Chapter 89 - My SI Stash #89 - Half-Blood Emperor by Dio Black (Pre Harry Potter)

-SI as Severus Snape, HP fic for F1nal~

*I have hope that this 3 year on hiatus fic will be revived. Either an update or a rewrite! (Judging from author's bio/profile)

Gotta have hope...

( *｀ω´)

Sypnosis: This is the story of a person who died. It's OK though, he got better. Through some kind of cosmic coincidence he wakes up in the body of an 11 year old Severus Snape. What would someone in his position, with knowledge of the future and what can be accomplished with magic do? Liberally abuse it and live like a king of course! Snape!Harem SI-OC as Snape NO SLASH.

Rated: M

Words: 41K

Posted on: fanfiction.net/s/12614626/1/Half-Blood-Emperor (Dio Black)

PS: If you're not able to copy/paste the link, you have everything in here to find it, by simply searching the author and the story title. It sucks that you can't copy links on mobile (*´ー｀*)

-I'll be putting the chapter ones of all the fanfics mentioned, to give you guys a sample if you wan't more please do go to the website and support the author! (And maybe even convince them to start uploading chapters in here as well!)

Chapter 1

A/N warnings: This story will contain a self insert OC. He will be a selfish person and will think nothing of doing immoral and manipulative acts to get what he wants. This is also your warning up front that it will be a Snape!Harem and Snape will be a little dark/evil. Only women will be in the harem. There will be a.d.u.l.t situations and lemons in this story. This is also my first attempt at writing so I thank you for giving this a chance and for any positive feed back.

Warning: This story will contain a.d.u.l.t situations and language.

Disclaimer: I actually think it's hilarious that I have to say I don't own anything from the Harry Potter franchise. I would think it was obvious that I don't. In fact I wish it would change so that it is just assumed that a person doesn't own something unless they specifically say otherwise

Oh I died. Or at least I assume I just did. I was on my way to the kitchen to get a glass of water in the middle of the night when I felt a sharp, extreme pain just behind my eyes. Even worse than the worse headache I'd ever experienced, like an ice pick in its intensity. My vision blurred and the last thing I could make out was the floor getting awfully close.

But I didn't feel the impact. In fact I didn't feel anything except a tingling sensation like when a foot falls asleep, only all over, and then nothing. And I was acutely aware, almost disturbingly so, that I had just died.

Not to be confused with losing consciousness however, I'm not certain how I know the difference but I just do.

And I can't help but mentally curse up a storm as the realization sets in that not only did I just shuffle off my mortal coil right when my life was at the it's hedonistic peak, thanks in no small part to my hard work and effort to get to where I wanted to be; but I just died to what I'm certain is a brain aneurism.

The reason this is important, at least to me, is that I'd just died from one of my biggest fears. I was pissed because I knew that despite the low odds it was one of those things that could happen to anyone, at any time, for no reason.

'Oh well' I can't help but mentally sigh. At least it wasn't death by alligator. In hindsight this was much less traumatic.

Although now I was starting to worry. I wasn't a religious person in life and though I had no idea what, if any, afterlife awaited me. I certainly didn't think it would be an endless nothingness. Nothing to see, hear, touch, taste, or to feel. Nothing but me all alone with my thoughts.

I'm not sure how long I was like this either, with no obvious way to keep track of time other than counting the seconds. This sensory deprivation. I knew I wouldn't last long, I have no illusions about how tough I can be and how I'll crack eventually.

At this point I was honestly wishing for oblivion and to just cease existing if this is all there is. 'Of course I'd rather still be alive' my internal thoughts oh so helpfully pointed out. And no sooner had I thought that, I felt something.

I didn't have time to revel in the feeling however, because whatever it was felt like a hook behind where my 'naval' would be and I was moving. Suddenly the white nothingness that I had known was put into perspective as I was pulled away from its center and into a vast sea of black flecked with countless spheres of light similar to the one I'd just involuntarily, though not unwantedly, vacated.

There was no time for me to take it all in and try to contemplate what was happening. Because after the next thought of where I'd heard of a similar feeling being described before, I was suddenly jerked and moving faster than I could comprehend from my current perspective.

It would be quite some time before I thought of this place again. Busy as I was being reborn into someone else's body and taking over their life was a somewhat more immediate concern that took up much of my time and effort to ensure I came out on top.

An inhale, then a slow, drawn out exhale. Again and again this happened and I drank in the feeling of air filling my lungs.

Further listening to my breathing revealed a steady thumping. I could feel my heartbeat. And to someone who knew he died, it was a wonderful feeling. And the more he focused on his heartbeat, and breathing, and being alive, he felt something else. Something separate that he knew wasn't there before inside him.

Shocked and startled from this mystery he opened his eyes and found a room that was entirely unfamiliar to him. What was shocking was that he knew that he had not been inside this place before, but the more he looked about the more familiar it was becoming. He started having phantom memories of this room, the bed he was lying in was where he slept, the small desk in the corner was where he studied and did his homework and on and on the feelings came.

And while this was happening almost subconsciously, the man came upon another revelation that was immediately more important. He was not in his old body.

He knew the because the last time he checked he was a full grown, healthy a.d.u.l.t male. Yet before even looking down at himself he could feel that his proportions were all wrong. He was smaller! No… His body was that of a child right now.

'Thankfully still male' he thought while breathing a heavy sigh of relief. Not that he had a problem with the female form. In fact he had an overly healthy appreciation for it. But he self-identified as a male for as long as he could remember and had no desire to change that. Or have it changed for him for that matter.

It was times like this he was glad for being a laid back and unflappable individual. "Make it look easy." Was the best advice he ever received in his early life.

And it was because of this aspect of his character that he wasn't freaking out and screaming as some people are want to do. Instead he was more than capable, and even comfortable, in going slow and figuring things out in a logical fashion.

Getting up from the bed and giving a cursory glance about the room looking for any clues that could help him figure out where he was, and more importantly, who he is now.

However no sooner had the thought passed his mind, he was suddenly assaulted with more phantom feelings, with a few sporadic memories thrown into the mix this time.

A stern looking man and a dour women with a scowl, multiple times, through multiple places that are strangely familiar, most likely other rooms in this very house; kept referring to him as Severus Snape.

With the sudden vertigo that accompanied the foreign memories fading his brain hiccupped.

'Severus Snape? Severus Snape as in the Harry Potter book series Severus Snape?' What are the odds of it being a different person after all. Severus is already an uncommon name and having died once, the thought of being reborn as a fictional character isn't out of the realm of possibility.

Though it is somewhat outside of my wheelhouse.

What I need to do is confirm that this is the case before I make any plans or do anything else. I realize that this different set of memories have been trickling in since I awoke and I'm starting to think that they must be imprinted in this bodies brain. Which makes sense when I think about it.

But then that begs the question about my own memories? Will they eventually fade away or will they stay with me?

Genuinely concerned for the first time since I woke up in a new body, I focus inwardly. All I can do is feel what makes me, me. And what makes Severus a separate identity. And as I concentrate on this I can feel an internal shifting. Like something perfectly slotting into place, partitioning a portion of this mind to permanently hold my memories and never letting them go, marking them as important.

It was a distinctly odd feeling. Something I've never done or felt before so I had no frame of reference other than a feeling of inherent rightness. Like this is how it's supposed to work and it worked perfectly the first time. And I just know I'm no longer in danger of losing either set of memories.

If I had to describe it, it was like trying a skill out for the first time like a sport or painting, and finding out that you're a master at it straight out of the gate. A natural talent.

Because of this I was able to calm down again. A small reprieve that allowed me to know that I can keep in control of the situation and I'll be alright.

'I wonder if that was Occlumency?' is the best guess he could come up with at the moment.

Breathing a deep sigh of relief I set about my original task of verifying my predicament and gathering information.

Moving over to the desk where the memories of Snape are telling me that I'll find all the proof I need, I sit in the chair and pull the top right hand drawer open and pulling out a long, thin box and place it carefully in front of me.

Without any further ceremony, and wanting to finally see it I open the box and see a long, thin wand.

Running his fingers along it he whispers, "Walnut and phoenix feather, thirteen inches, ridged." He quotes what Ollivander told him when he finally found and bonded to it.

Feeling the warmth from the wand connect to him and the magic inside of him he felt an exceptional thrill of power well up from within. He kept an iron will of control on it however to keep it from lighting up the room and filling it with sparks of light like he inherently knew it wanted to as it bonded to him even stronger than when Severus had originally fist picked it up.

"This particular wood combined with such a core will be uncommonly versatile and adaptable. Most wand woods will have a particular nature and will resist using spells that go against it. Walnut however, once bonded, will perform any task it's user desires, provided the user is of sufficient brilliance of course." Ollivander had told him in the shop.

That settles it. Magic was certainly a thing for him now and he could feel it singing in his veins. He didn't even need to cast any of the spells he was now more than eager to try out to know that this was real.

And wasn't that a happy thought. Everything he had experienced so far was to real and vivid to be a hallucination or an elaborate dream of a coma.

Especially considering how Severus Snape likely wouldn't have been his first choice if he had to pick being reincarnated as someone. Though upon further examination of his options, assuming he had to be reborn here in this particular fictional world, it's not the worst person he could be.

Of course knowing what I know of the future events, Severus didn't have a great life. From my own point of view he had an unhealthy interest in his childhood friend who didn't return his feelings and he never got over it. To him, he also made a few serious mistakes that cost him his freedom by consigning himself to not one, but two masters in what he saw as a pseudo slavery. One of them even branded him!

But as if that wasn't enough, if he recalled the cannon universe correctly, Severus died as he lived, completely alone.

And I can't except that. Not now. Not when I've become Severus Snape.

The old Severus is gone. Whatever happened to the two of us, whatever brought me to be here, erased him. All that's left of him is eleven years of memories of a, quite frankly, shitty childhood. And his physical body.

That's what I can feel when I examine my mind like I did before when I ensured my past life's memories were saved. There might be two sets of memories. But as for souls, it's just mine. I'm probably more aware of this because of my unique experience of being just a soul.

Pushing aside those morbid thoughts of things I can't change, and to be honest probably wouldn't even if I could, from my mind to concentrate on other things.

I need to plan. Plain and simple. Magic is real in this world and I not only have access to it. I have outsider knowledge that I can liberally abuse to set myself up. The skies the limit when I really start to think about it, and I'm still stuck thinking about the major things that I know of.

Immortality is within spitting distance. And not just one form or type! Nicholas Flamel had his philosopher's stone, and if I recall correctly I'm pretty sure that he holds the official record for longest living person at some ridiculous number that's at least past six hundred.

And as much as it's built up to be a mythological artefact that people talk up how great a pinnacle of alchemy it is, everyone seems to forget what's right in front of their faces.

Nicholas Flamel and his stone are almost always mentioned in the same sentence. Flamel's stone that he made with alchemy that can create an elixir of life, and turn lead into gold. If he could do it, why could no one else? It's man made clearly. And most certainly difficult, otherwise other alchemists would have stumbled upon making one on accident at some point.

Everyone makes a big deal out of trying to steal it from him. Both in the books notably, but also in various fan fictions.

Why has no one put in the work or even attempt to make one of their own recently when this guy made his over six hundred years ago?

What other things can alchemy accomplish? Something to look into as I start a mental list of things too useful to ignore.

The very next thing on the list is the other known form of immortality. A horcrux. Splitting the soul with a ritual and so long as you can keep that piece of yourself safe you can stick around even if someone destroys your body.

Speaking of, being able to regenerate is also a must to look into and placed very high on the list. What seems obvious to an outside observer such as myself, but might not have even been a thought for Voldemort is what options are available for healing and/or recreating a body.

The reason he even lost the war he started wasn't because his killing curse rebounded and destroyed his body. It's that it took him fourteen years to get a new one.

I can only imagine what would have happened if he had been able to get right back to it even a few months later and pick it back up where he left off. If only he had planned for that possibility, he might have been able to set up some sort of failsafe and not even need any help to get a body back.

But his mistake is my gain. It's already on the list of things to look into.

And while on the subject of other people's mistakes, looking at Snape's life from the books I already know quite a few personal pitfalls that I need to steer clear of right off the bat. The first one to start with also happens to be the easiest, especially for a womanizer like me, and that's to keep one Ms. Lily Evans at arm's length.

There's a lot of roads I can take just from dealing with her. For instance I'm not sure if I'll want to seduce her and keep her all to myself in the future, or if I'll simply let James Potter and her have a Chosen child to take care of Voldemort while I have fun accomplishing my own goals.

Tying in with that you can call me Severus McSwitzerland because I'm not about to join anyone's side in the war that's soon to kick off in full in the next few years.

I have no need to get involved knowing what I do. I know Voldemort's weaknesses are his horcruxes and what they are. And a general idea of where they will be in the future depending on how much I f.u.c.k with things. Regardless of whether or not I can even find them all, he can always be contained if push comes to shove.

And all that's not even taking into account simply reasoning with the man. Although that is the riskiest option, I can make myself invaluable while refusing to become an actual member of his Death Eaters.

Dumbledore will be even easier to deal with in comparison. Not only is he supposed to be incredibly forgiving, but by all accounts he's a toothless dragon. Far too afraid of losing ownership of his precious Deathly Hallow, the Elder Wand, cripples him, and makes it unlikely he will ever get involved in any kind of battle he might have the smallest chance of losing.

Of course I'll be keeping that little tidbit to myself. No need give up that advantage.

That does however bring up the issue of the Deathly Hallows. I instantly discard the idea of going after them for now.

In part because I already know where they are and where they will stay far into the future. And also, as confident as I am, and with a surprising repertoire of spells and curses that Severus already knows, I'm not even a first year yet.

I still have a week to go before getting on the Hogwarts express. And I am lacking the experience I already know is necessary to obtain even one of those mythical artefacts.

But on the note of experience I'm about to get seven years of free access to an incredible place of learning. And using my knowledge of even just a few of the secrets of Hogwarts will allow me to advance by leaps and bounds in private study.

And of the things I need to become a master in there are plenty. Starting of course, with Occlumency. The art of protecting the mind from outside invasion and influence. Because I can't let a single secret slip for fear of it being the end of me.

I have no doubt that both Dumbledore and Voldemort would have the same reaction and frighteningly similar responses to my future knowledge. Both would Legilimens the ever loving shit out of my head without mercy, throwing in Veritaserum by the bucket load for good measure. Then depending on the person, Obliviation until I'm a vegetable, or a quick Avada Kedavra to the face. I couldn't fault them though. It's what I would do in a heartbeat.

While I'm on the subject of what I would do, my mind goes off on a tangent of… mind magic funny enough. Of all the different things it can do, and of all its various applications. Mind magic is pantshittingly terrifying when it suddenly becomes relevant to a person.

Obliviation. Something so standard to a wizard or witches everyday life that there is an entire squad of people who do nothing but erase memories working for the Ministry of Magic.

A spell that terrifying is used on a daily basis to keep our world hidden from the muggles. To just reach into someone's head and make it so something never happened to their perspective. And they aren't even aware that it happened!

The potential for abuse is staggering and one only needs to point a finger in the future Gilderoy Lockhart's direction. The flamboyant man was good at two things. Publicity, and the Obliviation spell. He took those two things and ran with them to a depressingly great effect by stealing other people's accomplishments and making them forget so he could take the credit.

And as far as applications go that was the least of a long list of ways I can think of to use that one spell. For the simple fact that if you can target what you erase from a person with pin point precision, you can completely change them into someone else.

The first example off the top of my head would be to turn a person from their friends and family by taking just a few of the memories of their most positive interactions with those people, and leaving only the bad.

And the insidious part is in its subtlety. Because they are still the same person, just with a different view. The Imperious curse may be dominant and impressive, as well as the first thing people think of for mind control, but it is a blunt hammer compared to a well-placed memory charm's scalpel.

Making a mental note to find any reliable memory charm that can plant false memories, I go through Severus's, my, trunk (I need to remember that now) to read ahead for my first school year of witchcraft and wizardry. I really need to keep on my toes that this is me now. Although the list of people who know what I was like is small, the one person who would care is probably going to be on the ball. Luckily we're still children, and young children at that, so I can hopefully play off any discrepancies under the guise of either nerves for going to Hogwarts or just plain growing up.

Reviewing past interactions between Severus and Lily though I don't think I have anything to worry about. Severus and I were both cynical pragmatists with a sharp tongue so I'll be alright just being myself for the most part.

Right after getting proficient with defending my mind it will be time to start learning the offensive branch and invading the minds of others for fun and profit. Legilimency, the art of reading someone's mind, viewing their memories, and hearing their innermost thoughts is an advantage that has me literally salivating and on the verge of cackling like a mad man. That certainly wouldn't do for the moment however.

In the short time I've been here I've already learned that my new parents are terrible people. At least they aren't really abusive, just horribly neglectful. Severus hardly ever got new clothes, mostly just things from the local thrift store that were poorly matched.

Until mum took him shopping for his Hogwarts school supplies he didn't actually have much else to call his own. There are lots of books around the house thankfully. One of those things mum put her foot down on in one of my new parents many, many rows. Severus was only struck a few times in his life and mostly when he was being obstinate while his father was drunk. But for the most part they simply ignored him and didn't care what he got up to so long is it wasn't any trouble for them. Which, funny enough, he got over before I even got here.

And finally the next thing I'm looking forward to is potions. Bottle fame, brew glory, and even put a stopper in death indeed! So many absolutely game changing, delicious, nutritious potions! Draught of the Living Death, Felix Felicis, Polyjuice, Veritaserum, Amortentia etc.

Severus Snape was the youngest Potions Master in a century and I have every intention of living up to that particular title.

The week until I finally set off for Hogwarts passed by quickly enough. I'd managed to devour all the first year books and even spent an afternoon with Lily and Petunia Evans. Lily was blissfully unaware her friend is now an a.d.u.l.t in mind and while she is a rather cheerful girl, Petunia already has the makings of a thoroughly unpleasant individual. I'd always known she was jealous of her sister being lucky enough to be born with magic, though I can see that Lily inadvertently hasn't been doing much to curtail that by being self-absorbed into her own little world and is a little uncaring about bragging and showing off. Then again they are both children to me and I have the benefit of seeing how this will fester over the years until it culminates in Petunia keeping her nephew locked in a cupboard under the stairs.

I reaffirm just how grateful I am that I was reborn as Severus with the gift of foresight.

We arrived at King's Cross station relatively early and mum escorts me through the disguised portal to platform 9 and 3/4. I silently vow that my future glorious wizards tower will have a similar entrance because that is an impressive bit of ward work and illusion magic.

Mum and I walk a little ways into the sparsely populated platform before she bids me good bye and tells me she'll see me when schools out. We'd talked before in the week leading up to this and we (mostly her and dad though I'm not complaining) decided it would be less of a strain on the family for me to spend Christmas's at school. That's right, that's Christmas's plural. At least my family is planning ahead despite that was my goal going into that discussion.

Sadly she doesn't even say she loves me as she walks away, and suddenly the way Snape acts in the books makes a lot of sense.

Thankfully, I am at least a well-adjusted megalomaniac.

I made my way onto the train with a quickly, and silently, cast feather light charm on my trunk to easily get it up the steps and found my way to the nearest empty compartment. A simple task considering how early we had arrived.

Shutting the door and closing the blinds I change into my Hogwarts uniform. It may be school clothes but they are the nicest and best fitting things I have.

Any purebloods I see before halfway through the trip would probably peg me instantly as not one of them based on my not showing off the latest acromantula silk robes, but I'm not concerned. They would figure that out anyway when I introduce myself as Snape instead of my mother's maiden name of Prince.

But either way, if Tom Riddle can climb over the broken and defeated bodies of his peers to rule Slytherin house then I can as well.

And I know that's where I'm going to end up. If nothing else than by virtue of any other house being all too easy to subjugate. I'd almost feel bad for how easy it would be to take over then.

I'm also largely unconcerned with the sorting hat poking around inside my head. Either it will be fooled with my false mind I've put up as a beginner and untrained attempt at an Occlumency defense, it will have to keep my secrets which makes sense because I don't think the founders would want to violate children's privacy. Or It will tell the headmaster everything, and Dumbledore will be forced to believe that the hat has finally cracked, or that the enchantments are starting to break down after all these centuries.

What a.d.u.l.t would take the ramblings of a hat that says a first year has plans to become rich and famous, live like a king, and bed a harem of women? At worst if anyone believed it they would simply think it more likely I have an over active imagination. Besides, with the exception of making a horcrux, nothing I intend to do is actually illegal so far. Just incredibly immoral.

I sit down and go over my potions notes that I've come up with in the different ways ingredients can be prepared and how or if that will change their properties to pass the time.

Before I know it we are already moving and the door suddenly opens to reveal Lily Evans.

"Severus I've been looking all over for you!" She says as her face lights up in a smile and she rushes to give me a hug. It's actually rather nice considering I don't get any of those at home, but it will still be awhile before we're old enough for me to really appreciate it.

"I had faith you'd find me eventually." I tease back.

She playfully slaps my arm while giggling. "You prat, come on let's go make friends!" The tiny redheaded spitfire says.

I put on my best exaggerated face of disgust. "Friends?" I test the word on my tongue. "Is that anything like minions?" I question.

She gives a pleasant tinkling laughter at what she thought was a joke, brushing away a few tears before she gets her bearing and gabbing my hand to drag me along. "No silly I mean like me. But I'm glad you're finally starting to lighten up."

Leaving our compartment we stroll along down the hall, popping into random compartments that appear to have other first years to say hi and introduce ourselves.

We continue in this fashion and I do my best to put up with these understandably immature and overenthusiastic children until we come upon two children in particular that I knew I would have to see eventually.

Sirius Black and James Potter. Sirius has chin length wavy hair and steel blue eyes while James has short, messy black hair that truly does look like he just rolled out of bed and brown eyes framed by glasses.

Both are already dressed in their Hogwarts robes but probably the most surprising thing is that they are currently in a heated glaring match.

Lily looks between the both of them a few times before letting out a huff of frustration that neither of them seemed to notice before she finally loses her patience. "Are you two serious right now?"

And without missing a beat the one I know to be James Potter speaks up. "No, he is." He gestures to the other occupant in the compartment.

Sirius has the picture perfect expression of gobsmacked, before he snorts and tries to stifle his own laughter. He holds up an admirable three seconds before cracking into nearly hysterical laughter.

Lily's expression of confusion is adorable when she looks at me and asks, "What's wrong with them Severus?"

I shrug my shoulders and reply, "I dunno. Maybe the stress got to them." Before we both turn and leave the two future Marauders to bond. I may have laughed at the spontaneous joke but I'm sure I'll be sick of them before the year is out.

We spend the rest of the journey talking about all the things that we look forward to discovering at Hogwarts as we enjoy a few wizarding treats we got from the trolley on our way back.

The boat trip across the lake was more interesting than I thought it would be. I incorrectly assumed that a stunning view would be the only thing I would see. Instead I'm rather surprised to find that instead of a half giant named Hagrid being the gamekeeper that would lead us across, it's someone else by the name of Ogg.

It makes sense I suppose. On an intellectual level I knew that Hagrid wasn't always the gamekeeper but I'd thought he would have had the post by now. Oh well, I'm sure he'll turn up at some point in the near future. Perhaps he's an assistant and will take over in the next few years.

The other was the two girls who sat with Lily and I for the boat ride. We had only met Amelia Bones briefly on our whirlwind tour of the train, but we must have missed the other one.

Narcissa Black. Youngest of the Black daughters which I knew, but for some reason I thought she was supposed to be slightly older than us.

I give myself a quick mental note that some things may be slightly different from what I knew. The canon story was already out the window because of the things I will do after all, so I suppose things like this won't make much of difference. But I will need to be vigilant and keep an eye out so I don't get blindsided with a situation I can't handle.

Amelia and Lily hit it right off and are chatting away. I already look the part of the brooding silent type so thankfully my contributions can be minimal.

Narcissa however takes an instant disliking to all of us and I can't say I'm the least bit surprised. She tactfully makes her opinion on everyone sharing the boat with her clear that she would rather not associate with people like us. At least she has the good grace to not throw the word mudblood around like some of her peers no doubt will in the future.

Once we're all safely off the boats and introduced to Professor McGonagall who looks surprisingly younger than I expected. Perhaps mid-thirties if I had to guess at a glance. It was at that point that it really clicked that it will be another twenty years before the events of the first book takes place. She has average looks, with her black hair done up in a sever bun, stern features accentuated by her pursed lips, and dressed in tartan robes.

She proceeds to tell us things I'm sure I'm not the only one to already know. About how we are to be sorted into one of four houses, how we can earn points for our house, and how are house will be like are family.

And I really hope that because the war is still in the early stages of people going missing and the Ministry being unaware of the reason, that my future fellow Slytherin's will treat me with some respect. I'd so hate to have to use my own house mates as guinea pigs for practicing memory charms.

All of us first years are led into the great hall where we are told to wait for our names to be called, and in short order the Sorting Hat is singing away a song about happiness, friendship, and I'm pretty sure it mentioned ponies in there somewhere. I couldn't be bothered to pay attention.

The sorting goes smoothly as expected and my guesses are reasonably correct for the most part. Narcissa Black is sorted into Slytherin. Sirius Black immediately upsets the status quo by getting sorted into Gryffindor with a smile on his face. Amelia Bones gets into Hufflepuff where she sits beside her older brother Edgar whom she told us all about on the boat ride.

Lily takes a little longer than most, clearly having a debate with the hat extolling the virtues of Gryffindor house and why she should go there before it eventually concedes and sends her to the clapping table of lions.

I keep my features carefully blank but inside I'm positively crowing in delight. The hat does have to ultimately put a student in the house of their choice. I know Lily would have been much happier in Ravenclaw with her studious nature, or even Hufflepuff with her friendly personality. I hope she hadn't been drinking the Dumbledore Kool aid when I wasn't looking but it seems as though that might be the case.

The rest of what would become the Marauders ended up in the house of the Lions with the only notable part being Peter Pettigrew's sorting.

The small, slightly pudgy mouse of a boy clearly wasn't debating where he wanted to go. The hat just didn't seem to think he had any outstanding traits that would make a house an obvious choice. From what Severus knew of him he would end up a lazy traitor, no desire whatsoever to learn, about as un-cunning as can be, and a total coward to boot. The hat must have hoped that putting him in the house of the brave would help him develop a spine.

'Poor hat' I thought. There's only so much it can do. Thinking of Pettigrew though reminds me of the one impressive accomplishment he'll achieve and I make a mental note to look up becoming an Animagus.

It's finally my turn and I can see Lily waving excitedly at me from the Gryffindor table. I was sure I told her at some point that I was a safe bet for Slytherin or Ravenclaw, when I belatedly remember that friends are supposed to show each other support so I give her a tight smile and a small nod of acknowledgement that causes her face to light up.

I have to shake my head internally at how impressionable children are as I sit down and the hat is placed on my head where it falls down far enough to block my vision of the students and tables of the great hall.

"Oh no." I hear a gruff voice filled with despair echo inside of my head.

"Ah so the false mind didn't fool you for a moment did it?" I mentally respond back.

"Yes, yes and you don't need to be so loud with your thoughts, I can hear you quite well thank you. But what?... How?... I don't even know where to begin with you!" It huffs in frustration.

I spend a moment thinking about it, "How about you start with whatever intrigues you most? Or start with what you might know of my situation?" I ask.

"Well I can already tell you I've never heard nor seen anyone in your particular situation. And I can go ahead and put all your worries at ease. I can't tell anyone anything, it's all completely confidential. In fact it's been so long since I've had a conversation with the headmaster I'm pretty sure he thinks I'm not actually an intelligent artefact, just a tool to put children in houses so he doesn't have to take the time and interview all of them himself." The hat says before devolving into a fit of invectives towards Dumbledore that I'm sure he's barrowing from my mind to be more creative.

It eventually subsides before he continues, "Well I can tell you I think you're on the right track with the things you want to accomplish and your ambitions. If what you know of the future is really true and comes to pass it's not like you can very well make things worse after all."

"Ah thank you for that." I respond, unsure how to take that but pressing forward. "Do you have any advice for me that could be helpful or if I'm missing something obvious?"

"Well I have a few id- hold on." He breaks off mentally before I can suddenly hear his voice outside my head and out loud.

"Can I help you Minerva?" The hat asks in a scathing tone. I'm surprised, I guess it's been longer than I thought if McGonagall was about to take the hat off wondering if something was wrong. It's only now that I can hear the low murmur of the crowd expressing confusion and speculating on what's taking so long.

I can her how startled she must have been because it sounds like she jumped a little at being preempted.

"I-I was just wondering what's taking so long, or if something was… wrong?" She trails off weakly, not have expected to defend her actions to a talking hat.

"Everything is fine! Better than fine actually, I'm having an actual conversation with an interesting individual for the first time in years." Said the hat.

"Be that as it may you are supposed to sort the students. There are still more to go and we are all getting hungry." And I can practically see the disapproving frown on her face as if she's scolding any other misbehaving student, instead of a thousand year old sentient artefact.

"Well excuse me then!" And I can feel him coming back to resume our mental conversation. "Right then, let's make this quick. Keep up with Occlumency, Albus won't bother with any young student unless they are an heir or they stand out academically so be sure you don't do anything major until you can catch a subtle probe. He likely won't push it after that.

Also since I can tell you won't be swayed from your goals, you should focus on rituals then. Many of them will suit your purposes and there's a surprising amount that has been lost to time but not to Hogwarts and even Riddle doesn't know all of them. Good luck becoming the king of the snakes in- SLYTHERIN!" The hat finishes the last word out loud for the hall to hear.

There is a surprising amount of applause coming from the hall, the Slytherin table included. At first I'm sure it's because they are happy to get on with the sorting ceremony and being that much closer to the feast, but I notice more than a few curious eyes from my new house table sizing me up.

No doubt wondering what's so special about the new firstie.

I end up sitting next to Narcissa of all people and completely ignore the heated glare she levels my way. She's far too polite to say whatever is on her mind, no doubt derogatory and insulting. But I'm having entirely too much fun ignoring her and tweaking her nose about it.

Taking my time to carefully dish up my plate after the last student gets sorted and the food appears, my thoughts turned to the hat's suggestions. It's nice to know that I won't have to worry about anyone stopping me before I've snowballed my momentum, so long as I can keep just under the radar for long enough.

And rituals? Having initially discounted them and put them on the shelf for later consideration because from what I recall of the books, Voldemort had used so many that he wasn't even recognizable as Tom Riddle anymore.

I had no desire to disfigure myself, in fact quite the opposite. One of my early goals is to find some kind of potion to permanently increase how attractive I am to people. Not only to make me irresistible to the opposite s.e.x, but to boost my natural charisma and charm. Everything in life will be a lot easier if everyone I come across thinks of me as their best friend after all.

But the hat raised a valid point when one really thinks about it.

One of the darkest rituals I know about is the creation of a horcrux. But Tom made one when he was still a student in Hogwarts and managed to complete his last few years just fine with no one the wiser. He even made Head Boy from what I recall.

He still had plenty of charisma by all accounts, and if that's the case then it must have been something else he had done after Hogwarts. Something he must have held off doing until after he was turned down for the position of Defense Professor.

Either way there's plenty of time to research everything I need to know. What empowering rituals will stack with others for a c.u.mulative effect. What requirements do I need to fulfill. Any potential side effects.

I should probably see about acquiring a time turner at this rate. There clearly aren't enough hours in the day. Maybe there will be information on making my own?

The feast was delicious and I enjoyed my shepherd's pie, green beans, and boiled potatoes. I had to pass on the pumpkin juice as it tastes like actual pumpkin. I honestly don't know what I was expecting. What I do know is that, while I normally don't have a problem with pumpkin pie, I do have a problem with drinking it.

Luckily there are other options at the table such as milk, tea, and water. I take an unhealthy delight in being the picture perfect of pureblood politeness when I ask Narcissa to pass me the pitcher of water, minding all my p's and q's. And she has to acquiesce because of her upbringing.

I'm not sure but I think I hear her teeth grinding. She seems to be in physical pain to have to be polite to what she sees as a lowly halfblood. Though now that I think about it I'm not sure anyone's blood status came up in conversation on the boat ride. Perhaps she just made an assumption because none of us where in her circle of friends.

After the feast Headmaster Dumbledore stands to give us a few announcements. Introducing this year's new Defense Professor who has no idea they won't be here next year. Apparently everyone still thinks it's just a coincidence and not a curse on the position.

Dumbledore continues on to tell us a list of banned items can be found on the office door to Argus Filch, as if any of us would actually bother. And he wraps it up with a final warning not to go into the Forbidden Forest.

After having us sing the school song us first years are instructed to wait for our prefects to show us to our common room. The reason we are the last to leave is made obvious as not only the Gryffindor table, but the Hufflepuff as well, stampede in a mad dash to get to their respective dorms from the word go.

After the initial rush of half the students, Ravenclaw table and our own calmly and collectedly make our way out at a leisurely pace.

Going steadily further down in the dungeons the prefects point out landmarks to us along the way such as suits of armor and paintings. The reasoning becomes clear as we stop in front of a perfectly blank stone wall with no distinguishing features.

Turning around the male fifth year student addresses us. "This wall behind me is the hidden entrance to our common room. Try to remember where it is, don't tell anyone outside of our house where the entrance is. And make sure you check the posting board every day before leaving to make sure you have the latest password. We change it every week, but sometimes randomly as well. If you forget the password your stuck out here until either someone else comes along, or someone leaves."

The woman who had been silent so far finally speaks up in a severe tone. "If you happen to be locked out after curfew you'll have to suck it up and get professor Slughorn, our head of house. His office is behind the portrait of the witch playing a harp that we passed on the way here." She says, pointing in the general direction before continuing.

"If that happens you'll likely be punished with detention, but that's better than getting caught by other prefects or, Merlin forbid, the caretaker." She shudders in disgust and I can't help wonder if it's because of his unwashed appearance, caustic demeanor, or just because he's a squib.

They turn around and give the password, pureblood, and shepherded all of us first years inside after the stones moved apart, much like the entrance to Diagon Alley.

Once inside I can't help but let out a small smile at how impressive it really is. There are huge, green tinted windows that show the room we are in is submerged at looks directly into the depths of the black lake.

I'm not the only one dazzled by the display as there are gasps of ooh's and ahh's from almost all of us first years.

There is a smug knowing look from the prefects as the woman speaks up again. "That's right, our common room has the best view in the castle. Occasionally you might even see the giant squid swim by, or other more… interesting creatures." She finishes off.

"The girls dorms are to your left and the boys dorms are to your right. Boys aren't allowed in the girls dorms and they are heavily warded to prevent entry. No matter how far you manage to get in there is a load alarm that will sound off because of the attempt so don't try it.

All of you have your own individual room for privacy, you'll know yours by the plaque with your name on it, and a communal bathroom for your year to share. The rooms are sparsely furnished with just a bed and a desk. Your meant to learn how to use magic here and the proof will be in how elaborate and decorated you can make your room." The male prefect took up explaining for us.

The woman begins talking again. "The two of us will meet you here in the common room promptly at seven in the morning to escort you to breakfast and your first classes of the day. We expect you to be up, presentable, and ready by then. We have our reputation of this noble house to uphold after all. Good night." She finishes in a clear dismissal for us to go to bed.

I silently make my way with the other first year boys and find my room without issue. And it is just as advertised of being medium size, a simple bed, and a desk pushed up against the wall with a standard wooden chair and no window. The only light source being a ceiling lamp that can turn off or on by voice command.

Checking to make sure my trunk at the foot of the bed has been untampered with, not that there was much to bother with in their at the moment besides the standard set of school supplies.

I pull out a fresh set of the Hogwarts uniform and lay it out on top of my trunk for tomorrow. Pulling off my clothes and folding them neatly and setting them on the desk I wonder what the protocol is for the house elves to clean them.

With that thought I slip into bed thinking about how one might go about obtaining a house elf. Dead useful they are, but something I won't worry about it until I go home for the summer.

I can't wait for classes tomorrow. Or more accurately to go exploring for certain things after classes are over.

A/N: I want to personally thank you all for taking the time to read my first attempt at writing fan fiction. I've been a long time reader and I felt it was finally time for me to try my hand at writing. A few more things I would like to say is that this is inspired by various other self-insert stories that I'd read and enjoyed. I'll admit, I'm not actually a fan of Snape. In fact I would sooner read a bashing fic than one that has Severus in a father/mentor/love interest role. And that's why I went with making him a self insert OC. Also I don't think I've ever seen one where Snape is in the main character role and will have a harem of women.

Any way, I'm writing this story because like many others in my position, I've read so much that it seems like there are no more stories that I'm interested in reading that I haven't already. Also I am now far more aware of what a plot bunny that won't leave you alone feels like. I have a new respect for all writers now, especially when it comes to writing a scene or section you just aren't interested in, but have to include to advance the plot.

Once again, thank all, from the bottom of my heart for making it this far and I hope to see you again for the next chapter. Any reviews/favorites/follows are appreciated.