CH 2

Chapter 2: N. So Near, Yet So Far

“That’s quite an honor.

Here I thought you’d already forgotten I existed.”

Su Hui lowered his eyes, gazing at the milk froth floating on his coffee. He was depersonalizing. His chilled teeth clenched before he spoke up finally, “I… have been well.”

Perhaps because his reply didn’t seem like an answer to his question at all, Ning Yixiao laughed.

But he was very used to Su Hui being like this too. He had been like this in the past, jumping from topic to topic, without any logic connecting them. That was all because of his illness. This absence of change lulled Ning Yixiao into a slight sense of security.

When Assistant Carl heard about a mishap in the hotel he booked, he didn’t even finish his food before he rushed back. Ning Yixiao wouldn’t pick up his calls, so he sped to the hotel, and through the full-length glass window, he immediately spotted Ning Yixiao.

What surprised him was that Ning Yixiao was smiling. They had worked together for a long time now, but he had never seen his stern-faced workaholic superior make such a smile before. He looked like a completely different person.

“What have you been doing these years?” Ning Yixiao’s posture was relaxed.

Su Hui’s silence seemed extremely repressed. It took him a long while before he returned to reality. “…Treating my illness.”

Ning Yixiao nodded in understanding, staring at his lowered eyes before he asked again, “Are you a little better now?”

“I’m better.” Su Hui uttered the lie, turning his face aside and looking at the roads outside the window. He repeated mutteringly, “Much better.”

He looked very much like he wished to immediately get up and leave this place for the outside.

Ning Yixiao laughed softly. Even if he didn’t quite believe him, even if he had already long seen his trembling hands, even if he was clearer than anyone else that this was a side-effect of his medications, he still responded rather kindly, “Really? That’s good to hear.”

No. Perhaps he wasn’t the one who was clearest about this.

Ning Yixiao could not help but remember how Su Hui lay on the bed, that voice echoing in his ear.

Liang Wen. This was the name he had uttered.

“Earlier, you seemed to have mistaken me for someone else.”

His fingers tightened around the cup, but he still maintained the smile on his face.

Su Hui could not quite gather his energy. Even sitting here properly was difficult. He supported himself with his palms on the seat booth. It was as though he had not heard Ning Yixiao’s question.

Ning Yixiao assumed then that he didn’t want to talk about it. He gave him another smile. “I’m sorry. Am I asking too many questions?”

Hearing this, Su Hui sluggishly shook his head.

“Since it’s been such a long time, I’m a tad curious,” Ning Yixiao said.

Su Hui seemed to be very cold. He wrapped his coat around him tighter, picking up his coffee to take a sip. His slightly agape lips breathed out a few white tendrils of condensation. Like mist, it hid that despondent, forlorn beautiful face.

But at the same time as he moved away the cup, the froth stained his lips, while his eyes were innocent and pure.

Su Hui was just such a contradictory existence.

Ning Yixiao took a sip too, removing his gaze from him.

He looked outside the window. The gray, murky sky seemed like it could collapse in the next second. The winds were strong. Every passerby was holding onto their issues and troubles tightly.

In the silence, Su Hui downed the remaining half cup of latte. The temperature and caffeine seemed to have lent him some steady energy. He looked at Ning Yixiao who didn’t seem to have changed much in six years aside from seeming to have a better life now.

He still had that handsome face that was easily picked out in a crowd, but he wore a coat different from the past — a branded one. It made him look distant, unapproachable.

“Ning Yixiao.”

Su Hui’s voice left Ning Yixiao in a little daze. He was not too used to being called by his full name by this person.

Turning back, Ning Yixiao gazed at Su Hui’s pale face, discovering that this pair of liquid eyes were gazing at him. The emotions in them were ones he could not comprehend. They looked very much like repentance.

But whether it was truly repentance, Ning Yixiao no longer wanted to ruminate. Earlier, in the ten over seconds he looked outside, he had figured out many things. He did not want to repeatedly contemplate what Su Hui was thinking. He knew that whatever he interpreted was wrong. This was true six years ago. And this also remained true six years later.

A question had always been stuck in Su Hui’s mind. He had thought it over—if he were to see this person again—he would not carry a single care about anything else; he could easily let them pass. However, he definitely had to ask this question.

In this entire short while since he sat down, he had been fighting a losing battle with himself. When he finally recovered some of his energy, he mustered up the courage to ask.

“You… My letters…”

“I read them.”

Ning Yixiao did not let him finish, giving the answer with his lips pressed in a flat line. In this second, the chill emitting from him was completely different from before, as if something had shot him in his knee.

Su Hui’s drifting thoughts suddenly made a disjointed connection. They were back to summertime, recalling the lawn mower in his garden. Those greens and grasses were instantly sheared, leaving behind a verdant smell in the air.

Those mangled blades of grass on the ground could only bear it, unable to continue any further.

“I don’t quite want to talk about that right now.” The smile returned to Ning Yixiao’s face.

He changed the topic nonchalantly, putting down the cup. “Right. You said before that you like Iceland. It’s already been so many years. Have you visited yet?”

The hallucinatory side-effects of his medicine seemed to be in effect still. Su Hui believed he was a fish which lost all of its bones and was stranded in shallow waters. Very feeble, very helpless.

He managed to tug the corners of his lips and gave Ning Yixiao a smile. The coffee that was stirred earlier suddenly appeared in his vision. He could see that floating spiral. It spiraled—and spiraled——as if he’d be swallowed in one moment, buried the next.

“Mhm.”

“Was it pretty?” Ning Yixiao looked at him.

Su Hui nodded half a beat later. “Very.”

“Did you come here to travel?” Ning Yixiao asked again.

Su Hui quietened. “It’s for an exhibit— For work.”

As he answered, he noticed that Ning Yixiao had one of his hands in his pocket the entire time.

Very luckily, Ning Yixiao seemed to plan on letting him off; he did not probe further.

“True.” Ning Yixiao pulled out that hand. “There isn’t anything special to travel all the way to Seattle for.”

Su Hui could not say another word. As though even the Heavens knew that he was in desperate need of help, that manager who was deeply respectful to Ning Yixiao approached them. He bowed once again in apology, offering a gift card to make up for the mistake while uttering some pleasantries that Su Hui didn’t quite like but was necessary.

At least he could leave now.

Su Hui stood up, gripping the handle of his luggage as he spoke very softly, “Then I’ll take my leave now.”

He didn’t look back and only walked forward.

But Ning Yixiao’s pace was fast. And since his own was not quite stable, he was caught up within a few steps. In the end, the two of them still left the hotel entrance together.

Snow fell without any warning. It was a very heavy one — completely different from what Su Hui expected. He subconsciously reached out to catch a snowflake.

He heard that it rarely snowed here, though it was not an extremely low possibility — it could still happen on occasion.

But he and Ning Yixiao were the opposite. It had been six years, yet they could only meet again in such a convoluted progression of events.

Ning Yixiao turned his head. Like he had reunited with an old friend in another foreign country, he said to him very classic words of goodbye: “I didn’t think that I would see you again.”

The snowflake in Su Hui’s hand had already begun to melt. “Me neither.”

“Really?” Ning Yixiao suddenly laughed. “That’s quite an honor. Here I thought you’d already forgotten I existed.”

After saying that, he nodded at a person not far away. He very cooly told Su Hui then, “I’m going. It’s snowing, so take care on your way.”

Su Hui stood alone at the same spot for one minute. It was not that he didn’t want to move. He just couldn’t move his legs.

Standing in the falling snow, what appeared in his vision was, in fact, a scene from six years ago. That night when he left Ning Yixiao, he had been like this too. He had forgotten to say goodbye.

Ning Yixiao returned to the car. Assistant Carl was already waiting for him in the driver’s seat for a while.

Usually, Ning Yixiao was harshly strict on being on time. So, now that they clearly looked like they were about to be late, Carl was a little frantic, fearful of his superior’s remarks.

“Shaw, are we going straight to the banquet?” Carl glanced at his watch. “The ride will take about 45 minutes. Tonight’s food will be prepared by a very renowned chef in Seattle. I’ve checked the menu. They originally planned for scallops and prawns, but I informed them ahead of time that you dislike seafood. So, they quickly switched to venison…”

Noticing that he had received no response from Ning Yixiao even after talking this much, Carl looked at him through the rearview mirror, hesitantly calling him again.

In the reflection, Ning Yixiao’s face was pale, brows furrowed as his eyes stared at the side view mirror, foul energy exuding from his face.

Carl was considering whether he should call him again when Ning Yixiao suddenly opened the door and got out.

“Shaw?” Carl was a little confused, hastily opening the door on his side to follow him too.

In his memory, Ning Yixiao rarely had unstable emotions. Even when he was in difficult work situations with seemingly zero chance of success, Ning Yixiao was composed, similar to an AI that lacked an ability to express emotions.

“Get back in the car.” Ning Yixiao looked down at his watch. “I’ll take a cab to the banquet.”

Carl was even more baffled now. “A cab?”

“That person earlier…” Ning Yixiao paused, expression shifting. “Follow him. Tell me where he’s going.”

“F-Follow? That’s illega…” Carl was stunned on the spot. But Ning Yixiao was already standing by the road, beckoning at a cab that was driving in their direction.

“You don’t have to follow me to the banquet. I’ll let you knock off work right afterwards.” Leaving these words, Ning Yixiao got into the cab.

Even if he mentally felt a slight displeasure at his superior’s orders, Carl still followed Ning Yixiao’s request. He got in the car, and drove in the opposite direction from before, gaze searching for any trace of that gorgeous young man earlier.

Ning Yixiao sat on the backseat of the cab, staring at the stained spot at the back of the car seat, silent. The cab driver attempted a conversation with him, but seeing his unpleasant expression, he could only quieten down as well and simply drove in silence.

The sky outside the window had already darkened. Snow was drifting in the night and neon lights of the city — as if it was attempting to cloak and conceal everything.

Countless thoughts flashed through Ning Yixiao’s mind, but he couldn’t grasp onto a single one. He just felt like a giant clown right now.

They had been separated for so many years, yet Su Hui was not curious about even a single thing. The only question he asked was those letters. It was as if he could no longer tolerate Ning Yixiao’s questions, and in the end, decided to finish him off with a lethal blow.

The most hilarious thing was that when he saw how vulnerable Su Hui looked, a part of himself still could not bear it, believing that he was the one overdoing it—that he shouldn’t have pushed him so hard.

The cab driver had turned on the air-conditioner, so the temperature in the vehicle was not too low. Ning Yixiao listened to the news on the car radio. The radio DJ was reporting that Seattle was about to face the biggest snowfall and lowest temperature in history this year and reminded folks to make preparations.

Ning Yixiao wanted to let out a cold laugh. He rolled down the window, expressionlessly looking at the dancing particles of white outside.

He remembered the snowfall six years ago, as well as Su Hui’s leaving figure covered by the snow. Standing at the roadside then, he had been frozen to his toes, body stiff, unable to even take a step out.

A “bitter winter” in Seattle that needed to be especially reported was not even worth a mention to him. He had been entrapped by that snowfall all these time. Even until now, unable to escape from it.

When he arrived at his destination, Ning Yixiao received Carl’s phone call.

“Shaw, I followed him the entire way. He was on foot at first and walked very slowly. Then he got on a bus and got off near a luxurious residential apartment and headed there.”

Hearing no interruption from Ning Yixiao, Carl continued, “When he arrived, a man came out to meet him.”

Ning Yixiao finally broke his silence, “What kind of man was he?”

His voice had turned a little terrifying. It was very low, as if he was suppressing some kind of emotion. Carl found it hard to swallow for a moment. He braced himself and described him, “Hm… He’s Chinese and very tall. He looks about the same height as you, and about 27 or 28 years old.”

What he received was a prolonged silence. Anxiety was eating up Carl.

“Shaw…”

“They met. And then?”

This question was a little vague now. Carl could only describe everything he saw. “That man seemed to have asked something. He patted his shoulder, gave him a hug. Then they went upstairs together.”

“Then?”

“I don’t know.” Carl answered honestly. “I didn’t follow them upstairs. This is their private matter after all.”

These words seemed to be an implied warning. Ning Yixiao let out a quiet laugh that sounded like condescension, but also self-mockery.

“You did the right thing.”

Carl felt a strange tinge of fear then. Today, Ning Yixiao was behaving very strangely. Or, to be more precise, after seeing that person by chance at the hotel, Ning Yixiao had turned very bizarre. After working with him for these couple of years, he had never seen him smile like that, nor had he heard him talk like this.

“Is there anything else you need me to do?”

“Yes.” Ning Yixiao entered the elevator, pressing the button for the floor.

“Investigate a person called Liang Wen.”

The author has something to say:

Earlier, I accidentally copied the second chapter onto the first chapter too. After I mulled it over, I decided to just post the second chapter after all. Maybe a lot of readers didn’t see it (sobs, here goes one of my drafted chapters)

[Carl: I thought I did a great job, but I’m getting a faint sense that something isn’t right.]

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Cai: Jiayou, Carl! (Did anyone else get salty vibes from NYX?)