CH 1

“…….How can I get out of this damned situation?”

[‘Joong-won* Sword Deity’ advises “I don’t have a solution no matter how much I think so just give up!”]

*(t/n: A continent of the Moorim world built above clouds where strong martial artists live.)

“Is that something a person-in-charge as my Guardian Deity has to sa- Cough !?”

I spat out the blood filled in my mouth pouring from the pit of my throat.

Since I was fell forward a 大 shape*, my face was soaked with the blood I vomited.

*Reference for 大 shape

It probably meant that the lethal dose of the poison started doing its work. 

As soon as I entered this blindingly dark cave where I couldn’t even see an inch ahead, I was surrounded by poisonous fog. 

And once I regained my senses, this ridiculous situation was taking place. 

But how?

I definitely don’t remember seeing anything like this being mentioned in the investigation team’s report.

Anyway, guess bread always falls on the buttered side. 

And so what happened when I requested SOS from <Joong-won Sword Deity> my Guardian Deity in charge you ask?

[‘Joong-won Sword Deity’ takes a moment of silence and says “Imo find a better Guardian Deity”]

This crazy-

It was my fault for making such a guy my Guardian Deity and playing with my life.

He could throw any skill or item that can work as an antidote but instead, he speaks nonsense like that. 

No but seriously, I should just die if there’s no solution? How can a Guardian Deity give that sort of advice to its representative?

“Gasp…!”

I let out a gasp as I felt blood rushing to my head and my chest tightened.

It felt like my brain was being ripped into bits and pieces alongside feeling dizzy.

At one point, I realized that blood was now even flowing out of my ears and nose.

To think that Chil-gong-bun-hyeol*, which would only happen in martial arts novels can actually happen in reality, Is this for real…

*t/n: Lit. Blood flows from seven places. A condition in which one bleeds from the seven features on the head, namely, two eye sockets, two nostrils, two ear sockets, and the mouth. 

Am I also paralyzed?

I can’t even crawl till the cave entrance because my whole body is stiff. 

“Ah….”

It feels a bit..real now. 

The fact that I have a 0% chance of making it out alive from here.

Death. 

The weight of that short word weighs down on my cold body like a piece of lead. 

Even though I was slowly losing consciousness, tears rolled down as I was scared. 

It was driving me crazy to think how unfair it is that this cold cave where there is no one to listen to my will, is going to be my grave. 

…But wait. 

Joong-won Sword Deity, that bastard. 

He isn’t going to help me till the end huh.

“Agh cough…! Planning to rip me to dea- splat !?

During my last moments, I decided to swear instead of saying my will. 

Towards that damned Guardian deity who abandoned his ‘representative’, me who used to listen to everything he said throughout my life just because I got a bit grumpy, like a pair of used shoes. 

“Hey, you bastard! You still call yourself my Guardian Deity in charge after doing that?! You can hear me right? Huh?! Then show yourself! So that I can sew up that nonsense-spitting mouth of yours!”

After every sentence, every phrase I spoke, blood poured out of my mouth like a leaking water pipe. 

Not that it matters. I’m going to die anyway so spitting out a few more drops of blood isn’t going to change anything. 

Instead of trying to crawl in my last moments, let me just leave stress-free. 

I put my middle finger up towards the ceiling beyond which would be the clear sky.

“That petty bastard who would only throw a few midget sized items bossed me around so much and now, at such a crucial time said what? I don’t have a solution so just give up? How did he grow up to be like that? Son of a-”

Eventually, I ended up cursing someone else’s parents, normally something which I would never do. 

I mean I was about to.

[New Guardian Deity prohibits representative’s language activities]

But in the end, I wasn’t able to curse even though it was at the tip of my tounge because it felt like my vocal cords stopped working for a momet. 

That damned guy again. Now he’s crossing the line ope…

“……”

No. Wait a minute. 

What?

…New Guardian Deity?

Till now I haven’t received any message from another Guardian Deity except for Joong-won Sword Deity though?

But then this…

[New Guardian Deity is furious and says “Who are you pointing your middle finger at in an ungrateful manner!”]

What does this mean?

When I fell in a state on confusion, 

Bathump-!

“……!”

My heart skipped a beat. 

***

“Heoghh?!”

I had a seizure and woke up. 

My heart was racing like crazy. 

As a reflex, I held my chest.

“ Huh? Huhh?”

I was surprised at the fact that my heart was beating. 

That’s right. 

For some reason I was alive. 

And that was not it, I was surprised to the point of almost passing out after realizing I was in my room. 

“D-don’t tell me…”

I quickly opened the smartphone beside my pillow and checked the date.

-1st September, 2025- 

If my memory isn’t wrong, It’s the date when I first felt the presence of a Guardian Deity and woke up.

Right now, I can’t even process if it’s a dream or reality but I mumbled these words;

“Did I regress?”

[The Newly in-charge Guardian Deity replies “That’s right” and sends their first greeting.]

A translucent hologram window popped up with a di-ring sound blocking my view. 

“It always popped up when my Guardian Deity sent over a doctor and It’s the exact same font and design.”

I became certain. 

I’ve come back to 3 years ago. 

Of course, realizing it didn’t mean that this dumbfounded feeling went away. 

The first thing I did after sitting up dazed in the bed for about a minute was to,

Curse out loud. 

“You bastard, you’re Joong-won Sword Deity aren’t you?”

The Guardian Deity confidently replied that’s right when I asked if I regressed a while ago. 

That means, he knows very well about the situation I’m in right now. 

So he must also know why I’m swearing at him out of nowhere right?

“Get lost, You nasty asshole! I don’t even wanna talk to you! I want a refund! Get me someone else! If I have to spend this life with you again then forget about regressing or whatever, I’ll end up getting cancer and di-”

[The Newly in-charge Guardian Deity protests and says she isn’t Joong-won Sword Deity!]

“…Ah.”

Silence followed. 

I cleared my throat after staring at the hologram with blank eyes. 

“Ahem, I’m sorry. I didn’t even know that and was rude during our first meeting….I’m sorry.”

Even though it might seem servile you gotta accept what you did wrong. 

To survive In a world full of monsters, it’s a must to have a Guardian Deity’s ‘Sponsorship’.

And all the Guardian Deity’s are very moody. If you do something they are not pleased with then the frequency of the sponsorship decreases or, even if you receive an amount, it’s ridiculously less. 

This was also the reason why I let out all the curse words I’ve been silent about towards Joong-won Sword Deity only when I was on my deathbed. 

[The Newly in-charge Guardian Deity smiles and says “It’s okay, it happens.”]

Oh. 

This dude’s personality seems pretty okay. 

If it was Joong-won Sword Deity then he would totally be like what are you bickering on about.

If he’s so open-hearted that means he will be relatively easy to please. 

Just when I started to see the ‘Newly in-charge Guardian Deity in a positive light.

[The Newly In-charge Guardian Deity scolds “By the way, if you’ve woken up then you should tidy your blanket first!”]

[The Newly In-charge Guardian Deity adds “The first step of your new life can’t be messy!”]

[The Newly In-charge Guardian Deity rebukes in a serious manner “But why does your house look like a pigsty!”]

…….

Was I wrong?

Well, he kind off seems like the type to nag alot….

Despite everything, Joong-won Sword Deity never pointed out my way of living though. 

Di-ring! Di-ring! Di-ring!

Even after that, the hologram window continued to appear like crazy which was  torture for my eyes and ears. 

No, Ah. No way. I’m getting confused. 

Stop it!

…is what I wished to stay but couldn’t, instead, while breaking out in a cold sweat I asked,

“Um excuse me, Guardian Deity who chose me, May I know your name…No I mean, your nickname?

Guardian Deities do not reveal their real name. Instead, they use a nickname in the form of a phrase. 

Just like Joong-won Sword Deity, even that dude probably has another name but he’s called ‘Joong-won Sword Deity’. 

Just then, a hologram appeared. 

[The Newly in-charge Guardian Deity laughs aloud and says “What do you mean by something upsetting like a nickname between us!”

Wait, does that mean he’s going to tell me his real name?

I mean I can’t keep referring to him as ‘Newly in-charge Guardian Deity’ in the future 

[The Newly in-charge Guardian Deity smiles and says “I’m not supposed to do this but you’re an exception.”]

[The Newly in-charge Guardian Deity edits the ‘notification system’ in a rush!]

[Name of Guardian Deity is being edited!]

[Name of Representative is being edited!]

While I was blanked out amidst the storm of the continuous renewal notifications,

-Di-ring!

A hologram window way bigger than usual appeared, it made the other notification windows disappear and stood stand-still before my eyes. 

[Guardian deity ‘Sung Hyun-sook’ sends sponsorship package to ‘My son ♡’!]

[Package list: (Korean) Breakfast Package]

“……”

M-mom?