Chapter 422 - My CO Stash #22 - A Clash of NEETs by FullParagon (ASOIAFXKonosuba)

-Kazuma Baratheon doesn't exi-

Synopsis: Planetos: A world marked by a dark fate, where kings and lords vie for power with twisted plots and the gods have turned their backs.

NOW UNDER NEW MANAGEMENT! NOW WITH PROACTIVE (IF DUMB) DEITIES!

A certain useless goddess has taken a vested interest in the destiny of Westeros, and has decided that fate's deck is getting reshuffled: Instead of Poker, we're playing Go Fish. The children of noble houses across the land are looking a bit strange, and behaving even more oddly. The fate of the world is in their hands, but instead of fighting, they're really rather just have fun.

Now with bonus multicross easter eggs!

Rated: ???

Words: 110K

Posted on: forums.spacebattles.com/threads/a-clash-of-neets-asoiaf-x-konosuba.870913/ (FullParagon)

PS: If you're not able to copy/paste the link, you have everything in here to find it, by simply searching the author and the story title. It sucks that you can't copy links on mobile (´ー｀)

-I'll be putting the chapter ones of all the fanfics/originals mentioned, to give you guys a sample if you wan't more please do go to the website and support the author! (And maybe even convince them to start uploading chapters in here as well!)

Chapter 1

The large wheelhouse rolled up the bumpy road towards Winterfell, the small folk coming to the graveled road and waving and cheering as the king's company arrived. The crown prince ignored them, trying to get in one last nap before he had to make nice with the boring people. They were his dad's friends, so he figured that meant they had to be fat idiots who had an obsession with violence and, horror of horrors, going outside.

"Wake up, nephew. You do need to look presentable for our hosts."

The prince opened one eye, glaring up at his uncle. "Why do I care if I'm presentable? I'm the Crown Prince, it's their job to accept me, not the other way around."

Tyrion Lannister sighed and shook his misshapen head. "You know your father intends to make Eddard Stark his hand. It would behoove you to at least make a good first impression on the man who will help run the Seven Kingdoms."

"Fine." The prince sat up, patting down his messy blond hair and smoothing out his clothes. "Mom send you in here to bitch me out or you come on your own?"

"Your lady mother seems to consider this trip nearly as onerous as you, nephew, and as such appears to be making little effort to display her good breeding."

"So that means I don't have to try either, right?" the prince asked hopefully. When his uncle just gave him a disapproving stare, he rolled his eyes. "Ok, whatever. I'll even 'speak properly' so you don't ride my ass about it later."

"That would be wise of you, Prince Kazuma," Tyrion agreed. "I'm so glad to have a nephew with such wit and virtue."

Kazuma made a rude noise, and he and his favorite relative shared a good laugh."Ah well, I guess it won't kill me to act like a prince for a day."

"Oh, you never know. All sorts of things can kill a man if he's not careful," Tyrion said as they walked to the exit, the wheelhouse having just rolled to a stop.

"Alright boy, now don't go disrespecting old Ned," the king ordered, shaking a fat finger at Kazuma. "None of your tricks now, you hear."

"Honored father, I shall endeavor to behave with the utmost sense of decorum while in the home of Lord Stark," Kazuma said, inclining his head.

That gave the fat old king pause. "Oh, er right. See that you do, boy. I don't want any funny business now. Be polite and respectful, Northmen are prickly sorts."

For a wonder, Kazuma managed to avoid rolling his eyes, then respectfully followed his father down the steps. He waited, giving Tyrion a hand, as his bowed legs didn't take the steps well. His uncle nodded his thanks, and Kazuma turned to the family waiting respectfully for them. He remembered their names, mostly. The oldest was...Rob? Right, Rob, the tall one with dark red hair. The other boy was...J something? He wasn't important, he was a bastard. Not that Kazuma really cared, but-

"BEHOLD!" one of the girls yelled, jumping out in front of his dad and startling the old man as she struck a dramatic pose, both hands over her head, red eyes blazing. "I AM KOMEKKO! CUTEST LITTLE SISTER OF THE HOUSE OF STARK!"

There was a soft groan, and Lord Stark put his hand over his eyes as his wife reached out to grab her youngest daughter by the collar and haul her back into line. Before she could though, another Stark girl jumped out, standing behind her younger sibling and quickly putting on a scarlet eyepatch. "BEHOLD! I AM MEGUMIN! FOREMOST GENIUS OF THE HOUSE OF STARK, AND WIELDER OF THE MAGIC BLADE, CHUNCHUMARU!"

Now Lady Stark looked furious, while the two elder Stark sons appeared to have developed a coughing fit. The baby, Ricky or something, looked delighted and was clapping his hands. Several of the knights had smirks on their lips, while others looked as mortified as Lord Stark, who was still groaning.

"A-And Behold! I am Yunyun! Foremost Seamstress of the House of Stark, and she who w-will be a p-proper lady!" the eldest Stark daughter cried, posing beside her twin sister.

The king's party was thunderstruck, apparently not sure what to make of this egregious breach of protocol. Kazuma, however, knew exactly what to do.

"BEHOLD!" He roared, drawing his sword and jumping out infront of his father. "I AM PRINCE KAZUMA BARATHEON! NOBLEST WARRIOR OF THE HOUSE BARATHEON, AND HE WHO WILL ONE DAY BE KING!"

Sure, Kazuma could practically feel his family's disapproval, but he was not letting these northerners upstage him.

At that, Lord Stark looked up, his mouth falling open slightly, as Lady Stark paused in her efforts to somehow grab all three of her daughters by their ears.

"Ha!" Megumin cried, wiggling away from her lady mother who had confiscated the eyepatch and grinning from ear to ear as she planted herself in front of the prince. "At least, a southerner who knows how to give a proper greeting! See father? I told you we should do a full family pose!"

For a moment, no one could think of what to do or say. Then King Robert let out a deep belly laugh. "Seven Hells, Ned. The goddesses cursed you with one too, did they? Or maybe it's three!"

"My daughters do seem to have somewhat unique sensibilities," Lord Stark agreed as he stepped out to put a hand on Megumin's shoulder. Kazuma could see wince slightly as the hand rested on her shoulder, but the squeeze that followed seemed more affectionate than angry or hurtful. "I apologize, your Grace. My children have-"

"Oh leave off, Ned, we're old friends," Robert chuckled, and stepped forward to wrap his old friend in a warm embrace. "It's good to see you again, it's been too long."

"When the two separated, Robert nudged Kazuma forward. "Well, it seems you've met my eldest, Kazuma. Don't ask about the funny name, his birth was marked by queer omens from Aqua herself and for some reason it seemed like the only proper name for him."

"Strange you should mention that," Eddard said, frowning at his own daughters. "I don't follow your Southron gods myself, but Catelyn was most insistent on some...different names for our daughters."

"That is because our births were marked by dark, terrible omens that have foretold that one day we shall be required to save the world from an endless night where the Others themselves-" Megumin was cut off when her mother very firmly grabbed her by the shoulder and yanked her back.

Everyone went through introductions after that, which was boring, so Kazuma didn't really pay that much attention. Instead, he found himself eyeing the very strange Stark girls. He wasn't really sure what had come over him to copying their silly poses, but it had at least been more interesting than the usual bowing and scraping crap people did.

Maybe staying in Winterfell wouldn't be so bad after all.

Still, Kazuma made sure to fortify his sanctuary as soon as possible, selecting a room with a nice warm fire and a large bookshelf, which he had servants fill with all his favorite books. He ditched the fancy silks for a comfortable robe he could relax in, and set about partaking in his favorite activity: Taking a nap.

However, there was soon a knock at the door, and the prince opened one eye. "What? I'm in the middle of something!"

"Lion-O is missing," a timid voice said.

With a groan, Kazuma pulled on a tunic and trousers, scratching at himself as he swung open the door to glare down at his younger siblings. "What, again?"

Myrcella nodded, her eyes wet with tears. "He ran away when he heard the howling and now we can't find him!"

"You gotta help us, Big Bro, everyone else is busy!" Tommen begged.

Despite his cultivated persona of being a useless layabout and greedy jerk, there were a few things in life that could melt even Kazuma's heart, and one of them was his Little Sis giving him the puppy dog eyes.

"Ok, fine. We'll go look for your stupid cat," Kazuma agreed, stepping out of his sanctuary with more than hint of reluctance.

"Aren't you going to bring your sword?" Tommen asked, looking very worried. "There are monsters here, we heard them howling!"

"I mean, yeah, we probably could use someone to keep us safe," Kazuma agreed, and put his fingers in his mouth and whistled sharply. "Yo, Sandor, come here!"

There was a growl, and a massive knight in plate stalked out of the shadows. "What is it?"

"Lion-O ran off again," Kazuma informed his bodyguard as Tommen hid behind him as the fearsome Hound approached. "Oh relax, Tommy, I've told you. The Hound's bark is worse than his bite. At least as long as you're good."

"I-I'm good," Tommon whimpered, but stepped out from behind Kazuma. Kazuma took his little brother's hand, giving it a squeeze. Really, Sandor was ugly as sin, but he was a big softy so long as you weren't his asshole brother.

"You want me to help find your pet cat?" Sandor growled, glaring at Kazuma.

"No, Lion-O is my pet!" Myrcella declared. "Come on Mr. Hound, you always know the best places to look for him!"

"As my liege commands," Sandor muttered, but followed after the little princess, and when she reached up to take his massive hand, Sandor clasped it, following along after Myrcella. It had taken Kazuma a while to convince Sandor that the most important part of keeping the Crown Prince safe was making sure his little sister was happy. He still seemed almost frightened he'd hurt Myrcella or Tommen, but at least Myrcella's eternally bright and happy disposition seemed to be softening even the Hound's black heart.

"You should get your sword," Tommen said, looking worried still. "There are monsters here."

"Oh, fine," Kazuma grumbled, and retrieved Masamune and buckled it on. He barely used the thing and always hated it when his dad or Uncle Jamie dragged him out to practice with it. Still, he was pretty good for a twelve year old he figured, but it wasn't like he could take an a.d.u.l.t in any fair fight.

Good thing Kazuma firmly believed fair fights were for suckers and morons. That was one of the few things about himself he knew that Sandor highly approved of.

They wandered about Winterfell for a bit, looking in all the usual places that Lion-O might have run off too. The cat had been a nameday gift from Kazuma to his sister a year ago, and the spoiled cat still behaved like a skittish kitten most of the time. Even with the bells and ribbons Myrcella and Tommen adorned the tabby cat with, he could be quite the challenge to find.

"O-oh! H-hello, um, y-you're Prince Kazuma, right?"

Kazuma looked up from his search through one of the many rooms that had been given over to the Southron invaders to see the nervous looking Yunyun standing there, biting her lip.

"That's my name," Kazuma agreed. "You see a cat around here? Tabby, got red ribbons tied around its neck, little bells on it."

"A c-cat? Um, no, I haven't," Yunyun admitted. "Is it your pet?"

"It's Cella's pet," Tommen said, nodding seriously. "Lion-O ran away. He got scared by the monsters."

"M-monsters!? Y-you mean like that big scary one with the big sword and the dog face?" Yunyun gasped.

Kazuma shook his head. "Nah, that's just Sandor. He looks mean but he's not so bad once you get to know him. Tom just thinks there's some giant monsters making weird noses, but all the books I've read say all the monsters are beyond the Wall now so the North is just cold and boring."

"Oh good. Well, I-I can help you find your cat! My pet Lady is really good at finding things! W-We could be friends!" Yunyun stammered, blushing and looking down.

"Ok, you seem nice," Tommen agreed. He'd picked up more than a little of the "improper speech" that everyone was always ragging on Kazuma about, much to their tutors and nannies' consternation.

"Great! Here, Lady!"

Kazuma turned just in time to see a giant monster barreling down the hall towards them, great red tongue lolling out, massive fangs gleaming in the light.

"AHHH, MONSTER!" Kazuma shrieked, and shoved Tommen behind him as he drew his sword and pointed it towards the beast. He felt a strange welling of energy within himself, and found himself saying, "CREATE EARTH!" A clump of dust appeared in his hand, and he tossed it at the monster in desperation.

Or at least, he would have, if Yunyun hadn't thrown herself in the way. "Noooo! Lady's a good girl, she-ack, pfff!"

Kazuma had ended up throwing a dirt clod at Yunyun, who rubbed at her eyes and started to cry. The giant monsters came to a halt and...began to lick her face? Kazuma blinked, and realized it was actually a great big puppy. A wolf puppy, sure, but it was clearly a friendly one.

"Oh, um, sorry, I-"

"GLORY TO HOUSE STARK!"

Something jabbed Kazuma in the back, and he spun around to find Megumin glaring at him, a sawed off wooden broomhandle raised at him in a two handed fighting grip. Written on the wood in crude charcoal letters was "CHUNCHUMARU." Kazuma batted aside the stick in irritation with his own sword, though he felt a little bad. "Oh back off, Tommen was just scared to see a giant puppy charge us. I'm not going to skewer your sister or her dog."

"It wasn't your little brother who was screaming like a little girl," Megumin taunted, striking right back at Kazuma's sword. "And you made Yunyun cry!"

"She made Tommen cry first!" Kazuma argued, and before he knew it, he and Megumin were exchanging a rapid flurry of blows. They weren't actually trying to hit one another, just doing the satisfying back and forth of striking at one another's blades. Kazuma was careful to hit only with the flat of his own blade, as he didn't want to slice Chunchumaru in half and piss off the irate Stark girl even more.

"WHAT IN THE SEVEN HELLS IS GOING ON IN HERE!?" the angry voice of Kazuma's father bellowed, and he and Megumin both jumped about three feet in the air and spun around to face the red faced king, who was wheezing slightly as he lumbered down the hall towards them, Ned Stark hot on his heels

"S/HE STARTED IT!" Kazuma and Megumin wailed, both pointing at one another.

"Kazuma disgraced our family and assaulted Yunyun!" Megumin declared, pointing a finger accusingly at Kazuma as she tried to hide her "sword" behind her back.

"Oh I call BS! We were just looking for Lion-O when that great big menace of a dog of hers ran at us, and I was valiantly defending my little brother! Yunyun just got in the way!" Kazuma argued, handing his own sword off to a very confused Tommen to disguise his own guilt.

"W-wait, it's OK, we were just, um, playing!" Yunyun said desperately, trying to play peacemaker. "It was a game! Um, Kazuma, he was er, showing Megumin how to sword fight!"

"Shut up Yunyun, I'm not supposed to have a sword!" Megumin hissed, putting her hand over her sister's mouth.

"Ha! I knew it!" Kazuma taunted. "You're crap with a sword anyway! I totally could have cleaned your-AHHH!"

Megumin gave up on Yunyun and launched herself at Kazuma with a snarl the two of them rolled around on the floor, kicking and punching at one another and hissing like two cats in a sack, until both their fathers grabbed them and forcibly hauled them apart.

"Boy, this is no way for a prince to behave!" Robert roared, poking Kazuma in the belly. "That's not how you treat a lady!"

"She's not a lady, she's crazy! And she's just a little girl, a very rude one!" Kazuma argued as he hung limply in the king's grip. "Besides, YOU'RE the one always talking about tumbling a girl, I figured I'd get started with her!"

That got his father to shut up and go even redder in the face, his mouth hanging open. Ned Stark, who had been in the middle of lecturing his own daughter, paused and gave Kazuma a scandalized look. Megumin, however, was apparently even worse than Kazuma at knowing when to shut up.

"Ha! I'll tumble you, you stupid brat! Just you wait until I get a REAL sword! I'll study the way of the blade and tumble you so hard I'll knock your socks off!"

"Oh Seven Hells," Robert groaned, dropping Kazuma to the ground as he let out a panicked squeak and smacked into the floor. "Boy, that is not what I meant by...look, ya don't talk about such things in polite company! And here I was trying to get a marriage agreement between you and one of Ned's daughters..."

"Marriage!?" both Kazuma and Megumin exchanged horrified looks with one another.

"No way! I'm way too young for this!" Kazuma protested. "I just want to relax and have a good time! A wife is way too much work! I'd have to get a job!"

"You're going to make me marry him!? He's dumb and rude, and I hear he spends all his time in his room like some sort of NEET!" Megumin argued with her father, who had set her down somewhat more gently.

Ned, however, was eyeing Kazuma and Megumin, a thoughtful look on his face. "You know, your Grace, I might just be willing to agree to such a thing. My girls are young yet, but mayhaps our children will develop a fondness for one another."

"W-we could be friends!" Yunyun agreed eagerly, even as Robert groaned and put his hand over his face, scrubbing at it.

"Your job, boy, is to be King when I get too old and fat to sit on that bloody throne anymore! What did you think you were going to do, have to become a cobbler and something?!"

Kazuma shrugged, feeling slightly abashed. "I mean, I dunno, I figured I could do something cool like become a pirate or Adventurer. You know, get rich."

"You're going to be king! Kings are always rich!" Robert cried, throwing his hands up in the air. "That's what taxes are for!"

"Yeah, but that sounds lame. I'd rather steal my treasure from Lysene merchants or by killing monsters and taking their loot," Kazuma pointed out.

"Ned, you deal with your daughters, I'm having a talk with my son," the king growled, and grabbed Kazuma and began dragging him off.

"Me too, daddy?" Tommen asked, jogging along and clinging to Masamune.

Robert blinked, apparently having forgotten Tommen was there. Sensing an opportunity, Kazuma hastily picked Tommen up with one arm and slung him onto his back. "Of course! It's time for some father son bonding time! Dad's going to show us his certified anti-monster fighting tactics. Just like the ones he used on the Trident against Rhaegar!"

"Really?" Tommen gasped, looking eager. While Robert was somewhat exasperated by Kazuma, he at least paid him occasional attention. He seemed to forget Tommen existed half the time.

"Of course, you know our dad is the biggest and the strongest, and the greatest warrior in the Seven Kingdoms!" Kazuma bragged.

That got their father to puff up with pride, and he was soon regaling his sons with stories of his past adventures as Tommen listened eagerly, and Kazuma congratulated himself on getting out of trouble, at least for the moment. He did have to endure a brief training session out in the yard, but hey, things worked out.

Kazuma did wonder about that weird power. Had that been magic? If it had been, this required further study. There had to be a way to apply it to get out of his lessons with the maesters.

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Viserys Targaryen was a nervous man, who lived in perpetual fear for his life, even in the manse of Illyrio Mopatis. After all, there was nothing he feared more than accidentally Waking the Dragon. He could still hear the screams of anguish and see the broken bodies from the last time the Dragon had Woken up, when assassins had come to the House with the Red Door.

For now, however, he was fairly certain the Dragon was asleep, and was taking a moment in the early morning to get some peace and quiet as he ate breakfast in the gardens. He had important visitors today, and he-

"Good morning, Big Bro!"

Viserys nearly choked on the pomegranate he'd been eating, coughing and spitting out the pulp and seeds he'd nearly swallowed. "L-Little Sister! G-Good morning!"

"It���s a good day today, Big Bro!' his sister said, planting herself at the table and grabbing some of Viserys's food. He didn't complain: he might accidentally Wake the Dragon. "I just know we'll find a way to get back your throne and go home soon!"

"Er, yes, Little Sister. I, er, was going to talk to you about that. You see, the Dothraki have heard of our plight, and are sending an emissary from Khal Drogo, who leads a massive army of Dothraki screamers. I was thinking of sending you with them, as, um, a peace offering and-"

"Oh yes! I've heard about the Dothraki, they seem really strong, Big Bro! Don't worry, we'll both go and make the Dothraki fight for us against the Usurper!"

Wincing, Viserys tried to find the right words. "Ah, you see, sister, I was going to stay here while you went. I, er, don't have the constitution for such a long journey, and I'm not terribly fond of riding horses. I was just going to remain with Illyrio and-"

"Oh no, Big Bro, you're the one who's going to be king," his sister said seriously looking at him with her strange purple eyes. "You have to come too so that the Dothraki can see how cool my Big Bro really is! They'll be sure to swear themselves to you and help us take your throne back!"

"Er, of course, but you see, I was thinking that, well, since the Dothraki enjoy fighting so much, and well, you know how you feel about that! Well, perhaps you'd be interested in marrying Khal Drogo to form our bargain…"

"Haha! Don't be silly, Big Bro! You know you're the only man for me!" His sister gave Viserys an affectionate hug. It made his skin crawl, and he felt his breath catch in terror. "We'll get married someday, just like all the Targaryens before us! And we'll be together, forever and ever, Big Bro!"

"Um, yes, Iris. I'm certain we will," Viserys agreed, and said a quick prayer to the Seven Goddesses to please, please, find someone who could take his little sister far, far away from him, forever. He had thought he wanted to be king, until he saw what his baby sister could do to people. Now he just wanted to find somewhere quiet to live, far away from violence and his Little Sister.

Much to Viserys' consternation, both his sister and Illyrio insisted that he attend the party with the Dothraki instead of hiding in his room, as was the sensible thing to do. Still, the Dothraki were amiable, with Khal Drogo finding Iris some sort of intriguing exotic specimen. They also met a knight named Jorah Mormont, who tried to pledge himself to Viserys.

"Oh, no, its her you want, not me," Viserys said, pointing to Iris who was talking eagerly with several mercenary captains, who at first had been amused to have a little girl talk to them about how to best wreck mayhem, but were now seriously discussing tactics and ways to maim people with her.

"Aren't you the heir of Aerys Targaryen?" Ser Jorah asked, his great bushy black brow furrowing in consternation.

"Technically, yes, but she's Iris Stormborn, blessed by the Goddess Athena on the night of her birth. I'm just her Big Bro," Viserys told Jorah bluntly.

Jorah seemed to be unsure how to take this, but Iris did accept his fealty "in the name of her Big Bro."

Despite his best efforts, Viserys was unable to sneak away and find a boat for somewhere quiet and peaceful where Iris never tired to murder anyone. She always seemed to sense when he was going somewhere, and would insist on accompanying him to "protect my Big Bro." Viserys had stopped going out after a couple of thugs had attempted to rob them a few years back, and the then ten year old Iris had ripped one of their arms off and used it to beat the other senseless with.

He wished he was exaggerating that, but he could still see her smiling brightly at him, spattered with blood. "Don't worry, Big Bro, I'll keep you safe!"

After a month, the wedding was set, as Iris had agreed to marry Khal Drogo, "If he can beat me!"

Drogo had thought this was a joke, and had remarked through a translator how he liked his feisty bride to be. Viserys knew for an absolute certainty that Iris was going to show up to the wedding clad in plate and demanding a duel.

For a brief moment, Viserys thought his little sister was going to be sensible for once when she turned up to the wedding party dressed in her wedding dress. He'd barricaded himself in his room the night before and claimed to be sick, as Iris had come to his door and asked if he wanted to claim her hand in marriage. He honestly couldn't think of a more horrifying fate.

At the start of the wedding, Drogo had smiled at his bride to be, until she had stepped up and said in perfect Dothraki (having gotten Ser Jorah to teach her the words), "Khal Drogo, I challenge you for leadership of your Khalasar!"

At first, everyone laughed at seeing a fourteen year old girl who had barely entered womanhood and who came up only to about Khal Drogo's shoulder if she was standing on her tiptoes. Then, seeing that his intended was being stubborn, Drogo made some lewd remark about breaking a horse before you mounted it, picked up his arakh, and strode toward Iris. Despite his mounting horror, Viserys' couldn't look away.

Which meant he got a very clear look as Iris easily dodged Drogo's first swing, and broke his arm with a single blow, then his leg, dropping Drogo to the ground. On seeing this, Drogo's bloodriders let out a bellow of anger and charged Iris, who was still wearing only her dress, barefoot and barefisted. Viserys groaned, knowing just how lopsided the fight would be.

There were only three of them, after all. And they weren't even wearing armor.

Iris caught the whip of one of the men right out of the air and jerked it hard enough to send him flying towards her. She simply slammed him to the ground, then charged his roaring companions. She didn't bother to dodge the arakh swing this time, smacking it out of the air on the flat of the blade with her palm, which made its wielder howl and drop the weapon, just in time for Iris to jump up and kick him in the chest hard enough to send the man crashing through the table Viserys was now hiding under.

"DO YOU YIELD?" Iris roared, having the last Bloodrider by the braid as she held his battered head up. He didn't have time to answer, as upon seeing Drogo's Bloodriders downed, just about every minor khas and ko had picked up their weapons and run screaming at Iris.

"YOU WILL ALL SERVE MY BIG BRO!" Iris roared, and picked up an arakh. "SACRED SWORD TECHNIQUE!"

Fully a dozen mighty Dothraki warriors were rendered limb from limb in a spray of gore, and Viserys whimpered and covered his head with his hands, pressing his face into the dirt. He heard Jorah fighting to protect him, but Viserys never looked up.

After what felt like hours, he felt someone shake him. "Big Bro, I won! I beat them all!"

Trembling, Viserys looked up to see his grinning sister, her wedding dress now a bloody rag. He already knew not one drop of that blood belonged to Iris, though she was so covered in filth and gore most would have thought her mortally wounded.

"Er, that's good, little sister. Do, er, you have an army?" Viserys asked hopefully. Maybe he could send Iris off to Westeros and have her fight Robert. That would solve at least one of his problems.

Iris's expression fell. "No, sorry Big Bro. I sort of accidentally killed Drogo, I think he got crushed in the melee. And then I kinda broke all his best fighters and the rest all ran away. And, um, well, we need to run because I accidentally on purpose set everything on fire."

Viserys looked around, and saw that all the tents and pavilions were indeed blazing merrily now. There were corpses of dothraki warriors everywhere, and Viserys even hoped some of them hadn't been Iris's handiwork.

"Er, that's good, little sister. Um, let's just head back to Magister Illyrio's," Viserys said, trembling slightly as Ser Jorah helped him up.

"No can do, Big Bro. He ran away and told me to never come near him again," Iris said mournfully. "Don't worry, I got us some horses and treasure everyone left behind when they ran away from me!"

Viserys spent the night outside the walls of Pentos as he watched Khal Drogo's encampment burn to the ground. In the morning, Iris eagerly scrambled over the wreckage, pulling out valuables as Ser Jorah watched in amazement.

"Truly, she is Queen Iris Stormborn," Jorah breathed. Viserys glanced at the man, and saw adoration written on his features. He shuddered and scooted away. Another maniac.

"Big Bro, Big Bro, look!" Iris yelled, drawing Viserys out of his stupor. Iris held out her hands, revealing a crooning lizard of some sort.

Then, it spread its wings.

"Big Bro, I got you some dragons!"

Viserys started to weep.

Cast of Characters:

Kazuma Sato as; Joffrey Baratheon

Megumin as; Arya Stark

Yunyun as; Sansa Stark

Komekko as; Bran Stark

Iris Stylish Sword Belzerg as; Daenerys Targaryen

Aqua as...I dunno. The Maiden, probably.

Athena from Saint Seiya as; the Warrior

Various others

And the cast of a Song of Ice and Fire as Themselves (except the ones who aren't)

In Memory of our good friend, ASOIAF canon. You had a good run up until the Konosuba cast showed up.