Chapter 639 Not Worthwhile

Chapter 639 Not Worthwhile　　Just as Raelle had said, it was a very strange and kind of historic first meeting between parents and their daughter. After all, it was actually the very first time they both had not only come face to face with Raelle, it was really their first time seeing her in flesh and blood. They might have heard about her from here and there. They also got to see the picture that was posted online recently. However, the effect of seeing her in person was completely different and a lot bigger than they had thought.

They both felt like something was stuck in their throat right now. They could neither swallow it nor spit it out.

This was their own daughter. She had their blood running through her veins but it was their first time seeing her. Wasn't it pathetic that they never even knew what she looked like when she was just a kid? Even when she was born, before they could hold her, she was gone. Gone from their lives and they lost the right to even call her theirs.

Clearing her throat, Song Xin'ai mustered her courage and called out to her, "Raelle!"

"Yes?" Raelle looked up from her black phone screen at Song Xin'ai.

"I'm..."

When Song Xin'ai couldn't form any words, Raelle was patiently waiting for her to continue. One couldn't possibly figure out what was on her mind right now. She looked so calm and disinterested that it almost suffocated Song Xin'ai. 

"If you're going to apologize to me, you better stop right there," said Raelle shocking both Song Xin'ai and Xiang Hulin. "I don't need your apology."

"Yes, an apology is not gonna change anything," commented Song Xin'ai with a self-deprecating smile that looked worse than crying.

Raelle stared at her face without a flinch as she added, "If you apologized, I'd really look down on you."

Song Xin'ai eyes snapped up as she stared at Raelle incredulously.

"Let me say it like this, until this day, I've never looked down on you for abandoning me," stated Raelle honestly. "I never felt the need to do so. You made your choice that day. And I don't mind that. Life always brings you to the crossroad where you have to make a choice. You can either choose to follow the responsibility or your feelings. There is no such thing as getting the best of both worlds. And if you think you can take on both, you're only fooling yourself." The room was quiet except for the clear voice that rang out and shook the core of the people listening to her. "If after all these years you tell me that you feel regret choosing to stay loyal to your country over choosing the life of your daughter, I'll really look down on you as a person."

Song Xin'ai didn't know how to react right now. She really didn't know at all. Never in a million years, she would have thought that the daughter that became her biggest nightmare actually would say something like this. Yes, she had always been thinking about this daughter but she didn't dare try to do anything about it. When everyone thought she was heartless, only she knew how much agony she was going through at that time. 

If not for the incident of Raelle's kidnapping, perhaps her divorce from Xiang Hulin would have never gone through. 

She had pushed herself into work for years just so the thought of Raelle would stop haunting her. And while trying to hide her pain, she ended up neglecting her other children as well. Especially, Xiang Wai.

"However, just because I don't have a problem with you as a person, doesn't mean that I have no problem with you as my mother. At the end of the day, you really failed as a mother. So, I don't feel obliged to justify your actions as a mother. If there is anyone who really gets to condemn you, that person is me. But I don't like troublesome things. So, I'd rather not do it instead."

Song Xin'ai snickered, "Yes, you should hate your mother."

"I never said I hate you," answered Raelle. "I don't have time or energy to waste on emotions like hate. I have always been told I'm unbelievably rational. I never thought there was anything wrong with the choice you made but the people around me thought otherwise and it seems you do the same. However, I'll still let you know, I respect you as a person. You have made remarkable contributions to the country and you should be proud of that."

"What's the point? My own children are not proud of me," said Song Xin'ai.

"Oh, that just proves you were never meant to be a mother," was Raelle's brutal slap of facts right there. "You don't have to be good at everything. And it's okay that you didn't become a good mother. At least, you are a good person."

"Did Chenyan teach you to find a silver lining in everything?" asked Song Xin'ai.

"No," said Raelle. "Yanyan only taught me to believe in myself."

Song Xin'ai eyes lowered as she said, "Then she really raised you well."

Raelle nodded without any hesitation, "Yes, that she sure did!"

Raelle was still as uninterested in her as ever. As she has once told Shui Xian and just told Song Xin'ai as well, she never hated her mother. Because in her rational brain, her actions weren't wrong. At least, not when you look at it leaving aside your personal feelings.

She knew already that most people would never agree with her views but she never thought of condemning her mother at all. Especially after seeing her face to face. Just one look and she could already tell that she didn't have to throw Song Xin'ai in hell, she was already living in one. Perhaps, her choice didn't have much effect on Raelle since Raelle grew up in love. But that choice pushed Song Xin'ai to a place she could never pull herself out of.

Once again, Raelle's belief was strengthened, 'Hatred was never worthwhile.'