Chapter 104

104 Never Again – Part ~ ELRETH ~

Elreth hated to cry. Hated feeling weak. Only with her mate did she allow herself the freedom, and even then something within her always quavered.

So she was so grateful when Aaryn shushed her, sitting up straighter to pull her into his chest and stroke her back and hair. “El, you’re carrying so much, stop trying to do it alone. We’re all here to help. Ask Behryn to read the winds, you know he’ll do it if you ask him to. Ask Reece! His talent is true. And he’ll be honest with you.”

Elreth went very still as the truth of her own blindness crashed over her.

He was right.

These males could help. They could show her at least some of what was happening under the surface. How had she forgotten that? How had she let it go this far without bringing them in?

Despair and choking self-loathing washed over her. What kind of Queen was she to have forgotten that.

“El-”

“I’m failing,” she said, her breath hitching. “On every level.”

Best

.....

“No, you’re not,” Aaryn growled, pulling her hands down from her face and waiting for her to meet his eyes. “You’re carrying impossible conflicts and fears. But you shouldn’t be trying to carry them alone. I’m telling you, El,” even hushed, his voice became resonant with his Alpha power, and Elreth sighed, tipping back into his chest in submission. It had been their agreement since the beginning-as Queen and Alpha of all, she was dominant between them when others were present. But when they were alone, he took the burden of leadership and gave her a place to rest.

“Listen to me,” he said intently. “You can’t do this alone. It’s not just on you, and we don’t expect you to do it alone. And neither does the Creator. Let us help. All of us. Including Tarkyn. He cares so much about you, El-”

Elreth went very still and Aaryn broke off. There was a long silence as they both replayed the events of the morning in their minds.

Aaryn blew out a breath. “I would have done the same thing,” he said quietly.

Elreth’s face screwed up in a combination of grief and relief. “Me too,” she said. Then fell into him, holding him and being held.

“Dad...” she whispered. “He warned me about it.”

Aaryn took a deep breath. They rarely talked about her parents. It was too hard. But she had to get this out. Her father had been King, and extremely powerful. He’d taught her everything she knew about ruling.

“About what?” Aaryn asked carefully.

“He said... He told me that the biggest challenge to his rule was how much he loved mom. He said he lived every day with the knowledge that he betrayed his own people in his heart, because he’d put everyone one of them on the line for her. I brushed him off at first, but then he told me about the War of the Wolves and what he was willing to do. He said it was only by the grace of the Creator that he made it through that without becoming a traitor to his own throne.”

She made herself meet her mate’s eyes. “I didn’t understand. I thought he was being dramatic.”

They both gave little, tearful huffs of laughter at that. But Aaryn’s smile faded quickly. “What are you saying, El?” he asked, combing a piece of her hair back behind her ear with his fingers.

“I’m saying... I’m saying I think I get it now. But I don’t want to,” she said through her teeth. “Because when Tarkyn left me there... Aaryn I’ve never been that scared in my whole life. But at the same time, all I could think about was you and... and... what we’d lose...”

Aaryn’s face pinched with concern. “He was put in an impossible position, El. We’ll be careful not to put him in that place again.”

“But that could have been any of us, Aaryn! Tarkyn is my Captain and Defender! Gar is my War Chief. You’re my King-any one of us could be put in that position. We can’t avoid putting mates in dangerous situations, it’s impossible!”

“Exactly my point,” Aaryn said quietly. “We have to just do this... bring the best people in. Trust them. Move forward. And pray.”

Elreth groaned.

But Aaryn gripped her shoulder. “We’ll deal with it, El. Tarkyn is still Tarkyn. You can still trust him.”

Elreth gave a shaky laugh. “I’m not even mad at him. I’m just... Aaryn, I’m falling apart. This whole thing...”

“Then fall apart with me. Because you can’t do this on your own, El, and neither can I, and neither can Tarkyn, or Gar... none of us can. That’s why the Creator gave us each other.”

She fell into his chest again. Aaryn fell back against the trunk of the tree with a little grunt, but he held her there, wrapped tightly in his arms as Elreth finally gave in to the tears she’d been fighting for days.

She wasn’t a cryer, she hated the weakness of it. But she couldn’t hold any of this in any longer.

She was just so damn afraid.

“El, what’s wrong. Please... did he... hurt you more than you’re letting on?” Aaryn asked, his voice hushed with fear.

“No!”

“Then what is it? You’ve been so on edge this entire time. I saw you face the humans with more confidence than this. What is going on?”

Elreth began to tremble and Aaryn’s grip on her tightened, his voice going hushed. “El, what-?”

She lifted her head to meet his eyes, her own sight blurred with tears. “I didn’t want to tell you like this,” she said, her voice pinched and thin. “I wanted to... I wanted to wait until Tarkyn was safe and we were all happy again and... but it’s not happening that way.”

Aaryn’s eyes widened. “Elreth... what’s going on?”

“I’m scared, Aaryn... I’m scared because there’s so much more to lose now.”

He frowned. She cupped his face with both hands and took a deep breath. “Aaryn, I’m pregnant.”