CH 40

Xia Xingchi pinched the bracelet with his fingers. The slightly childish and clumsy weaving technique and faded red color struck him like a thunderbolt.

The flood of unsealed memories made him involuntarily tremble, and the dream that was silently erased and buried deep in his memory suddenly became clear.

— In the dream, I gave Li Chengyuan a bracelet when I was a child.

Perhaps it would not be surprising if it were simply a dream.

After all, it was possible to come up with any sort of whimsical fantasies in a dream.

Having heard the story of the White Moonlight, he subconsciously weaved a scene and then secretly substituted himself as the White Moonlight because of his sour feelings. This could also be explained.

Xia Xingchi took a deep breath. But what explanation could there be for the things in the dream to appear in reality? Li Chengyuan actually had a red string bracelet that he wove?!

His whole world was a chaotic mess. Xia Xingchi had no time to think before another memory fragment emerged in his mind.

Following the red string all the way to the source, more trivial memories that hadn’t been in the dream appeared —

The rain was followed by cloudless sunny weather, but the temperature dropped even lower.

The old, dilapidated factory building was ventilated on all sides, and the cold wind penetrated through every opening.

Little Xia Xingchi took off his coat and covered Li Chengyuan, but Li Chengyuan still shivered uncontrollably from the cold. His lips were pale, and his dark amber eyes were dull and unfocused.

“……Put on your clothes,” Li Chengyuan said with difficulty, his voice weak. “Leave me alone.”

Xia Xingchi reached out his small hands to warm the other party’s cold ones: “It’s okay, I’m not cold. I’m afraid you’ll vomit blood again if you catch a cold.”

After observing him for a period of time, Xia Xingchi found that this frail and sickly porcelain doll could not even drink cold water.

After drinking a sip of cool room temperature water, his stomach would hurt, his face would turn pale, and his uncontrollable vomiting was sometimes even mixed with light red blood.

But the conditions here were limited, and there was no hot water to be found. Xia Xingchi had no choice but to hold the plastic bottle in his arms to warm it up a little, and then give him a drink.

Li Chengyuan knew that he had developed a high fever. Even though Xia Xingchi had given him his clothes, he was still shivering from the cold.

He didn’t want to drag Xia Xingchi down by having a cold.

Unexpectedly, the little money-grubber thought for a while and then continued to take off his clothes.

Li Chengyuan immediately frowned and scolded: “Don’t mess around! Put on your clothes……cough cough.”

“Maybe it won’t be so cold if we hug each other.”

Xia Xingchi continued to strip, then went to Li Chengyuan’s side and hugged him, saying seriously: “I’ve seen two stray cats huddling together to keep warm!”

Li Chengyuan coughed so heavily that his lungs hurt, and there was a faint taste of blood in his mouth.

He covered his lips with one hand and felt a heat on his palm. He had probably coughed up blood, but he closed his fist and withdrew his hand calmly, so as not to scare this little money-grubber again.

When he finally stopped coughing, Li Chengyuan’s voice was low and hoarse. There was none of the childishness he should have at this age in his tone, only lifelessness: 

“Xia Xingchi……don’t you hate me being sick all the time? Leave me alone and let me fend for myself.”

Taken aback by these words, Xia Xingchi immediately replied: “Of course not! You’re sick and uncomfortable, and I just want to make you happy. I’ll take good care of you!”

Li Chengyuan gave a cold sneer: “Everyone loses patience over time…..I’m a burden.”

If there was anything more terrifying than the image of his mother hanging herself, it was being tormented day and night by dreams of a ferocious corpse hanging in the air, its long tongue drooping out as it screamed: “I was driven to my death by you! You’re a disappointment! It’s you who killed me!”

Li Chengyuan had been weak since he was a child, and almost died of a high fever several times when he was still learning to walk.

His mother feared that his breathing would suddenly stop, and sometimes didn’t even dare to sleep at night. She held his little self in her arms and kept an eye on his condition, patiently coaxing him to take medicine and studying recipes to cook for him.

Her hard work and maternal love were obvious to all.

Yin Huairou, a loving mother who lived up to her name, was eternally gentle and meticulous. A loving mother who worked hard and bore no complaints, she would gradually become hot-tempered and terrifying, as if she was a completely different person.

When Li Chengyuan was feeling unwell and couldn’t finish his food, Yin Huairou would pick up the bowl and smash it on the ground or even on his body, screaming hysterically.

In addition, when he was nauseated and vomited due to the bitter medicine, she would force-feed him bowl after bowl, pouring another every time he vomited until her purpose of getting the medicine into him was achieved.

Such was the case that when Li Chengyuan had a stomach bleed and vomited blood for the first time, although he was young and fearful of the unknown, he didn’t dare to tell Yin Huairou or let anyone know.

Alone, he silently endured the severe stomach pain with gritted teeth and didn’t say a word, suspecting he was about to die. The torturous suffering didn’t end until he fainted due to excessive blood loss.

Li Chengyuan lowered his eyes. On that rainy night when Yin Huairou committed suicide, which was forever engraved in his mind, he had suddenly developed a high fever like this.

He had shivered from the cold in his sleep, his bones aching. Although he didn’t realize he had a fever, he instinctively gritted his teeth and kept silent to prevent others from knowing that he was sick.

In a drowsy state of illness, he was suddenly pulled up from the bed by his collar, and a loud slap landed viciously on his face!

The weak Li Chengyuan was slapped so hard that he unexpectedly fainted on the spot, only to be woken up by the following more severe slap.

He opened his eyes to the sight of Yin Huairou’s expression of hatred and fuming rage.

She was still wearing a white nightgown. To the young Li Chengyuan, when his mother held him in her arms, the faint fragrance and warmth of this nightgown were like a lighthouse and a safe haven, a symbol of tenderness and peace of mind.

But now she just looked like a malicious ghost.

Yin Huairou said word by word, coldly and full of loathing: “You. Have. A. Fever.”

Under the high fever and drowsiness, Li Chengyuan could barely feel the burning pain in his swollen cheeks from being slapped.

He was suddenly overwhelmed by the fear and self-loathing of being sick again, and didn’t know why she had appeared in his room in the middle of the night.

At this moment, Yin Huairou began to cry and scream, throwing things around the room hysterically.

And everyone in the villa had long been used to her madness, so they were not surprised and didn’t bother to check on what was happening.

Li Chengyuan tried to get up, but suddenly had a severe headache.

The high fever caused a sudden onset of his unexplainable dizziness, and he fell back on the bed weakly, unable to move at all.

When the vertigo happened this time, his consciousness happened to be awake, and his eyes were even open.

Yin Huairou wept and howled: “It’s all your fault! It’s because you’re not good enough! Her son is so healthy, why are you like this!”

“It’s not my fault….not me, I have a clear conscience! Why are you doing this to me?”

“It’s because of you that he will have children with other women, it must be because he doesn’t like you!”

Yin Huairou suddenly laughed as she spoke, horrifically and mournfully.

Lightning and thunder flashed in the dark night as rain hit the window panes. Li Chengyuan’s vision spun. Unable to move, he could only silently watch as she went mad.

Then, he watched as she took out the rope she had prepared long ago and hung it on the solid decorative pendant on the ceiling of his room.

Although Li Chengyuan was still young at the time, he still vaguely knew what she was going to do, so he gritted his teeth and tried to get up to stop her.

But his useless, garbage body was still extremely dizzy. He had a splitting headache and couldn’t move at all or even speak – only his eyes could see clearly.

Her despair, her madness, her hideous death.

Watching the mother who was once gentle and loving become a lunatic, and then a corpse, he stared at her for the whole night.

In the dilapidated factory building, Xia Xingchi stretched out his short arms and hugged Li Chengyuan tightly, hoping that his body temperature would drop soon.

He seemed to be delirious from fever, and the little porcelain doll who was always quiet actually talked so much intermittently.

Maybe it was because he had no one to confide in, and when the pain overwhelmed the defenses of his reason, he could finally do whatever he wanted.

Xia Xingchi silently listened to him. As a child with no relatives and no friends, this was the first time he felt so distressed for someone.

Xia Xingchi said earnestly: “Although you don’t want to call me Xiao Xia-gege, I will never hold that against you. If you are sick, I am willing to take care of you anytime, anywhere, I promise!”

After saying so, Xia Xingchi thought for a while. He really couldn’t figure out how a mother could go to her son’s room to commit suicide.

After all, the mothers he watched enviously on the street loved their children very much. Even if they didn’t love them, there was no need for such tragedy and bloodshed.

After some thought, he carefully poked Li Chengyuan’s white cheeks that seemed to be almost transparent: 

“You did nothing wrong. Your mother’s head might have been temporarily sick, like the uncle in our orphanage, so she seemed like a different person.”

“She definitely didn’t mean to blame you, so stop blaming yourself.”

Li Chengyuan shook his head indifferently and said in a calm, hoarse voice: “It’s my fault she hated me.”

“If I could be healthy……if I could get up and grab her, if I could call someone over……why am I not dead yet?”

. . . . . .

When Xia Xingchi regained his senses, he saw that he was still standing in the empty study, and the memory fragments in his mind became extremely clear.

He suddenly knew why Li Chengyuan awfully and indifferently chewed through a whole board of antipyretics when he went crazy that day.

Because this memory ended with the young Li Chengyuan suddenly going crazy in Xia Xingchi’s arms —

He was so afraid of getting sick that he lost his mind.

This idea had been imprinted in his heart, like a maggot attached to the bone, like a shadow.

Like a madman, Li Chengyuan deceived himself and others in various ways, swallowing numerous painkillers and antipyretics to brutally mask the guilt, despair, and powerlessness deep in his heart.

Xia Xingchi took a deep breath, and there was suddenly filled with immense distress.

His thoughts were in chaos, and his memories related to Li Chengyuan were still incomplete.

He couldn’t figure out how such a clear, true memory could suddenly appear when he hadn’t felt like he was missing any, but the red string bracelet was the best proof that this wasn’t all a fantasy.

So where did Li Chengyuan go?

Although the memories stretched time infinitely, only a moment had actually passed.

Aunt Li came up from downstairs and finally said what she had wanted to say:

“Young Master, today is the anniversary of the lady’s death. It’s so late and Sir hasn’t come back. I’m worried…..”

Xia Xingchi’s eyes widened when he heard this, and the instant the words “anniversary of death” hit him, there was a loud boom! in his head.

He didn’t know how Li Chengyuan felt about his mother, but he seemed to have an intuition telling him that Li Chengyuan would easily fall ill and go crazy near this time.

“I’m going to find him!” Xia Xingchi said urgently, “Where did he go?”

Aunt Li shook her head. She had never dared to ask during these years. No matter how indifferent and tolerant Li Chengyuan was toward his servants, she still couldn’t touch his inverse scale.

Xia Xingchi frowned, and had no choice but to run down the stairs while making a phone call. He grabbed a car key as the phone connected.

“Doctor Zhao, do you know where Li Chengyuan has gone?”

On the other end, Zhao Yelan froze for a moment, and then asked: “He hasn’t come back yet?”

After receiving Xia Xingchi’s affirmative reply, Zhao Yinhe remained silent, as if hesitating over whether to tell him the address.

This matter was indeed one of Li Chengyuan’s inverse scales. Even though he and Zhao Yinhe were best friends since childhood, he never dared to test this bottom line.

Xia Xingchi started the car and drove out of the garage while pressing: “Hurry up, ah, where did he go!”

Among the memory fragments, Li Chengyuan’s appearance when he fell ill and went mad as a child was far more terrifying than what he had seen last night.

Xia Xingchi couldn’t stop himself from trembling, fearing that something would happen to him if no one was looking after him.

The flood of memories left Xia Xingchi at a loss. There were so many questions he wanted to ask him about those years.

At the same time, if not for the fact that this was not a time for happiness, Xia Xingchi might have been overwhelmed by the ecstasy of  “I might really be his White Moonlight.”

“I won’t let him know you said anything. Tell me!” Xia Xingchi urged while turning on the hands-free phone and stepping on the accelerator.

Zhao Yinhe was also naturally worried about his friend, so after hesitating for a long time, he had to truthfully say: “He’s probably at Aunt Yin’s grave…..don’t worry, he usually just sits and looks at it. Nothing will happen.”

When he was sick and acting abnormally, he might hurt himself.

Zhao Yinhe didn’t know that Xia Xingchi’s “red string bracelet” had reminded Li Chengyuan of those things again, and only knew that as long as the other deliberately didn’t let himself think of it, he usually wouldn’t lose his mind.

. . . . . .

Following Zhao Yinhe’s directions, Xia Xingchi finally located the cemetery.

Yin Huairou was not buried with the Li family, but was hastily interred in this remote and somewhat ramshackle cemetery by her disgusting cheating husband.

Thinking that this was to make room for the mistress and let the wife who had been pushed to madness end up in such a miserable place, Xia Xingchi felt disgusted and wanted to slap that man.

It was a pity that the old clapper died early, otherwise Xia Xingchi would have rushed up and given him a piece of his mind.

It was completely dark, and the remote and desolate cemetery on the outskirts of the city was inaccessible. Even the street lights were not up to standards, and were extremely dim, making it difficult to see the road clearly.

Xia Xingchi got out of the car. Before his eyes could adapt to the dim environment, a chilly breeze suddenly blew past his face.

But he couldn’t bother to imagine ghost stories to scare himself. When he thought about how his surroundings were so cold, he immediately became very worried that Li Chengyuan would fall ill.

Xia Xingchi held a coat for Li Chengyuan in his hands and wanted to find him quickly. Firstly because he feared he would freeze, and more importantly because he was afraid he would get sick and lost his mind.

No matter how tough and rational the character, human beings were unable to hold up under huge mental trauma and physical instinct. This was not something that Li Chengyuan could control.

Xia Xingchi clenched his fists and became continuously more distressed the more he thought about it. He just wanted to find him as soon as possible.

. . . . . .

As soon as he stepped through the cemetery gates, Xia Xingchi was about to climb up the stairs when he saw a figure suddenly flash past.

In the darkness, the man looked very familiar as he turned at the stop of the stairs in the eastern part of the cemetery.

When Xia Xingchi opened his mouth and called, “Li Chengyuan,” the other party had already disappeared from sight.

Xia Xingchi hurriedly picked up his feet to chase him, but after running two steps, he suddenly felt that something was wrong.

In his lurking memories, he seemed to have been here before, and Li Chengyuan’s mother’s tomb seemed to be on the west side?

However, the person just now seemed to be Li Chengyuan……?

Xia Xingchi couldn’t help but hesitate, not sure whether he believed his dark, blurred vision or the mysterious and baseless memories.

After hesitating for two seconds, he still believed the latter.

His intuition told him that Li Chengyuan would not be wandering around the cemetery at this time, and hadn’t stopped when he called him. Maybe he had recognized the wrong person.

Xia Xingchi turned and climbed the stairs. His eyes finally became accustomed to the darkness, and he was able to see clearly.

This suburban cemetery lacked management and maintenance, and was rather disorganized. Xia Xingchi stumbled as he walked.

Nobody knew what complicated feelings Li Cheyngyuan had, or what he thought of this tomb and the person inside it.

He had never moved her grave to a place with a better environment, and everything here was a reminder of the powerlessness and pain of the past. 

After turning around and seeing no one, Xia Xingchi couldn’t help but suspect that the figure just now had been Li Chengyuan.

Just as he was about to go to the east side to look for him again, he suddenly saw a vague figure not far away. They were sitting motionless at the side of a tombstone, blending in well, and he almost didn’t see it.

At this sight, Xia Xingchi hurriedly strode forward, and when he got closer, it turned out to be Li Chengyuan.

There was no mourning or sadness on his face as he sat there very calmly.

His whole person seemed quite indifferent, even a little…..well-behaved.

But it was this state that worried Xia Xingchi even more.

Xia Xingchi took off his coat, the same as Li Chengyuan had done at the fashion soiree, and put the warm coat on him before donning the one in his hands.

Li Chengyuan’s eyes were a little dazed, but fortunately, he wasn’t that desperate and crazy little lunatic that Xia Xingchi remembered when he was a child.

Xia Xingchi took a deep breath, and said as firmly and earnestly as before: 

“Li Chengyuan, it was not your fault. Not even a little bit.”

Li Chengyuan turned his head slowly, and eyes like a silent old well looked at him quietly.

This time, Xia Xingchi was not afraid, nor did he avoid the villain’s gaze. He looked directly at him, holding Li Chengyuan’s face as if he had done so countless times: 

“You have to understand, a cheater is a scumbag and an idiot. There is no excuse to make, and it had nothing to do with whether you were sick or not.”

“What’s more, Li Shengrui is older than you. How can such a smart person like you not understand such a thing?”

Li Chengyuan pursed his lips, as if he had something to say.

Xia Xingchi knew that what he couldn’t let go of was not only his mother’s groundless accusations after becoming depressed and twisted, but also his helplessness as he watched her die in front of him.

“Everyone says that death is like a lamp going out, so why can’t you let yourself off? These things are over.”

Xia Xingchi took a deep breath and pressed a light, unambiguous kiss onto Li Chengyuan’s forehead: 

“Let’s go home, ba. It’s too cold, you might get sick…..and I have something to ask you – can I still get paid for braiding your bracelet?”

Li Chengyuan finally reacted when he heard these words, his eyes lighting up with sudden focus.

Xia Xingchi was relieved to see that he could still communicate.

He thought that maybe he wasn’t sick after all, that Zhao Yinhe was right and he might really just be sitting here.

Xia Xingchi was reaching out to pull the big introverted cat up, but Li Chengyuan suddenly yanked him down!

Unsteady on his feet, Xia Xingchi immediately fell into his arms, where he was held down firmly.

He gripped Xia Xingchi’s wrists painfully, gritting his teeth as he said angrily: 

“Didn’t you leave? Didn’t you completely disappear?!”

“Little liar, you finally know to come back……” Li Chengyuan’s voice was a little hoarse, and he said in a whisper, “Do you also think that I’m a burden and don’t want me anymore?”

Xia Xingchi was taken aback. For a moment, he couldn’t tell whether the other was sober or confused, and vaguely felt that Li Chengyuan’s mind wasn’t right.

Just as he was thinking, there was a sharp pain in his neck as Li Chengyuan bit down vengefully!

“Li Chengyuan!”

Xia Xingchi gasped at the raw pain of being bitten by him. This time, he no longer doubted his mental state. A normal person obviously wouldn’t do such a thing.

Xia Xingchi now only wondered if he would be bitten to the point of bleeding: “You wake up quickly, don’t do that, ah!”

The tension on his neck suddenly loosened, and before Xia Xingchi could heave a sigh of relief, there was a sudden heat on his lips.

He was so dazed that Li Chengyuan directly pried his teeth open and marched straight in unchallenged.

The kiss was intense and wild, but didn’t contain much lust.

While lips and teeth intermingled, Xia Xingchi seemed to clearly feel his emotions —

Madness, terror and anxiety, desperation to take possession and to own……