CH 18

You’ve been acting all along this afternoon?

Tu Yan’s manager was the one who bought his house. It was furnished and could be lived in just by carrying a bag. At the time, Tu Yan had only told her the requirements of the location and room type. The manager asked what style he wanted, and Tu Yan boredly said anything.

Only one person would be living there anyway, and in addition, he wouldn’t go back when he went for filming on normal days, so it would be useless no matter how well it was decorated.

Tu Yan had no concept of the word “home”, not to mention a sense of belonging. 

Hence, when his manager told him with difficulty that “there is an apartment that is quite suitable, but the decor is a little old-fashioned”, Tu Yan didn’t think twice as he waved his hand and said that it didn’t matter and there was no need to redecorate, then transferred the money. So this was how the chandelier on the top of the living room remained. Although the model was old, its luminescence pulled through. Tu Yan had to squint whenever he walked from his bedroom to the living room. 

He opened the door, stepped out, and saw Gu Chenbai buttoning up his pyjamas by the couch. The bright light made his side profile look very flattering. His hair wasn’t completely dry and a few wisps fell in front of his forehead, adding a sense of unruliness to his quiet temperament. It reminded Tu Yan of the photo of Gu Chenbai playing basketball when he was 14. 

Bewildered, Tu Yan walked towards Gu Chenbai. 

Gu Chenbai turned his head when he heard the sound. When he saw Tu Yan’s outfit, he was stunned for a moment, but soon restored his calmness. He buttoned the last button, the corners of his mouth curved as he asked Tu Yan, “What’s wrong?”

Tu Yan didn’t speak. He reached out his hand and took down the necklace from his neck, then gave it to Gu Chenbai. 

The look on Gu Chenbai’s face changed slightly. He didn’t take it. 

Tu Yan pressed on the hook of the thin chain and took out the wedding ring. He then took Gu Chenbai’s hand and put the wedding ring on his palm. The ring was a very simple style, but there were very small hollows on either side. Looking carefully, it could be seen that they were two rabbit ears. Tu Yan’s initials were also engraved on the inside of the ring. 

“When did you make this ring?” Tu Yan asked.

Gu Chenbai replied, “Two days before the wedding.”

“The words are crooked, how corny,” Tu Yan commented, “You carved it yourself, did you?”

Gu Chenbai looked at the ring in his hand and chuckled, “Yeah, I wanted to give you an original gift, so I first learned how to polish the ring. But the wedding date was too close and I couldn’t do a better job.”

“What were you thinking about when you were carving this?”

Gu Chenbai looked at Tu Yan, the meaning in his eyes was unclear as he said, “I thought; you may really dislike it.” 

Tu Yan lifted the blanket and sat by Gu Chenbai’s side, “I don’t dislike it.”

He asked again, “What else did you think about?”

“You’re going to marry me. It’s like a dream, it’s unreal.”

“Unfortunately, I broke your dream. I’ve disappointed you, haven’t I? The movies are all fake, I’m not the Tu Yan that you thought at all.” 

Gu Chenbai smiled, shook his head and said, “No.”

Tu Yan sat back, and Gu Chenbai took a pillow to place it behind his waist. Tu Yan leaned against it as he watched Gu Chenbai quietly. Gu Chenbai’s line of sight fell on Tu Yan, looking at his fluffy collar, the delicate skin that was almost as white as his pyjamas, and half his waist exposed under the hem. 

Then, Tu Yan went straight to the point, “Who is Xiao Chu?”

Gu Chenbai spoke honestly, “I really don’t remember this person.”

“Then, who’s Miss Ruan? Why do you want to treat her to a meal?”

Gu Chenbai lifted his brow, “Miss Ruan?”

Tu Yan was self-confident and felt his eavesdropping was justifiable. He raised his chin at Gu Chenbai and urged him to answer. 

“Her and I have been friends since childhood, we grew up together. She’s a beta. In the past, our two families had often joked that we should get married after graduating.”

Before Tu Yan could open his mouth, a tear rolled down with a ‘pit-pat’ and fell on his flannel sleeve without a sound. He pretended to rub his eyes and secretly wiped them, asking, “Then why didn’t you two get married?”

Gu Chenbai didn’t answer and asked, “Then why aren’t you and Qi He together?” 

Tu Yan was at a loss for words.

He wanted to say: Because I don’t like him.

But he was afraid Gu Chenbai would question further, so he shut his mouth. 

Gu Chenbai placed the ring on the tea table and smiled, “Tu Bao, let’s do this in the future; If you don’t say anything, I won’t answer your questions.”

Tu Yan looked at Gu Chenbai with reddened eyes and only forced out a sentence between his teeth after a long time, “I don’t like him.”

“I don’t like Miss Ruan either.” Gu Chenbai looked at Tu Yan as he said word by word, then reached out to help him wipe away the tears from the corner of his eyes. 

“Why do you want to treat her to a meal, then?”

“Why are you jealous?” Gu Chenbai asked in reply, as though he had made up his mind to pry Tu Yan to open his mouth. 

However, that was Tu Yan’s restricted area which he had built an unbreakable wall around over the years. If this wall was crushed, Tu Yan would become a person who was stripped naked on the streets for public display. Up till now, he had fallen into a bottomless abyss with no way out. 

He couldn’t possibly put his emotional switch into someone else’s hands. 

“Gu Chenbai! You leave my house. This is my house, I don’t need you to take care of me, so you leave.” Tu Yan suddenly jumped off the couch. He thrusted the empty necklace into Gu Chenbai’s hand, pointing to the door as he ordered. 

Gu Chenbai looked at Tu Yan deeply as if he wasn’t surprised at all. He took out a set of clean clothes from the paper bag that Gu Chaocheng sent over, unbuttoned his pyjamas unhurriedly and was about to change his clothes. Tu Yan gripped his cuffs tightly, the smell of blood emitted from his bitten lips. 

There were a lot of things he wanted to say to Gu Chenbai, but he always messed it up. He always couldn’t control his emotions. He clearly wanted to ask Gu Chenbai if he loved him, but the words turned into knives as soon as they reached his lips. 

He was actually hurting more than Gu Chenbai was. 

Gu Chenbai changed his clothes, held his walking stick and stood up, then passed Tu Yan and headed to the door. 

Every step that Gu Chenbai took was torturing Tu Yan. 

The sound of the doorknob turning was the last straw that made Tu Yan collapse. He caught up with Gu Chenbai, pushed away his hand, squeezed in front of him and used his body to block the door handle to prevent Gu Chenbai from going out. He cried while he said, “I have one more request.”

“Say it.”

“Touch him, okay?” Tu Yan pointed at his belly, choking with sobs and said, “Touch him…although he’s still very small, so small that I don’t know if he can grow up smoothly…but if you touch him, he can feel it. Just once, just once, please, or there won’t be a chance in the future.”

Tu Yan cried with his head down. He didn’t see the tears in Gu Chenbai’s eyes. 

Gu Chenbai reached out to find the hem of Tu Yan’s pyjamas and covered Tu Yan’s flat upper abdomen; there was a little life inside. 

That was his little bunny. 

Tu Yan was trembling, tears covering his whole face. However, he was still afraid of being looked down on by Gu Chenbai, so he kept wiping his face with his pyjama sleeves. Gu Chenbai pulled down his arm and hugged him tightly in his embrace, saying helplessly, “Little fool.”

Tu Yan blanked for a second, then quickly hugged Gu Chenbai back. He buried his face into Gu Chenbai’s neck, sobbing intermittently as he asked, “You-you’re not leaving anymore?”

This time, Gu Chenbai didn’t raise a question in reply, “I’m not leaving. I never thought about leaving. If you didn’t stop me, I would have found an excuse and put on a thick skin to stay.”

With eyes misted over from tears, Tu Yan looked at him, hoping for an answer.

“I love you, from beginning till the end, it’s never changed.

“At first, I wanted to force you to say things clearly, but my heart broke to pieces from seeing you cry.

“The baby is mine, I know. I also know that you came during my rut period, I lied this afternoon.

“I’m not trying to force you to say that you love me, I just want you to tell me why you dare not say it. I hope that you can tell me the things that you experienced in your childhood, whatever unhappiness you’re going through, and the grievances and worries on your mind that you aren’t able to say.

“You’ve always been a hundred points when you’re with me, it’s a fixed value set by god from the day you appeared. 

“I think you’re lovely even when you lose your temper.

“Of course, you’re a tiny bit not lovely during our divorce. I was so angry that I wanted to get you back and lock you up in a little dark room, but I didn’t expect that you came back by yourself on the second day, and even helped me——”

Tu Yan covered Gu Chenbai’s mouth and wouldn’t let him say it.

Gu Chenbai deliberately wanted to say it. He bit Tu Yan’s pinky and leaned in his ear, “I remember what you did, and I also remember what you said. You said ‘hubby, I’m wrong’.”

“I didn’t——” Tu Yan subconsciously denied, but he fell silent under Gu Chenbai’s gaze. 

“Tu Bao.” Gu Chenbai returned to the deep affection from before, and kissed Tu Yan’s lips as he called him gently. 

Tu Yan sniffed and said vaguely, “You’re not allowed to call me by my name and surname again.”

“Alright.” Gu Chenbai then repeated several times, “Tu Bao, I love you.”

Tu Yan looked at Gu Chenbai and suddenly said, “When I first entered the industry, a producer tried to sexually harrass me. He made me drunk, forced me to take drugs and said that if I got into bed with him I could exchange it for being in a film. I didn’t answer him, and smashed his head with the bedside lamp, then beat him up. After that, I was suspended for half a year and worked as a backdrop in every crew during that time.”

Feeling heartache, Gu Chenbai rubbed his hand. 

Tu Yan lowered his head as he expressed the main point of his words quietly, “I wouldn’t get into bed with someone I don’t like.”

Gu Chenbai pressed close and teased Tu Yan like he was telling a secret, “Tu Bao, you can’t turn your words around, I’m really stupid, I wouldn’t understand.”

“You understand.” Tu Yan murmured. 

Gu Chenbai’s lips carried a smile as he kissed Tu Yan’s lips until his legs turned soft, sticking to Gu Chenbai bonelessly. 

“Let’s go to bed, and you can tell me whatever you want to say slowly, okay?”

Tu Yan still didn’t react, and only when he was muddle-headedly dragged to the room by Gu Chenbai did he suddenly come back to his senses. 

“You’ve been acting all along this afternoon?” 

Gu Chenbai couldn’t help but laugh, “Did you not listen to whatever I just said?”

Tu Yan grabbed Gu Chenbai’s collar from embarrassed anger. Before he could even say half a sentence of hateful words, Gu Chenbai held the back of his neck and kissed him.