Chapter 1050: So Conflicted

Chapter 1050: So ConflictedOf course, Raelle was very clear about how much time Mu Chenyan was willing to spare for her. She could leave the rest of the world just for her unimportant matters. So, she never doubted that Mu Chenyan won't have the time to help her. But being the sensible one in this family, she didn't want to burden her Yanyan in any way possible.        

She already thought arranging that engagement party was too much but she didn't say anything about it because Mu Chenyan genuinely looked excited. That's why she just went with the flow.      

Raelle wanted to leave when Mu Chenyan stopped her and said, "Elle, why don't you sit with me and we have a little chat? I think it's been so long since we last sat together and chatted. Do you not like to spend time with your Yanyan anymore?"    

Raelle looked at her act of being pitiful calmly before she really took a seat again and said, "You're right. We really haven't had the chance to chat in a while. So, let's have a... What do they say? Ah, heart-to-heart."    

Looking at Raelle's reaction, Mu Chenyan felt a little uneasy and chuckled awkwardly, "I suddenly think it's not a very good idea."    

"How is that so? I think it's a very good idea," insisted Raelle. "So, my dear Yanyan, aren't you tired?"    

"Tired?" asked Mu Chenyan in confusion.    

"You've been thinking about me since I was born. Your life revolved around me for the longest time. Then Hyson got into the mix. Now, even Xiang Wai and Xiang Weimin are on your mind all the time. In fact, although you refuse to show it, you also keep thinking about Xian. So, I genuinely want to know aren't you tired?" asked Raelle. "After thinking about everyone? When are you gonna start thinking about yourself?"    

"Me?" repeated Mu Chenyan with a strange expression. She wasn't expecting this conversation to go this way. "I'm not tired. And do I have to think about myself? Don't I have you for that?"    

"You're right actually," agreed Raelle. "Lately, I have been thinking a lot about you."    

Mu Chenyan was surprised to hear this. Since when did Raelle Xiang start wasting her time thinking about people? Did she have that much free time? Oh, that's right. She indeed seemed to have that much free time lately and that's why all sorts of thoughts were swirling in her mind. No wonder, she even got the chance to think about her.    

Still, Mu Chenyan felt very flattered to know this.    

Aiyo, her Elle was such a good baby!      

"Stop gushing over me in your head," Raelle's voice snapped Mu Chenyan out of it.    

"How did you know?"    

"Your expressions were too obvious," replied Raelle. "Besides, I might not be good at reading people but I'm familiar with all of you. Even your frown or lift of the brow is etched in my memory. It isn't that hard to see through you. Not for me. After all, to me, you have been the model. I learned everything by watching you."    

"I never felt this way but since you mentioned it, I feel like I had a huge responsibility on my shoulders raising you. I didn't even feel this pressured back then. Did I do something wrong? Did I set the wrong example? Hopefully not. That wasn't my intention."    

Seeing how she was muttering to herself, Raelle just let her be for a moment. And only when she thought it was enough, did she speak up again, "Yanyan, stop looking for your happiness in me. Or anyone else. By doing it, you're depriving yourself of the right to be happy."    

Mu Chenyan stared at Raelle and smiled, "Have I ever been unhappy?"    

"Maybe not," replied Raelle. "But there were times when you were lonely."    

Mu Chenyan suddenly went silent.    

"I'm the person who is most clear about what you gave up to just be with me," said Raelle. "Because you didn't want me to grow up alone, you decided to give up on everything that made you, you. You stopped causing trouble. You stopped being temperamental. You even stopped drinking. Just to be a good role model."    

"I did it all willingly," said Mu Chenyan. "There was a problem with my lifestyle and it really wasn't suitable for me anymore. That's why I left it all behind. It wasn't entirely because of you."    

"I know. I know some things happened and some people betrayed you which led to your choice of walking away. But you didn't want to leave everything behind." Raelle also looked out the window at Xiang Weimin and Justin as she went on, "I didn't understand it before. But now, I can understand a few things. Just like those two. They are practically strangers and yet, they instantly connected with each other from the moment they met. Things like the instant connection of hearts are difficult to explain but it is there. Things like love are also difficult to explain but it also exists."    

Mu Chenyan silently looked at the side of Raelle's face in a daze. This was the girl she raised. She knew about all her ideas and thoughts. So, how could she not know that Raelle hadn't been very interested in something like love but now, the same person was telling her she actually believed in it?      

The world really changed so much before she even knew it.          

"And it is because I have my own understand of love that I can see yours a lot clearer."    

Mu Chenyan was stunned.      

"I don't understand when you're going to see it through," added Raelle. "You already took so long. I wonder how much longer you're gonna pretend to be oblivious."    

"What's the point of seeing it through?" Mu Chenyan smiled bitterly. "You should stop worrying about me."    

"I'll give those words back to you," said Raelle. "You stop worrying about me."    

"How is that possible? You're my Elle. You're my life."    

"Then how is it possible for me? You're my Yanyan? Do you think you have any less important in my life just because I'm not very vocal about it?"    

Mu Chenyan stumped once again and shook her head, "Baby, you know that's not what I mean. I just..." She didn't know what to say. She didn't want Raelle to worry about her but as Raelle said, it was impossible. She sighed heavily, "Okay. You just want me to give myself a little time and pay attention to myself, right?"    

"Right," answered Raelle. "That's all I want. I want you to give yourself the importance and attention that you give me. Even half of it would do. I just want you to give yourself time to find the answers that you really have in your heart but keep trying to push off."    

"I'll try."    

Raelle gave her a look.    

"I said, I'll try. I promise! Have I ever gone back on a promise to you? No way! I can break the promise I made to myself but not you," said Mu Chenyan when she felt like Raelle didn't believe her words.    

"Then you should stop breaking promises to yourself too."    

Mu Chenyan smiled helplessly at that and hugged Raelle saying, "Okay. I'll do as you say. Have I ever not done what you say? I don't dare."    

Raelle didn't push her away and even placed her hand on her arm while she leaned into her embrace. Her head rested against Mu Chenyan making the latter float in the air. Her smile was soft and loving as she pointed towards Xiang Weimin and Justin to tell Raelle, "Justin looks like a miniature version of your brother."    

"Huh?"    

"That's true. Our Minmin was also this adorable when he was five. And also didn't like to talk to people that much. But he loved his plants and dinosaurs."    

Raelle didn't know that so she listened attentively without disturbing her.    

"So, that instant connection you spoke about, Elder Xiang and I feel like there is a reason for that," she added. "That's why I asked you about Justin's mother. Now, that you told me everything you know, it shortens the time for my research and I don't have to go around in circles. Thanks for your help!"    

"So, Justin could be my nephew?" asked Raelle.    

"Mhmm," hummed Mu Chenyan in agreement.    

"No wonder, I liked him. Such an adorable bean can only be from our family."    

Mu Chenyan burst out laughing and pinched Raelle's nose, "Yeah. But no one can be more adorable than my Elle."    

"But I didn't think our family was so irresponsible," commented Raelle. "You have to talk to your nephew. How can he leave my nephew out there letting him grow up in the wild? Does he want a beating?"    

"Shouldn't we be thinking about whether Weimin even knows about his son's existence or not?"        

"That's also true," said Raelle. "But still, how can he let my nephew suffer like this?"    

Mu Chenyan found Raelle really adorable and agreed with whatever she said. "Okay, I'll definitely straighten up Weimin. How can he let our family's child suffer? We don't allow that in this family. I'll let him know what a grave sin he has committed. We'll punish him with the family law!"    

"You don't have to go so hard on him," said Raelle. "As you said, he doesn't seem to even know anything."    

Mu Chenyan smiled and shook her head at Raelle who was trying to defend her brother while at the same time wanting to punish him. So, when was the last time her Elle was so conflicted about something? It was so amusing to see.