"If you wanna cry, I can lend you my shoulder," said Xiang Wai.
Song Xin'ai rubbed her temples with her eyes closed and her lips tilted up slightly, "Is crying gonna help?"
"Who knows? It might help."
Song Xin'ai shook her head, "No, it's not gonna help." She opened her eyes and looked at Xiang Wai. She took her hands into her own and said, "Thank you for coming here to tell me first. And I'm sorry."
"What are you sorry for?"
"Maybe for being such a mother who had been blind all her life," answered Song Xin'ai in a self-deprecating tone. "I never had a good mother so I didn't know how to be a good mother to you either. Maybe I should have tried harder to learn but I didn't. I'm sorry that Mom's family was such a disappointment that you had to be separated from your dad and siblings for years. It was never my intention to hurt you, but I have hurt you enough."
Xiang Wai's tears fell down, no matter how hard she tried to hold them back. She just couldn't stop these tears from falling. It was like a faucet had opened and there was no way to stop it now.
"I am your mother," reminded Song Xin'ai. "But still, thanks for the offer. It means a lot to me. Take care of yourself. Also... Don't tell anyone else about this for now."
"I wasn't really planning on doing that," answered Xiang Wai. She got up to leave and looked at the half-eaten instant noodle bowl. She looked at her mother and said, "How about I make you something else to eat?"
Song Xin'ai shook her head, "I'm not hungry anymore. Go. It's already this late. I'd have loved to ask you to stay the night but I don't have a guest room. Would you like to sleep on my bed?"
"No," replied Xiang Wai, and with a long look at Song Xin'ai, she finally left. But even when she left, she was still thinking how her mother was feeling right now. She knew that if one day she knew that her mother betrayed her, she'd be in a rage that would make her want to burn the world but Song Xin'ai looked way too calm.
No wonder everyone said that she was the most emotional and sentimental person in the Xiang family. She really got excited easily.
Once Xiang Wai left, Song Xin'ai sat in the same place in a daze for a long time. Maybe she sat there for an hour or two before she slowly let out a turbid breath. Getting up, she walked into her bedroom and opened a drawer to take out an old picture with rough edges. She looked at the kind-looking old woman holding a small girl in her hands and said, "Grandma, let's break the promise between us. I don't wanna protect the Song family anymore. I let it go when I was bullied because she is my mother and she gave me birth so I could take anything. But she dared to extend her hands to my daughter. I can never forgive this."
Song Xin'ai opened her phone and looked at the wallpaper which was the photo of her three children. She got this picture from Raelle's wedding. All three of her kids were smiling happily and every time she looked at this picture, it could make her forget anything else. But at this moment, her eyes teared up and tears ran down her face without a break making her vision blurry.
"I'm more than just a failure as a mother," she whispered in a choked voice.