People just shouldn't compare themselves, because once you encounter a prodigy-like newcomer, that already shaky line of self-confidence in your heart trembles even more violently.
But the problem is that Xu Qingyan himself didn't think he was that great. Although he had a music and movie library in his mind, he didn't have the slightest bit of pride.
Compared with Pei Muchan and Lin Wanzhou, whether it was in terms of professional abilities or other aspects, he felt somewhat inadequate. These things couldn't be made up for just with money.
There was still a lot to learn, and a long way to go.
The car entered the underground parking lot of a luxurious residential area. Xu Qingyan locked the car and had just handed the keys back to Pei Muchan when he realized something was off about the place.
Looking around, he noticed the cars were either Rolls-Royces or 911s; even Mercedes-Benzes were rare to see.
Was the positioning of this residential area too high-end? This didn't seem like any employee dormitory; he must have thought wrong before. If they opened studios in such places, how could they possibly provide employee accommodation?
While waiting for the elevator, he couldn't help asking.
"I live here?"
"Yeah, what's up?" Pei Muchan turned to look at him, slightly puzzled, and after a moment of hesitation asked, "Don't you like it?"
"It's not that."
With a ding, the elevator arrived.
Pei Muchan stepped into the elevator first, "This place is actually pretty good, the sound insulation is not bad."
Getting into the elevator, he noticed it was a private lift for each apartment, with a small vestibule by the entrance, and a fire exit to the left.
"Sorry to intrude," Xu Qingyan said.
"You're not intruding, I don't live here. I'm used to staying at the place by the river," Pei Muchan said with a smile, "I rarely come here, maybe around ten or so times a year."
"Here are the keys and the elevator card, keep them safe."
He took them, and a moment of madness prompted him to blurt out, "I almost feel like I've been kept."
Her hand hadn't retracted yet, and on hearing this, she gave him a look.
"You're overthinking it."
"Indeed." Xu Qingyan put his hands together in a gesture of gratitude and said, "Thank you for taking me in, Pei. I'm beyond words of thanks. Call on me for anything in the future, and I'll be at your beck and call."
"No need for that, just do your own thing," Pei Muchan normally spoke with a somewhat subdued tone; her long eyes and the way they skimmed over people often conveyed a sense of leaving room for sentiment.
Pei Muchan didn't stay long before she left, and twenty minutes later she came back. She had bought a bunch of toiletries and took away all her personal items from the room.
Use youth as a horse, do not waste the prime years.
The once poor boy had made it out of his hometown, and now his youth had passed. He didn't know how much longer he could endure this life, the silhouette of the girl from his dreams growing ever clearer.
Occasionally browsing short videos, he saw a comment, "Are you reminiscing about her because you've been feeling down lately?"
His thoughts drifted away; he had to get to the company by nine for work. Driving had become a passive skill, even if he was occasionally lost in thought, he still followed the car ahead steadily.
The car's music was still playing, something he had bought on a whim the day before without listening. Somehow, the background music he used to pass the time, its melody managed to penetrate from his ears into his heart.
Maybe because the weather was nice today or perhaps the lyrics were truly interesting.
[In that one classroom, how come I...]
He drove on, gazing ahead without focus, inexplicably building upon his own memories as a foundation, sketching out the image of his senior year classroom.
[On that windy day, I tried holding your hand...]
He remembered the timid him from the past, using a class activity as an excuse to touch her hand. The gift he had planned to give her before the college entrance exam was hidden time and again.
He circled the examination hall below, watched her cry with reddened eyes after a poor exam, and never managed to say the well-wishes he wanted to, hiding the gift in the deepest part of the drawer.
In the rainy season of southern college entrance exams, yellow butterflies rested on the playground after the rain. Witnessing his silent, unnoticed youth, neither brave nor wonderful, it merely came to an end without any fuss.
[With much difficulty, another day to love, but at the story's end... goodbye.]
As the song ended, his car, without him realizing it, followed the vehicle ahead and turned onto a road he had never traveled before. He pulled over to the side, his heart pounding, haunted by the thoughts in his head for a long while.
If he had been braver back then, would life be different?
With trembling hands, he fumbled for a pack of cigarettes and lit one with shaky fingers, inhaling deeply. As a hardened smoker, it was the first time the harshness made him cough incessantly, bringing tears to his eyes.
What exactly trapped him? Was it retaking a year, pursuing university, or the vast distance between two cities? Or was it... the countless hesitations in his lifetime?
He found the song and quietly played it over and over. A mess of memories sprang out, including the high school literature teacher who had once solemnly recited, "These feelings will become memories, but at that moment, I was already at a loss."
The gentleness he glimpsed in her eyes back then was something he had never seen, and now he recalled it once more.
In his youth, he swallowed whole the ancient poems without understanding, and scored well in the language exams with quick precision; now, after years, he heard the whooshing sound of the wind through time.
Things he had never even heard before, vaguely piercing his heart.
...
Pei Muchan was just about to go up to her studio on the second floor when she heard a burst of light laughter behind her. She turned around and Xu Qingyan held up his phone screen towards her, saying.
"Come look, I found an interesting long comment, just posted."