Chapter 506: Successful First Matchmaking Sessions are Rare

Chapter 506: Successful First Matchmaking Sessions are Rare

"So, let's start with a normal introduction," Otae says, narrowing her eyes with a smile. "I'll go first. My name is Tae Shimura; I'm 18 years old. My family runs a historic dojo, and I have a 16-year-old brother. I usually enjoy cooking, especially dishes involving eggs. My ideal partner should have a stable job, and it would be nice if they had assets of about 10 billion yen or so. Regarding looks, someone too handsome might not be good because they could attract other women, so average is fine, but they must be honest! Their eyes should only see me! And also..."

As Otae chatter about her ideal partner's criteria, Kawaki's face twitches uncontrollably.

[This woman...is something else...] Kawaki thinks with a full head of black lines, [Who gave her this confidence? How can she say such things with that expression? A woman so self-centered should be thankful to get married at all! Those conditions? Please, stop already!]

"...Now it's Kawaki's turn."

"Hehe... well, Miss Otae probably knows my conditions," Kawaki says, awkwardly pulling at the corner of his mouth, "They are far from Miss Otae's, so I think wasting our time is unnecessary. Let's just..."

"Yes, indeed, Miss Otae!" Kondo's voice suddenly comes from under the table, "There's no need to waste time dating such a man! He's just a useless game otaku! By the way, Miss Otae, except for not having ten billion in assets, the rest of what you described fits me! Am I that important in your heart?!"

Looking at Kondo, who pops his head from under the table, wearing a black suit, and talks to himself, everyone falls silent.

"Having a pet should count for something, right, Kouka?" Umibouzu suggests to Kouka, "Girls who keep pets are usually very loving; I think this girl should be observed."

"Papi, that's just a gorilla stalker-aru," Kagura corrects without expression, "Just a stalker who looks no different from a gorilla."

"Get lost, you stalker gorilla!" Otae suddenly stands up and stomps fiercely on Kondo's face.

"Miss Otae, it's not like that!" Kondo hastily defends.

"You ruined my performance!"

Saying so, Otae grabs the now bruised and swollen Kondo and throws him out the window, followed by the sound of shattering glass as Kondo flies onto the main road outside.

But that's not the end of it. Otae jumps out after him and punches Kondo with her fists.

"While it's not as good as your uppercut, I think some domestic violence is necessary," Umibouzu speaks again, "A family without some form of domestic violence isn't a normal family, Kouka; I think this girl is suitable."

[Are you kidding me?!] Kawaki curses in his mind, then slams the red button on the table.

"Next contestant, please come in," Kagura calls out to the door.

...

Watching Kyubei sit across from him in a pink yukata, her hair tied in twin tails, and wearing a pink eye patch, Kawaki's eyes twitch again.

"This girl looks pretty good, too," Umibouzu self-assuredly comments.

"Uh, my young master is in your judges' hands..." Holding a camera, Tojo secretly stuffs something into Kagura and Umibouzu's hands, "My young master's conditions are quite favorable, and even a few minor flaws can be completely overlooked. I'm also concerned that the female lead for this work hasn't been settled yet. I've never seen a woman more suitable to be the female lead than my young master."

"Cough, cough!" Umibouzu discreetly pockets the money Tojo handed over, "We are very fair. Don't think giving us this kind of thing will score you extra points; it's useless. But speaking of which, this girl has the looks and conditions to be a female lead."

"Yes, Mommy, Kyu-chan is a very nice girl-aru," Kagura adds while pocketing the money forced on her by Tojo with a matter-of-fact expression, "Also, Mommy, you might not know, but little uncle had some stories with a woman called 'Kyu' before-aru."

[Enough with you guys, damn it! What is this? Can you bribe judges now?!] Kawaki thinks frantically, [What are you guys even here for?!]

"Um... Kawaki-dono," Kyubei finally speaks after a long silence, "Can the matchmaking begin now?"

"Yes, it's over, goodbye." Saying that Kawaki presses the red button in front of him without hesitation.

"How... how can this be!" Kyubei exclaims in shock, "I... haven't even said anything yet!"

"Ah, no need to say anything," Kawaki replies with narrowed eyes and an expressionless face, "Rather, I knew what you would say just by sitting here, so there's no need to force yourself. Besides, bribing judges is not allowed, even if you have the substance and are allowed to advance. If it's dug up by the media later, it would become trouble. Considering it could affect the company's reputation and your personal development, it's better just to eliminate you now."

"I see!" Kyubei nods in understanding, "I didn't expect Kawaki-dono to be so thoughtful, indeed, letting me advance under these circumstances; if it were dug up by the media later, it would become trouble."

"It's good you understand..." Kawaki replies expressionlessly, "Well, pick up your souvenir at the door, and please leave quickly."

"Um, boss," sitting across from Kawaki, dressed in the Shinsengumi uniform, Sogo raises his hand, "I'm not here to participate in that boring matchmaking session; I just wanted to ask if Kondo-san has been here."

Kawaki: ...

...

"Long time no see~."

Seeing Saigon before him, Kawaki silently turns and starts vomiting after two seconds.

"Nice to meet you, I am Mademoiselle Saigou. As you can see, I'm a single mother and also a woman who keeps her love for Kawaki hidden in her heart..."

Before Saigou can finish, Kawaki wipes his mouth and unhesitatingly presses the red button on the table.

"What a heartless man..." Saigou covers his face, ready to cry, "To press that ruthless button before someone finishes speaking, it really gets me excited!"

"Why are you getting excited?! Disgusting! Get lost!!" Saying this, Kawaki delivers an uppercut, sending Saigou crashing into the ceiling.

"I think this could work..." Watching Saigou hang from the ceiling, Umibouzu nods, "A single mother with a child, and this level of domestic violence, seems unexpectedly suitable."

"Hey, baldy, do you want to die?" Kawaki coldly asks.

Half an hour later, the entire restaurant's ceiling is filled with hanging members from a transvestite club.

...

"Kawaki-sama, long time no see."

Looking at the person sitting across from him, Kawaki is unexpectedly moved, lifting his head to choke back tears.

"I don't know why, but after going through those people, seeing Tama moved me."

"Kagura-chan, this isn't a human, right?" Umibouzu asks Kagura.

"Ah, it's a robot-aru," Kagura nods, "But it seems to have a super friendship with little uncle-aru. Gintoki also said that Tama is a woman's little uncle kept on the side-aru."

"Tama, please, talk with me more; just hold on until today ends," Kawaki pleads, "I can't take it anymore... sob..."

"Kawaki-sama, please cheer up," Tama consoles, "I came to cheer for Kawaki-sama."

"That doesn't matter anymore," Kawaki murmurs despondently, "Just sit here until it gets dark; let this day end; I... don't want to participate in this kind of matchmaking anymore..."

"Kawaki-chan, don't think about dragging this out; Sister has already said it; I'll keep an eye on you," Kouka's light words come.

"Ah! God! Save me!" Kawaki cries out to the heavens in despair.

...

After a whole day of matchmaking, Kawaki is utterly exhausted.

"Is it enough now, Sister?" Kawaki, lying despondently on the table, speaks to Kouka, "Indeed, these things can't be forced; it's the age of free love now."

Looking at the remaining stack of data sheets in her hand, Kouka glances out at the dimly lit street outside, finally nods lightly, and stands up.

"Let's end it for today. Kagura, inform the remaining girls to line up here at 8 p.m. tomorrow."

"Are we continuing?!" Kawaki is entirely not okay, "Hey, spare me, I can't do it; why must it be matchmaking? I don't need that; at year's end, everyone else is busy, and participating in this kind of activity is also troubling for others..."

Kawaki rambles on, but Kouka doesn't listen to a word; a hand pinching a kiseru, she turns and heads towards the door.