CH 43

D9.

Dante remembered the day he was called ‘disaster’.

“…”

“You, you…”

Blood-soaked ground, broken blades and groans of pain. He had hoped he wouldn’t get used to it, yet eventually he did.

In a place that finally suited the name of the ruins, Dante felt chronic fatigue as he looked down at the fallen enemy soldiers in fear.

He became numb to many things after he entered the war. It was like someone’s struggle to survive, and the realization that he had come too far for what started with revenge.

This soon made the war itself insensitive, so everything related to the war was blurry in his memory.

However, he only remembered the battle that day very clearly…

“You’re nothing short of a disaster!”

Because there was a familiar word in the sentence that the opponent who foresaw the end uttered while shouting.

After a series of moments, the battlefield rang out. With the devastated landscape in front of him, Dante thought about how familiar the word ‘disaster’ was to him.

The past, where he accepted the disaster as a reward for ignoring his teacher’s advice, and the present, when he was called a disaster by others.

And he thought of someone standing at the center of it, both before and now.

“…”

Why has the longing he felt at that moment not even faded until now?

His disaster began with one person and was revealed to the world through the absence of one person.

As long as the vacancy was eternal, the disaster wouldn’t disappear.

***

“We’re going to take a break here for a while, Miss Ei.”

“Yes.”

The feeling that had subsided from earlier showed no signs of returning. It was the same even though the two people who went to deal with the monsters came back, and after moving for a while, we stopped the carriage again and took enough rest.

And I think I’ve probably felt this way all day. I couldn’t help but think of Dante a lot more than when I first started out. It was only natural as I had heard such a story from Ivan.

Even now, looking at my face reflected in the lake made me think of Dante. I was sitting near the lake to organize my thoughts, but there is no point in coming here if I think about Dante again.

When I think of Dante, it feels like not only was I unable to organize my thoughts, useless negative emotions were also mixed in it.

“…”

The cold air seemed to cool my hot face. Feeling my hair swaying in the wind, I blankly made eye contact with myself in the water. It was difficult to make out the intention of the face that seemed to be sunk beneath the surface of the water, even though it was mine.

It’s so strange, I can’t make out the thoughts of anyone else, nor of myself. The more I looked at it, the more I felt strange, so I dipped my hand in the water and disturbed the face reflected in the lake.

With just a hand gesture across the current, the reflected shape quickly disappeared. As I watched the lake, where the shimmers subsided as time passed, I thought for a moment that it would be nice if everything went the way I wanted.

It would have been great if going to see Dante had gone my way, and I would have seen him much sooner.

Suddenly, Masha’s words came to my mind.

[Let’s say that you finally met Dante after going through all kinds of hardships. But what are you going to do after you meet? If you think about it from Dante’s point of view, you were already dead then.]

[…]

[What if Dante doesn’t believe your story?]

As she said, surely Dante might not recognize me. No, of course he wouldn’t recognize me. He’d think I died like a stone. He could say he couldn’t believe it was me, and, and, and then…

I don’t know what’s next. As expected, I felt like I had to meet him in person to see his reaction.

I can’t tell if I can’t really foresee it or I just want to see Dante, but the conclusion is the same anyway. I have to see Dante somehow.

When I thought about it, I had no choice but to put my hand on my forehead. I couldn’t urge the people I was traveling with to go quickly, but I felt like my heart was getting more and more urgent, so my head was pounding. If I think ahead like this, I might make a mistake someday.

If my heart had feet, I could have already arrived at the Magic Tower, for real. At that moment when I was grumbling inwardly, a soft blue light flashed on the lake where the sky was reflected.

A color that reminded me of cold ice as soon as I saw it, which was closer to white because it was lighter than sky blue. Recognizing the owner of that color, I inadvertently frowned, then relaxed when I saw the face reflected in the lake did the same thing.

“Do you have any business with me, Sir Kade?”

I suddenly wonder if his basic value is a frowning face. Looking at the silver eyes shining sharply even though they were covered by the monocle, I thought while resting my chin.

I think about it every time I see him, but it looks really bad.

I stared at Kade, who was standing there with a frown on his face, before suddenly speaking.

“I was curious from the beginning. Why do you hate me so much?”

“…”

I don’t know if I’d rather have done something that deserves hatred. However, that person disapproved of me from the moment our eyes met for the first time, and just stared at me with a frown without the least communication.

Even if what he thinks of me isn’t that important in this situation, it’s only natural to wonder why if I’m constantly being treated as invisible. I raised my head and looked at Kade, indicating a quick answer.

He just stood there without answering, and after a while he opened his mouth.

“Do you know what we are doing on this trip?”

Aren’t you going to the Magic Tower? But I didn’t answer as I thought.

“I don’t know. Did you not tell me?”

“Even if you don’t know where we’re going, if you’re at least aware of it, you’ll know that we’re not going out to play.”

I don’t know because I’ve never had a conversation with him, but why is he talking sarcastically? Rather than feeling bad, it was kind of interesting.

I’m good at being sarcastic too.

However, as a person who knows how to keep manners, I decided not to confront him right away. And right now I’m more curious about what that person will say.

Kade immediately declared in a calm but sharp voice.

“We’re going to deal with something imperfect, nothing short of a time bomb.”

“…”

“Since it’s difficult to guarantee safety, there should be as few variables as possible. But you, who suddenly intervened and can’t even take care of yourself, are just a lump of burden from our point of view.”

When I heard that, something came to my mind.

“Come to think of it, you said, ‘What are you going to do by picking up useless ordinary people in this situation?’”

“Yes.”

“To think that I’m hated for not having power, can I live in sorrow, I wonder.”

My voice, which I spit out like such, was hard to hear even for me. As if he didn’t like my reaction, even if it wasn’t Kade, his ferocious eyes hardened even more.

“If you understand, I hope you will behave well in the future.”

“That’s for me to decide, not what you’re going to tell me.”

I turned my head and picked up a small stone nearby. As if I was playing a prank, the stone was thrown into the lake, and it sank to the bottom of the water with a clear sound of fondant.

The eyes that were glaring at me through the lake were also scattered by the round ripples on the surface of the water.

Wow, looking at it like this, it looks like I deliberately threw it toward his reflection.

I can’t say I never thought of that. It wasn’t like I threw it directly in his, but this is fine.

“I’ll think about it if you stop showing your disapproval.”

“…”

“Ah, please stop staring at me. If you strain your eyes like that, only your eyes will hurt, so why do you keep doing that? Aren’t you tired of it?”

“…What did you say now?”

Kade opened his eyes wide, as if surprised, or rather displeased. However, even though I faced such a reaction right in front of my eyes, and even though I was treated as a lump of luggage, I was just upset with this situation.

It seemed that I was moderately aware and wanted to be squashed in a corner, being told to step back without disturbing by his own judgment and to get out of the way were different.

It was true that I felt rebellious when I heard his advice to behave well.

But more than anything else, he wasn’t the only one who hated me.

“I don’t like you either.”

Kade didn’t answer me. I didn’t know if he was surprised to hear something unexpected, or if he didn’t answer because it was still his default attitude to ignore it.

Either way, I got up from my seat and turned completely toward Kade.

“You treat the Master of the Magic Tower as a monster, not a human.”

“…You said you didn’t know earlier.”

At those words, a small laugh came out.

“I couldn’t help it because the rumors about the delegation going to the Magic Tower spread all over. Anyway, you don’t look very nice from my point of view either, ignoring me because you think it’s a bit of a hindrance, and treating the Master of the Magic Tower like a bomb.”

After spitting it out, I knew more clearly. Yeah, I hated Kade as much as he hated me.

Sometimes, whenever I closed my eyes as if I was asleep, I could often hear them conversing in a low voice, but Kade, that person always raised the question, “Can you talk to an insane person?” He said that no matter how crazy Dante was, he must have been so crazy that even conversation was impossible. What the hell do you think of Dante?

Of course, he’s like that because Dante is being treated as a dangerous person, but if I don’t like it, then I don’t.

That dangerous person is my husband no matter what, and it’s okay for me to show favoritism.

“What does the handling of the Master of the Magic Tower have to do with your feelings?”

It seemed like he was just being sarcastic, and like he was really curious while asking.

I pretended to think about it for a moment, then I laughed.

“What do you think you’re going to do if you know it?”

The frown on his face was inwardly pleasant.