CH 73

Heiner did not answer easily, but opened and closed his lips. Though not outwardly, Annette noticed that he was a little perplexed.

After a few seconds, Heiner finally finally answered.

“…… of course.”

Then, as if he had come to his senses belatedly, he looked at the cigar in his hand. Heiner dropped the cigar to the floor and stepped on it gently with his foot.

Annette cautiously sat down beside him and murmured, 

“I didn’t know you smoked cigars.”

“I just quit……”

“Are you going to smoke again?”

“—— It’s not that I’m smoking again, it’s just that I’ve been having a lot of miscellaneous thoughts lately.”

“Is that why you smoke again?”

“That…. “

Heiner frowned slightly and eventually sighed.

“Yes.”

He slurred as if he had just awakened from sleep. Annette stared at the trampled cigar and opened her mouth again.

“I’m moving to Huntingham early tomorrow morning. As I’m sure you know.”

“…And when you go, you won’t contact me again?”

“Why do you ask such a question?”

Annette laughed as if she had heard a bland joke. Heiner realized she wasn’t going to answer and asked no more.

He swept his lips once with the palm of his hand. Silence fell between them. The fire and the burning wood made the occasional sound of crackling.

Annette asked him with a slight turn of her head.

“Isn’t it hard?”

“What is?”

“Just everything.”

Their gazes entwined in close proximity. He stared at her, as if trying to guess what she meant.

His gray eyes were an unfathomable abyss.

“I’d be lying if I said it wasn’t hard.”

A brief confession flowed from Heiner’s mouth.

“I have too many lives on my shoulders ……..”

His words scattered like white smoke.

She suffered from a tremendous pressure and impatience to decipher even a single ciphertext. Annette could not dare to guess the weight that the commander-in-chief of a country was carrying.

No words could come out half-heartedly. No comfort or support seemed to be enough. At best, any words coming from her would have been even worse.

“There was something I wanted to tell you.”

Heiner took his eyes off of her and said. His vulnerability had somehow cleanly vanished.

“The code you deciphered was very helpful. No, helpful is not even the right word. The achievements you made will definitely be announced and rewarded later. So.”

“Yes?”

“Is there anything you want?”

“Something I want….?”

“I’ve been trying to figure out what I should compensate you with, and I thought I should ask your opinion first.”

It was something Annette hadn’t even thought of. Initially, she did not expect to receive any compensation for this.

It was only natural to help, but throughout the work, she wondered if this would really help.

“Oh, I…”

Annette was about to say she didn’t want anything, but stopped for a moment. She clasped her hands on her lap. The trouble wasn’t very long.

“Two things, not big ones. Will you listen to me?”

“I’m nervous when you say it like that. What do you want?”

“I told you the other day…….. I would like to pass along one letter before I leave.”

“…… to Sergeant Ryan?”

“Yes.”

Heiner was silent for a moment. Annette waited quietly for his response.

Actually, it didn’t matter if he said no. Ryan was surely a nice person and she would be sad not to see him, but it was just the way of human relations to try to send him a letter.

“…The letter will be given to him after the censor. What’s the other one?”

Fortunately, the reply was positive. There wouldn’t be anything bad, so censorship was not a factor.

Annette nodded and continued the conversation.

“The other thing is, what I said before.”

“Before ………?”

“I really hope this meeting will be our last.”

“…”

“That’s the second reward I want.”

The expression faded from Heiner’s face.

Crack. The flames flickered. Annette looked directly at him, unfazed. Heiner suddenly laughed humorously after scanning her face absentmindedly.

“Well, come to think of it—you’ve always wanted that one thing. To get me out of your life.”

“…”

“…even though I’ve spent my entire life trying to get into your life.”

Heiner didn’t look too angry or sad. He just looked emotionless and defeated like fallen leaves.

“’Yes, I suppose I should listen if that’s what you want.”

He looked like he would crumble with a light touch…

“You may go. Forever.”

The ashes rustled as the fire burned out. Annette relaxed her grip on her hand. Then she rose from her seat.

“Annette.”

Just as she was about to walk past him, he suddenly grabbed her wrist. It was not a strong force. Annette turned her head and looked down at him.

Heiner smiled bitterly and asked.

“Can you give me a hug just once?”

Annette looked at him with surprised eyes. Heiner released her wrist from his grasp, as if he had no intention to force her.

She tried to give him a certain look, but failed. She didn’t even know what she looked like.

She just hoped that she did not look weak.

Annette quietly approached him and hugged him. He let out a small moan as if he had been strangled. Heiner held her around her waist and buried his face in her like a young beast digging into his mother’s arms.

The breath in his chest quivered thinly as if he were sobbing. His hard, thick arms held her pitifully as if he were frightened.

Annette seemed to know vaguely what this was.

In the past, she had done this too. The only thing in her painful and lonely life that she could not let go of until the end. A welcome where she could comfort herself that all would be well, just as long as she held on.

For Annette, it was Heiner. She held on for a very long time and finally let go. And now it was his turn to let go.

Annette removed the arms that were holding her. Then she stepped back. His arms, having nowhere to go, slowly fell.

Heiner still had his head down. Even though he was not looking at her, Annette tried hard to school her expression.

She moved her lips a few times. It took her a few moments to adjust her voice. When she finally spoke, her voice was surprisingly firm.

“Let’s make sure we never see each other again.”

***

Annette returned to her room with a bouquet of blue flowers. It was a large bouquet decorated with statis and hydrangeas.

“Nanny, do you know who left these here? I found them by the window in the practice room.”

“Oh, by the window of the practice room?”

“Yes, outside by the window.”

“If it’s the outside window—I don’t know either. The rose garden and the window of the lady’s practice room are connected. Shall I warn the servants not to let people in that way?”

“Yes? No, no.”

Annette spoke shyly, looking down at the bouquet with a slightly flushed face.

“It’s romantic to secretly leave flowers in the practice room. I guess my performance was good.”

“Oh, my lady. When is she going to grow up?”

“Quick guess, nanny. Who is it? Who left it there?”

“Hmmm….. let’s see. Oh, it could be soldiers under the Marquis’ command. Today is the day of the weekly dinner party. They have access to the garden too.”

“No, it’s not from the soldiers.”

“Why not?”

“Because the soldiers don’t know about romance. If I say I play the piano, they’ll say things like you have a great hobby?”

“Miss, beautiful words, beautiful words!”

“All right. Anyway, the soldiers couldn’t possibly be interested in the garden enough to come inside. And the fact that he prepared a bouquet of flowers means he’s seen me play in the practice room before. He must like my performance, right?”

“Young lady, this is not a matter for rejoicing; it is an abomination. He secretly spied on you, young lady!”

“Hm? Why not? Isn’t that romantic? It’s 100 times better than hanging out like an animal looking for a mate at a party.”

“Oh, because the lady is still so young and innocent. We really should move the practice room. Even if this didn’t happen, I was worried about it being connected to the garden.”

“What are you talking about? Oh no! We have to find out who it is!”

“The lady is really …… okay, I won’t report this matter right away. Still, it’s right to design and move to a professional practice room in the near future. The lady can’t practice in a room like that for the competition. Do you understand?”

“Yes, I understand. I’ll think about it later. Nanny, can you put this in a vase?”

Cheekily answering, Annette handed the bouquet to the nanny. The nanny shook her head as if she had surrendered, tended to the flowers, and placed them in a vase.

“They’re beautiful, aren’t they?”

“The hydrangea is the same color as the lady’s eyes.”

“Yes?”

Annette smiled and looked at the flowers with both hands holding her face.

A gentle breeze blew into the spacious window. The blue petals swayed as if dancing along the wind.