CH 19

Chapter 19: N. Caught Between a Rock And a Hard Place

I like weddings very much.

The snow in Seattle was getting heavier and heavier. Su Hui walked on the pedestrian crossing alone, with no direction in mind.

Liang Wen called him thrice and only got through in the third call. Although he asked about his glasses verbally, he then smoothly directed the conversation to have Su Hui tell him what happened. Then, he informed him that it was hard to book a room during Christmas and told Su Hui to stay at his place for one night first.

Su Hui wanted to reject him, but worried that his state would become disastrous and end up affecting tomorrow’s exhibition. So, he could only agree. Liang Wen came to get him on the ground floor. Seeing his bad complexion, he gave him a reassuring hug.

A bathtub, hot water, a comforting scent and a slow-paced sea creature documentary — everything that could lighten Su Hui’s depressive mood, Liang Wen could provide it very generously.

“Why do you like the sea so much?” Liang Wen held a glass of dry martini as he stood by the couch.

A blanket draped over Su Hui, his eyes blankly looking at the sea on the screen.

“A seaside life would be very blissful. If I can choose, I want to grow up in a small fishing village,” he answered dully.

That night, he couldn’t be the slightest composed at all. Even if he had returned to a quiet guest room and lay on a soft and empty bed, he would see Ning Yixiao’s face in his mind. The quieter his surroundings were, the more cluttered his mind was.

He would faintly hear Ning Yixiao’s voice — hear him utter, “I thought you had already forgotten me. After all, I nearly couldn’t remember you anymore.”

The snow outside fell endlessly, and Su Hui did not sleep a wink this night. The moment he closed his eyes, painful memories would repeat itself again and again, not a single thing held back.

He forced himself to get up from bed, take his medications and change his clothes. Liang Wen specially drove him to the exhibition and greeted the organizational team. They requested Su Hui to stay a little longer, and he complied.

All the other exhibitioners were impassioned, leaving Su Hui finding himself dry and useless. He could only cautiously study the surroundings, feigning enthusiasm. Liang Wen bought coffee for him, so Su Hui accepted with a polite smile in response.

He’d at times look up to stare at those little butterflies after butterflies, which he folded personally, and the dizziness would strike him again. He would suddenly recall the image of Ning Yixiao hiding in the cocoon together with him. But this only happened in certain moments.

Worried about his grandmother who was alone in the apartment, the moment the exhibit ended, Su Hui took a flight back to New York.

At the airport terminal, he received a call from the organizer, who told him that his exhibition piece had been purchased by a private collector.

This news made Su Hui’s dead waters of a heart ripple.

“May I ask if they left their email or similar contact details?”

Su Hui opened his mailbox and found a new email. After clicking into it, it was still that person’s engagement party invitation, as assiduous as ever, as though the bountiful feast in the engagement party would become tasteless if he did not attend it.

He did not click into the details and just exited the invitation email, telling the employee on the other end of the call, “I’d like to write an email to express my gratitude to the collector.”

“I apologize, the other party requested to be anonymous. We are unable to provide you with his personal details.” The employee comforted him. “It’s alright, Eddy. The other party adores your art piece very much and made payment promptly as well. Could you check if you’ve received the payment yet?”

Su Hui did it as he was told. There was certainly an additional amount of money in his bank account. Ten thousand American dollars. It was not inexpensive.

This money came at the right time. It resolved numerous of his current predicament.

Su Hui paid his rent and paid off his credit card debt from purchasing his medications. These things that left him at his wit’s ends had temporarily vanished.

Since he was a young, he lived in a majestic cage, with the power and wealth that he did not want, and without the freedom that he yearned for. Now, everything had become inverted. But Su Hui still made an utter mess of his life.

On the airplane, he gazed at the clouds outside, thinking of how Ning Yixiao looked in the hotel. He appeared as though he had obtained what he wanted. This comforted Su Hui.

Without himself, Ning Yixiao would only live a better life.

The cramped plane cabin made one breathless. After making it through this flight, Su Hui landed in New York. He switched on his phone and discovered three missed calls, all from the landlord. He immediately dialed back.

The snowfall here was even heavier. The weather was abhorrent, and it was practically impossible to get a cab. When the call finally connected, the landlord’s voice was extremely panicked.

“Hurry back! Your grandmother fainted and I just sent her to the hospital!”

His mind immediately went blank.

He could not even afford the time to think. Dashing out of the airport, he searched in the far and wide snowfall for a long time before finally catching a cab.

The temperature in the car was extremely low. He could not tell if his stiff hands were frozen or if it was simply a physical symptom of being in his depressive episode.

Su Hui attempted to type, but he could not do it at all. He only barely managed to dial his landlord’s number again, and in a flurry of panic, asked about the situation when it happened.

Together with his grandmother, he rented a place in an old apartment building in Queens and stayed on the same floor as the landlord.

The landlord was a fifty-year-old white-haired old lady who got along well with his grandmother. They would often get together to cook and chat. Today was not an exception. Just as the landlord went to fetch the flour, his grandmother suddenly fainted and went into shock.

Su Hui’s stomach was at his throat, his body curled up at the back seat, breathing difficult. He attempted to make himself look more normal, but his body was beyond his control. He could only open up the window a little, letting the chilly wind wake up his mind more.

The wind, coupled with some snow, blew Su Hui’s hair into a disheveled mess. His ears began ringing. Knitting his eyebrows together, he pressed his lips into a thin line.

The driver in the front seat noticed something off and inquired if he needed help. Su Hui shook his head, hands gripping the seat and eyes guarded and uneasy.

Even until he got out of the car, he attempted to free himself from the pessimistic foreboding and to believe that his grandmother would be fine. But akin to gloomy clouds that could not be blown away, it reflected itself on Su Hui’s heart.

In the hospital, he found the extremely anxious landlord. Seeing him, she relaxed a little.

She kept Su Hui company while waiting for the doctor’s critical diagnosis. But the wait was too long. One hour. Two hours. Yet, the light of the emergency room remained lit.

Su Hui could not allow the landlord to waste her time waiting, so he thanked her countless times and told her to go back for a rest first.

The white light in the hospital was glaring. Only a suitcase kept him company in solitude.

During the process of waiting, for a very long while, Su Hui thought that the medicine he took had lost its effectiveness. He felt strengthless, disgusted, imagining himself as a pool of melting glue, spilling on the floor, sticking itself on those doctors that came and went.

He knew he was not normal. But he could not stop his own abnormality.

At one in the morning, the primary physician appeared in front of him, calmly and cruelly announcing to him the diagnosis.

“Primary liver cancer. Middle stage. Its symptoms resulted in the fainting.”

This diagnosis was like a death sentence; it ruthlessly chopped into his heart.

Su Hui was stunned on the spot, eyebrows lightly knitted together, many emotions instantaneously flooded out of his large but empty eyes. He could not be sure if he genuinely understood it correctly, nor did he know what he should ask.

“You’re the patient’s family?”

Su Hui nodded after a beat. “She is my maternal grandmother.”

The doctor nodded. He had seen too many of such situations, and so did not see it as out of the ordinary.

“Right now, the patient’s situation is critical. We have to go into the ICU to stabilize her. But we must let you know the detailed costs involved first.”

Su Hui immediately said, “Any amount is fine. Please, you have to save my grandmother…”

“Please sign this form.” The doctor handed him the consent form[1]. “I still have to inform you of other things as well.”

“There are many ways to treat liver cancer. For patients in the middle stage, we’d have to check and judge whether the patient is stable enough to have surgery. Only then, we can decide our course of treatment. So, even if we can stabilize her, she has to be hospitalized for a week for tests.

“If surgery is possible, we’ll immediately arrange for liver resection. If surgery is not possible, then we cannot do anything other than conservative therapy.”

“Will the surgery…” Su Hui’s throat was dry. “Will the surgery help her recover?”

The doctor evidently avoided meeting his gaze, providing a mild answer. “The chances of recovery from liver cancer is very low. If surgery is possible, the chances will increase and there is a large likelihood that she can live longer.”

Live longer.

This was not the answer that he wanted.

Su Hui’s nose reddened. He unnaturally lowered his head, clearing his throat. “Then… what do I need to do now?”

The doctor had a nurse lead Su Hui to register and pay for the hospitalization fees. Being in his depressive episode, it was difficult for him to adjust to the fast paceness of the hospital. He had barely caught up when the nurse’s avalanche of questions hit him. Coming right at his face was medical insurance.

“Are you an American citizen? Do you have insurance?”

Su Hui was taken aback hearing that. Then he shook his head. “I don’t. And I’m not.”

The nurse gave him a look, seeing his pretty face and old clothes. “Then your medical bills will be very high. Extremely high.”

“How much?” Su Hui inquired.

“We are not sure yet.” The nurse stared at the records on the computer and said casually, “It’s different for everyone. You should ask your attending physician.”

After saying that, she handed the invoice to Su Hui. “Pay the ICU fees first. $10,000.”

This price was practically sky-high to him. But Su Hui did not hesitate. He swiped his card and asked, “After payment, will my grandmother immediately get to stay?”

“Someone will inform you.” The nurse gave him a glance. “Why does it seem as if you’ve never been to the hospital?”

Su Hui lowered his eyes.

The hospital was likely the most familiar place to him. Except, this time, the person who needed treatment was no longer himself.

Su Hui was like a ghost with no home to return to, wandering on the floor his grandmother was at, watching her be sent into the ICU ward, incapable of going in to keep her company.

He did not have the courage to leave for even a second. He could only sit at the corridor’s staircase — the entire night, sleepless.

Su Hui could not differentiate if this was a nightmare or reality. After all, its starting point was Ning Yixiao — whom he could only see in his dreams.

He doubted it every second. Wondered if his illness had acted up again. If he was experiencing hallucinations. Perhaps at this time, his grandmother was still at home, very peacefully making wontons while waiting for him to come home.

In these years, he had spent them always attempting to stand up, and was always beaten down into pieces by unexpected occurrences. Even if he got hurt, he didn’t find it painful. He just felt so bitingly dry, such that he couldn’t even swallow even after chewing the feeling up.

He didn’t know when the next hard hit would come.

After a tormenting sixteen hours, his grandmother finally moved from the ICU to a normal crowded ward. And Su Hui could finally genuinely be by his grandmother’s side. —His hallucinations had also been shattered and turned into reality.

The ward was so cold. He ran back and forth, searching for a shop and purchasing a cotton blanket to cover his grandmother.

She was still unconscious. Su Hui held her aged hand and held it for a long time.

When he went to pour a cup of water, he heard voices talking, saying that the previous patient who took Su Hui’s grandmother’s bed had left last afternoon. They had departed in their dreams.

The next day, the test results came out. The attending physician told him that the fortunate thing was that his grandmother had a chance to undergo surgery, but there was a large risk, and the costs were high too. He studied Su Hui and once again asked if he could accept this method.

“A hundred thousand American dollars?” Su Hui asked again.

“Yes. The patient’s illness complications are dangerous. The surgery is very complicated.”

The doctor told him, “Surgery also isn’t the end of the treatment. There might be higher costs in the later stage for the interventional treatment, hospitalization fees and medical bills. Based on my clinical experience, you’ll at least need to prepare $500,000.”

Su Hui’s savings only had less than $8,000, and that even included the amount that he received not long ago — the amount that once gave him temporary joy.

“I’ll try.” His eyes were red, but his tears never fell, strong-willed. “I want to save her. This is very important to me. She… is my only relative now.”

He knew that he could borrow from others. He could ask Liang Wen, or Professor White, but his pride was rioting. These people had already helped him far too much, and gave him material assistance too many times.

Opening his email, he once again saw the invitation to the engagement party.

When he first received the invitation, Su Hui had thought it was sent to him by mistake. He was not a wedding planner, nor a wedding designer. All the work he did had absolutely no relation to engagements.

But the sender emphasized once again that their client adored his works very much and extended an invitation multiple times, hoping to chat with him in person.

In the tumultuous depressive episodes, Su Hui could never muster up interest in anything. He did not even open the attachments that the person had sent over. He did not want to know at all who it was that was about to step foot into a wedding venue.

Perhaps it was arrogance or perhaps loftiness — he had thought of himself as different.

But this time, Su Hui realized that he was not different.

He dialed the number on the email and cut straight to the point, agreeing to their invitation. They were elated at the news, as if they had completed some incredible goal and offered for him to give a price quotation.

Su Hui hated money. But he still forced himself to say words he didn’t want to.

“A hundred thousand American dollars. Is that acceptable?”

The party on the other end of the call agreed swiftly, practically without a thought, as if $100,000 was not worth a mention to them.

“Of course. There’s no problem whatsoever.”

Su Hui was quiet for a moment and then spoke up again, “I’m very sorry. The payment… I might need it to be made as soon as possible. I know this request is very impolite, but tomorrow… by tomorrow, I’ll give you the draft.”

The other party was indifferent. “It’s no problem. It’s not a big request. Please give me your account number. We will make payment immediately. If my client is satisfied, you will most definitely receive more than this.”

Su Hui stood under a tree near the hospital, extinguishing a cigarette as he ended the call. The snow never melted in the end, simply accumulated and dirtied under footsteps.

For the sake of getting the draft out, he stayed up all night in the corridor of the hospital. But from start to end, he didn’t have any inspiration, and curled himself on the chair alone. It was until the sky was faintly brightening that in between sleep and being awake, he remembered Ning Yixiao, remembered the rainy night when he met him, at that bus stop bellowing with winds.

Su Hui got up, dazedly but anxiously drawing everything in his mind with a pencil.

Then he succumbed into the falling, endlessly replaying the events from six years ago.

The contact in the call transferred the money, but made a sudden request, inquiring if it was possible for him to meet the client, Miss Jones, in person. She wanted to talk to him and retain a copy of the draft.

“Yes, sure.”

There was no bottom line for Su Hui to speak of. After he agreed, he took the train hastily. The cold air was tinged with the moldy peanut smell in the train. Everywhere were enlarged photographs, advertisements headlines, slogans — jolting every passerby’s numbed heart.

Manhattan, a place that many dreamed of. A great number of high-risers stood silently in the snow, like a stifling snowy cedar forest.

Cold air seeped into his throat even until he reached the agreed location by foot. It was a luxurious hotel. The designer of the hotel was even the previous headmaster of the school that Su Hui was in.

The hotel host seemed to have already been informed ahead of time. Seeing him, they politely gave him a bow and led him into the hotel.

He had spent these days at the hospital, taking care of his grandmother. Su Hui didn’t have the time to change his clothes, but he did not care either. Even if every single person here wore Chinese traditional clothing while he only wore a large coat with ragged sleeves and a pair of old shoes, he would never care.

The inside of the golden elevator was like the interior of a gift box, awaiting being opened up by the upper class.

The eleventh floor. His first step was cushioned by a long-furred sheepskin rug. Soft and quiet. The host introduced the place diligently, telling him that this entire floor was used to hold parties. Currently, the place was still very empty, without any ornaments.

There was a full-length glass window all around, allowing the view of the entire Manhattan. But Su Hui did not feel moved at all.

A door in the party hall at the back opened. Walking in his direction was a beautiful young Caucasian woman, donned in a snow-white wool coat and a white beret. When she spotted him, her eyes instantly lit up.

“I hadn’t expected an artist to have such a pretty face. If your photo showed up on an advertisement board on any of the streets here, I’d definitely mistake you for the newest fashion icon.”

Even if the first half of Su Hui’s life was the so-called upper society’s life, he knew with clarity that he was just a bird in a cage. He could not get used to the rules of high society at all. That included their praises.

“I’m Bella Jones. You can call me Bella.” Bella had a sweet smile, golden curls fine and beautiful. She extended a hand. “I’m very honored to meet you.”

“I am too, Miss Jones.” Su Hui shook her fingertips neither humbly nor overbearingly.

“At first, I was about to lose hope.” The joy on Bella’s face was genuine. “I didn’t expect you to truly be willing to come. I’m too thrilled.”

With much difficulty, Su Hui tugged his lips to form a smile. It was like heavy fetters on him were falling. During depressive episodes, it was always like this. Simply just standing here took all of his energy.

Under his gaze, Bella’s snow-white clothes and hat seemed to transform into a complete set of haute couture wedding dress. Utterly beautiful.

Inappropriately, some memories flashed through Su Hui’s mind.

He said, “I like weddings very much. When I see another person’s wedding, I’ll feel very satisfied and happy.”

Saying that, Su Hui looked at Bella. “I’ve never attended a wedding in full before.”

Bella clasped her hands together. Even the creases on her silk gloves were pretty. “That’s unfortunate. But don’t worry. I’ll give you the best seat to watch.”

As she spoke, she took Su Hui around the place. “This is the venue that we’ve decided on for now. Initially, I thought that a manor or the beach with natural scenery was better. But my fiance didn’t quite like it. Even for this, I secretly invited you without saying a word.”

Bella surveyed the surroundings and then came closer in an adorable manner, whispering secretly to Su Hui, “I still think that it’ll look much more magnificent if I put your art pieces by the beach, right?”

Probably because the more guilty one felt, the more it would happen. Bella had just finished complaining when she saw the person entering through the door. She sighed and then haughtily raised a hand, intentionally greeting in an extremely exaggerated manner.

“Hi, my love.”

Su Hui’s gaze followed hers as well.

In the next second, all the blood in his body froze, leaving him incapable of taking another step.

Bella was smiling. She felt that verbal expression was not this depressed artist’s strong suit, so she easily took up the task of introducing them. “Eddy, this is my fiance. You can call him Shaw.”

As she spoke, she looked at her fiance. “Shaw, this is an art installation artist, Eddy. I especially hired him. He’s a bright new star of New York’s art world…”

But before she finished, she noticed something amiss. She squinted hard at her fiance’s face. “Hey, is something wrong? Your face looks terrible.”

Su Hui felt his breathing convulse, and he clenched his fingers tightly together.

Countless illusions and dreams intersected, overlapping into this handsome but cruel face in front of him — the fiance of the client, his ex-boyfriend.

Ning Yixiao tugged the corner of his lips upwards, but the darkening of his face did not lessen any. He extended a hand to Su Hui, tone friendly, gaze sharp.

“Hello, Eddy.”

The author has something to say:

Poor Su Hui (cries)

PS: don’t get angry at Ning Yixiao. He doesn’t really intend on getting married. It’s just a mutually beneficial joint agreement with the female party. (It’s only engagement, not marriage, and they’ll cancel the engagement after some time) Neither parties have feelings for each other. And the female party has a lover. The main issue here is that someone was maliciously insulting the characters, so I have no choice but to explain things ahead of time. Sorry.

Once again, I’m thanking everyone for your support. For the next chapter onwards, the chapters will be paid. On the day that the first paid chapter drops, there’ll be 10,000 words of content! Thank you everyone for keeping me company through a difficult serializing period. Love you all~

Translator’s Note:

[1] The original “病危通知” literally translates to “notice regarding the critical care [for the patient]”. And basically the patient’s family has to sign this notice as an acknowledgement. However, this isn’t a thing in the western world as far as we know, hence we altered it to a consent form, which would make more sense.

——

Cai: I work in healthcare and as far as I know, there’s no notice or consent involved with transferring clients to the ICU. We chose consent in the end because it’s the closest thing that would make sense! If anyone knows more about hospital notices like this I would love to hear more!

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