At the end of 1993, in an underdeveloped small county, Xu Yao was walking in a dirty alley with a cloth bag sewn by his sister on his back. There were mottled old houses on both sides, and the water pipes were rusty. There was a garbage can at the door of each house, emitting a faint odor.

He and his sister live in an alley. The lot is poor and the rent is not expensive. These days, in such a small county, few people come to the city to work and rent houses.

Xu Yao came to his door, took out the key and opened the door.

A small house of only 30 square meters, with curtains pulled to separate two rooms, one for each sister and brother. There is only one bed in my sister's room, and my clothes are in the box.

Xu Yao's "room" has an extra desk and a lamp. When buying a desk and lamp for him, my sister was distressed for a long time, but she still gritted her teeth and bought it.

The rice is cooked in the corridor. We build a small earthen stove and a pot to cook with raw coal, which is simple and simple. Better people have bought gas stoves, but Xu Yao and his sister don't have this condition.

Usually at this time, my sister should make a fire in the corridor to cook, and Xu Yao, who comes home from school, will do some handicrafts, which is the extra private work that my sister receives outside after work. She can earn a few more yuan every day.

"Sister?" Xu Yao came into the room and shouted that his sister was not in the room.

It may be that she found some work outside. She often did this. She wandered around the county every day. Then she could do all kinds of work. Only what could earn money and men could do, she could also do.

Xu Yao put down her schoolbag and saw a bag of unfinished handicrafts beside her sister's bed. She should have come back. Did she go out to buy vegetables?

He is in a good mood today. Because of his test results in school, he won the first place without accident.

The teachers like this student who wears simple clothes very much. He is diligent, hardworking and serious. They say that he is a good seedling who can be admitted to the University.

At that time, the teacher was so simple that he could not wait to reach out to his students and meet an enterprising reading seed, which he liked better than his own son.

At that time, the female students were also very innocent. They liked learning bullies and aspiring boys. Even though Xu Yaochang was very ordinary, there were many girls who secretly handed him love letters.

Unlike the later love letters, the love letters at this time are very implicit and introverted. First write a modern poem of a famous person, and at the end: what do you think of this poem. Then he handed it to the boy he liked. If the boy was also interested in the girl, he wrote back and secretly put it in her drawer the next day.

One comes and two goes, and the story comes.

At the age of eighteen, love is green, immature, but also beautiful. After this age, I can't find that feeling when I fall in love again.

Xu Yao's hints and love letters to the girl were dismissive, like a stone statue standing in the rain of flowers, watching the colorful falling petals, too lazy to reach out to pick up one of the beautiful petals.

He has no capital to fall in love, let alone interest. Rural children only know to bury their heads in reading and live up to their sister's expectations.

Moreover, his lilac flowers floated to the Shanghai stock market with the wind. Originally, he wanted to take the Fudan exam, but in the first year of high school, lilac flowers got married.

Married a red guy in Shanghai stock market.

Xu Yao didn't slow down for a long time. He once wanted to hit people when he heard about the Shanghai stock market.

He is too silent, too low-key, too introverted, and always keeps his favorite emotions in his heart. What is the value of not saying he likes?

On the wedding day, Xu Yao went. The fare from his sister was so expensive that he almost cried.

At the wedding, his lilac was very beautiful... No, it was not his lilac anymore. It's the flower of the man who is a teacher.

Xiao Lan was very happy to see him. Her heartfelt happiness gave Xu Yao some comfort.

The girl I like, she is more and more valuable in my heart. Fortunately, I am not as light as a feather in her heart.

The man looked at his new wife with a smile.

The wife said: This is my brother from my hometown.

Reality gave Xu Yao a heavy blow. At that time, he asked himself in his heart, was it just his brother

His heart suddenly ached, and he still didn't cry.

But when he really cried, it was after the wedding banquet that Xu Guang said something: is it your sister's fault that you control.

Xu Yao cried, and then he beat the boy to cry.

Xu Guang was born a little earlier. Now, he must comfort Xu Yao by saying something else, such as: a Rong doesn't cry, stands up.

Xu Yao is sitting on the bed, making handicrafts and thinking. My sister's hands are full of frostbite and dripping with blood in winter.

Unconsciously, it was getting dark, and my sister still didn't come back.

Xu Yao decided to go downstairs to look for it. He closed the door and left the residential building. At the corner, he saw his sister talking with a man in the twilight. They held hands and could vaguely see the man's face.

He is a calm and serious young man. His eyes are full of smiles when he talks to his sister.

When Xu Yao saw him, the young man also saw Xu Yao. Xu Shi felt that the young man's eyes emerging from the corner were too sharp, and he was stunned.

At this moment, my sister found it and looked around with the eyes of the young man.

Sister's face slightly changed, whispered a few words with the young man, and turned to meet Xu Yao.

"Who is he?" Xu Yao asked.

"Friend... Friend, helped me." Xu Ru simply explained, without saying more, and cut off the topic: "my sister is late for something. Is a Rong hungry?"

Xu Yao looked at the young man's back, walked farther and farther, and disappeared into the night.

Since then, Xu Yao has never seen a young man again, and his sister is no different. She works as usual every day, bearing hardships.

.......

In 1994, two things happened in this year, each of which brought the small family to the end.

The first thing is that the bursting of the real estate foam triggered an extremely terrible economic crisis. People who have not experienced that era can hardly imagine how terrible that economic crisis was. It was a directly collapsed economy, far better than any subsequent economic crisis. In fact, it collapsed once as early as 90 years. By 94, the two crises were superimposed, promoted and expanded each other.

Bang!

The collapse of the foam has killed many people.

Although the crisis was stabilized in a relatively short time, it had a great impact during this period.

The aftereffects of the small county were not too great, but the life of the citizens did suddenly become tight.

As a result, Xu Ru began to lose money and could not sustain her life.

The second thing is that Xu Ru is pregnant.

That day, Xu Yao was still at school, throwing himself into the sea of questions, preparing to sprint for the college entrance examination.

My sister asked someone to call the head teacher's office and said that she was ill and hospitalized.

Xu Yao rushed to the hospital and learned from the doctor that his sister was pregnant.

a bolt from the blue.

"Don't worry too much. Your body is very important. Go home and have a good rest." The doctor complained to Xu Yao, "are you her husband? Why don't you care at all..."

Before the doctor lied, his stunned sister interrupted in embarrassment, "he is my brother."

Xu Yao developed relatively early. When his peers grew fluffy around his mouth and were excited about the growing thickness of hair in his crotch, he looked like an adult, at least not like a high school student.

The doctor was embarrassed and asked, "then your husband."

Silence.

The sister and brother were silent.

Back home, it seemed that nothing had happened. My sister was sitting by the bed doing handicrafts, and Xu Yao was sitting at the table writing the test paper.

"Patter!"

The ballpoint pen was heavily pressed on the table, and the sound was not loud, but Xu Ru was startled, and her hand obviously shook.

Xu Yao stood up with a gloomy face. He looked directly into his sister's eyes and asked, "who is that man?"

Xu Ru didn't speak, and Xu Yao didn't speak. He stared and became red.

"Rong, don't worry..."

"Is it the man? Is it the man?" Xu Yao shouted.

His sister's silence responded.

Suddenly, it seemed to ignite the explosive barrel.

"After lying in the hospital for so long, he didn't come. Did you not contact him, or did he refuse to come?" Xu Yao grabbed his sister's hand and walked out the door: "go and call him now."

"I'm not going." Sister said.

Xu Yao was stunned and exploded in an instant. He shouted, "if you don't want to be shameful, we are poor, but we can't be without dignity. No matter how poor we are, we must know self love. If a woman doesn't cherish herself, she will have nothing."

"What do you do now? Can you raise a baby? When you untie your belt, you have thought about what you will do in the future. Do you want to marry someone? You've ruined your life, you know."

In the dark room, the boy was hysterical, his face turned red and his eyes were crazy.

That day, he said a lot of excessive words.

Every sentence is like a knife, inserted in my sister's heart.

Xu Yao was mad. He hated that man and his sister's lack of self love.

My sister sat by the bed, bowed her head and wept.

After all, she is a woman, a weak woman. Life makes her strong and even harder than men in some aspects, but in front of her brother, she cries helplessly and lowers her head.

Many years later, whenever he thought of this scene, Xu Yao would tremble all over, and his body and mind ached from inside to outside.

"I remember every sentence very clearly, and every sentence is printed in my heart. I hate myself in those days. I'm too selfish. I never thought about her feelings, how aggrieved and helpless she was at that time, and how eager she was to be helped. Like a person trapped in the mud, I longed for someone to lend a helping hand, but my brother stepped on her severely." Xu Yao burst into tears.

He lost his father at the age of two and his mother at the age of four.

His sister brought him up through hardships. A teenage girl with a rough cocoon on her hand looks like a man who has worked for years.

My sister worked hard for him to study and become a useful person. Every breakfast was porridge with three steamed buns. Why did she need three steamed buns? It was a meal reserved for noon. She ate steamed buns with pickles for many years.

When she was young, she refused to give him away. When she grew up, she had no friends and no marriage. She left all her time and all her hopes to her brother.

But my brother didn't understand her.

Qin Ze looked at the man in silence. At this moment, he stripped off all his clothes, successful, serious, beautiful

He squatted in front of his sister's grave, like a broken child, crying like a fool.

Regret is a pity, because it is doomed to be irreparable.

You are crying, crying, you hate yourself at the beginning, and you want to go back in time to make up for the mistakes of the past, but life will never give you a second chance.

So, you desperately want to recognize my nephew.

Want to make up for their mistakes, want to appease the pain hidden in their hearts, colic day after day?

"And then?" Qin Ze asked hoarsely.