Chapter 61: You've Been Unhelpful

Bo Lifen clicked her tongue impatiently and turned back to him, "Are you really not going to say anything? I'm not a mind-reader, but I can tell that there's something weighing on your mind. If you keep this all to yourself—"

"Would you rather that I shout it out loud then?" Li Yang cocked a brow at her, a thin smile on his lips. It wasn't exactly a happy one. The memory of her actions came back to his mind, it was of someone unleashing their emotions in ways questionable. Far too much than what was necessary. He asked, "Or perhaps I should do something out of decorum like you did? Push myself on someone else—"

"That one was overboard—and I do owe you an apology for it." She glared at him, looking more upset than apologetic. But then she sighed and gave him a sincere look, a grimace crossing her features. "It's why I'm here as well. Besides getting the thermos and confirming that you're a cultivator, I also wanted to apologize for acting out of normal conduct. But I think it's better that I do something like that than keeping it all to my chest."

"..."

"It didn't come out right—did it?"

"No." Li Yang shook his head. The idea that jumping and forcing himself on someone versus just holding it in was something he couldn't get by. 

"You've suggested that I get therapy—have someone to talk and vent to. I'd say that you need the same." She frowned at him. "And yet here you are, sitting melancholically at your porch as if you're in some kind of melodrama. Even when I've already sat down and asked you if you're alright, you don't say anything at all. It's as if you can handle it all by yourself."

And her words made him sigh.

This really was something he had to burden himself alone. 

"I don't think it's something that I can tell you," he said. Cultivator family or not—the idea of Systems and the Heavens making him into some contracted entertainer would be met with disbelief. Even he himself wouldn't want to admit it to himself, that all of this was for enjoyment at another individual's suffering?

"I know you're a man and most keep it to themselves, but the truth of it is that it means you're only human. One person." Bo Lifen pointed a finger at his chest, "It doesn't matter if you're one of the richest man, the most powerful one or anything—"

"It sounds so strange when it comes from you." He didn't exactly mean to say it aloud, but he still did. It was hard to get past what she had initially shown herself to be, someone who put up a good front but was slightly, if not, rather out of it. And yet he needed to look past it, if he could.

Her attitude was helping, but also not helping at the same time. Bo Lifen's determination to help, she was trying too much. 

Bo Lifen paused and sighed, "It probably sounds hypocritical—but if that's how it's going to be then so be it. I'm not perfect or anything, I have flaws… but that's fine."

"One should try to mitigate them." Li Yang frowned. Simply hearing them was enough to make him talk, and it reminded him of someone else. "By your standards, it might mean that a person with anger issues would shrug it off if they exploded in anger and simply say that it's part of their character—and one would simply suck it up."

"... You can't solve them all."

"You should try."

"Then I'd be the only one changing while others stick to their ways." Bo Lifen scoffed. A tad of bitterness returning to her voice. "It means that all of the men that still come to my shop will remain the way they are and I have to hold my temper down, act like a perfect doll you are?"

"You can't change other people." 

She pursed her lips at him, perhaps unamused that he ignored her words. "I thought you'd rather that people change. Haven't you said something about dealing with flaws?"

"It's more about dealing with your own flaws than that of others."

"You should look in a mirror then." Bo Lifen shrugged, "Seems like we're getting somewhere but nowhere at all."

One of his eyes twitched, weariness taking a toll for once. Whether it was intentional or not, she had begun to say too much. And most of them were unhelpful, or biased to what she was seeing. Li Yang pressed a hand to his forehead, "I've been trying to get somewhere with all that I'm doing—can't I just want to sit down for once?"

The expression on Bo Lifen's face froze.

He sighed, "I'd like to thank you for trying to converse with me to compensate with your guilt, but you've been rather..." Li Yang finally stopped himself at this point. He had already said far too many things than what he'd like. He began to get up, "I'll go get the thermos—"

She grabbed his wrist in a vice-like grip, "I'm what?"

"... it hasn't exactly been helpful, but thank you." Her arrival only meant that he had other things to take care of, her presence a little bit both unexpected and unwanted. 

"You mean I've been unhelpful."

This was why he'd wish that he would bite down his words more. Saying less was the pinnacle to a quieter life, and he had to ruin it himself. Li Yang shook his head and pulled his hand away from her, "That was me being rude, ignore it. I'll return the thermos to you and I do appreciate you sitting down with me, Miss Lifen."

"And what exactly comes to your mind when someone helps you?" she scoffed. Bo Lifen's eyes narrowed once more at him, the return of her temper. "Do people even help you or do you do it all by yourself?"

He had no right to point out her being upset—and it might simply increase it. Instead he opted for a calm voice, "I have a secretary who does help me out with my work."

"And yet I still find you outside of your house—"

"It doesn't mean anything," Li Yang narrowed his eyes at her and then sighed. "I told you that I was trying to get some air—could you let it go?" He turned back to his house's door and took out his key. Once he unlocked the door, he stepped inside and looked back at her. "Would you like to wait in the living room?"

"... No."

"I'll be quick then."