CH 51

The war gradually turned into a protracted war. At the request of Aslania, Padania dispatched support forces to the Eastern Front.

With the help of Padania, Aslania was able to defend the Eastern Front, but had to surrender the Western Front to France.

The western side of Aslania, which was divided in half, was occupied by France. Predictions that the next would be an invasion of Padania’s mainland were widely circulated, and the number of volunteers increased.

Food prices skyrocketed and people tightened their purse strings. Catherine’s store also decreased its customers.

Bruner also had a significant drop in income, and some days he even made nothing.

It wasn’t to the extent that it put a strain on their life, but it was true that it was tighter than before.

Late at night, Annette came down to the living room with a cloth bag. As expected, Catherine was still on the couch, not sleeping. She was working on the household accounts.

Catherine raised her head at the presence of Annette.

“Oh, Annette? What are you doing here without sleeping?”

“Catherine has been sleeping much later lately.”

“I, well, I doze off every day at the store and can’t sleep at night.”

That meant there were no customers in the store. Annette put her bag on the table and sat down next to her. Catherine tilted her head.

“What is this?”

“It’s for Catherine.”

“For me? Is it a present? I’m still a long way from my birthday, you know?”

“It’s a present, but it’s not a birthday present.”

Annette pulled a small outfit out of the bag. It was a baby outfit she had made for Olivia.

“These are Olivia’s clothes. I just embroidered it, but I don’t know how it will turn out, since it’s my first time making clothes properly.”

“Oh my goodness.”

Catherine accepted the clothes, covering her mouth with one hand. She looked at the clothes and smiled.

“Oh my gosh, they are adorable. Is this your first time making it? How are you so talented?” 

“I should have given it to you a little sooner…it took longer than I expected.”

“What are you talking about? The season is perfect now, I really like it. Thank you so much.”

“I’m glad you’re pleased. And……”

“And? What else is there?”

Annette took an envelope from her bag and held it out to Catherine. Catherine opened the envelope with a puzzled expression. Her face hardened slightly as she checked inside.

“…… What is this?”

“It’s the alimony I received from my ex-husband.”

As soon as Annette received the bank documents, she turned all the money in them into checks. From the beginning, she wanted to get her alimony back so she could give it to Catherine.

The amount of alimony, which she confirmed more than six months after the divorce, was more than she could have imagined. Even though she had contributed nothing to the marriage.

According to her estimate of the cost of living she had learned while staying at Katrin’s house so far, this amount of money could support a family of four for the rest of their lives.

It may not have been exact, but it was clearly enough for Catherine anyway.

After confirming the amount on the check, Catherine immediately handed it back to  Annette. Annette, however, shook her head.

“It’s yours.”

“Why are you giving this to me, Annette?”

“Um, because I want to give it to you?”

“I don’t remember doing anything to deserve this.”

“Catherine has done so much for me. I’ve made it hard for you since I began living here, and with this much money, you could open a better store somewhere else.”

“Even if you add up all your living expenses so far, it’s not even one hundredth of this, no, not even one thousandth. Please take it quickly because my hands are shaking.”

Annette gave a small laugh as if she had heard a funny joke, but Catherine did not laugh at all. Catherine placed the envelope on Annette’s lap. Annette put it on the table again.

There was silence for a while. Annette still smiled and quietly opened her mouth.

“If Catherine had not taken me in that day, the day of my divorce, I would have just died.”

“…”

“I thought I was going to die.”

Annette spoke monotonously, as if describing an ordinary day in her life.

“I had tried to die several times before my divorce. Catherine, I know you’ve been wondering about this too, …… but I’m going to be honest with you. After I first met you, I knew I had to die.”

“….”

“You can think of it as escapism. However, I am not trying to shift the blame to Catherine. Rather, I am grateful to you.”

Catherine froze hard like a breathless person and listened to Annette. Annette was not confident enough to look her in the face, so she lowered her gaze and continued speaking.

“Catherine, I just—I couldn’t live any longer. I was so ashamed of myself. I was so ashamed of my life. Perhaps secretly I had completely separated my father from me. I thought I was different. I thought I was a better person, but being born as my father’s daughter – I was a little bit unlucky.”

“….”

“I realized after meeting you that this was not the case.”

Looking back, she always had different options.

A choice to reflect on her own position. A choice to reflect on the position of others. A choice to judge and to face her father’s actions. A choice to act.

A choice to listen to Catherine’s story at that piano recital ……… A choice to try to save her brother.

There were always a myriad of choices.

She just didn’t choose them herself.

“By the way, my attempt to die…….. I wonder if I hurt you again. I always worried about that. What if you feel guilty for telling me your story?……….. because you are a good person.”

“I am not a good person.”

Catherine’s voice was a whisper. Annette denied her statement with a gentle smile.

“You are kind. I can attest to that from the fact that I am here.”

“I …….”

Catherine was about to say something more, but Annette interpreted.

“I’m thinking of going to the field hospital. I heard they are very understaffed.”

“What do you mean? A field hospital? What is Annette going to do there?”

“I already put in my volunteer application as a military nurse before. I have to leave tomorrow morning.”

“What? In the morning?”

Catherine screamed, forgetting that it was the middle of the night. Annette hurriedly looked in the direction of Olivia’s room. Fortunately, there was no crying.

Catherine asked in a low but aggressive tone of voice.

“….. what the hell does that mean? A military nurse? And you’re going to leave in the morning?”

“You heard me right. I knew from the beginning that I had to leave sometime. Now is just the right time.”

“Are you crazy? Why there? Have you ever done something like that?”

“Most of the field nurses are civilians like me. And they get educated before they will be put to work.”

“Are you the same as those people? You are……!”

“The same.”

Catherine paused at the low but decisive answer.

“I think those people are like me.”

“….”

“Just like you and me, just like me and Bruner and Olivia………. Isn’t that the kind of world your brother tried to create?”

Catherine’s lips quivered. She looked at Annette with shaking eyes. Annette slowly raised her head.

“I still hate myself. I still don’t want to live.”

Finally their gazes met. Up close, Catherine’s eyes were brown mixed with gray. Annette closed her eyes and smiled.

“So help me to be a better person.”

***

Cynthia Station was crowded with people early in the morning. Annette stood in the crowd with a luggage case in one hand and a train ticket in the other.

Catherine insisted on seeing her off to the station, but Annette stopped her. She just asked her to give Bruner a letter apologizing for the sudden separation and her farewell.

Bruner, who had a lot of worries and concerns, would have prevented her from going by any means. It also seemed that Catherine would be more sympathetic to Annette’s feelings on the matter.

It was for this reason that she spoke directly only to Catherine. Annette did not want them to be overly concerned with her problems.

They were good people. She sincerely wished them happiness.

A short time later, a locomotive began to be seen in the distance with a loud steam noise. Before the train could stop at the station, people rushed forward.

“This train is a troop transport train bound for Bernault! Let me say again! This train is headed to Bernault…………”

The train came to a complete stop and the doors opened. People rushed to the entrance in droves. Annette boarded the train, being swept by the crowd.

It was packed inside with no space to sit. She leaned against the glassless window and looked out.

After the train stopped for a while, the locomotive started to spew smoke again. With a chugging sound, the wheels began to turn.

Her golden hair swayed slowly in the wind. Annette took off her hat. Her vision brightened.

She closed her eyes and felt the wind pouring in the window.

The train rattled away from the station.

***