Shen Qui with a blanket. She eyed the time. It was almost four in the morning. She knew that the club would stop accepting guests around this time. She hesitated for a few minutes before she stood and walked out of the master's bedroom.

"Finally done?"

Lyca paused when she heard a woman's voice. Glancing at the boob art, Lyca let out a sigh and didn't utter a word. However, the woman in the living room wasn't planning to stop talking just because she refused to respond.

"Look… are you really his wife?"