CH 17

For some reason, Lethenia strongly resisted going to the Duke’s residence. Her determination to not back down seemed intense this time.

Seeing the desperation in her eyes, he could no longer persuade her.

<Whatever.>

With a small sigh, he turned to leave, but Lethenia quickly grabbed his sleeve.

<If I wait here, will…… you come to see me later?>

He smiled, as always, a smile that seemed painstakingly sculpted over time. Then he turned to Lethenia and said in a hushed tone.

<Of course, Lethenia, you know I won’t leave you like that forever, it’ll only be for a little while.>

As he said this, he shook off her slender hand that held him with a fierce grip. Lethenia’s head turned weakly to the floor. For a time, she had been nothing more than a prisoner.

People had no idea it was at the Emperor’s behest. Instead, they criticized the empress for not showing her face in public.

They said she trusted her father too much and had become arrogant, tarnishing the dignity of the royal family. Of course, Ian knew the origin of those rumors was from the nobles of the Emperor’s faction, but he turned a blind eye to that as well.

Like a tiny thorn stuck in his fingertips, it constantly bothered him, but he thought it couldn’t be helped. She was the daughter of Duke Bledel, who would not mind tearing his flesh to shreds and throwing it into the sea.

Then one day, Ian received news that Lethenia had fallen. At first, he thought nothing of it, that she was just faking it to see him again.

But when he arrived at the Empress’s palace, he realized something was wrong: her body was as rigid as a corpse, and even the physician said it was hopeless. He felt an indescribable sense of fear and anxiety.

<Are you saying that the Empress is dead?>

The physician bowed his head, unable to speak. Ian, like a child learning to speak for the first time, mulled over the words he had just uttered in his mind multiple times.

‘The Empress is dead. Lethenia is gone. I will never see her again.’

He sent everyone out and stood by Lethenia. He didn’t know how much time had passed. It had been a very long time since he had been alone with her like this.

He placed his hand on her forehead, trying to feel her body temperature. There was no warmth at all. He didn’t feel any warmth at all. Then he moved down from her forehead to her cheek, then down to her lips.

The first time he felt a body become so cold like this was when his father, the former emperor, passed away.

Then it was his mother, and now it is the third time. But of all three terrible experiences, Ian thought this was the most terrible.

The sharp words he had spoken to Lethenia and her voice filled with sadness merged into one. It churned in his chest like a fierce whirlpool.

The sight of Lethenia with her eyes closed was unfamiliar. It seemed like she would wake up at any moment and start reproaching him, asking why he had come so late.

He called out her old name, hoping that if she heard it, she might wake up feeling so happy.

<Siana.>

Ian stared into the distance at the unmoving body, lost in thought. He retrieved a piece from the tomb of forgotten memories.

He remembered the day Lethenia had asked him to call her by a different name. As a child, Lethenia had told him that her mother was very ill and that she couldn’t see her very often.

This was because her immune system became extremely weak, and contact with someone could worsen the disease. Ian didn’t know what to say to comfort her.

Lethenia smiled even brighter at Ian’s hesitation and spoke.

<My mother will get better soon, so I’m fine. It’s not sad at all.>

<You’re right, the duchess will get better soon.>

<But it’s a little disappointing that I won’t be able to see my mother often until then.>

A darkness fell over her angelic face. Ian knew that Lethenia was actually scared that something might happen to her mother.

It pained him that there was nothing he could do for her at a time like this. He’d spent days and nights asking his father, the emperor, for nectar, the drink of immortality, but all that came back were terrifying tantrums and strict orders.

<I’ll always be here for you.>

He said, squeezing his heart full of regret. He was already a crown prince, but all he could do was be by her side. He felt pathetic.

He vowed that if he were to become emperor one day, he would do everything for her. He would get her a hundred nectars, or even a thousand.

After a while, Lethenia spoke up.

<Ian, when we’re alone, can you call me Siana?>

<Siana?>

<This is a secret, but it’s a nickname that my mother calls me when no one is around. I don’t know why, but she says it’s my original name, and I think if you call me that, it will make me feel like she’s right here with me.>

<Yes, Siana.>

Contrary to her wishes, the Duchess of Bledel’s illness grew worse and worse. The more so, the more Lethenia wished that Ian would call her Siana.

She even said that every time she heard him say her name, it made her feel like she was someone special. One day, Ian told Letenia.

<Please call me by a different name, too.>

Ian wanted to say, “I want to be special to you, too,” but he swallowed the words, feeling a little embarrassed. When Lethenia gave him a curious look, he blurted out in a half-hearted voice..

<Kaire.>

Ian thought of Lethenia, who had once been mesmerized by a puppet show. She had looked at the male puppet that was the main character and said.

<I also want to meet a prince like Kaire.>

<Why?>

<Because he’s cool.>

<And then what?>

<Of course we’ll get married, that’s the happy ending.>

Then what about me? He wanted to ask, but his pride kept him silent. What does a petty prince from a small kingdom matter about?

He’s the crown prince of a great empire, and soon he’ll be emperor, so he can make her his empress, which is higher than a queen.

Ian bristled that he wasn’t the one Lethenia wanted to meet, but he couldn’t help but listen as she rambled on with a bright look on her face.

Later, when the name Kaire came out of Ian’s mouth, Lethenia was reminded of that day. They looked into each other’s eyes and laughed wordlessly.

***

Lethenia, who collapsed for unknown reasons, miraculously survived. Everything is back to normal.

It didn’t change his relationship with her, and it shouldn’t. But Ian couldn’t get the image of her lifeless body out of his head.

It traumatized Ian and ripped a hole in his heart. In his nightmares from then on, it was no longer his parents who died…

Now he had to face the scene of Lethenia dying before his eyes again and again, and he realized that he would rather not sleep.

He took excessive doses of medicine to keep his mind clear and forced himself to reduce his sleeping hours. His health deteriorated significantly, but he believed it was better than seeing Lethenia dying every night.

Perhaps he developed resistance. He fell asleep as if he fainted even though he took medicine that day. As expected, the terrible nightmare did not let Ian go. Lethenia, who was covered in blood, cried sadly and poured out words of resentment against him.

<Kaire, why did you do that, I loved you with all my heart, how could you? I regret meeting you the most. You don’t deserve to be loved by anyone, and I will curse you for the rest of my life.>

He stepped forward, determined to save her lying beyond the raging flames. He felt the excruciating pain engulfing his entire body.

Struggling, he arrived where Lethenia was, only to find that she was already dead.

The memory of her lying there like a corpse seemed to come flooding back. Even though he knew it was a dream, he couldn’t help but shed tears.

Ian suddenly realized that what he feared most was Lethenia’s death. He was tired of revenge, tired of the mission, tired of it all.

He wanted to throw off his life as if it were an ill-fitting garment he had been forced to wear. In the dream where everything that restrained him disappeared, he felt he could finally speak.

Siana, I’m sorry. I was wrong. The truth is, I missed us from that time. They were the words he had hidden deep within him for a long time, unable to escape beyond the realm of dreams.

And then the unthinkable happened: a gentle touch on Ian’s forehead. As if by magic, the brutal dreamscape slowly began to fade.

The scarred Lethenia was replaced by the cheerful little girl he had loved.

Her fresh laughter tickled his ears. Her fine silver hair flowed in the wind and caught the sunlight, making her even more dazzling.

The purple eyes he fell in love with at first sight were full of brilliant life. This was the Siana he would never see again.

<My Siana.>

She ran into his arms, her face beaming with joy.

<I missed you, Kaire.>

The cold monster became a little Kaire the moment he hugged her. His arms wrapped around her warmly, as if protecting the most precious thing in the world.

<I missed you too, Siana. I miss you so much.> 

His voice choked with emotion and didn’t reach her.

For the first time, little Kaire cried out loud. Siana’s tiny hands patted his back.

When he opened his eyes, everything would be the same as before, but Ian could feel a warm sensation he hadn’t felt in a very long time. It was a cruel dream that made him wish to sleep forever.