Chapter 280 - My SI Stash #80 - Bit Of A Stretch, But Doable by Philosophysics (MyHeroAcademia)

-A fun Pre-MHA fic~ SI as Danjuro Tobita, the Gentle Criminal. Our MC somehow reminds me of Michael Scott thanks to his "parkour" teaching job, even though the story seems kind of crackish at first, it's still really worth your time!

Sypnosis: I really wish I remembered canon better than this. Instead, I'm making so many butterflies that I could be a migration unto myself. I'm supposed to be a side character! How'd I become a Mentor Archetype to f.u.c.k.i.n.g Deku!? Wait. Does that mean I'm going to die!? I don't want to die! Not again!

Rated: M

Words: 15K

Posted on: forums.spacebattles.com/threads/bit-of-a-stretch-but-doable-bnha-si-as-gentle-criminal-set-before-canon.841385/#post-66556526 (Philosophysics)

PS: If you're not able to copy/paste the link, you have everything in here to find it, by simply searching the author and the story title. It sucks that you can't copy links on mobile (´ー｀)

-I'll be putting the chapter ones of all the fanfics mentioned, to give you guys a sample if you wan't more please do go to the website and support the author! (And maybe even convince them to start uploading chapters in here as well!)

Chapter 0+1

Fate and destiny are dead. They are very, very f.u.c.k.i.n.g dead. And I killed them. By accident. I was going to do it, but only when it was convenient to me. It was going to be cold, calculated murder, not some stupid f.u.c.kup of an accident!

I wanted to enjoy it! Instead, fate and destiny is dead and my bullshit isekai cheat of having read the manga has been negated. Not completely, but enough for me to have a panic attack about it. You know what? Let's slap on an existential crisis too on it. And let's give myself a minute or two to enjoy this anxiety. Start.

The future is unknowable, demand refunds on any and all prophecies, punch gypsies and seers, and get piss ass drunk because I have f.u.c.k.i.e.d up canon before canon even properly started, f.u.c.k me in the ass with a f.u.c.k.i.n.g dildo! A cat one. With spikes. For that extra bit of pain.

"Uh, Mr. Danjuro?" the plump, motherly lady asked meekly, hand tightening on her son's shoulder, "Is it okay if Izuku tries this class?"

She had a nice body, a classic BBW MILF if there ever was one. Pardon my lewdity, but I'd tap that THICCness. Except I won't. Because her hair is green and so is her son's hair. And since I'm in the world of f.u.c.k.i.n.g My Hero Academia, this meant that these were the Midoriyas. I wish this was a logical ruse because I'm going to f.u.c.k up canon so bad otherwise.

Shit. Shit. Aaaaaand Shit.

Today was a quiet day. It was Wednesday. Nobody really came to Knucklebuster's Gym on weekdays for classes. At least nobody who wanted independent one on one stuff. Trust the one pair to do so to be the one pair that fate and destiny seemed determined to wrap themselves around. Damn Pillar of Peace nonsense. And damn the old man for calling in favors. F.u.c.k.i.n.g hell.

...I'm overreacting. Nothing has changed yet. You know, besides me interacting with the main character before canon is sure to be a problem. However, I didn't do that much yet! I can still escape by saying no. I should say no. In fact, I am going to say no.

Opening my mouth, I made the mistake of glancing down at the mini-greenhead. F.u.c.k.i.n.g hell, Deku from before UA was a f.u.c.k.i.n.g Woobie if there ever was one. Stop looking at the ground as if you wished for it to swallow you up. You're too sad! You're making me sad! ...I almost wanted to--

No! I had to steel myself! Opening my mouth, I bowed my head in apology, saying, "Of course, it's fine."

...Wait. Wrong words.

"Oh thank you!" Ms. Midoriya gasped, making a move for a hug before aborting it with an awkward giggle. Tapping her son's shoulder, she leant down and whispered, "Say hi, Izuku."

Milling about for a bit, he muttered, "Hi."

Defeated, I decided to just fall back into my old routine when dealing with shy and anxious kids. By being the loudest thing in the room.

"Hi, I'm Danjuro Tobita!" I shouted, I have three years of experience teaching parkour!"

Stepping back, I jumped backwards and did a series of backwards flips on the mats. Reaching the edge, I used the recoil from the last one to bounce up an onto a balance beam and began running across it, shouting, "Parkour is the ancient art of traveling from one point to another in the shortest route possible, using the environment to your advantage! Think obstacle courses made up by the world!"

Reaching the edge of the beam, I leapt across and up to grab the rope and began pulling myself up as I did so, "It's an essential skill to become a hero these days! Or so I'm told." Reaching the top, I grabbed the steel beam the rope was attached to and began pulling myself across the edge, grunting, " Even if you don't plan on becoming one, it's a great way to keep fit and traverse the world. Don't be scared off by the fancy tricks such as flips or the height!"

Looking down, I judged that I was right above the stunned faces of the Midoriyas. Swinging my legs a bit, I threw myself back as I let go, falling into a drop. Hitting the ground feet first, I rolled backwards, across the shoulder blades, making sure to tuck my chin, and popped back up into a T-Pose for balance and bombasticity. Smiling, I bowed, "We start small and build our way up! It's the only way to do things here! We go at your pace, so don't be scared!"

A bit of a long winded speech and needlessly flashy performance, I was proud of it. It had served me well these past three years working at the gym. While showing off my personality, it introduced my certification to the parents, proved it to the kids with the stunts I performed, and introduced the subject I would teach. It was so good that my boss used it as a basis for the Herotube Ad. We have… an embarrassingly large number of views. It never failed to work on getting kids pumped for my class.

See? Green Bean was grinning! Though, when he saw me looking at him, Izuku immediately returned to staring at the ground. Ugh, your defenses were stupid high.

Still, I had another trick. Winding my arm, I punched towards the lockers, stretching my arm forward to grab my Hydroflask. Catching the returning hand with my other, I unscrewed it and took a sip before grinning, "My Quirk is Rubberman. I can stretch like a rubberband! Wha-- Whoa!"

My plan was to show off my quirk, then get him to show off his. It never failed to work. Kids loved talking about themselves and Quirks was something intrinsic to each kids personality. While I think it was an unhealthy extent, it was a great way to get kids talking. It never failed to act as an icebreaker.

My tactic did its job in getting Izuku talking, but… well, he was mostly talking to himself.

"A stretchy arm? Does it refer to all of his body? Or is it merely his limbs? Is his whole body elastic? Is it truly rubber or an approximation of it? Is he immune to electrical attacks? If so to what voltage? Truly, an elastic body would be heavily suited to the rigorous stresses that parkour would induce on the body. Would that make him better or worse at teaching? Many of the difficulties that one would encounter would be rendered moot by his bodily composition. However, looking at it another way, he could be perfect as he would have the capability of practicing higher level techniques at an earlier stage," was the only bit I caught before his mouth sped up too fast and too low for me to understand. HIs hands fidgeted as if he was writing.

That was some detailed analysis.HIs muttering was kind of terrifying, if cute. Kowai Kawaii? Laughing, I waved at him, "Whoa. Whoa. Slow down."

Closing his mouth with a clack, Izuku immediately started bowing, chanting, "I'm so sorry!"

"It's fine! It's fine. You're a smart kid. That was some snappy analysis. How about you tell me your name and Quirk first though.?"

"Izuku…" he answered before mumbling something inaudible.

Turning my head, I cupped my ear as I joked, "Didn't quite catch that last part."

"Quirkless."

I froze. Wait. That's not right, he had One For All, right? ...Ahaha, f.u.c.k me with that cat dildo, now I remember! All Might gave him a quirk because he was Quirkless. Or maybe it was that he was a good hero? Either of those or it was a mixture of both. Maybe I shouldn't freak out about derailing canon, seeing as I don't remember something as important as that. In my defense, it's been six years since I woke up in this body and actually read the thing. My memory of it is fuzzy at best.

Wait! Forget Canon! I just made a huge faux pas. I feel bad now. I really hope I didn't hurt him too badly.

"Mr. Danjuro?" Izuku looked up at me with fragile hope in his eyes.

...F.u.c.k.i.n.g Deku. You are far too sad like this. ...I'm sure it's fine if I just gave you a bit of a… push? Right? Yeah, should be fine. Everybody needs a push from time to time. I'm just… going to give a small one. TIny one that won't even affect canon that much.

Shaking my head to clear it of any lingering worries, I squatted down to his level and placed two hands on his shoulders. Looking him straight in the eye, I asked softly, "Hey. Izuku?"

"Yeah?" he said, fidgeting a bit, but ultimately looking me in the eye.

Taking a deep breath, I steeled myself as I… nudged canon a bit and gave him a push, "I know you just met me, but I'm going to say something important. Even if this is the first and last time we meet, I want you to remember this."

"Um," he looked at his mother for assurance. I didn't look, just stared at Izuku as he returned his gaze to me and shrugged, "Okay?"

"It doesn't matter that you're Quirkless," I stated. Taking a hand, I poked him in the chest, continuing, "You're alive. And that's what matters. What you do with your life is what matters. This class will be hard for you. I'll try my best to make it easier on you, but you're going to have to work ten times harder to earn the respect of your peers. Me? I��ll see you for what you do and I'll teach, correct, and praise accordingly. But I'm not always going to be there. So I'm going to ask you to be strong. Come to me for help if the other kids are pricks. I'll do what I can. If you come to my class, all I ask is that you try your best. Your own best. Don't look at the others just yet. Not until you look at yourself with pride. It doesn't matter if you're Quirkless. You'll find a way so long as you keep at it, Izuku. Life is going to be hard, but you've made it this far. And you've done great. Keep it up."

I was gasping a bit at the end, having just word vomited the rest of my speech after the 'you're alive' bit. Keeping a steady pace and forcing my anxiety down, I waited for him to say something, anything. He just stared at me with some indescribable emotion.

Finally, I looked down and sighed, "Sorry, if that's wei---"

My shirt was wet. And I'm being constrained. Wait. nope. Just a hug. Just a really wet, snotty hug by Deku. Looking up to the ceiling of the warehouse, I awkwardly patted his back.

It only made him sob harder. Yay. And his mother is sniffling. I forgot how weepy the Midoriyas were in canon. Whelp, only way things can get worse was--

"WHAT DID YOU F.U.C.K.I.N.G DO, TOBITA!?"

And there's my boss. Whelp, shit.

Chapter 1

"And he just starts sobbing onto you!?"

Nodding energetically, I parroted, "So the kid just starts sobbing onto me, Aiba! Super awkward."

Lowering the bar onto her chest once more, she heaved and lifted the 45 kg barbell straight up, dropping it into the rests with a clank. Sitting up, she coughed in exhaustion for a bit before staring at me, stating, "What the f.u.c.k, Tobita."

Jotting down her reps onto the progress tracker, I shrugged defensively, "Hey, not my fault. Kid's a crier."

Grabbing a towel to wipe off, the pig-tailed woman leaned back, pink sports bra heaving as she caught her breath. Recovering, she stood up to go to the next machine and asked, "So what happened after?"

Following along with her, I flipped pages and did the calculations for the calories burned and what we should focus on next, answering, "Well, I apologized to the mom. Funny thing was that she apologized to me at the same time. We ended up laughing it off." Looking up, I saw that Aiba was running on the treadmill, "You sure you want to do the treadmill again?"

"I promised Fuyumi that I'd go out drinking later," Aiba shrugged, feet beating a steady clip on the treadmill, "Figured this would be as good a warmdown as any. Also I want to know more about this new kid."

Tilting my head, I nodded as I processed that logic. I could see that. Peeking over, I copied down the numbers on the treadmill. "Anyways, I had the kid do a few exercises to figure out what level he was at."

"How'd he do?"

"Abysmal. And also f.u.c.k.i.n.g terrifying," I shivered as I remembered how angry Knucks got at me after that incident. With my luck, that incident was going to be a tiny sample of what it'd be like coaching Deku in parkour.

"What do you mean?"

I grimaced as I recalled how shitty his physical prowess was. "Well, his strength sucks. He could only do five pushups before collapsing. Couldn't even do a pullup. And he's stiffer than f.u.c.k.i.n.g steel when we stretched."

Aiba winced sympathetically, remembering her start at the gym. Putting on an awkward smile, she offered, "Well, uh… That doesn't sound so bad?"

"Well, yeah," I nodded in agreement, "I've taught seniors how to do parkour.. With time, effort, and the right method, anybody can get in shape and do parkour. But it's terrifying because the kid has no self preservation."-Tapping the treadmill, Aiba was on, I grinned-"I put him on a treadmill, put it at the speed for kids and told him to jog. Guess how long he ran for?"

Rolling her eyes at my dramatics, Aiba nevertheless asked the question, "How long?"

"Half an hour. Kid ran three miles on his first try on the treadmill with no prior training. And he did it at a constant speed."

"Bullshit! Didn't you just say he could barely do five pushups?"

"Yeah. He started wheezing after three minutes, but when I moved to stop it, he glared at me not to. I waited for him to stop on his own. Big f.u.c.k.i.n.g surprise when he didn't. Well, he did, but he had to knock himself first." And wasn't that just a surprise. He somehow cut himself on childproofed plastic too so that was fun. Gods above, I really, really hope I can wean him off of that… What was that meme about Deku? The one with broken bones? Leg day? Oh right! Bone hurting Juice. Going to have to wean him off that bone hurting juice.

I feel old not remembering that. It's hard to believe I've lived in the world of MHA for almost a decade now.

"I'm guessing his mother wasn't happy about that," Aiba commented dryly, pushing a few buttons to slow down her speed.

Blinking, I quickly reinserted myself back into reality and out of my thoughts with a chuckle, "Conking his head hard enough to get a concussion? No, she was not. Surprisingly, she still signed him up for my classes. Beginner's course of course, but I have a feeling that kid's going to run himself into intermediate level in a month. That's if he doesn't injure himself first."

"Well, good luck to you," Aiba sighed, patting my hip in consolation as she hopped off the treadmill, grabbing the towel as she went to the bench.

Turning off the treadmill for her, I followed and sat down next to her on the bench. It always lowkey cracked me up how much taller I was than her. If there ever was a shortstack, Aiba Manami would clock in with her record height of a meter high. Shaking my head to clear away such thoughts, I asked, "How's college by the way?"

Sipping from her water bottle, Aiba slammed it down viciously before throwing her head back to begin ranting. "A f.u.c.k.i.n.g bitch and a half. Classes are easy. I'm done with all my programming projects. So now I have a class where I can just nap in all day long. The real bitch is my classmates. My gal pals are fine. Fuyumi's great! But the guys are stupid. F.u.c.k.i.n.g bunch of grown ass men look at me like I'm a f.u.c.k.i.n.g s.e.x doll. Just because I'm short and have f.u.c.k.i.n.g tits and I'm in the Comsci program, all the guys think I'm down to kneel anytime."

Even though she was complaining, this Aiba sounded much happier than the one who stalked me all those years ago, near suicidal. Nudging her side with my elbow, I grinned, "Sure is a change from high school, eh?"

Staring at me blankly, iba shook her head and sighed in defeat, "Yeah, yeah, you were right about how life can get better if you work for it."

"The flames of YOUTH shall never quell so long as you believe!" I paraphrased from the Green Beast of Konoha.

"Is that a quote from some old ass anime?" Aiba grinned, judging me.

I judged right back and pointed a finger, shouting, "That's from Naruto! Well, a butchered quote, but it's from Naruto! How do you not know this!?"

"Maybe because it was from..." Aiba drew her smartphone from her cleavage to search, forcing me to look away in embarrassment. Unfortunately, that gave her an opening to tear into me, punching my side lightly as she cackle, "F.u.c.k.i.n.g 1998? Just how OLD is your sense of taste?"

"It's just mature, I'll have you know," I sulked, crossing my arms in a huff, "Young people like you wouldn't know good shit if it f.u.c.k.i.n.g drowned you."

...Did I just pull a 'back in my day' in the 23rd century? Judging by Aiba's raucous laughter, yes. Yes, I did.

Eventually, her laughter died down and she whispered, "Thanks," leaning her head into my side as I did so.

Freezing as I sensed an awkward discussion, I answered, "You're welcome."

A small, poignant silence fell down. I wish it ended, but at the same time I dreaded what the ending would entail. My… Not quite a sin, but not quite a deed was about to catch up to me.

"Did you think about it? Your answer?" Aiba whispered softly into my side.

Looking around, I sighed as I found that the gym was empty. You'd think Thursday evenings would be full, but nope, pretty empty without any classes. Drooping my head in defeat, I answered softly, "Yes."

"I did what you asked," Aiba sighed, rubbing her head into my side, her sweat dampening my T-Shirt. "I made friends. I have my own interests and hobbies. I even have a dream for the future. I want to get good enough to get to I-Island."

Placing a hand on her head, I began stroking her hair comfortingly as I sighed, "Yeah. And I'm proud of you."

The dampness on my T-Shirt grew. I carefully didn't say anything. I had a feeling that it wasn't just sweat anymore as Aiba sniffled, "You won't say yes though."

"I'm sorry," I said, hurting her and me. It was for the best. Even as I tried to be strong and cut this twisted love, I tried to soften it. "There's nothing wrong with you though! I really enjoy talking with you. And I love helping you in training and talking, but I'm a decade older than you and--"

Two arms crossed around my waist and squeezed as Aiba cried into my shirt. Hugging her head in one hand, I let her cry. We stayed like that for a bit. Eventually though, a small push signalled for me to loosen the hug and let Aiba escape. Carefully not looking at her, I waited for Aiba to pull herself together.

After a few sobs and choked starts, Aiba declared, "It's fine. Looking back now, it was kind of an unhealthy crush. Like you said, age difference and all." Laughing wetly, I heard the scratchy sound of wiping tears as she joked, "You'd probably get arrested for pedophilia with how young I look. And it was really stalker-y what I did to find you."

"It's fine." Sure, it was kind of creepy to have you break into my apartment, but I consider you a friend now.

"It really wasn't, Tobita," Aiba disagreed, "I invaded your privacy and followed you and..."

When I heard sniffling, I gave up on not looking and turned around. Aiba was a mess. Her red hair was dishevelled, her mascara was running, and a bit of snot was dripping down her nose. I made to comfort her, but a single hand raised stopped me. Wiping at her face with her forearm, Aiba looked at me and I saw her visibly steel herself for her next words.

Hand still held up to stop me, Aiba smiled once more, a fragile thing that seemed close to shattering, yet it hid strength. Strength that would shine after the shell broke. Looking at me, Aiba bowed her head in thanks, saying, "You did a lot for me, Tobita. I'm in a better place. I have friends, I'm going out more. I have a better relationship with my family. They're supporting me, you know?"-Aiba spoke faster and faster, swaying on the balls of her feet as she spoke-"Helping pay for college. I'd say it's because of you, but well…" She sighed, "You've taught me how to be strong by myself. I couldn't build myself around you, so I built myself around myself. Or something like that. This is hard. Point is, I'm a strong, independent woman now! You know, like that one shitty meme you keep on sending me. So thanks, Tobita. Thanks for being the hero that was honest enough to hurt me."

That last part stung. Perhaps she meant it to do so, but even as tears leaked from her eyes, she kept that shell of a smile up. Or perhaps it wasn't a shell. Just a bittersweet smile.

Not knowing what to say, I opened my mouth anyways to say something, anything. Only to have it closed by a kiss. A chaste one. Aiba Manami was kissing me. What was I supposed to do? Was I supposed to close my eyes? Do I give tongue? Wait, this isn't right. I just rejected her. Am I taking advantage of her? Is she of me? Why is she kissing me?

Before I could act on any of my thoughts, the kiss ended as soon as it began. Tears streaming down her face, snot still dribbling a bit, Aiba smiled weakly, "You're a nice guy, Tobita. I wish you weren't. I… I really wish you weren't. It'd make it so much easier to… let go. Thanks for everything. I'm going to take a break from the gym for a while."

Then, grabbing her towel and water bottle, Manami left, walking a quick and hurried pace to the showers.

Looking at her back, I felt restless. I wanted to say something, anything to keep her from hurting. But the one thing I could say wasn't something that would be true. Perhaps in another world, another me, another version of the true Danjuro Tobita, we could've been together. But this world just had me. And I couldn't take advantage of a broken girl like Aiba Manami. Would not and could not love somebody so broken. I wasn't strong enough to fix everything about her. Maybe it was a bit of the age difference. I became Danjuro Tobita when I died at 22 in an accident and the original killed himself in that dark apartment space at 22. I was physically and mentally thirty even in this life Perhaps it was because I knew the story, as misty and dusty the memories are now and I knew the love that could've been. I didn't want to manipulate her. It could have been any of those things, but the truth was that I just didn't love Aiba Manami. Not in the way that she would've wanted.

But I still trusted her. I wanted to stay in touch. I considered her a sister and I was scared that if she left now, she would never come by again, we would never chat and joke and tease one another, we would never exercise and better ourselves together, we would never be friends ever again.

So I called out, "Hey Aiba!"

She froze.

I didn't have a plan. Did I even have the right to ask her to be my friend after I hurt her so much? Or… No. I didn't have a right. But I'm selfish. Gritting my teeth, I pushed past the lump in my throat and walked up to her, putting a hand on her back. Looking up and away, I said, "Stay safe. I'll always be your friend if you need one. I… I hope you'll be mine."

Standing still for a bit, Aiba didn't turn around for the longest time. Right as I was about to give up, she punched my hip softly and whispered, "Yeah. We'll always be friends." Then she ran into the showers.

Grinning sadly, I bundled up the progress trackers, wiping down the machines we had used in todays' session, the last for the foreseeable future. Ah well, at least I won't have to deal with the awkward bon---

Loud sobs filled the warehouse from the direction of the shower-room. Ah, this was… awkward to say the least.

"What'd you do, Dandan?" a voice called out from the office on the second floor.

Looking up at the red-haired girl wearing an eyepatch, I winced at her unamused stare. Shrugging in defeat, I sighed, "I think I f.u.c.k.i.e.d up, Tamao.",

"Ain't no thinks about it. You did f.u.c.k.i.e.d up," Tamao groaned, getting up from leaning on the railing and walking down the stairs. As she passed me, she clapped me on the shoulder, acting annoyingly mature for someone barely out of high school, "Go talk to dad. Tell him I'm taking a smoke break. A long one."

Wriggling my shoulder free of her grip, I scowled, "You know how he gets about you smoking."

Smirking at me, she blew a kiss at me as she walked in to comfort my friend, "I'll stop when he does, Dandan!"

"Hahaha. Yeah. Yeah, it's your lungs you're frying with tar," I sighed.

"Says the guy who has a black tongue from overdosing on Trigger," she shot back easily, "How's it feel being the pot?"

"Lovely! I'm as high as ever!" I shot back heatedly.

All I got was laughs in response. Replaying what I just said, I facepalmed. I can never win in a word-fight with Tamao. ...Argh! Why was she so good at this!? Still, she was going to help Aiba in a way I never could. I'd have to buy her that new set of speakers from her Wishlist.

Refocusing, I stretched my arms to the second floor railing, grabbing it to grapple my body up. My… Tobita's body hadn't always been able to stretch and bend like it does now. My quirk Elasticity used to only be capable of being applied to inorganic materials. Something something Manton effect. Fortunately, I upgraded it with some Trigger from Naruhata. Now my body is stretchy all the time. I mean Tobita's body. F.u.c.k.i.n.g nine years and I still have f.u.c.k.i.n.g body dysphoria.

Pity about the black tongue though. It was hard to find a non-shadey job with it, Bonus points was that I can make it stretch super long like a giraffe's tongue. Women find that s.e.xy right? Long tongues?

...I'm distracting myself. Steeling myself for a scolding, I knocked on the door to grab the boss's attention.

The buff man, so out of place sitting at the computer and doing paperwork, lifted his head to face me. Leaning back on his chair, he folded his arms and stared at me evenly. I fidgeted under his gaze. You'd think that training under him for two years and working for him for another four would make me get used to his stare, but nope.

Letting me stew under his gaze, the buffman stroked his grizzled chin and grinned, "Sup kid."

"Hey Knucks," I sighed, relaxing as he returned his attention to paperwork. "So Tamao told me to tell you that she's taking a smoke break."

Flipping through a few notebooks, Oguro Iwao, father of Oguro Tamao, AKA Knuckleduster grinned nastily at me, "I heard the caterwauling from here, kid. Let's stop with the pretense."

Collapsing into a chair, I let my face plant into his desk. It was a nice, rich mahogany and solid enough for a good faceplant. Rolling my head onto a cheek, I glared at him, commenting dryly, "For an old f.u.c.k, you're annoyingly perceptive."

"And for a young f.u.c.k," he scoweld, flicking the top of my foreheadhead as he leant down to pull a drawer open, tucking a stack of folders in, "You're a bigger dumbass than usual. Stop trying to shoulder everything."

Rubbing my forehead, I looked up at the ceiling fan slowly spinning and sighed, "Did I do anything wrong?"

"From what I saw these years? You've been playing it straight," Knuckleduster sighed, "Maybe straighter than you should've but ain't no guide for this stupid shit. Most guys would be horny f.u.c.ks who twist that love into something jagged and dangerous. You?" he grinned, the kind of grin he got only when he fought against monsters that he absolutely should NOT have been fighting alone, "You played it straight and tried to fix shit that's beyond fixing. And that's better than most."

Leaning away from his madcap grin, I grimaced, "You seem entirely too happy about this."

Leaning back, he chortled, "It's a tragedy only for you and that girl," then he tapped his chin before snapping his fingers with a sigh, "And Tamao. She's yet to learn the wisdom of leaving stupid shit alone."

Glaring at him, I growled, "Her feelings aren't stupid."

"Love is stupid," Knuckleduster shot back near instantly, "I got married, kid. I know what it's like. It's stupid and it hurts, but it's something we have to get used to if we want to find the real shit." Standing up, he walked around the desk with a bunch of folders tucked under his armpit to pat me on the head, ruffling my hair, "Good on you, kid. You didn't stick your d.i.c.k in crazy. But you somehow found something stupider to do and that was to try and fix it."

Twisting my waist to watch him place the folders in the corner cabinet, I slumped over the headrest and whispered, "...Did I fix it?"

"We're all broken in the head, kid," Knuckleduster grimaced above the rustling of papers, "That girl was pretty damn broken when she first came, but she's less cracked now. Still broken as shit, but that's life. We're all a bit cracked."

Rolling my eyes, I ignored him as he sat back down behind his desk and sulked for a bit. I could kind of see where he was coming from. Didn't mean I had to like it though. Setting my chin on the table, I drawled, "Thank you for that overwhelming endors.e.m.e.nt of sanity. Got any other Yoda-esque bits of not-so-helpful advice? Maybe something like, 'when there's no cops around, anything's legal' Or maybe, ��If you lost while gambling, you bet wrong?'"

"Hah. Sarcasm always did suit you better than this edgy shit of melancholy," Knucks chuckled before dumping a pile of unsorted paperwork on top of my head in a white avalanche of papercuts, "Anyways, help me file some papers, then we're going drinking, kid."

"Fun kind or business kind?" I said, shifting my head out from the pile. I had long given up on curtailing his brusque ways and just resigned myself to going with the flow. If I'm honest with myself, I enjoyed his blunt honesty. It was kind of like having a grizzled old gramps watching out for you. Rough around the edges, but still trying to be helpful.

"Night market shit."

"Ah. So Giran's then. Looking forward to it."

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AN: Hope you guys like it! Please comment! Tell me what you like! Tell me theories! Tell me what you didn't! Just comment! Likes are good, but comments are even better for fueling the creativity.