124. Fighting the Elderly

124. Fighting the Elderly

“Oh, woe is me! I’m lost and alone in the forest at night! How shall I ever return home if I cannot find the way out of these woods?!?” Gretta says, practically shouting as she stumbles along in the dark.

The MILF volunteered herself as our honeypot once she heard she could get back at the Elder bastard who ruined her childhood. She said she was one of the kids of Douglas’s generation who escaped Charlatan Forest thirty years ago. Like any human stranded on their own in this world, she was stolen from one monster camp to serve another rather than achieving anything—much like Brenda’s case before the girl’s fateful encounter with me.

“How frightful! If only I had a friendly face to talk to!”

This woman’s acting... is really incredible! Maybe I should be taking notes.

“Eh? Who’s that? What what?” the Elderberry Tree rouses from his evening repose to see Gretta wandering towards him by the light of the rising gibbous moon. His court stirs as well, but the Charlatan band of disguised monsters doesn’t budge as their prey gets closer and closer.

“Hello? Whose voice is that? He sounds so strong and manly! Oh, there you are~” Gretta comes into view of the Elder Tree’s gnarled visage and glowering red eyes. *Gasp!* “H-handsome!”

“Handsome? Where?” the Elder asks, looking around.

“Why, you, of course, good sir. I’ve never seen such wise and intelligent gentlemanly features! Please, let me have a closer look at you.” Gretta approaches without triggering any of the defenders.

The Elder’s eyes drift from her heavy breasts to her hips and thighs. “What nice gams you have, young miss.” The phallic stick sprouting from his knobby groin rises to attention.

“‘Young miss?’ Oh, flatterer. My, my, what a big rod you have! It’s practically made for skewering women to heaven~!”

I wouldn’t say that; I’d say its length puts equines to shame and is only suited for sending men and women to a bloody hell, but Gretta sells the blandishment. She really needs to join my hometown’s adult theater troop! She’d blow them all away!

“I’ve never met a human as... eager as you,” the Elder Tree says with slight confusion, but the fantasy is playing to his ego, and he hasn’t stopped to question reality yet.

“I can’t imagine anyone not wanting a taste of this, mmm~” We warned Gretta against actually putting him in her mouth. A combination of his Twisted base nature and where that thing has been makes oral a big no-no, but she spits on his tip and begins polishing his wood with her hands. Twisted Apple Trees, Pitcher plants, Strangler Figs, and Busty Willows all break from concealment to slowly edge closer while Gretta is distracted. Soon, the Elder is at full mast.

“NOW!”

The clearing goes from evening pitch to noonday bright as Megan amps her illumination to the max, her nipples shining like beacons as she flashes the crowd.

Unfortunately, none of my eyesight abilities are suited for quickly adjusting between dark and light. However, we have several advantages. Firstly, we knew this was coming. We all have our eyes covered to protect our night vision. When Megan gives the signal she’s turned off the brights, we’ll have a couple of minutes’ sensory advantage while they’re half-blind. However, I can’t count on the Elder waiting for his eyes to adjust before flailing about and hurting Gretta.

We have to act immediately.

Here comes our second advantage: I focus on my Webling Burrower Tremor Sense to feel the layout of the battlefield. Gretta stepped back at my signal, giving me a clear shot.

“Air Blade!”

This would be too dangerous with my eyes closed... except I have Luck on my side. Unlike my other spells, except perhaps Healing magic, Luck is a finite resource. The good news is that, unlike Lucky Foot which activates automatically, I can call upon third-tier Showbunny Luck Magic at will the way Peter did. I do so now, subtly influencing the trajectory of my blind Air Blade.

*Snick!*

“AHHH! My dick! My fucking dick!”

Tremor Sense allows me to feel Sue land from her long, amphibian leap onto the battlefield near Gretta. The frog girl is as sightless as me with her eyes closed, but Olindia lashes out with her Jellyfish tentacles in all directions to grab the human woman by feel. “Jump!” the Pink Slime says once Gretta is secured. All part of the plan.

Rescuing Gretta takes priority.

However, in a stroke of good fortune (not related to my magic), Olindia’s tendrils grasp ahold of the Elder’s severed cock as Sue makes another blind jump away from danger.

The Elder Tree waves his huge arms as long as ancient human cranes. His hands sweep jagged claws through the air in large, dangerous arcs. Sue’s Froglin leap covers dozens of feet at a time, but she can’t quite escape his reach in a single bound. Knowing the risk of leaving things be, I spend another allotment of Luck Magic to ensure the Elder’s attack misses.

Instead, his hand closes around his own severed rod trailing behind Sue, Gretta, and Olindia. Sharp wooden claws sever the Jellyfish tentacle lagging half a second behind the girls as he retakes his prized appendage.

At the same time, Kani in her giant crab form scuttles from cover into the clearing. Her eyestalks are fully retracted, sparing her from the bright light, and she tackles a Busty Willow aside as she carries me into the fray on her back.

“Go!” Megan says, signaling her blinders have dimmed.

My eyes open to see a crowd of stumbling Treefolk and an angry Elder flailing about with our goal in hand.

“Air Blade!” I aim at the narrow point of the Elder Tree’s wrist.

My companions spring into action at the same time.

Kani drives me to center stage where I’ll tank the majority of the Elder’s rage. Gabby in her Stone Ooze Brenda suit stalks forward onto the battlefield, twin rods weaving Plant Growth spells to entangle our enemies. Sue regroups beside Megan and Gale on the periphery where the three of them encircle Gretta—Olindia’s tentacles and Flou’s blood blades protecting their group.

Even with a slight boost from second-tier Harpy Air Magic, my Air Blade fares poorly against the Elder’s third-tier Bark Skin. The nick I score in the wood of his wrist shows I’ll need a bunch more blades (or maybe a saw) to sever that appendage.

But the Elder isn’t going to sit there and take my abuse. He raises his free hand in a gesture that stirs the surrounding leylines with Plant Growth Magic. The grass grows tall and thick around us, grasping and holding Kani’s crab legs stock-still. Simultaneously, he shakes his branches high above, raining a shower of Twisted Elderberries on our heads.

The rotten fruit splatters on impact, coating every surface and getting poisonous juices everywhere. Kani blocks the majority of the Elderberries using a crab claw as an umbrella to protect herself. I’m standing on her back, though. Even holding my lips tight shut doesn’t stop some from getting in my nose.

Good thing I grabbed Goblin Gut before we left home!

*Selected Goblin Gut!*

The flavor is nasty, to say the least (it tastes like rotten potpourri trying to cover up sour old person smell). I’m glad the worst that can happen to me from this is some inebriation and possibly hypnotism, but it should take more than a few drops to influence my improved constitution.

Hopefully, this stuff is a lot like the Twisted Apples.

One pair of my arms uses Water Magic courtesy of my Rainbird, Froglin, and Mermaid marks combined to wash the sticky fermented fruit juice off us. The flowrate of the stream I produce is admirable, but not exactly a weapon on par with my Air Blade. My second pair of arms summons my new weapon, the Flame Spear.

The punch’s follow-through leaves me dazed and dizzy from the rough treatment. A good portion of the mitigated pain permeated my defenses, leaving me frazzled. I can’t recover in time to avoid a root that pulls my feet out from under me. I bonk my head as I fall supine on the dirt. More roots restrain my arms and legs.

“Need a little help here!” I say while trying to clear my mind to do magic.

“Almost got it!” Gabby's voice calls.

She’s talking about the damn rod, isn’t she?

The Elder’s fist comes crashing down—but Kani scuttles over to cover me with he body. Her crustaceous shell cracks for a second time beneath that wooden wrecking ball. Blue blood falls on me like rain, but Kani refuses to move while I’m unable to run.

The Elder’s fist rises again...

I don’t think Kani can take another hit like that. I’m all out of Luck and Healing.

“Stop bullying my wife!”

“No, I’m not letting you take my other eye!” the Elder Tree shouts. I think Gale is showering him with Rain Pellets in an attempt to steal his sight once and for all. With one hand tied down by vines and spider thread, he needs the other to protect his face. That buys us a few seconds.

Pink light suffuses Kani as the cracks in her shell are healed again. The only person left who could do that is...

“Gabby!”

Small stone hands rip and tear the roots restraining me. A healed Kani snips through the remaining roots before grabbing me and the Gobliness and throwing us on her back as she scuttles out of the clearing at top speed. Good thing Gabby was able to copy Healing Magic as well, if only the one shot a day for now.

A luminescent yellow blur like a beacon in the night quickly approaches us. It’s Megan wearing her Flou bikini, though her shine dims by the second. She looks exhausted. Sue finds us next, Gretta in her arms, the frog girl in a pink leotard homing in on us using the Denki Nezumi’s glowing fur as a guide. Spindle swings in on a thread of silk before we get too far away. Gale descends through the canopy on top of us, no doubt navigating by light as well. Thankfully, she’s unharmed despite tangling with the Elder Tree. I’m seriously impressed with her.

Everyone survived. I can relax a bit.

“Is he still on fire?” I ask, hopeful that arson could yet win the day.

“Nope,” Gale replies without reservation. “He was smothering the fire with dirt when I left.”

Smart, countering fire with Earth Magic once we weren’t there to distract him. The Twisted Apple Treefolk weren’t so smart or didn’t have enough Earth Magic power to smother the flames on their bodies. I won’t be seeing any more of them in these woods.

Brenda releases Gabby from their containment suit combined form. My eyes scan the morose Goblin girl from head to toe and come up empty.

“Where’s the...?”

“I couldn’t reach it in time.”

She finally chose me over that rod, I think but don’t say. That would be a little too hurtful.

“Sorry we couldn’t keep him busy any longer,” I start, but she interrupts me.

“Alex, I...” Then I notice Gabby is crying. Gabby hasn’t cried since that first night we spent together. She sniffles and removes her spectacles, rubbing her eyes. “I’m a damn, stupid fool!”

“Honey,” I say, unable to hold onto my anger a moment longer with my curvy little Goblin wife ugly-crying before me. I take her in my arms and hold her close to show I love her no matter what.

She shudders with a sob before continuing, “I got so focused on getting stronger, so greedy for third-tier power, I forgot the reason I wanted it was to protect you! My wife. We were supposed to be competing to see who could protect the other—and I would’ve let the Elder crush my precious human. I’m no Gobbo, I’m worthless.”

“I could’ve survived that hit and you knew it,” I say, trying to comfort her. “Not to downplay that save, Kani! You’re an absolute tank.”

“Gabby is right to be shamed,” Kani says with distaste. “Leaving a human, even you, Lady Alex, to take such a blow is unbecoming of a monster-spouse. The only reason I’m allowing this Goblin to ride me is because she healed my wounds. For that, Gabby, you have my gratitude. If I’m in a good mood when I return to the sea, I may forget to mention this incident to Lady Ariella.”

Hint, hint, Gabby, Kani still wants to fuck you!

“It doesn’t matter that you could take the hit,” Gabby says as the worst of her tears subside. “Alex, you made the call to retreat. I didn’t listen. The chain of command exists for a reason; we can’t function effectively without it.”

I tend to agree, though this sucks. We all knew this was a difficult mission. Even though Gabby tunnel-visioned on completing it for only a few seconds past my call, those were vital seconds to initiate a safe extraction. We could’ve easily taken serious casualties.

On the other hand, I know why she did it. “Gabby, you’re ambitious. You want to become stronger to protect us, and you love to study monster evolution. It must’ve been almost impossible to walk away from that opportunity. Just remember, even though it was difficult, you were able to let go of the rod for my sake and Kani’s. You found the inner strength to make the right decision. Don’t worry, even if Megan, Cottontail, and Suka evolve into amazing monsters, you won’t be left behind. I promise. That said, if you feel like you need to be punished, I’m sure Spindle can think of something.”

The Wicked Weaver grins devilishly.

Gabby nods with some reluctance when she notices the Webling’s eager response. “I can’t ever make this mistake again. Please help make sure I learn this lesson.”

“It will be her immense pleasure,” Spindle says.

Gale releases a heavy exhale. “That was scary. Gale doesn’t like it when her wives fight, but at least everyone is sorry and forgiven. Let’s go home and have fun!”

“I’d feel better if Gabby got that rod,” Megan says.

Me too, but it is what it is.

“I apologize again for wasting our time and resources on a fool’s errand,” the Goblin girl says. “I convinced Alex to let me drag everyone into this mess.”

“No,” I counter, “It’s late, sure, and we knew it’d be a long shot, but it was a decent gamble. Moderate risk, high reward.”

“But I didn’t fold when I should’ve.”

Nice Poker metaphor. “If anything, it would’ve been a graceful exit if we’d kept a cool head. By the standard of reducing our enemy’s forces, the raid was a success.”

Gabby chuckles, finally ditching the sour attitude, “You can stop trying to cheer me up. I’ll be okay.”