Chapter 124 - Not Goodbye

ETAN

He'd been so prepared, so ready for this. He knew it was needed, and he'd been thinking about their return from the moment he'd known they'd be alone together for two days. He'd known it would be difficult, but he hadn't anticipated the screaming in his head, the steel bands wrapping his chest at the idea of letting her walk into this lion's den without him.

He hadn't anticipated how terrified he'd feel, not that she would be killed, but that somehow she'd be taken from him, even though no one knew. Yet. 

Etan swallowed and delved her mouth with his tongue. She made a small noise in her throat that made his body clench. He couldn't take her now. He couldn't. She was sore from last night, and they had mere minutes—then Ayleth's hand slid up his inner thigh to cup him through his trousers and he almost bit his own tongue.

He pulled away just far enough to rest his forehead on hers and took her hands before she could send him over the edge. 

"No, Ayleth," he rasped. "I am not going to take you here, against a tree."

"Why not?" she gasped and he was shocked to see tears in her eyes. He stroked her cheeks with his thumbs and held her eyes. 

"You're my wife, they cannot take that," he hissed urgently. "And this is not goodbye. This is a parting for an hour. You will be in my heart, in my mind, every second until we are together again. And I will not let you go when you are returned to me. Ayleth… we are fighting for our future, for our joint Kingdom now. We can be apart for an hour—but I do not want it. You know that. No matter what occurs today, I will find you tonight. I will hold you, and I will love you. I will not let them keep us apart in private, no matter what we must do in public. I vow to you."

"But if my father arrests you—"

"Don't invite trouble we haven't met," he said, shaking his head, stroking away the tears that finally fell on her cheeks now. "I brought you here to be with you, to say fare thee well. That is all. This is not goodbye, Ayleth. Hear me. It is a short window of separation. It will be difficult until we know what is happening, but it is the step we must take. You know this."

"Yes," she said, stroking his chest. "I just… I'm so frightened, Etan. Not for me, for you."

He pulled her tight into his chest and she wrapped her arms around his waist. He could barely breathe for the fear of losing her, but he knew he couldn't tell her that. She was right that the greater risk was to his safety, but he couldn't let her dwell there, or she would insist on their joint return and he knew… he knew that wasn't going to work. They couldn't force the King's hand by revealing themselves to others. He was certain of it.

So he straightened, looming over her as she held his waist and craned her neck back to look up at him. He continued to stroke her tears away as he spoke, and she calmed under his touch. 

"I love you, wife," he whispered, marveling at her porcelain skin. "I will never again deny you—I will claim you with pride before the entire world. And even when we aren't close, I will make certain everyone knows you are mine. This is our step into our future. The future we choose—with peace not just for our, but for both our people. The Father blesses our efforts, I'm certain of it. So do not fear. This time will be difficult and tense, but it will be worth it."

"Yes, you're right," she whispered back, blinking away the last of her tears. "I'm certain of it, too, Etan. I cannot shake this feeling, deep down, that what is coming… I don't know what it will be, but it will lead us in the right direction. Together. Our Kingdoms together."

"Yes," he smiled down at her. "The Father promises that nothing happens in our lives by accident. That He will work everything out for our good. So whatever mountains I must climb, Ayleth, never fear. I will scale them. I will not let them take you from me. Ever."

"Nor, I," she said. 

They stared for a long moment, drinking each other in. "It's time," Etan said, trying to keep the grief from his voice.

She nodded, but neither of them moved. 

Etan sucked in a breath, took her mouth, hot and demanding, and kissed his love into her. Then tore himself away before he could be tempted to take more and offered her his hand. "Let me take you to your man," he said quietly.

Her face dragged down with grief, but she took his hand and let him lead her through the trees, back to the trail. 

They didn't stop touching until she was atop her horse and had leaned down to kiss him.

Then Falek nodded to him and he released her hand as Falek spurred his horse to a canter, and Ayleth followed, looking at him over her shoulder until the bend in the trail and the trees hid them from view.

Then finally, Etan let himself slump and feel his fear. His absolutely terror.

He likely walked to his death today, that was the truth. But he couldn't let himself focus on that—not when she watched. Because his wife was… optimistic. 

He just prayed if her father killed him that she would be able to escape and find happiness somewhere else. Even with someone else. 

He shook his head.

He would not give in. He would fight to his last breath.

But he was not unrealistic. As he strode out of the trees and towards where Borsche sat on his horse, holding Etan's, he took a deep breath.

He would fight and he would win. 

Or he would die trying. 

***** 

He and Borsche had taken a shortcut through the wood, to emerge away from the main path—and much sooner than Falek and Ayleth, who would be taking their time. All of the heirs would be returning to the castle that day for the signing of the Accord on the following day, so as long as they weren't seen to arrive at the same time or by the same route, no one would think anything strange. 

As the castle came into sight between the treesand they cut across to meet a different main trail, Borsche hissed at Etan to stay back in the shadows until he had checked that the trail was clear. 

When he whistled for Etan to join him and they swung the horses onto the dirt road, the castle loomed, a mile or two ahead, the wide, blue sky stretching behind it, scattered with clouds that drifted in the breeze. Each of the castle's eight great turrets were flying all the flags of all the nations with Zenithra's in the center. Etan blew out a breath to try and calm the clench of his stomach.

"I find myself… shaken," Borsche said quietly from his right. 

Etan snorted. "You are in good company."

"Etan," the older man began, then stopped. 

"What is it?"

"If this goes wrong… was it worth it? For one night?"

Etan turned to Borsche, his brow furrowed with worry and his eyes pinched tight, and forced himself to smile. "Not only was it worth it, it wasn't for one night, Borsche. She is my soul, and now she's mine. No one can ever steal that from us—and here I am comforting you as I would her. Stop bleating like a girl, man. We walk into danger, not hell."

"The danger is very, very real, Etan. I have avoided raising it to you because I could not see any better way through this than the path you chose. But… but now I quail. The man you stand against is your wife's father, and he is the most powerful man on the continent."

"Do not fear the man who can kill your body. Fear the one who can steal your soul," Etan quoted from the prophecies, with far more confidence than he felt.

His hands on the reins were shaking. 

Borsche nodded. "It is truth, of course. And I admire your courage, son," he said. "Even if your father is in a rage, the day will come when he admires it too."

"How will you get mother away from him if they're awaiting my arrival together?" Etan asked Borsche to change the subject.

Borsche smiled a grim smile. "That will be the easy part. I would lay money that your mother fears your father's anger towards you right now. She and I developed a signal years ago, when you were living… irresponsibly. It was a way for me to let her know that I had information about you that was… delicate, and would need her careful hand to communicate it to the King. We used it several times in your adolescents. When she sees it, she will excuse herself from whatever she might be doing to join me and hear what news I have."

Etan frowned. "You and my mother have secret signals?"

Borsche nodded. "Never believe that the people who keep secrets for you, only keep them for you, Etan. I am trusted, because I am trustworthy to all. Not just to you."

"But you're loyal to me first, right?" he said. "When this all happens, if I'm split from my parents, you will come with me, yes?"

"As long as I draw breath, Etan, my life is bound to yours."

Etan swallowed the sudden lump in his throat. "Thank you, Borsche. I mean it."

"I know. And you're welcome."

They rode on without words until they reached the castle grounds. As they passed through the massive wall gate and were followed by the eyes of the guards, but not called to halt, both of them breathed a little easier. Then Borche turned to him and said quietly, "Are you ready?"

"Absolutely," Etan replied.

And he wasn't lying.