CH 21

Tu Bao, sometimes I really want to be a little selfish

When the remaining of their marriage wasn’t too long, Tu Yan indeed had the idea of rescinding the agreement, and not just only once. 

Because Gu Chenbai treated him too well to the point where Tu Yan was unwilling to leave. At the thought of Gu Chenbai giving his loving consideration to someone else, Tu Yan would freak out. 

Is it possible that Gu Chenbai would like someone else? 

Tu Yan didn’t dare to ask, didn’t dare to think. 

Three days before the divorce, it was Gu Chenbai’s grandfather’s 80th Chinese birthday, and Tu Yan accompanied him to go to the banquet. As his relationship with Gu Chenbai wasn’t disclosed to the public, he only presented a birthday gift and didn’t stay for the meal. When he was about to leave, he heard the Gu parents chatting in the booth. 

“Hubby, we shouldn’t have arranged this marriage for Gu Chenbai. Chenbai didn’t agree at that time. I still thought he felt inferior because of his leg, but I didn’t want him to have any regrets, so I made the decision by myself and let Tu Feihong bring Tu Yan in. I really regret now that I think about it.”

Father Gu also sighed, “Yes, this child Tu Yan’s temper is too odd, and he doesn’t even know how to take care of others. I’ve seen him ordering Chenbai around so many times, not caring about Chenbai’s leg injury at all.”

“I’m actually distressed. This marriage not only didn’t help Chenbai, but it hurt him. Now is not a good time to mention about divorce as well. Thinking about many years into the future, how can I rest assure when no one can be by Chenbai’s side to take care of him…”

Feeling dejected, Tu Yan thought with guilt: If Gu Chenbai’s mom and dad knew that their son was forced to sign a divorce agreement as soon as he got married, was living through a countdown of his marriage life every day, and even wholeheartedly treated the initiator of evil so well, would they be even more upset? 

Although mother Gu didn’t say anything, Tu Yan could hear her implications; they were dissatisfied with Tu Yan and wanted Gu Chenbai to change his liking to another person. 

Tu Yan’s wavering heart finally came to a stop. 

That’s right, why put all his mistakes onto that thin divorce agreement? Perhaps the biggest mistake was Tu Yan himself, maybe he never was Gu Chenbai’s lover. He had only accumulated all his blessings in his past life, and could meet someone like Gu Chenbai to accompany him for a short period of time in this life, healing his wounds. However, there would always come a day when he used up his fortune, Gu Chenbai wouldn’t be unlucky enough that he would plant on him even in this lifetime. 

Thinking like this, he felt a little relieved, only feeling that his heart was pricked by a needle, hurting Tu Yan until his nose turned sour and tears sprung to his eyes. He rounded around to the bathroom and poured cold water onto his face.

He saw his reddened eyes through the mirror, appearing so weak and pitiful that he even looked down on himself. 

Someone stopped next to him, seeming to have recognized Tu Yan, as their head hung down to look at Tu Yan’s face. Tu Yan concealed all his emotions and smiled naturally at the person behind. Pleasantly surprised, the passerby took out their phones and asked if they could take a group photo. Tu Yan nodded in agreement. 

After taking the photo and the passersby left, Tu Yan put on a smile, and as he turned around, he saw Gu Chenbai standing behind him with his walking stick. 

Tu Yan lowered his head without a word. 

Gu Chenbai walked up to him and reached out to touch the corner of Tu Yan’s eye, “What’s wrong?”

He always paid attention to every little change in Tu Yan’s mood. 

Tu Yan shook his head, “I’m going home first.”

Gu Chenbai held onto him, gripping his wrist without letting go, “I’m worried about you going home alone. Wait until the banquet is over and we’ll go home together, okay?”

Before Tu Yan could speak, Gu Chenbai coaxed him, “I stole a kids meal for you, there’s your favourite fried chicken and cake inside, I’ll eat with you, okay?”

Gu Chenbai pointed upstairs as he spoke softly and gently, as though talking to a child.

“Gu Chenbai, I’m not so far as to even being incapable of ordering my own food at the diner, and not only that, I’ve always eaten alone at the canteen when I was in school, I won’t feel lonely.”

Gu Chenbai smiled, “I know.”

Tu Yan raised his head and looked at him. They saw complicated feelings in each other’s eyes. Approaching their divorce, this kind of feeling was filled between them at almost every moment, impossible to rid. 

“Forget it, forget it,” Tu Yan couldn’t look at Gu Chenbai for more than five seconds. He raised his hands in surrender and said impatiently, “I’ll wait for you here, you should go accompany your grandpa.” 

Gu Chenbai opened a room upstairs. Not only did he bring in a kids’ meal, he almost ordered a whole table of dishes for Tu Yan. Tu Yan was stunned, “This is too wasteful.” 

“I’m afraid his food doesn’t suit your taste, so I ordered several more, you can eat slowly.”

He wanted to leave after saying this, but he still sat beside Tu Yan and kissed his face, “Tu Bao, you should sleep for a while if you’re tired, wait for me to come back.”

Holding Gu Chenbai’s hand, Tu Yan ate half a fried chicken wing before he nodded his head absent-mindedly and chased Gu Chenbai away. 

After Gu Chenbai celebrated grandpa Gu’s birthday and came up to find Tu Yan, Tu Yan was lying on the head of the bed watching his debut film. Gu Chenbai placed his walking stick beside the cabinet, then got on the bed and hugged Tu Yan from behind, resting his chin on Tu Yan’s shoulder, “Tu Bao, I’m drunk, my head hurts.”

Tu Yan snorted and ignored him.

“What a heartless Tu Bao.”

Tu Yan stared at the TV screen, and suddenly asked Gu Chenbai, “What’s your favourite scene from this film?”

“I like every scene that you’re in.”

“But my acting wasn’t good.”

“It’s very inexperienced, but very moving.”

Tu Yan didn’t believe the man’s nonsense, “Well said, you just took a liking to my face.”

“It’s a lie if I said I didn’t look at your face, but after I got to know you more, I found out that in comparison to your character, your seriousness about acting, your principles, and even your little temper, your beauty isn’t worth mentioning.”

His character…besides Gu Chenbai, who would praise his character?

Gu Chenbai caressed Tu Yan’s face, leaning forward to kiss him. Tu Yan lied under Gu Chenbai without any resistance. 

At the end of the kiss, Gu Chenbai hugged Tu Yan and said slowly to him, “Tu Bao, you don’t have to bear too much burden, and you don’t have to feel sorry for me. I’m also in the wrong about getting married. If I hadn’t been so selfish back then and stopped my parents’ absurd decision, you wouldn’t have to leave your job and be forced into a strange marriage.”

He thought he was also selfish, Tu Yan laughed in his heart. 

Gu Chenbai pulled the quilt up and covered Tu Yan, “Of course, I wished to spend my whole life with you, but this isn’t something I’m hoping for the most now. What I hope for the most is for you to be satisfied with everything I do for these six months.”

Tu Yan subconsciously wanted to grasp the corner of the quilt, but his hand was held by Gu Chenbai, so he could only hold onto Gu Chenbai’s finger.  

“I want you to have the biggest amount of happiness, that after being loved so hard by someone, you’d believe in love again and be enthusiastic about life again, you’d no longer refuse others until a thousand miles away, this is what I hope for the most.”

Tu Yan hesitated for a very long time as he stared at the silvery-white wallpaper in front of him, unable to say a word for a long moment. 

He only knew to blink his eyes after they turned sore. 

He turned around and buried his face in Gu Chenbai’s shoulder, then hugged his waist and said muffedly, “I think my heat period is here.”

Gu Chenbai remembered Tu Yan’s heat period more clearly than Tu Yan himself/. 

The little rabbit was not good at expressing love. Gu Chenbai also didn’t expose him as he smiled and said, “Oh, no wonder I can smell a milky scent.”

He turned over and pressed Tu Yan onto the bed, unbuttoning his shirt. Tu Yan looked at Gu Chenbai in a daze, then he suddenly lifted half of his body and kissed Gu Chenbai’s lips.  

Gu Chenbai froze, and then promptly deepened the kiss. 

The words on Gu Chenbai’s mouth were not strange to Tu Yan, but his body was honest. 

Besides, there were only three days left before this marriage ended, what can he do in three days? They could only watch as time passed by. Gu Chenbai had a few regrets as well, he regretted that he had wasted a lot of time at their ambiguous stage. He was also afraid that he did not have enough leverage, did not give enough love, and once they received their divorce certificate, Tu Yan would disappear. 

He lied down and pulled Tu Yan on top of his body. Instead of attentively removing Tu Yan’s clothes as usual, he got down straight to business.  

……

Eyes swimming with tears, Tu Yan climbed forward, wanting to escape. Gu Chenbai didn’t stop him and said, “Tu Bao, my leg hurts.”

Tu Yan instantly stopped and froze in place as though he had made a mistake. Until Gu Chenbai bent over and kissed him did he feel wronged. It still hurt. Tu Yan buried his face in the crook of his arm and secretly wiped his tears.

Sometimes, Gu Chenbai would be controlled by his emotions and forget to feel heartache towards him.

Tu Yan had been used to the pain from Gu Chenbai, so he couldn’t feel even a little bit aggrieved. 

Especially this day. 

When Gu Chenbai hugged Tu Yan, he saw the wedding ring on his hand, and the heat in his heart became aroused. The alpha’s possession and instincts to conquer occupied all his thoughts in a quick moment. He pressed Tu Yan’s nape, and before Tu Yan could sob, he bit on the gland that was like a fresh and tender peach petal. 

Tu Yan suddenly froze, but his first reaction wasn’t to resist. 

Gu Chenbai’s teeth had already touched his gland. That distinct touch made Tu Yan feel that being completely marked was inevitable. He felt that he should refuse, but he couldn’t say a word. 

“Gu Chenbai…”

The territorial attribute and the possessive significance of a complete mark had already been downplayed a lot by modern people, but no matter the kind of alphas and omegas, the split second sharp teeth pierced the gland, it would make both hearts tremble. It represented a kind of belonging and attachment through the consciousness, no one could resist such temptation. 

Time seemed to stop. Tu Yan’s vision slowly turned dim, there seemed to be a layer of mist. He could vividly hear Gu Chenbai’s heavy breathing and could also feel his repressed emotions. 

“Tu Bao, sometimes I really want to be a little selfish.”

Gu Chenbai held half his body up and got up from behind Tu Yan. He sat by the bed and laughed at himself helplessly. 

Tu Yan didn’t react at first.

He didn’t. 

The contract said that he couldn’t give Tu Yan a complete mark, so he didn’t. 

Tu Yan’s hanging heart fell down, unexpectedly at a complete loss. He turned his head and saw Gu Chenbai sitting by the bed with his back facing him, the afternoon sun shining on his shoulder, but he appeared a little lonely, a look of defeat Tu Yan had never seen before. 

Several nights after the divorce, he had dreamed of this scene, and there would be tears in the corner of his eyes when he woke up.